The Way We Were (5 page)

“We know it was awful for you, honey.” This from Nia.

“Dance was my life. I might not have made it in performance,
but at least I would have been able to practice, take lessons.”

Ana held on tight to Sofia. “That’s so sad.”

“But the universe sent me yoga.” She lifted a delicate shoulder. “It has a way of doing things like that. I told Opal the same will happen for her. We brainstormed what physical activity she might want to pursue.”

“Oh, Sof.” Mixed feelings rose inside Ana. “Why didn’t you tell
me this?”

“Because Opal told me in confidence. And you and I agreed a long time ago I wouldn’t share stuff with you unless she was in physical danger. But now, you two need to talk about it with her. I’ll tell her I shared our discussion with you.”

“In theory, I agree. I think kids need other adults to influence their lives. It’s harder when it involves a crisis.”

Paulina put in, “Nia
and I raised our kids together. She decided to ground them all when they fought at school.”

Talk continued about Opal and her post-surgery limitations. Then Magdalena asked, “Do you feel any better, Ana?”

“Some.” She took a sip of water and picked up the donut. “Maybe more food will help.” When she finished the whole thing, she glanced at the clock. “We should go back up.”

Lizzie spoke.
“We haven’t talked about Jared. How is having him around the whole time?”

“It’s not bad. No, actually, it’s helping. Lizzie, I know you hate him, but he’s hurting, too. We all need to stick together.”

“I realize that. And I won’t say or do anything to make this situation worse for him.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. Ana, you were a second mother to me. I love you and would do anything
for you.”

As soon as the four-hour window was up, the shift in the waiting room’s atmosphere was palpable. People gravitated into pairs, held hands, murmured softly. Tension etched itself on all their faces. Lips were in grim lines. Shoulders stiffened.

Jared, who’d watched this from the outside, approached Ana where she sat with Magdalena. “Can I sit with you now?”

Her sister’s brows raised.

“It’s okay, Mags. Yes, of course, Jared. You can sit with me.”

Magdalena left and he dropped down onto a chair. The rigidity that had invaded his body made him ache all over.

Ana shocked him by taking his hand. “Time’s supposed to be up.”

He rubbed her fingers with his. “The length of surgery is an estimate.”

She sighed. “How was your walk?”

“The
guys were kind to me by ignoring that I was a pariah in their lives. They shot the shit about basketball and March Madness, we stopped and got hot cocoa from a street vendor. They were right. It was good for me.” His expression was tender. “How about you?”

“The girls made me list all my fears out loud.”

“Ah, some sisterly therapy.”

Please, Annie, let’s go to see a professional.
She’d
refused.

Conversation died off. Jared leaned back in the chair and stared blindly at the TV droning on about ten feet away. Trying to keep himself calm, he clenched and unclenched his fists. His little girl…what if…

He glanced at Ana. Her skin had gone pale now, and she bit her lip, a sign she was nervous. As the minutes ticked off, the suppressed anxiety heightened. Finally, the door
to the treatment area opened and Dr. Janson walked out.

Ana and Jared bolted up as Janson crossed to them. Jared could feel his heart thrum in his chest.

Janson’s face was lined with fatigue, but he smiled. “The surgery’s over and Opal came through it fine. There were no complications. I repositioned the ureter, and the incision will heal well.” He added, “I drained a liter of fluid from
around her kidney.”

“What?”
Jared asked.

“Remember, I told you the mass was the bodily fluid that leaked into her.”

“Yes,” Ana put in. “That just sounds like so much liquid.” “It is. But the ureter should start functioning properly.”

“Will it happen again?” Jared wanted to know.

“It shouldn’t. Fluid will build up from the surgery, but we inserted a drain, and that will drip
for a while. A nurse will instruct you how to take care of that.”

Ana asked the big question. “W-what about kidney function?”

“We can’t be sure yet. I’ll see her for a post-op visit in five days. In two weeks, we’ll do the first tests on the functioning capability of the damaged kidney, but even after that, it could improve.”

Shit! Jared dreaded another wait.

After a few explanations,
the doctor left. The Ludzeckys all started to talk at once, but Ana turned to him. “Two more weeks. We won’t know for two more weeks.”

Placing his hands on her upper arms, he rubbed there. He vowed to be strong for her. “It’ll be hard. But let’s celebrate the news we got today. The surgery is over, was successful, and she’ll heal well.”

Ana lifted her chin. “I want to do that, Jared.”

He gave her a sad smile. “Maybe Sofia can give us lessons in calming ourselves.” He tucked back a strand of her hair. “But if there are complications, we’ll be together in this.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Three days later, they were settled back into the Creswell household. After two nights spent in hospital loungers with sadistic springs and sharp edges, both Ana and Jared were enervated. The familiar surroundings—the scent of the kitchen, the furnace turning off and on, the light shining through the big windows—soothed them all. Opal seemed calm. She had little
energy but was upbeat. And she was sore in that after-surgery way but had none of the pain which had alerted them to her condition. She’d been in bed or on the couch all day and now slept safely in her own room upstairs.

Coming downstairs after checking on her daughter, Ana walked back to the kitchen area and found Jared sitting in the family room on one of the two couches by the fireplace,
staring at the flames. His knee was crossed over his ankle, stretching the jeans he wore with a rust-colored cashmere sweater.

A sudden blast of emotion threatened to fell her. Gratefulness for his constant support the past few weeks. A desire to return his generosity. And her ultimate nemesis: fear. Her feelings were similar to what happened between them all those years ago, when she’d been
in his class. She’d wanted more from him, even though she knew she wasn’t going to ever get it.

Because this time, Ana couldn’t take the chance and risk losing him again. With a heavy sigh, she crossed to him and dropped down on the couch. “We should talk,” she said softly.

He glanced over at her. “I know.”

“Jared, I can’t tell you how much it means to me that we’ve come together for
Opal, and you’ve given me strength in ways my family couldn’t. I’m glad. And I hope the animosity between us is all in the past.”

His deep green eyes held her gaze, and she could see the flames from the fire reflected in them. “I feel the same way. Thank
you
for allowing me to do it.” When she didn’t say more, he asked, “Where do we go from here?”

“I’d like for us to take care of Opal
without fighting over everything.” In truth, Ana knew she’d caused most of the arguments, even though he could be stubborn. “It was mostly on my end anyway.”

“Tell me something, Annie.” His voice, a throaty rumble, curled inside her like a kiss.

“I don’t think you should use that nickname.”

His brows rose. They were darker than his hair, nicely arched. Sexy, like the rest of him. “Why?”

“It’s from a former time. When we were different people.”

“Now, that I agree with. But I’m going to ask you something and I want the truth. First, I’ll answer the question, but you have to promise me you’ll be honest.”

“All right. I’ll be honest.”

“Do you still love me, Ana, like a husband? Because I still love you as my wife and best friend.”

There was an explosion in her heart.
That’s the only way she could describe it. Her whole body trembled as the detonation reverberated through her. Then her hands got clammy. She sat on them and turned her head away.

But she could feel him watching her.

Finally, she faced him. At least she could be brave here and do the right thing. “Yes, Jared. I still love you in the same way as I always did. That’s why I’ve sniped at you
for over two years, to keep you at a distance. I can’t possibly let us get close again.”

“Why?”

“Because I let you down so badly and you cheated on me. We were both at fault.”

“Then maybe they cancel each other out.” His hopeful tone only made her feel worse.

“No, this isn’t a game of evens. We’ve done irreparable damage to each other.”

“It’s only irreparable if we let it be.”
Now he sat forward, moving closer so he could touch her arm. His wide shoulders seemed bigger beneath the wool. “Haven’t we learned anything from the guys’ deaths, from Opal’s crisis? I don’t want to live the rest of my life regretting what happened between us.”

He’d hinted at this before. “What are you saying? What do you want?”

“What I’ve always wanted. To get back together.”

She
recoiled. “No. It’s too big of a risk.”

“When did you become such a coward?” There was no rancor in his voice, but it still stung.

And made her angry. “When the universe betrayed us.”

Silent, he gazed back into the fire. Finally, he said, “We should have handled it better.”

She couldn’t disagree with that. Nervous now at the precipice they were on, she stood. “I’m getting a glass
of wine. Do you want one?”

He nodded.

When she returned, she sipped the dry Chardonnay, but he put his glass on the table and clasped his hands together. “Jared, I can’t picture a reunion.”

“Why?”

“For one, Opal. She just got over the divorce. We can’t get her hopes up by taking this chance.”

“Opal’s never gotten over the divorce.”

Ana knew, down deep, that he was right,
as her daughter had confessed her feelings to Ana and probably to Jared, even recently. “She’s at least accepted it.”

“What if we could work around that? Give us a second chance, without her knowing.”

Absently, she threaded back her hair, which she’d let flow freely the past few days. The way he liked it, she now realized. “What about my family? They won’t take kindly to this.” She felt
her face flush. “They only know what you did. They have no idea how I was a part of the split.”

“We don’t have to tell them, either. Or people from work.”

“We’d sneak around?”

“I prefer to call it being circumspect. Sweetheart, don’t you see, the universe may have betrayed the whole Ludzecky family, but fate has brought us together during Opal’s illness.”

He sounded so certain.
But the remembered pain was there in her gut. “Jared, how can we possibly do this? You know how deep our problems were.” She bit her lip. “You know my inadequacies. My failure. I couldn’t… What if I can never…?”

Probably sensing she was wavering, and all right, the hope that had kindled inside her, he moved even closer. Grasped both her arms. “I promise you with all my heart and soul we’ll
work through that. We’ll figure out how to deal with whatever is—or isn’t—between us.”

She was afraid. She didn’t want to do this.

But she did, too.

“How?”

“Start slow. Get used to being with each other again.” He hesitated. “Maybe even some therapy.”

Now her stomach cramped. “And if we fail? I’m not sure I can go through what happened to me again. I know I keep saying that,
but it’s paramount.”

He drew in a breath. Let it out. “I’m not sure I can go through what happened between us, either. But I’m willing to risk it.”

She saw the pain in his eyes. “I hurt you so much.”

“And I hurt you. Take a chance, love.” He squeezed her arm. “Please.”

Letter #5

Dearest Annie,

I know you’re hurting. I am, too, even though you’ve been back home
for weeks. I’m sorry intimacy between us hasn’t worked out. I can’t bring you pleasure, and our situation is killing me. But that doesn’t have to break us up. It’s only been four months since the guys died. It’s going to take you longer to adjust. You’ve been terribly affected by your sisters’ loss, and it’s taken its toll on your body, your libido, your ability to respond to the man you love.
And you do love me. Please, Annie, don’t shut me out because of this. Let’s take it day by day, be kind to each other. The rest will come. I know it. I love you so much.

As soon as Sofia walked into Ana’s house, she sensed the difference in its aura. Tension no longer radiated in the air. Perhaps that was because Opal had come through the surgery and was on the mend, though the verdict was still out on kidney function. A stab of stark fear hit Sofia as she recalled waiting for her own tests, but she sent it packing. Today was
good.

From the garage entrance, she walked into the kitchen. Jared and Ana were at the table, having coffee, talking. They leaned into each other. Ana laughed softly. Hmm.

“Hey, there,” she said, making her presence known.

They drew away from each other quickly. Ana said, “Sofia? Hi. I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I know.” She walked through the large open space, with skylights letting
in the winter sun. “You two seem better today. Finally get some sleep?”

Jared nodded. “Yes. Finally.” He stood. “My back’s still out from those damn hospital loungers we spent two nights in, so I’m going to work out.” He glanced at Ana. “See you in a bit.”

“Don’t overdo,” Sofia called out as she watched him walk away. His shoulders were relaxed, his gait easy. “And be sure to stretch.”
Pivoting, she asked her sister, “What happened?”

“What do you mean?” Ana rose and crossed to the sink, put the teakettle under the faucet. She didn’t look at Sofia.

“Things have changed between you two.”

“How?”

“The tension’s gone.”

Setting the kettle on the stove, Ana turned and leaned against the counter. “How could it not? We’ve been together for weeks. We got through a
huge hurdle with the surgery. Actually, I’m glad I’m not fighting with him anymore.”