The Wrong Sister (6 page)

She vaguely felt her mattress pressing against the back of her legs, her butt, and finally her back as Donny’s arms let her go. He pulled up covers and kept talking to her. She had no idea what he was saying. He left; then he came back. He helped her swallow something with some cool water.

She curled up into a ball and simply ceased being.

She heard noises. The girls walked in with a rush of laughing, girly voices. She heard Donny’s voice. She heard Julia cry. Then it got quiet again.

She should have gotten up. She should have greeted her girls. She should have told them their father was gone forever. She didn’t move, however, because she felt half dead. What was wrong with her? Did Donny give her something?

She woke up and it was dark. Sensing a body next to her, she reached out and grew confused.

“I’m here, sis. I’m here for you.”

Gretchen? How?

Lifting her head in confusion, she discovered that it was not Gretchen. It was Vickie. It was Vickie’s long body wrapped around her and holding her tightly as she started to cry again until her chest shook.

“The girls…”

“It’s fine. Donny’s got them. We’ve got it taken care of. We’re here, honey. We’re here.”

Strangely enough, Tracy fell asleep believing that.

DONNY POURED THE CEREAL for the three girls. All of them watched him quietly. Even Julia seemed to sense that something was going on. Ally and Kylie both frowned with confusion at finding him there, when he greeting them this morning. He slept on the couch. He met the girls after school and explained their mother was really sick and Micah had to go out of town unexpectedly, so they called him to help out.

They originally accepted his explanation without question. But now? They didn’t believe it. Their eyes were suspicious and distrustful of him.

The biggest shock to him was Vickie. He called her after he finally got Tracy calmed down. It took an hour just to get Tracy even coherent enough to swallow the sleeping pill. He didn’t know what else to do. She was unlike herself in a way he’d never known anyone to be in his presence.

Vickie showed up not twenty minutes later. She pretty much bypassed him and needed no further explanation to crawl into bed with her big sister. She held Tracy. She was several inches taller and Tracy curled into her like a trusting child. Donny shut the door on them and marveled how his wife always loved her sisters.

He didn’t even get a second to process the horror of the last two days. The girls got home from school. Julia woke up and he spent the next five hours trying to pretend everything was fine. Normal. Going to be great.

“What’s really going on?” Ally asked, her gaze drilling him. She was the spitting image of Micah except her hair was lighter. She was a pretty girl, athletic, smart and well liked. Her sister was the opposite. Kylie was quiet and reserved, a little clumsy, and very sweet. Kylie had red hair like her mother and the same gray eyes. She was, almost freakily, the spitting image of Tracy.

Ally was strong, confident and outgoing; she nearly shadowed her father while trying to emulate him. Losing her father, her mentor, and her idol, would kill Ally. Kylie’s delicate personality would no doubt, be crushed. She internalized everything to the point of feeling responsible for the sun rising or not, in the morning. What would she do after being abandoned by her father? Donny’s throat tightened. Shit. He was just barely a father. How could he tell them? He didn’t, of course. But how should he deal with this now? How could he help these innocent, sweet girls handle the stunning blow he knew was coming their way like a locomotive? It made him want to sit down and huddle into a ball, rather than face what the consequences might be to them.

“Your mom’s having a bad day. Can you let her start feeling better? Then she’ll talk to you. She just needs a little time. Okay?”

Kylie’s expression went from angry to insecure to round-eyed and scared. “Is she dying?”

“What? No! No. It’s nothing like that.”
Shit.
He was not so good at playing the father of a teenager. He often said the wrong thing… either too much or too little. Or he said stupid things, like almost suggesting their mother was dying.

“Then what?” Ally demanded, one eyebrow rising like a disapproving mother as she rested her hands on her hips.

“It’s just, ah, you see, they had a fight. And things are…”
What?
Things are terrible. Horrible. Devastating. Things have happened that might emotionally cripple them forever… but again, not his place to say. So again, he didn’t know what to do. Should he keep lying to them? Lying was only a means of protecting them. But still, it was lying.

“Bad. Things are bad and we need to talk.” As one, they all whipped around at Tracy’s voice, except Julia, who spooned yogurt all over her mouth from the highchair.

“Mom?” Kylie’s voice sounded hesitant and scared, and he understood why. Tracy looked like she intended to sit everyone down before announcing she was dying of some horrible disease. She was almost deathly white. Her eyes were rimmed and puffy like Vickie’s after a three-day binge. She still wore the sweats and shirt from a few days ago. Her hair was ratty and chunky around her shoulders. Half of it was stuck in a rubber band, and the rest was matted all over her head.

But Tracy finally smiled softly and held her hand out. “Come here, baby girl.”

Kylie jumped up and fell into her mother’s embrace. Tracy held her other arm out toward Ally. “You too.”

Ally was at her other side just as quickly. Both girls grabbed onto her like the lifeline she symbolized to them. Donny felt tears filling his eyes for the first time. It wasn’t money. Or Micah. Or Tracy. Or even Vickie, but rather the confused grief of little girls. He glanced at Julia. What would her mother’s neglect do to her? What kind of grief would she cause Julia? What kind of comfort could Vickie ever be?

“Are you dying?” Kylie’s voice was muffled against her arm.

Tracy’s gaze met Donny’s and they shared a small, private, sad smile. Perhaps only that question from Kylie could have made Tracy smile, today of all days. “No. I’m not. I’m not sick either. I’ve been upset. Come on, girls, you won’t be going to school today. We need to talk.”

She turned and led them to the living room. Donny cleaned up Julia and followed them. Reluctantly. He wasn’t sure if he should have been there. He glanced at Tracy in hesitation. She nodded to a chair with her head, indicating that he should sit.

She sat between the girls, like a natural mother. Donny never noticed it until he had his own daughter. Then suddenly, Tracy became a lot more interesting to him. He always liked her, as there was nothing not to like. Two years behind him in school, they became friendly during middle and high school. He always kept track of Gretchen because his brother had a thing for her. But Tracy? He couldn’t say he ever had any opinion about her. She was nice. And polite. She was always a smiling, sweet, red-haired, fun acquaintance. It never went so deep as friendship, and he never felt a spark like he might want to date her. They got along just fine ever since he first showed up at a family dinner as Vickie’s date. He liked Micah immediately, and they struck up a quick rapport. He often sought out Micah’s company while the women went off together. Micah was funny and intelligent, eclipsing Tracy in everything. Donny remembered thinking that Micah was better suited to someone more articulate, successful, and impressive than Tracy. A woman who was more like Gretchen.

After Julia was born, however, Donny met a whole new Tracy, totally unknown to him before. She was brilliant, knowledgeable, confident and wonderful. Observing Tracy as a mother and caregiver was like watching an engineer devise an elaborate fix for a technical problem. She swiftly snatched his newborn daughter from his wife, who held her in a clumsy, almost scared embrace, and quickly swaddled the baby. Then, she adeptly tucked Julia into her arms while talking and making funny faces at her.

Donny watched Tracy often from then on, but made sure to keep it discreet. His interest wasn’t sexual in nature, but rather, sheer amazement. She was
so
good with kids. That simple revelation was something he never knew before. She always said the right thing, and it was never trite or insignificant. It was heartfelt. She listened to children and easily interacted with them. Every day. All the time. It wasn’t anything special to her. She simply cared for them and wanted to be there. She could take Julia and fix whatever ailed her in less than five minutes, while he and Vickie struggled for over an hour. Donny was as inept as Vickie at first, but he was anxious to learn. For the first three months, Julia cried non-stop while suffering an awful case of colic.

The only person who could soothe her was Tracy. Hence, that was how Tracy became their go-to babysitter, rather than his own mother or Tracy’s mother. Last year, Tracy started school, and Donny was selfishly annoyed at that. It meant she preferred not to watch Julia. She didn’t ever really want to. He knew that too. As he more fully realized the repercussions of Vickie’s problems, he became increasingly desperate for Tracy’s help, sometimes, even taking advantage of her kindness. He knew, right down to his core, that Tracy would take excellent care of Julia, no matter what. And Vickie would not.

Now, he found it hard to watch them. He felt like he was watching a bridge implode with the girls on it, and he was standing off to the side, without giving any warning to them. He stared at his own hands and dreaded what was coming. His stomach turned. Never mind his own circumstances, now he had to face his nieces after losing their house and father all in one day? It was excruciating.

Tracy was the strongest person he knew. She dragged herself out of bed only for them. That was something he was pretty sure Vickie would never do for Julia. Rarely did she even drag herself out of bed to feed her.

Tracy took in a deep breath and starting speaking in a soft, kind voice. “Dad… he made a mistake. A really, really big mistake. The kind that adults know better than to make. He was supposed to be punished for it. He should have been punished for it. But he didn’t think he could handle it.”

Ally’s entire face scrunched in confusion. “What did he do? D-did he
do it
with someone else?” “Do it” was whispered in a shameful tone.

Tracy grabbed her hand. “No. Do you hear me? No. He wouldn’t do that.”

“Then what did he do?”

“He made some mistakes at work. He lost some people’s money, including our own. And he tried to make up for it in ways that are not allowed. Ways he thought would make everything all right again. Instead… it went all wrong.” Tracy paused as she looked from one daughter to the other. With a large gulp, she went in for the kill. “He would have gone to prison for what he did. It’s called stealing. Embezzling. Insider trading.”

“The police took him away?” Kylie said in a horrified squeak.

Donny’s heart squeezed.
Fuck. This was so wrong
. What could have possibly possessed Micah to do that to them? How was Tracy getting through it? The woman who collapsed on him last night was a mess of emotions he doubted she even remembered. The woman he saw before him now? Fearless. A warrior. The way she managed to rally herself for the children, who relied on her, was nothing short of epic. And it wasn’t missed by Donny. Perhaps that was because his own wife could barely change his baby’s diaper. “No. Dad… Dad ran away. He ran off. Instead of doing what was right. He ran off.”

Stunned silence. Then Ally wailed, “Yes, but where is he?! I want to talk to him! Right now! I want to talk to my dad!”

Tracy’s face streamed with tears. Her hands shook as she stroked both girls’ hair. Her voice shaking, she continued, “He’s gone, sweetie. As in, he left us. Left the state, I guess. I don’t know where he went. Here. Here is the note I found. I won’t lie to you. I’ll tell you everything from this day forward.”

Donny was shocked she let them read his last letter. She must’ve been made of freaking steel to stand and do that. He continued to stare uselessly at his feet. Vickie appeared in the living room entrance before coming over to sit by him. She took his hand and he squeezed hers. She was uncharacteristically quiet.

Then… tears. So much crying and confusion, he didn’t know what to do. Vickie got up and tried to comfort the girls too, but there was no solace for either one. Who could have blamed them? Just like Tracy was last night. Yet, to her children, she was totally pulled together and calm and soothing, speaking to them in a voice that didn’t rise. She stroked their hair and shoulders as she hugged and kissed their heads. She let them protest and scream with her, at her, at life, and mostly at their father.

Donny was in awe.

He shifted in the chair and didn’t know what to do. He was the only man in the room and really didn’t want to be there. The crying girls, sobbing sisters, made him think of about a thousand other places he would have preferred to be. But thanks to Micah fucking McKinley, he had a feeling this was right where he’d find himself for the near future. Julia crawled around the living room, oblivious to the grief her cousins were enduring. He leaned down and picked her up, hugging her to him, smelling the soft scent of strawberry from the shampoo Tracy used on her. His heart clenched. How could a father ever leave his daughters like that? It was completely unimaginable. Not to mention, tragic, and it made his own insides ache to think about losing Julia.

Julia smiled up at him and grabbed his cheek when he twisted her around so he could stare into her little, round, porcelain-white face.

He didn’t know. He had no idea when Vickie got pregnant that Julia would be the end result. It was all so abstract. Something miraculous was happening, yes, but not this, not what he felt now. His heart felt like it beat outside his chest in the form of this little creature. She was born and everything, without any exceptions, that came before her, and everyone who came before her, lost all importance in his life. He loved Julia in a way he loved no one else. Not his parents. Or his brother. Or Vickie.

And now, Micah had just thrown everything away. Like trash. He treated his daughters and Tracy like disposable items he could leave on the curb. And for what? Fear? His fear of going to prison? Prison would have been easier to endure for Donny than the idea of separating from his daughter for good. Or causing so much pain to them. Julia squirmed when he almost convulsively hugged her closer to his chest. He could not fathom losing her. Death. That would be about the only way she could not be in his life.

The money, the crimes, and the shocking betrayal were nothing compared to Micah deserting his children. Only an amoral monster without any conscience could be willing do that.