The Will to Love (14 page)

My eyes were daggers at this point. If I could have ripped off his head and shoved it up his ass, I would have. I was so pissed at him—and myself—I couldn’t even talk.

“Okay, Ms. Wannabe, let me get this straight. You fucked men…for money and they were filmed and sold to the highest bidder.”

“No, that’s not how it worked at all. I only slept with two men…it was a consistent arrangement and I can’t be identified in any of the DVDs because I wore wigs and makeup that hid my natural appearance. Karl was very thorough in that aspect and just to let you know, even if you do have all the pieces of the puzzle, you don’t have one of the films—you couldn’t afford it—so shove
that
up your motherfuckin’ pipe and smoke it.”

I finished my joint, stubbed it out with one of my Christian Louboutin stilettos, stood, and walked away.

Now I had to find Karl, and speak to him whether I wanted to or not.

He had to know we had an enemy in our midst that could potentially destroy us all.

Chapter Twelve

Will

ALTHOUGH PARTIES WEREN’T usually Will’s idea of a good time, Kaz and Syd always had great events so he’d made an exception that night.

The problem was that once Laurel disappeared with Sydney, he couldn’t find her.

He enjoyed a couple of Bushmills whiskeys, neat, while chatting to various guests before he went off on a search to find Laurel.

Will never preferred to stay at parties for more than a couple of hours at a time because he usually only wanted to put in an appearance and go home.

He was a natural homebody and although he seemed to live the fast life, he’d done and seen too much over the past twenty-six years of his life to take much of anything too seriously. The fast lane was great but it didn’t last and he’d never gotten into the drug scene therefore it never satisfied him.

He was a member of Scarlet Fever because he loved music and the whole art form of making music. It had never been about fame, chicks, drugs and booze. That wasn’t his scene though he had to admit the money was nice and every now and then, he didn’t mind signing an autograph or two.

Will was also the youngest in the group and that had made his life a living hell but if his band mates knew what he’d had to endure to be standing where he was now, they wouldn’t laugh so much at him and they certainly wouldn’t make fun.

Sure, he could have taken the easy way out and donated blood or took part in certain pharmaceutical studies that paid easy money but the truth was he wanted to be set whether or not Scarlet Fever ever made it big. That was his goal and he’d accomplished it with flying colors.

What he’d never counted on was Laurel hitting him like a goddamn hurricane and making him fall on his ass and question what the fuck love was all about.

The homosexual issue was a big deal but still, he knew Laurel would be the woman by his side and he would never give her up, not for anyone. It just wasn’t worth it. He loved her too much and the more he fell in love with her, the more her past became less and less of an issue. He wasn’t a choirboy by anyone’s standards and he couldn’t ask someone to be something they weren’t. It didn’t matter because they belonged to one another and always would. He’d always be fiercely overprotective of her because she knew him better than anyone.

Will found Sydney gossiping with Talia and interrupted, albeit reluctantly.

“Hey, have you two seen Laurel?”

“Not for at least thirty minutes. She was outside for a few minutes and I saw Grant trailing her. When she came back inside she looked pissed off and immediately disappeared into the game room,” Talia remarked as she looked at Will with empathy and a knowing look in her pale green eyes.

“How are you doing?”

She smiled proudly. “I’m great! Winter Regret’s newest album is kicking ass and taking names on the charts and I’m livin’ the dream. I can’t really complain without sounding like a total, entitled bitch—know what I mean?”

Will’s hands fingered his silky hair nervously. “Actually, I meant, how are you doing…personally? I mean…I noticed Jaden brought Faith here and that’s gotta hurt. I’m not exactly thrilled Laurel’s ex-boyfriend is trolling around here, even if he
is
married.”

“Oh,
that
.” Talia gazed at Syd who suddenly looked crestfallen back to Will. She finally shrugged in a non-committal way. “Nothing I can do about that. He’s a grown adult and can do whatever the fuck he wants. The new year will soon be upon us and I will be making some major life changing decisions. Let’s just say I don’t expect Jaden to be part of them.”

“You can’t say that, Tal, there’s always hope!” Syd exclaimed. “Look at Kaz and I. If someone would’ve told me three months ago we’d be back together, I would have knocked them the fuck out. Life can change in the blink of an eye.”

Talia rolled her eyes. “Maybe for gorgeous, blonde, blue-eyed heiresses but I’m not holding out much hope. Our lives are just too different and then you have to factor in the band thing. We’re doin’ our thing in L.A. and you guys are all here in Vegas. Plus she did have him first and I was the interloper. Maybe everything that’s happening is poetic justice. I mean, I did sleep with him while I was in a relationship with another man and he cheated on Faith with me—”

“Not really,” Will cut her off, coming to her defense. “Jaden and Faith have never had a conventional relationship. They’ve had plenty of threesomes together with both other men and women so…it’s not like you broke up a happy home. In fact, the only real common denominator has been their mutual destructive behavior. I wouldn’t be so hard on myself if I were you.”

“Thanks, Will. But the operative word being they had those sexual encounters with other people
together
. Him and I—we were so much more and I know he loves me just as much as I love him but sometimes love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. We’re all adult enough to understand this and I truly think…at this time…Jaden doesn’t need to be with any woman at the moment. He needs to get his head on straight and decide what he wants to do with his life. I can’t help him figure it out and I’m not going to wait around for him to ‘find himself’ either.”

“I don’t blame you there.” Will stuck his hands in front pockets. “Sorry to interrupt. Have a good evening, ladies.”

“You too,” Syd and Talia replied in unison.

Will walked through the large house and hoped he would be able to find Laurel. He hoped to God she hadn’t been cornered by that frisky son of a bitch ex of hers but he had a feeling in the pit of his stomach they were together at that moment. What they were talking about and doing together, he wouldn’t know until he found them and that’s what put the fear of God in him, even if he wasn’t a believer.

Please don’t let her be in a bed, with him, her legs wrapped around his mid-section.

The thought alone was enough to drive him insane and he wasn’t sure what he would do if that was the situation. He certainly wouldn’t walk out of his bandmate’s house a free man—that, he could guarantee. The mere sight in his mind brought a rage on so deeply, even he wouldn’t be able to control it. Deal or not, he would murder the bastard where he stood, or laid for the matter, and sight self-defense if he had to. Laurel was his life and no way would that dog just piss on his woman to mark territory that no longer belonged to him ever again.

Not while Will was still breathing.

He slowly gathered his composure and managed to hide his feelings deep inside. The last thing he needed was to walk around the party looking like a psycho while he stalked Laurel’s movements by the sensual Christian Dior scent she wore.

Her perfume, Midnight Poison, led him up the long staircase he climbed reluctantly and tried his hardest to think more pleasant thoughts. Upstairs didn’t mean sex but it did mean a bedroom. He bypassed Kaz and Syd’s room and their nanny’s room despite the children not being in residence. Both Baby Kaz and Xander, Kaz’s son by his ex-wife, Damira, were at the other house the couple owned in Summerlin with their respective nannies.

The nursery seemed to be the best place to look and it was there he found both Karl and Laurel. He listened and allowed the door only to open a peek, just enough to see the blond with his back to the door while Laurel stood with her back to the crib, her arms clutching the top of it for dear life as they were splayed by her side, palms up.

“I don’t know what you want me to do. Should I hurt him?” Karl wondered as he stood stock still, not making any sudden gestures or movements in her direction.

Laurel stared at him with a mixture of fear and anxiety in her eyes. “No. That won’t change anything—in fact it might make him angry enough to bring his suspicions to Will and we’re in a good place right now. There’s no way I’ll allow that son of a bitch to ruin what I’ve worked so hard to achieve.”

He folded his arms against his chest as he shifted the weight of his body from one foot to the other. “I don’t know what you want me to do. He can’t hurt you because there’s absolutely no way he can get a hold of
anything
incriminating against you. I understand there’s no longer anything between us but that doesn’t mean I won’t protect you with my life.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of, Karl, because I know how far you would go to protect me and at this point in my life…it’s unfair to ask.” Laurel wiped the tears from her eyes and she looked towards the door. Will wondered if she could see him but her eyes focused quickly on Karl’s again. “Listen, I just want Grant muzzled…that’s all. Tell him to shut up about what I did and I don’t want to hear it grace his mouth again. It’s none of his business and now that I know my sister told him in the first place, I know where that stick up her ass comes from.”

“I take it you don’t get along with her? I don’t have the best relationship with my brothers either but family…it’s the one aspect of your life you can’t control.”

“Yeah, I know but we’re here for two years, Karl. I need everyone to get along and more importantly, I need you to stay away from me until I feel Will and I are in a safe place. He trusts me but that’s not enough. I don’t like it he wants to hurt you, that he can’t stand the sight of you.”

She paused and looked down. “What we did at Club X-Tasy…you didn’t force us to do anything. We did it because we wanted it just as much as you did and now, it’s taken us six months just to get over decisions we willingly made. I can’t deal with it and all the stress is driving me insane.”

“What is that you want me to do, Laurel? I’m a lot of things but a mind reader isn’t one of them.”

“Give me the time and space I need to come to terms with what I did. Let me be there for Will because he needs me a hell of a lot more than you ever did—”

“Ah, I forgot that about you.” He laughed out loud and walked closer to her until they were mere inches apart. “You always did like the wounded types. I guess I wasn’t wounded enough for you? Hmm, is that it,
liebling
?”

“You were plenty wounded but you were also very married to Margot and I’m a lot of things but a home wrecker isn’t one of them. It doesn’t matter if you two had an open relationship or not. I could never be what you wanted me to be and I certainly can’t be that person now. I love you still but I’m not in love with you anymore. My heart belongs to Will.”

“Despite the fact that you are the one who is now being selfish. Did you ever ask yourself what you’re making him give up by staying with you? I don’t know if he’s doing it out of a sense of obligation or what but he is a gay man. He’s hardwired to be attracted to men and you go against that very grain and think you can defy
nature
?” Karl explained incredulously. “Who do you think you are? Do you think the pitiful love he feels for you will ever be enough to make him stop wanting to sleep and fuck around with
men
? You’re the one who is acting foolish right now, Laurel. We both know it all too well.”