The Voyage (29 page)

Manny’s face turned red with anger. He got up and punched the old man, who staggered across the deck with a look of shock on his face. Manny punched him again. “Damn you!” he yelled, staggering and grabbing the old man by the shirt. A younger man came from behind and punched Manny. Elke began to scream.

Manny fell, but he was trying to get up.

“Stop… Stop fighting. Please stop. Someone is going to get hurt,” Elke said.

Viktor came rushing up from the lower deck; he’d heard Elke’s voice.

“What’s going on here?”

Both Manny and the old man were bleeding from different parts of their faces.

Manny turned and punched the old man’s son in the stomach; he doubled over trying to catch his breath.

As soon as he could stand upright, the son went after Manny again.

Viktor held him off. Then, as Manny tried to hit the man again, Viktor called for help and another crewmember came to hold Manny off.

In his drunken state, Manny had gotten a burst of strength, but as soon as the stronger man detained him, his body went limp.

The old man’s son shook himself off.

“I’m sorry,” he said to Viktor. “That drunk just hit my father.”

Viktor nodded. “Just go on your way, please,” he said. The man nodded, took his father’s arm and led him away.

Then Viktor turned to Manny who was still in the other sailor’s strong grasp. “I think you’d better go to bed for the night. You’ve had far too much to drink and I think you’d best sleep it off.”

Manny nodded, tired and spent from the fight and his confession.

Viktor escorted Manny to his stateroom. Elke followed. Once Manny went into the room and closed the door, she turned to Viktor.

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” he said. “Would it be too bold for me to ask you to take a walk on the deck with me?” Viktor asked.

“I’d like that.” Elke smiled.

Chapter 104

Manny finished the whiskey in the flask in his room; then he lay down on the bed, fully dressed, and tried to sleep. He fell asleep for an hour, then awakened, unable to fall back asleep. He reached for the flask only to find it empty. Damn, he thought, if I go back upstairs and try to get another drink that big Nazi sailor will stop me. Then he remembered… Of course he couldn’t rest; he’d forgotten to take his sleeping pills. During the day, he could fake an air of ease, but at night things always crept back to bother him, so his family doctor had prescribed sleeping pills. And tonight, after telling Elke his secret, he felt even worse than usual. Instead of unburdening him, it had brought it all back as vividly as if it had happened yesterday. Well, no matter, he would take a couple of the pills and they would help him sleep dull his overactive mind.

A few hours later Manny awoke again, dazed and restless, his head aching. Perhaps he needed another sleeping pill. Talking with Elke had brought on a dream of Lieb. In his dream he saw Lieb’s face; she was calling to him, begging for his help, but he was glued to the sidewalk. Then Lieb’s face changed just a little, into Anna’s. “I helped you Anna… I helped you,” Manny said in the dream. “Doesn’t that count? Can I be released from my guilt and shame now? “

“But you let them murder me. How could you do that, Manny, how? Are you less than a man? Don’t you know that if you escort a woman it’s your responsibility to protect and take care of her? Unless of course you aren’t a real man…” It was Lieb again.

The dream had terrified Manny, lying awake, breathing hard, bathed in sweat with his heart racing. So it turned out that he’d been right all along, Anna was his
bashert
, but not in the way, he’d originally thought. The meaning of the word
bashert
is destiny, what is meant to be. Meeting her should have changed his life, should have eased his mind, his guilt, his pain, because in paying for her freedom he’d tried to pay off the debt he owed to Lieb. In Manny’s mind it all became clear as glass, what he’d done, what it meant, and why. It should have worked. Why didn’t it work? He took three more pills. He had to stop his thoughts from racing or he would never rest. There was no water by the bed, so he swallowed the pills dry and grimaced at the bitter taste. There, that should help to calm him and get him through the night. In the morning he’d send off the letter, and then forget he’d ever met Anna, forget he’d ever boarded this miserable ship.

Chapter 105

When Manny did not come to breakfast the following morning Elke just assumed he was sleeping off his hangover. But when he did not arrive for dinner that night, Elke knew something happened. She went to a crewmember and asked him to unlock the door to Manny’s stateroom. The man refused, saying that perhaps her friend just needed privacy, just needed some time alone to digest all that had happened.

Elke nodded, but she knew that something wasn’t right. 

Then when Manny did not come to breakfast the following morning, Elke began to panic. She could not eat. She got up and went over to the table where Viktor sat with a group of crewmembers.

“May I speak with you please?” she said, tapping Viktor on the shoulder.

“Of course,” he said, rising immediately. “Excuse me, gentlemen.” Then turning to Elke, he said, “Follow me, we can speak more privately on the deck.”

They climbed the stairs and walked up onto the deck.

“Sit, please…” Viktor said, looking concerned.

“I think something has happened to Manny. He didn’t’ show up to dinner last night or to breakfast this morning. Can you do something for me?”

“Anything, if it is in my power…”

“Can you get the key and take me into his room?”

“Yes, sure,” he said. “Wait right here. I will be right back.”

Chapter 106

As they opened the door, a foul odor wafted from the room. Elke walked ahead.

Viktor knew that smell, He’d smelled it aboard the ship before. He raced after Elke; she would need comfort very soon.

Elke moved too fast for him even to offer his arm for support. Within seconds she had entered the stateroom. Manny lay on the bed on his side, a small pool of vomit running out of his mouth. A scream escaped from her lips, and then she fell to her knees crying, “Oh, Manny...Manny…”

She saw the letter addressed to his cousin Joseph on the table beside him.

For a few minutes, Viktor just stood there feeling inept, not knowing what to do, his hands limp at his sides. Then he knelt beside Elke and put his arm around her shoulder.

“It’s all right,” he whispered. “Come away from here.” He helped her to her feet and led her out of the stateroom. She leaned against him for support as they made their way upstairs onto the deck. She was gasping for breath. He held her.

“Manny, poor Manny,” Elke said, thinking about what Manny had told her the night before.

Viktor listened as she tried to make sense of what had taken place. She mumbled to herself. He could not understand what she was saying so he rubbed her back trying to calm her nerves.

“Let me get you some water.”

“Yes, that would be good. Thank you, Viktor. You have been so kind.”

He nodded and went to the bar where he filled a glass with water. He brought it back to her.

She sipped slowly and began to calm down.

When she’d regained control she sat up straight, releasing herself from his arms.

“I’m all right now,” she said.

“Sit here for a moment. I am going to let the captain know what has happened and I will be right back.”

She nodded.

Viktor returned quickly. He sat back down beside Elke.

“How are you?” he asked not knowing what else to say.

“How should I be? Two of my friends just left the ship; I will probably never see them again. Manny is dead, and things don’t look good for us in Cuba.”

“Have faith in the captain. He is a good man, a truly good man. Somehow he will find a solution. He has already told the crew that he refuses to take the passengers back to Germany. He declared that all of you are passengers on his vessel, and as the captain, your safety is his responsibility. He will do all he can to bring you to protect you. I know it.”

She looked across the water at Cuba. Had she ever really believed that she would be allowed to go there, to live in peace, and leave the past behind her?  Elke shook her head involuntarily.

Viktor reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m sorry about the way that I treated you,” Elke said. “I just didn’t want to get involved with a German man when I thought I was going to America. I just wanted to leave everything German behind me.”

“That’s understandable,” he said, glad that she’d allowed him back into her life.

Viktor spent the day at Elke’s side. She sat staring out into space for most of the afternoon. When lunchtime arrived, she refused to eat. Viktor knew that if Cuba continued to refuse entrance to the passengers the ship would soon be faced with another problem, a food shortage.  Well, no matter, somehow he would find food for Elke. She would not go hungry. As much as Viktor wanted to see the passengers disembark safely in Cuba, in a way their being detained gave him a chance to get to know Elke.  What a double-edged sword, he thought. If the passengers did not get into Cuba, they would most likely be returned to Germany. This would put Elke in terrible danger. However, if she got off the ship in Cuba and left for America, he would most probably never see her again. The longer they remained at sea, the longer Viktor had to spend with Elke. His selfish thoughts disgusted him. He wanted what was best for her, but he dreaded saying goodbye.

Over the next several days Viktor only left Elke’s side to do his work, returning as often as possible to check on her. The atmosphere on the ship had changed from one of optimism to one of gloom.  There were no more parties and little-by-little, the passengers became aware that the food supply was running out. Very few people went to the pool anymore. Most just sat waiting for the captain to announce any developments. After six days docked just outside of Cuba, word finally arrived. The passengers waited anxiously for the captain to come up on the deck and tell them the news.

Elke sat beside Viktor, holding his hand as the captain walked onto the deck. He wore a grim expression and Elke felt her heart sink as she looked at him.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” he said. “It is with great regret that I must inform you that  the
MS St. Louis
has been ordered by President Bru of Cuba to exit Cuban waters. Initially they gave us three hours to depart; however after explaining our need for additional time they extended their deadline until Friday, June second. On that date, we must sail out of Cuban waters. “

“Captain, where will we go? Are you going to take the ship back to Germany?” A man shouted from the back of the crowd.

“I have no intention of returning this ship to Germany. We will sail along the coast of Florida while I send a wire to President Roosevelt of the United States of America requesting permission for all of you to enter the country. I am sorry for this terrible mishap; however, I will do everything in my power to see you to a safe destination. I remain Gustav Schroder, captain of the
MS St. Louis
.”

Then Captain Schroder, tall, blond and handsome, walked back to his office.

After the captain left the deck there was a hum of conversation. Elke heard several of the passengers who had come from influential backgrounds say that they planned to send personal wires to President Roosevelt.

“Do you think America will let us in?” Elke asked Viktor.

“I don’t know. I hope so.” He shrugged. 

Elke and Viktor walked along the deck. The hours seemed to stretch forever as the uncertainty drove Elke crazy. Viktor, anxious too, decided to devise a plan. He refused to let this beautiful woman slip out of his life. And even more, he would not see taken to one of those concentration camps. He’d heard rumors about those places. Although he doubted they could possibly be as atrocious as people proclaimed, he knew that Elke would never see the inside of one, not as long as he lived.

On Friday, the
MS St. Louis
began her voyage out of Cuban waters. Relatives of some of the passengers had rented small boats on which they sailed out to meet the
MS St. Louis
. The passengers stood on the deck waving goodbye, their faces frozen in horror. Many of the women cried; some of the men did too.

No one came out on a small boat to bid Elke farewell, and no one waited for her in Cuba. When she’d left Germany, her mother, the only person she had in the world, had hardly taken the time to say goodbye. Elke stood on the deck watching relatives both on the ship and on the small rafts crying and reaching for each other, longing to be together. She decided that there was a benefit to never having loved or been loved by anyone. Elke felt no pain or loss, only fear of what was in store.  She and Viktor left the deck and went down to the lounge, which they shared with two other couples. Most of the passengers had gone off to their cabins stood on the deck, watching their hopes and dreams disappear on the horizon. 

“Elke,” Viktor said. “Do you like me?”

“What?” She was startled by the strangeness of his question. “That’s a silly question. Of course I like you.”

“No, I mean, do you really like me? I guess I am trying to ask you if you could see yourself learning to love me.”

“Oh, Viktor, I don’t know. With everything that is happening here on the ship I haven’t even thought about anything like that.”

“Well, would you? I mean would you think about it?”

She wanted to laugh. It all seemed so childish to her. But he looked so vulnerable, like a little boy. And she did like him, but love him? She did not love him, and right now she was glad that she didn’t love anyone. Loving could only end in pain and loss; look at Manny. And with all of the uncertainty surrounding the Jewish passengers, it was best not to have any ties to anyone or anything. Viktor didn’t seem to understand what it meant to be a Jew. He wanted a silly whirlwind romance, and nonsense like that could not be good for either of them. He had no money to buy her freedom. He had no influence. He had nothing to offer her, and besides all of that, he was going back to Germany, and God only knew where she was headed.

“I suppose I will think about it if you would like me to.” She would say she loved him if it made him feel better. Why not? What was there to lose?

“I would very much…”

Poor man.

Perhaps he wanted to sleep with her and he felt that she had to be in love to be bedded. How she wished that were true. Elke looked into Viktor’s eyes; he gazed at her with such sincerity that she felt sorry for him. 
I am so cynical. Still, if Viktor knew my past, he would surely find me repulsive. He has no idea who I am or what I have done.  Viktor is just a man. Like all the other men, he looks only at my blonde hair and my fine figure, and so he thinks he is in love.   Perhaps it is a blessing, for now; after all, he is very kind to me. He will make sure that I have plenty to eat. And soon I am afraid that food will be hard to come by, but because he is a crewmember, he will have access to supplies that the rest of us will not. Also I must consider that since Manny’s suicide, Viktor has been here for me. He is a comfort, always willing to listen, and I’ve never met a man like that. But most of all, he has been a good friend.

“Would you like to come to my cabin?” Elke asked. She would do this for him. For all that, he had done for her.

“You are asking
me
?”

“I don’t see anyone else here.” She smiled.

He was stunned. Could she be serious? He’d hardly expected this.

“Yes, yes I would…,” he said.

They spent the afternoon making love. For her, it was an escape from the grim reality of her future. For him, it was a culmination of every dream he’d ever had of finding the perfect woman. Viktor knew in that afternoon, in that brief time span of joy that he would do whatever he must, even if his own life were in jeopardy; he would protect this woman.  Viktor had fallen hopelessly in love.

Chapter 107

Viktor shared a small cabin in the crew’s section of the ship with another crewmember, where he returned to freshen up after spending time with Elke before beginning his shift. After he took a bath and dressed in a clean uniform he sat down on his bed for a moment to think things over. He knew that the captain would always act in the best interest of the passengers, but so far there had been no answer from the President of the United States. If America refused these poor souls entrance what would become of them? More importantly, what would become of Elke?

Viktor lit a cigarette just as the door to his cabin opened and his roommate, Olof, entered.

“Hahn, I haven’t seen much of you this voyage. Work keeping you busy?”

“Not really.”

“So what is it? You look so forlorn. Is this problem with the docking in Cuba bothering you? Or is it that our food supply is diminishing so fast? You eat like a horse; I don’t know how you keep in such good shape.”

“Neither. Olof, can you keep a secret?”

“We’ve been best friends for over ten years. If I couldn’t keep a secret, you would know it already. With all of the things you have told me…”

“Yes, well, sit down. I have something to tell you. Maybe you’ll have a suggestion.”

Olof sat on the edge of his own cot and studied his friend. “Go ahead; you have my full attention.”

“There is a girl on board… a special girl.”

“You mean the blonde whom you brought to dinner at the captain’s table the other night?”

“Yes, she is the one. Her name is Elke.”

“Pretty name. She is a Jew, no?”

“Yes, she is. And, I’m in love with her. Olof, you have many friends back in Germany, and many of them quite influential. Do you think that you can help me to buy papers for her?”

“You mean forged papers?”

“Yes. Can you do anything?”

“I don’t know,” Olof said, stroking his chin. “Viktor, you are entering dangerous territory. You know that this is against the law. “

“I am only thinking that I might need to have papers made for her if the ship should return to Germany.”

“What would you do with her in the meantime? Where would you hide her? I have heard that if we are forced back to the Fatherland that all of the passengers who are aboard this ship will be taken right from the dock to camps.”

“
Oh my God
!” Viktor stood up and began to pace, puffing continuously on his cigarette.

“Viktor, you shouldn’t’ get so involved with these people. I feel bad for them too, but Jews are not like us. I know she is beautiful and looks pure Aryan, but there are things you don’t know about her. Once you get to know her you will find out that Jews think differently; they act differently. It would be best for you to stay away from her.”