Their New Beginning (Oh Captain, My Captain #5) (9 page)

In the morning, when he’s at practice, I run over to the house. It’s different walking in here. It almost doesn’t feel like my home anymore. I go up to the bedroom and pack a suitcase. I only take stuff I purchased from working. I leave all the dresses, name brand shoes, the jewelry, and anything else Jax’s money bought. I do take my toothbrush though. I even leave the white dress I purchased for last night.

I go back to Regina’s and realize that this is it. My marriage is over and I need to accept it. I fought as hard as I could, but there’s no more fight in me. I can’t cry anymore. I can’t.

I open Regina’s laptop and search for divorce lawyers. I find one who will be able to see me today and I go over. After explaining everything to him, Mr. Piper looks at me, confused.

“You have no prenup. Mr. Godwin is worth over thirty million dollars.”

“I want my car, and that’s it. Here is the cash for your retainer.” I had taken the money from my savings account for this.

“Okay.” He doesn’t argue. “I can have him served in three days.”

I gasp. Jax’s is going to find out I want a divorce on our anniversary.

Jax

The first night Avery stayed at her sister’s instead of here at home, I was relieved. The anger was combustible, and she was in the direct line of fire. The more she talked and the longer she stood in the same room with me, the angrier I got, so I was happy she left. I couldn’t decide who I was pissed at more, her or him. My skin still crawls at the memory of shaking that bastard’s hand and being nice to him. I showered with the water on the hottest setting I could stand, trying to scrub away how filthy I felt. My sleep was restless as I tossed and turned, plagued with nightmares of watching my wife have sex with the guy who was once nameless and faceless to me and isn’t anymore.

The second night, it didn’t feel right being in the house without her. Everything I said to her replayed in my mind, and I realized I was more pissed at
him
than her. Don’t get me wrong, I was furious with her, but he’d had the audacity to walk up to us, look at Avery so openly in front of me, and practically gloat about sleeping with my wife. Just thinking about it again makes me wish I had hit him harder.

Once I calmed down, I knew I needed to make a decision. One of two things needs to happen. Either I walk away and deal with the scars she’s left on me, or I stay, remember how things were in the beginning, and find a way to save my marriage. She is right. We had been doing well, slowly working our way back, and finally dealing with the problems we had before the cheating. He shows up unexpectedly and I take my anger out on her. I was purely hateful to her and I feel guilty.

I don’t know if I’ll ever completely trust her again, if I’ll feel comfortable when she goes on a trip without me, or if I’ll ever be able to walk into another casino without thinking of what happened. But Avery’s still my wife, I still love her, and I’m not proud of how I treated her. I’m not ready to let things end between us.

I haven’t reached out to her though. Not yet, anyway. I’m going to call her after practice. I can’t
not
talk to her, especially not today. There isn’t a lot I can do on the day of our anniversary with everything that has happened, but I can call her, apologize for what I said, and get her back at the house.

This morning, I clearly understood what Avery said the weekend my parents came. She was tired of crying, and I’m tired of being angry. I want my wife back. I just need to call her.

There’s only about five minutes of practice left when I’m called over to the bench. There’s a lady I’ve never seen before standing over there, holding a large envelope.

“Jax Godwin?”

“Yes.” I don’t know why she’s asking, almost everyone knows me here.

“You’ve been served. Have a nice day.”

What? I glance at the contents of the envelope in my hands. Avery wants a divorce? I look around and remember I’m not alone. I was just served divorce papers during practice and the woman was crazy enough to tell me to have a nice day.

“I think we’re done for today,” Coach says, thankfully.

As I head to the locker room to change, I keep eyeing the envelope. There has to be a mistake, right? My nerves are on edge as I hurry to my car, finally pulling the contents from the envelope. My eyes scan the documents. Not a mistake. Avery sought out a lawyer, filed for a divorce, and all she wants is her car. I stare at the papers for the longest time. The best response I can come up with is what the hell?

Finally, I toss them into the passenger seat and robotically drive home. To the home that is apparently going to be all mine. With the laptop I can’t work, that has the passwords I don’t know, that has access to my bank accounts I don’t manage. To the home with a now too-big kitchen, too many extra bedrooms, and a too-big master bedroom and bathroom with his and her sinks. And it’s all mine because Avery doesn’t want any of it.

If she divorces me and only takes her car, where is she going to live? With Regina? We have a joint bank account with her hard-earned money in it, and she doesn’t want that? We don’t have a prenup and she’s refusing to take what’s hers? What is she going to do? Try to get her job back? What the hell was she thinking refusing to take anything but her car?

What the hell was she thinking when she asked for a divorce?

She can’t do that, and definitely not like it’s written up right now. She’ll be homeless and unemployed with no money to her name. Why doesn’t she want the money? Her money? Our money? She will need it.

My actions are automatic as I waste the rest of the day thinking about this, while getting ready for my game tonight, and then during the game. I can’t stop thinking about it. My heart has been beating too fast since the lady served me. My hands have been trembling with the craziness of what those paper outline. I keep coming back to one question over and over again.

Why would she want a divorce?

I need to talk to her first. She can’t just divorce me without talking to me. Once the game is over, I’ll go to Regina’s house. I keep glancing up to check the numbers on the jumbotron. This has to be the longest game of my life. We’re playing the Nebraska Bucks and things have been extra rough, it seems. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve hit the boards and the first period just ended.

My mind is on Avery, not this game. I can barely focus on skating, much less playing. Somehow, I make it through the second period, but if someone asked, I couldn’t tell them the score or anything else that happened. In the third period, I’m counting down the minutes in my head. As some guy, I don’t know who, runs into me, his entire body seems to connect with my shoulder as we hit the boards.

My jaw locks from the pain as I drop my stick, holding my arm against my body. Shit. The ref skates over as play stops and ushers me to the bench. Based on how it feels, I’m pretty sure I dislocated my shoulder. I should have been paying attention, but there’s nothing I can do about it now.

I walk down the tunnel to be checked out. My first thought is that I need to call Avery, let her know it’s probably nothing serious, but then I remember she asked for a divorce and probably wasn’t even watching. For a moment, as they start to get me out of my gear, I debate what I want to say, but decide to say it anyway.

“Hey, could someone call my wife for me?”

The guy looks up at me, almost surprised. “Sure. It looks like a simple dislocation, Jax, but the doctor will be in here in a second to officially look you over.”

“Good.”

“Is there a message you want me to tell your wife?”

“Just tell her what happened and ask her if she would please make sure she’s home when I get there. Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

He smiles at me and leaves as the doctor comes in. I’m not thinking about how this is a bad time to get an injury. I’m not thinking about how my contract ends this season and I’ve just gotten hurt. I’m not thinking about anything except that hopefully, she’s waiting for me at our home.

~ ~ ~

“Jax? Are you okay?”

I lift my head where I was leaning back against the wall. Avery is crouching in front of me, looking extremely concerned. Her brows are pulled together, she’s frowning, and she looks upset. I nod, feeling like if I open my mouth my organs might fall out.

“Are you sure?”

My head starts to nod like a bobblehead, and I laugh at the thought.

“What are you laughing at?” Avery asks.

“Who knows what his loopy mind is thinking,” Regina speaks, scaring the shit out of me. I didn’t notice her. “Let’s get him to the car.”

A trainer suddenly appears out of thin air. Are people just appearing now? When did that become possible? Can I appear in my car? I groan as someone bumps my elbow.

“Sorry,” Avery squeaks. “Sorry, Jax,” she repeats. “Are you sure he’s okay?”

People are talking, but their words are running into one another and I’m not sure what’s happening anymore. I suddenly find myself in the passenger seat of my Mustang. Avery does magic and is sitting in the driver’s seat. I want to ask her why she’s driving my car and tell her to be careful, but I don’t want to open my mouth.

I sink into the seat, turning my head, so I can watch her drive. I need to be sure she’s doing it right. Avery glances at me every five seconds, looking worried. That’s not how you drive. Eyes on the road, Avery. Eyes. On. The. Road. She obviously doesn’t have the superpower to read my mind because she doesn’t listen to me.

“Stay here,” she tells me.

Like I’m going to jump out of the car while it’s moving. Avery gets out of the car and for a moment, I’m worried about crashing until I realize we’ve stopped. She runs to a house, disappearing inside. My eyes drift close when she does her magic trick and is next to me again.

“Let’s get you inside.”

Next thing I know, I’m inside my house. A bed seems to be underneath me and it’s so comfortable.

“Do you need anything, Jax? Are you comfortable? Are you too hot or too cold?” More questions spout from Avery’s mouth, but I close my eyes. I can’t hear her if I can’t see her. It’s sleepy time now, anyway.

~ ~ ~

I groggily groan as I wake up.

“Jax? Are you okay?”

At the sound of Avery’s voice, I turn my head to see her sitting up in our bed next to me. She’s leaning against the headboard with a book in her hands. I go to lift my finger, but it’s the wrong arm to use.

“Shit.” Definitely the wrong arm. It wakes me up though.

“Are you alright?” Avery repeats, more concerned this time.

“Yeah, just cheery.” I close my eyes as I carefully sit up. When I open them again, I glance down at my slinged arm and everything comes back to me all at once. Before I speak, I use my left hand to run through my hair and then I turn to Avery. “What in the hell, Avery?”

“Do you remember anything from last night?”

“Not really, but that’s not what I’m talking about.” I stand up and walk over to my dresser. I pick up the papers, crinkling them within my grip. “This. What the hell is this?”

“Jax, you need to rest. Let’s talk about that later.” She gets up and comes toward me.

“No.” I wave the papers around. “Let’s talk about it. Tell me what you were thinking when you did this.”

“I was thinking how I ruined your life and our marriage. You didn’t see your face when you were yelling at me, Jax. I can’t do this to you or me.” Avery shakes her head. “I just want the car, so I’ll be able to find a job. Please, Jax, this is for both of us.”

“No. No, no, no.” I grip the papers tighter and they wrinkle even more. “You can’t just decide for us both, Avery, and you are crazy if you think I would even consider this, especially like it’s written right now. If this is what you wanted, you should have told me. Not let me find out by getting served in the middle of practice.”

She gasps with surprise. “They served you at the rink? Oh, Jax, I thought they would do it here at the house. I’m sorry; I didn’t know that would happen.” She pauses. “But, you know this is the best for the both of us. The other night was...horrible for you and me. I never want to see you look at me like that again or say those things to me. I know I deserved to hear it though. This is what’s best.”

“It was horrible because of
him
.” I shake my head at the memory of the smug bastard. “How is this best? How is you not taking what’s
yours
best? You quit your job, Avery. It doesn’t make sense for you to reject your half of our money.” That’s one of the most confusing parts.

“Jax, I didn’t marry you because of the money or
your
stuff. This is all yours. The
only
reason I asked for the car is so I could find a job and have a way back and forth. Other than that, I wouldn’t have asked for it. I’m doing this for us because I’m tired of crying, fighting, and failing you at every turn. I fucked up. I fucked up everything.”

“Avery,” I step closer to her and speak clearly and calmly. “Listen to me. I know you didn’t marry me for that, but it’s still yours! I shouldn’t have said all that stuff to you because I wasn’t mad at you. I’m tired of fighting, too, Avery. I’m tired of being angry, but this,” I wave the papers back and forth, “no way in hell.”

“Are you still high? What the hell, Jax? We’ve done nothing but fight for the majority of the last six weeks. You don’t trust me. You can’t even kiss me without being scared of me. You’ve hugged me a total of three times. Does that sound like a marriage that’s going to make it? You may say it over and over again, but I think it’s because you’re trying to make yourself believe it. This isn’t working, and it’s unhealthy for us both.”

“Then why are you here, Avery?” I erupt, but quickly lower my voice. “If you want this divorce so damn bad, then why are you still here? You could have left after you brought me home. I would have been fine, but you’re still here and it’s for the same reason I’m not divorcing you. I couldn’t think straight yesterday after these were served, Avery. I’d already decided to call you after practice and apologize for what I said. I was planning to bring your ass back here. I felt bad for what I said because I wasn’t mad at
you
. Then, I get these damn papers and I read that you only want the car.