The Way Back (16 page)

After a once-through with a pitcher of iced tea and hot coffee she topped off any and all drinks for the customers then returned to his booth. She laid her hands on the table and turned her palms up in a gesture that said
so talk.

“I think Gabby might be coming back to the island.” No thinking about it. He knew it, deep in his gut. If only to tell him to go to hell for lying to her. He thought about the book she was so desperate to write. It would be the start of a new career for her. A chance to rebuild her life. She certainly had a new angle to present to her publisher.

What they wouldn’t do to get their hands on the story. It would be hard for her to turn something like that down.

“Uh. Her. I guess if she comes back I must find a way to like her.”

“You already do like her. You told me so.”

“Of course this is true, but I like to keep it a secret from her. It is more fun this way. But I don’t understand. You like her, too.”

He did. He might more than like her. The L word pounded in his head and suddenly his chest felt tight.

“You should be happy she’s coming back. Only you don’t look happy.”

“I don’t know if I’m
ready
for her. Does that make sense?” It had made so much sense when Susan said it, but now he thought it sounded a lot like TV talk show psychobabble.

Zhanna reached her hands farther across the table and wiggled them in a way that told him she wanted to hold on to him. He wasn’t really a man who held hands with the women in his life. Crazy, but it seemed so intimate. Like they were connecting themselves out in public for the world to see.

“I know what it means to not be ready. When Tom first asked me out I was definitely not ready.”

“Okay. What did you do to become ready?”

She pressed her lips together. “This is a good question.”

So he’d been told.

She squeezed his hands and smiled. “I did nothing. I’m probably still not ready. I’m scared. I’m nervous for what is going to happen. I almost wish I didn’t like him because then it would be easier. The only thing I changed was I said yes. I said yes to him and so whether I am ready or not, now I must go.”

“Fake it until you make it.”

“I do not know this saying.”

Jamie smiled. “That’s okay. I get your point.”

“Good. Although I’m not sure I made one.”

Tugging her even closer toward him he kissed her knuckles, once on each hand. “I don’t know what I would do without you. Thank you for being in my life.”

“I do not know what you would do without me, either.” She smiled back.

“Zhanna?”

Jamie turned not realizing someone had approached the booth. He watched Zhanna’s eyes light up and a blush creep across her cheeks. She did like this man. Jamie could see it and told himself he was happy to let her go. Tom was a good guy.

Although even as the thought formed in his mind, he could see the younger man’s eyes falling to where Jamie still held on to Zhanna’s hands. Jamie dropped them, but the look of uncertainty in Tom’s eyes remained.

“You ready, Zhanna?”

Zhanna laughed at Jamie and Jamie could see Tom’s body tighten visibly. “See, this I don’t know. But I will go with you anyway.”

“Look, if now isn’t a good time—”

“No,” Jamie interrupted, sensing the man’s withdrawal. “She’s ready. Aren’t you?”

“Yes. Let me get my purse.” Zhanna slid out of the booth and the two men watched her flit across the dining room giving a negligent wave to her customers who were no doubt thrilled to be watching her go out on a date with the most eligible man on the island.

The most eligible man after Jamie, that was.

“She’s a special girl.” He could feel Tom tense at his words. He probably should attempt to put him at ease. “Hey, I’m not trying to cause any trouble.”

“Then don’t.” Tom gave him a hard look the likes of which Jamie hadn’t seen since his days in the military from commanding officers.

Who would have considered Tom, the man who took in stray dogs and desperate kittens, a badass? In a way it made Jamie feel better knowing the man had it in him. A little badass never hurt anyone, and Zhanna needed someone strong enough to stand up to her large personality.

“Have a good night, Tom.”

“Thanks. You, too.” Tom straightened but then ruined some of his fierceness by offering a half-hearted smile.

Zhanna was in good hands. It was time for Jamie to go and deal with his own love life. Because he had a feeling it was about to come down on him like a freight train.

* * *

Z
HANNA
CAME
OUT
OF
the ladies’ room wearing a new outfit, freshly brushed hair, pink lips and a glow she knew she had no control over. This was her first date with Tom. Her first date with anyone in so long and it felt good. As though her life was finally starting over now.

She didn’t want to think about her sadness. She didn’t want to think about her fear. She only wanted to eat food someone else had cooked, served to her by someone else. Tom was taking her to a nice restaurant off the island and she’d worn high heels that she worried might make her slightly taller than him, but when she approached him she saw it wasn’t the case.

Maybe because he was standing straighter.

“Wow, Zhanna. you look great.”

She looked around him to the now empty booth where Jaime had left half his meal and some cash on the table.

“Where did he go?”

“He left. Is that a problem?”

His voice sounded different. A little strained. And his cheeks were flushed a bit. Zhanna considered all this as she looped her arm through his. “No. We can go now. Adel has me covered.”

Tom didn’t say any more. Instead he led Zhanna to his car. It wasn’t fancy. A Toyota sedan, but she could tell he’d had it washed and the inside vacuumed for their date.

This made him considerate.

He was still quiet as he opened her door first, then walked around to the driver’s side. Zhanna waited until he had climbed in.

“Okay, what is it? You are not happy already and I have not even had a chance to show you my charming self.”

Tom’s head bent. “What is it between you and him?”

“Him, who?”

Tom’s eyebrow raised and Zhanna realized immediately what his problem was. Or rather
who
the problem was. “Jamie? He’s my friend. You know this.”

“Yeah, but it’s like you’ve got this connection. Something different. I’m not going to lie, it doesn’t thrill me.”

Interesting, she thought. “You are jealous.”

“Of course I’m jealous. He’s a damn astronaut! An American hero. You know that part right? He’s not just the guy on the island who helps people when they need it, or rescues Bobby Claymore when a dock collapses. He freaking went into space and saved people on the space station. I can’t compete with him, Zhanna.”

“I don’t want you to compete with him. I like you. I’m here with you. Jamie and I are…”

“More than friends,” Tom stated.

“Maybe. But I am not going to the nice restaurant with him and I am not going to kiss him goodnight at my door tonight.”

That made him smile. “You’re not?”

“No. I have plans with another man… His name is John, of course. I’m meeting him right after you.”

Tom chuckled and Zhanna reached over to take his hand in hers. “I like that you are jealous. You know what it means?”

“I’m an overreacting jackass?”

“Yes. But also you are nervous about tonight. This makes it easier for me since I am nervous, too. I want to have a good time.”

“And I ruined it by going all caveman on you to start. I’m sorry. I think you’re right. I think I am nervous. I haven’t felt this way around a woman in a long time. Maybe not ever.”

“It is because I am so beautiful maybe?” She was teasing him and each time he smiled she felt as though she’d scored a point. One date point for each smile. She hoped to have a thousand of them by the end of the night.

Tom shifted in his seat and leaned toward her. “Yes, you are so beautiful.”

The compliment, the way he said it, went straight to her heart.

“And since you’re saving the last kiss of the night for this John guy, I thought maybe I would have the first one.”

He didn’t wait. Simply leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. Softly and without too much demand. More of an introductory kiss. It was nice and when his tongue swiped her bottom lip right before he pulled away, she knew it also had the potential to be more than nice later on.

“Yes, I think this will be a very good date. If so, I may have to cancel the one with John.”

“Then let’s go. The ferry and our night awaits.”

Zhanna leaned back in the seat and for the first time in far too long she thought she could see ahead into the future.

Right now it was a very nice picture.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I
T
WAS
ALL
about the math. After all, Jamie had studied astrophysics during his astronaut training so it wasn’t as though he couldn’t figure it out.

Paula had said Gabby had left around three in the afternoon. It would take approximately eight hours to drive from the southeast coast of Connecticut to the dock where the ferry left. Maybe seven hours if someone was driving faster than was legal because she was pumped up on female fury.

The last ferry left the mainland at 11:30 p.m. and the ride to the island was about twenty-five minutes.

She would have to push it to make it. Jamie stood at the dock and watched the ferry roll in over the dark waves. Once it was close to the dock, Eli hopped from the deck to tie the boat up.

“Man, I would not be here if I were you,” Eli said as he knotted the rope around the heavy-metal moorings.

Jamie didn’t have to ask if his assumption that Gabby had made the last ferry had been correct. “Pissed?”

“She spent the entire time standing next to the captain asking him to drive faster. I think I saw steam coming off her head.”

“She’ll be happy to see me. You wait.”

“Yeah, she’ll be happy to see you so she can punch you in the nose. What did you do to her?”

“Lied.”

Eli shook his head. “You’re not supposed to lie to the people you care about.” The second in command offered the words as sage advice even though he was barely half Jamie’s age.

“You’re right.”

“You!” The shout echoed against the night and over the lapping water.

“I’m outta here, man. Good luck.” Eli trotted off with a wave to his captain who was apparently deciding to hold out on the boat rather than get in the middle of what was going to be a pretty loud fight.

“Me, what?” Jamie nudged her even as he reached out a hand for her to grab as she tried to hop from the edge of the rail onto the dock rather than wait for the gangplank to be lowered.

He caught her as she jumped down, but then was immediately shoved away by a whole lot of angry woman.

“You lied.”

“I didn’t tell you the truth. It’s different.”

“It’s the same.”

She was right, but he wasn’t ready to concede defeat. “It wasn’t my secret to tell.”

“Oh, bull. You know you could have trusted me with the truth.”

“Trust you? You want to write a freaking book about me.”

“I wouldn’t have said anything if you didn’t want me to. I wouldn’t have. But it was wrong for her to keep the secret and hang you out to dry and damn it, you were wrong to let it happen.”

“You don’t know the whole story,” he said quietly.

“Then tell me. Tell me the whole story.” Her voice cracked and he could see she was up against an edge he didn’t understand.

He opened his mouth to say…something. Precisely what he didn’t know. But she was still ranting so he closed his mouth and let her have her turn.

“I mean, all those weeks of the press berating you and scolding you and vilifying you like you were some monster. Only because you had the audacity to save people’s lives and become a national hero and for that you had to pay. I hurt for you. I was angry with you. You should have fought harder. You should have fought back. I
needed
someone to believe in then. I
needed
it.”

There it was, he thought, the splinter she’d been living with for so long. Always there, mildly irritating, waiting for something to work it out only to realize how much agony it was truly causing. His heart ached as he heard the crack in her voice. He could feel her suffering and because of it he suffered, too.

“Come here,” he said and opened his arms. She fell into him and hugged him so hard he lost his breath. But it felt good to have her wrapped around him even if she was crying all over his neck.

“Why didn’t you fight?”

That wasn’t her question. Her real question was why he didn’t fight for her. Which was nonsensical since he didn’t know she existed eight years ago, but she was hurting badly now and he was sure she didn’t want to be bothered by facts.

The facts he would keep to himself. For now they were unimportant. Susan told him he wasn’t ready and maybe this was about becoming ready. Maybe he had to stop worrying about a history he couldn’t let go of and simply be the man he knew himself to be.

That man wanted Gabby. He wanted to hold her and comfort her and tell her everything was going to be all right. Convince her that her father shouldn’t have left her when she was a teenager. Prove to her that her fiancé was an absolute dick for sleeping with her sister.

She was better than all of them. For him, she was better than any woman he’d ever known.

He needed to tell her.

“Let’s go, Gab. I’ll take you home and get you liquored up. Then if you want, you can take me to bed.”

She lifted her head and looked at him. “Yes, I want to take you to bed this time.”

He smiled as dirty images ran through his mind. “I’ve apparently been a bad, bad boy. You might need to tie me up and have your wicked way with me.”

She glared at him. “Don’t get cute. You’re still in big trouble with me, mister.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“My car,” she said vaguely pointing back to the boat where it still sat waiting to be driven off the ramp.

“We will pick it up tomorrow before Doug makes his first run of the day.”

Jamie lifted his head to shout out to the captain, although he knew it was likely Doug had heard every word and would be relaying this story to the citizens of Hawk Island early next morning. “Doug, you okay with leaving her car on the boat? We’ll be by in the morning.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he called from his perch in the cabin. “I would be worried the lady is a little too hotheaded to drive right now anyway.”

“Okay,” Jamie said. “Now let’s get you home. I missed you.”

“I was only gone for three days.”

He tilted his head and smiled at her. “I missed you for three days.”

* * *

T
HE
DRIVE
TO
HIS
house was quiet. Gabby let the strain of the past seven hours roll off her. She should have been exhausted after the long drive during which she’d had many different practice arguments with Jamie.

In all of her fake arguments each one ended with him falling on his knees and begging her for forgiveness. Which naturally she granted because, at the end of the day, she knew she was in love with him.

In replaying the scene at the dock in her head there had been no kneeling on his part. There hadn’t even really been any begging.

Instead he stood there calmly and absorbed the brunt of her fury. Fury which hadn’t been directed at him, but at herself. He seemed to understand what was happening to her, but she needed to tell him. She needed to say the words out loud.

“This wasn’t about you and the lying. Not really,” she said as he navigated the empty roads toward his home.

“Nope.”

“I was angry at a legend for falling from grace at a time when I knew— I knew my world was falling apart, too. I knew what Brad was doing. I didn’t
know
know. Or I didn’t want to know. I’m not sure. But the day the story broke and the picture of you with Paula and Cheryl was everywhere, it was like reckoning time had finally come. At first I told myself I was crazy. You had made me paranoid and I was only going to upset Brad by being some crazed fiancé looking for other women around every corner. I didn’t want to believe my gut. I hated my gut back then. Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer. I knew I had to find the proof my heart was pretty sure was already there.”

“And you found it.”

“Yep. I set a trap, too. Not very classy of me. I think I wanted the worst-possible scenario to further inoculate me from being so stupid ever again. I told him I was going on an overnight trip to interview this celebrity. Even though the show had never sent me anywhere in the year I had been doing it. I waited until I saw her car pull up. I waited until I knew they were in progress…and I walked in on them together in my bed.”

“I’m sorry.”

“She had her own freaking place, too. There was no reason—”

“Don’t. Don’t go back there. It was eight years ago, Gabby. There is nothing good to take away from it now. You were hurt. You moved on. Your life got better, even if it doesn’t always seem that way.”

Gabby dropped her face into her hands. All these years and it was still right there. The memory of walking up those steps so carefully so they wouldn’t creak. The feel of her heart pounding so hard she was afraid it would suddenly stop. With each step she knew it was taking her closer to the end of what she’d thought her life would be. It seemed none of it had ever left her.

She remembered the sounds coming from the bedroom. Sounds he didn’t make with her. Things he didn’t say to her.

“Kim, you’re everything. You’re everything to me.”

He’d never said anything to Gabby remotely close to that in all the years they’d been dating. Not even when he proposed. It had all been very sensible.

“Gabby, I think we’ll make a nice couple. We should get married.”

They
had
been a nice couple. Nice without the romance. But then she’d never been one to encourage romance. No, Gabby was all about practicality and good sound decisions. She had been since the day her father left her mother. Romance was for chumps.

God, she’d been so wrong.

“He didn’t love me. Not when he proposed. Then he fell in love with her. He’s been in love with her for all these years. Now they’re finally going to have the family they wanted. And I don’t think—no, I’m certain, he’s never cheated on her. Not with the way he still looks at her.”

“Does it upset you?”

It would be awful for her to think it did. Mean spirited to want Kim to suffer the way Gabby had and to know intimately the pain of betrayal. But Gabby had to own it. In some dark corner of her mind it did upset her that Brad had been loyal to Kim all these years, when he hadn’t been loyal to her for much longer than a year. Gabby supposed it didn’t make her the greatest person on the planet.

One more realization she was coming to grips with tonight.

“Why do you want to have anything to do with me? I’m a mess.” It was mostly a rhetorical question, but he answered anyway.

“I want to have everything to do with you. I want to know about every flaw. I want to know every crappy thing you’ve ever done. Then maybe I can show you how it doesn’t matter. How at the end of the day we’re all people with good and bad inside of us. It’s how we learn and grow that makes us who we are.”

“Okay, Oprah, I got it.”

He chuckled as they pulled into the driveway and reached out with his hand to capture hers.

“Did I also mention you’re the best lay I’ve had in years?”

She laughed and blushed, which she was sure was his intention. They made their way inside the house still holding hands. It all felt so comfortable. She took off her coat and he handed her a hanger so she could put it away in the closet in the foyer.

He went and splashed two glasses full of some dark liquor and they sat on the couch together in companionable silence for a time.

She yawned and he did, too.

“Let’s go to bed,” he suggested.

“Shoot. All my stuff was in my suitcase. I left it in the car.”

“I’ve got an extra toothbrush.”

“What about a T-shirt?”

“I’ve got an extra toothbrush.”

He was so serious it made her laugh. Together they headed up the stairs and, using the his-and-her sinks in his master bathroom, they brushed their teeth together. Gabby then went above and beyond by washing her face and using his brush to coax her long hair into some type of submission all the while muttering how easy men had it.

Jamie did rustle up a T-shirt with a washed out NASA logo on it that was softer than anything Gabby had ever worn.

As they pulled back the duvet cover on the bed she asked him if the T-shirt was made of special space material only astronauts knew about. He assured her it was merely cotton washed over a thousand times.

She crawled into bed from the right and he stripped himself of the boxer briefs that had made his semi-hard penis appear utterly delicious before getting into the bed from the left. They met in the center, each on their sides looking at each other, seeing each other, even though they had turned out the lights.

“I came after you the next morning.”

She smiled in the dark. “You did?”

“I realized I made a huge mistake by sending you away and I charged into Susan’s place shouting your name. It was all very dramatic.”

She would have liked to have seen that. Jamie didn’t strike her as someone who would make the big romantic gesture. Too undignified for a man like him. She reached out and cupped his face. It was slightly scruffy and she knew it was going to feel so good against her body.

“I wasn’t leaving you. I just knew I had to learn the truth. I needed to know the story.”

“Now you do.”

“You’re going to think I’m crazy, but I think Paula is…relieved. I think she was ready to tell someone. Anyone. Even if nothing comes of it.”

“Maybe. But I don’t want to talk about Paula or the past right now.”

“Then what do you want to talk about?” she whispered, shimmying closer to him.

She felt his hand slide along the outside of the T-shirt and then up over her bare bottom. He’d offered a toothbrush and T-shirt, but apparently he was all out of women’s underwear.

“I want to talk about how you’re the sexiest damn woman I’ve ever known. Thinking about being inside you can almost drive me crazy. Being inside you is like nothing I’ve ever felt before.”

She pushed a little against his chest as if to suggest he stop with the flattery, but without any words to actually make him stop. His hand stroked her back, then moved around until he was cupping her breast and discovering her nipple was already hard with arousal.

“I want to say how much fun you’ve brought to my life.”

“That’s nice,” she agreed even as he began to kiss her neck. Hot, wet, openmouthed kisses along her neck and then little nibbles on her earlobe which made her whole body shudder.