The Way We Were (4 page)

About halfway though, Opal slid down into her pillow. Soon, her breath rose and fell. In the eerie light from the TV, Jared watched her. Tomorrow was the big day. She’d be cut open. She’d be cut into. Sewed up. His throat seized in a moment of stark panic.

Ana whispered, “You’re thinking about the surgery.”

“I can’t believe this is happening. Our baby.” He studied her across
their child. “You’re in control. More than me.”

“I was putting on a brave face for her. I’m wretched, really.”

Silence, then, “Do you want me to go back to the spare room?”

“I don’t think I’ll sleep.”

“Me, either.”

“We should try.” She took in a deep breath. “Stay.”

“All right. Slide down and close your eyes.”

“You, too.”

“Annie?”

“Yes.”

“Give me your hand.”

Reaching out, she clasped his over Opal’s soft body. Soon, he felt his eyes close.

Letter #3

Dear Annie,

The few days you were back in our home were wonderful. I enjoyed sleeping with Opal between us. I feel better about everything. And don’t worry. It’s okay that nothing happened between us. I can’t say I wasn’t disappointed, but I understand that sex was the furthest
thing from your mind. This too shall pass (what a cliché), and once you’re back for good, we can be close again. Meanwhile, I simply want to be with you as much as possible. I’m sorry Nia is having bad nights. You can help her of course, and I’m glad. Hopefully, that too will improve. I feel more optimistic today than before the weekend. Thank you for that. Know I miss you terribly.

Letter #4

Dearest Annie,

Both Opal and I want you to sleep at home a few nights a week. It’s been more than a month since the guys died, and she’s begged me to ask you this. I think it’s time, honey, for her and me, and for you. We promise you we’ll be there for you no matter what, but please think about it.

On either side of their daughter again this morning, Ana held Opal’s hand and Jared lightly stroked her shoulder. Dr. Janson stood over the bed. The room smelled like antiseptic. Like
hospital.

“We’re all set, Opal.” Janson had an easy smile and talked directly to his patient. “Do you have any questions?”

White-faced, she gripped Ana’s fingers. “Do a
good job.”

Janson nodded. “I’ll do my best.” To a nurse, he said, “Bring her up to OR 4.” After saying their good-byes, they watched Opal leave. Dr. Janson gave Ana a supportive squeeze on the arm. “Three to four hours. I’ll send out progress reports. Will you be in here?”

Ana wrapped her arms around her waist. “My family is in the waiting room. I want to be with them.”

Jared said
nothing.

Ana added, “Jared, you should be with us, too.”

When Janson left, Jared’s shoulders slumped. “Your family hates me, Ana. They won’t want me to wait with them.”

“I want you with us.” Her throat got tight. “Unless you have someone else coming to be with you.”

He shook his head. And it hit her again—how lonely he must be. His parents were dead and his only brother lived in
Seattle.

“They’ll concentrate on Opal. Besides, I told Mags to make sure everyone was civil to you.”

“As if that will stop Lizzie.”

His comment, his knowledge of her family, warmed her and paradoxically made her insides clench. “She’ll behave. Let’s go.”

Shoulder to shoulder, they walked down two corridors and when they reached the doorway to the pediatric waiting room, Ana stopped.
“Oh.” She hadn’t expected all of them plus some spouses and fiancés to show up.

The first one to cross to her was Luke. “Hey,
siostra
, how you doin’?”

“Hanging in there.” She hugged him tightly, nosed into his sweater, the scent of his woodsy aftershave calming her. It was the same fragrance he’d worn all his life. “Thanks for being here.”

“Always.” His gaze went to Jared. He could
say something nasty, about how Jared didn’t know what
being here
meant, but Ana hoped he didn’t. “Jared.”

“Luke.”

“This must be hard for you.”

Her ex nodded.

One by one, she greeted her sisters.
Matka
waited until they all had their turns with her. Then she took Ana into her arms. Ana nestled into her mother’s embrace.

Matka
said, “I have been here.”

“With Sofia?”

“
Tak
.”

“How did you do it,
Matka
?”

“You do it.” No false truisms from her practical mother. She kissed the top of Ana’s head. “Come sit. There are comfortable chairs over here.”

Nia and Paulina accompanied Ana, each taking her by the hand. Before they got out of earshot, her mother lagged behind and Ana heard her say, “You, too, Jared. Come be with us.”

She’d bet her favorite designer
purse that
Matka
was hugging him, too. Ana found herself wanting that for him.

And then the waiting began…

During the first hour, Logan went out and brought back coffee and bagels for everyone. “Eat,” he ordered them all. “You’ll need your strength.”

Vaguely, she wondered how things were between her sister and Logan since they were a solid couple now. So when Mags handed her coffee,
Ana suggested, “Let’s sit at the table.”

Once there, Ana turned her gaze on her lovely sister. Magdalena had always been beautiful, but now she radiated with happiness. “Distract me. Give me an update on you and Logan.”

“I’m moving into his place as soon as we can get mine packed.” In other words, Magdalena would take the time to be with Ana instead of doing all the things necessary to
change residences. “We talk about our future together, what we want. And when.”

“Are you happy?”

Her sister’s gaze strayed to Logan. “Deliriously.”

“Hang on to it.”

“We haven’t had time to talk about how you and Jared are faring.”

“No change of subject,” Ana scolded. “What about the baby and Teresa?”

Logan’s ex-girlfriend had turned up pregnant, but by the time they found
out, the two of them had split.

“She’s gone back to her play. She gave Logan approval to talk to her doctor, so he’s kept us in the loop on the progress of the pregnancy.”

“So she’s still having the child?” It had been only a couple of weeks since Logan took his hard-line stance with Teresa, and he and Magdalena feared she’d have an abortion.

“For now. We’ve promised each other not
to worry about what she’ll do, because we have absolutely no control over it.” Mags shook her head. “Oh, this is news. Lizzie’s moving into my place.”

“Really? Why?”

“She’s sick of roommates, for one thing. The poor girl already had six of them growing up. If I sell my condo, she’ll find somewhere else to live, but meanwhile, she’ll be safe there.”

“Safe? She isn’t safe where she is?”

“No, no, I didn’t mean that. You know New York. My place has a doorperson and buzzer. Security, I guess. And it’s in a better part of town.”

“I’ll bet she’s thrilled.”

“She is. Underneath all the rebellion, Lizzie’s a good kid.” They all still looked at her as a kid, even though she was only seven years younger than Magdalena.

Sofia came up to the table. “Want company, or is this
private?”

“Company.” Mags squeezed Sofia’s arm when she sat. “Does this bring back bad memories?”

“I live in the present,” she said easily.

“Lucky you,” both sisters replied at once. Soft laughter. Some levity had to worm its way in during this awful waiting period. She knew she could count on her sisters for that.

In the large room, filled by only the Ludzecky
family, Jared sat a few seats away from them. It wasn’t that they’d been unkind to him when he came into the waiting room with Ana, it was the traces of
distaste
he’d seen on their faces that made him exclude himself. He’d let them down, big-time.

Just then, Luke rose and came to sit next him. “Things are strained, but you don’t have to stay out of the loop, you know.”

“Truthfully, Luke,
I have no idea what to do.” He glanced away, trying to summon the emotional strength to deal with the family who’d treated him like a son
and
endure the imminent surgery of his daughter. Full of emotion, he turned his head away. Someone had opened the blinds, letting in morning sunshine. “It’s my baby in there.”

“I don’t know what I’d do if this was happening to Lexy or Amy. I’d be in a puddle.”

“No, you wouldn’t. You’d be strong as you always are.” As Jared had not been when he should have. For the zillionth time, he hated himself for his fall from grace.

“Let’s change the subject. Tell me about the new book. Kelsey’s interested in the historical angles of Hawthorne’s work.”

“That’s good to hear. I’m trying to do something different with how to present the biographical bits
that relate to his novel, without hitting the students over the head with it. It’s particularly important in high school, where the learners might be more reluctant.”

A sympathetic chuckle from Luke. “The perennial teacher concern. If we don’t lecture, then how do we get the material across?”

“It must be easier with computer science.”

“It is. But I’m teaching a class in the history
department this year, too.”

“Let me guess. How government works.”

“Special government agencies. The kids seem to like it, probably because they included my Secret Service background in the course description. They want to know all kinds of secrets. But I rack my brain for how to keep them involved.”

“What do you do…?”

And so the second hour began. Jared knew Luke was distracting
him and very much appreciated his generosity. At one time, this man had been like a brother to him.

Two hours into the morning, the nurse they’d spoken with earlier came out to the waiting room. Seated at a table with Lizzie, Ana frantically scanned the room. Where was Jared? As if he sensed her need for him, he came up behind her and grasped her shoulders. Just the feel of
his strong, supportive hands gave her courage.

The woman headed to them. “The surgery is almost halfway through. There are no complications. Everything is going as planned.” She glanced at the clock. “Probably another two hours.” A sympathetic smile. “Your daughter has the best doctor you could ever find.”

Ana leaned back into Jared. He whispered close to her ear, “It’s almost over.”

She just nodded.

From the corner of her eye, Ana saw Luke, Logan, Rafe and Adam approach them. “Now that we know things are goin’ well, we’re gonna take a walk. The girls want to stay with you, Ana.”

Ana gave him a half smile. “Some air will do you good.”

Luke angled his head, the expression in his eyes kind. “You’re comin’ with us, Jared.”

A deep frown. “I can’t leave the hospital.”

“Yeah, you can. You need a break, some exercise.” Luke leaned in and bumped his shoulder. “At times like these, your body goes from extreme tension to complete exhaustion. Let’s go.”

Jared looked to Ana, like he used to when they were married and wanted her opinion. “Go ahead, Jared.”

“What about you?”

Again, Luke spoke. “Our sisters are taking her down to the cafeteria.”

Ana’s
eyes widened. Behind her, she heard Lizzie say, “We are, Ana. Don’t try to resist. You know how I can get.”

“W-what if something happens?”

“
Matka
and Gerald will be here. Everybody has cell phones.” Gerald had shown up before the surgery, and from how close he was staying to
Matka
, wasn’t planning to go anywhere.

Suddenly, Ana’s stomach pitched. “I don’t think I can eat anything.”

“We’ll see.” Lizzie took her arm, glared at Jared and led her away.

In the cafeteria, they pushed tables up against each other, enough to seat the seven of them. Usually, Ana took pleasure in how they turned the heads of the males in a room when they all walked in together. But the gnawing fear inside her prevented her from feeling anything but worry.

Magdalena fetched food and bottled
water. They opened some crackers, plain donuts and pretzels.

After taking the plastic cover off a donut, Lizzie handed it to Ana. “Eat. I know you don’t want to, but it’s best to get something in your stomach.”

Ana nibbled on the pastry. It was tasty. She ate half, then set it down. “There isn’t much to say now, is there?”

“I have something to offer.” This from Sofia. Today she looked
strong and healthy, much calmer than the rest of them. “And we all need to hear it.”

“Okay, honey,” Ana told her.

“We’ve had tragedy in our lives. A lot. But we can’t let the past overshadow the future. We need to stay positive about Opal. About everything.” She focused on Ana, and her eyes were full of wisdom. “You’ll get through this, Ana.”

“I’m just so scared.”

“List your fears,”
Caterina put in. “Other than the surgery, which will be over soon.”

“Will Opal have a normal life?”

Caterina reached down and got a file folder from her bag. “My brother-in-law Liam searched out articles and printed off some for us.” She held up a packet of papers. “I’ve highlighted important parts. Like how much of the kidney has to be saved in case there’s a problem with the other one.”

“The doctor said seven percent.” It seemed an incredibly low number.

“Yeah, but their goal is to get it up to fifteen.”

She breathed easier. “He didn’t tell us that. And I made myself stay away from the web. Both me and Jared.”

“What else, Ana?” Sofia asked.

“Her limitations. No one has brought it up with her, but she won’t be able to play contact sports. She loves soccer. I
know that sounds trite, but I hate that her choices will be cut off.”

This time, Sofia took Ana’s hand. “She talked to me about it.”

“She did?”

“Uh-huh. I discussed it with her the day we went to lunch. I told her how it was for me when I had to give up dance.”