The Voyage (31 page)

Chapter 112

Elke stayed on deck breathing the fresh air.  Only a young couple and a group of children remained on deck. Thoughts of Manny trickled into her mind. How well he’d hidden his pain. She had never suspected that he of all people, carefree Manny, would end his life. The doctors could not determine if he’d committed suicide or accidently taken too many pills in combination with alcohol. She chose to believe his death was accidental. Poor Manny, even after all that he told her about
Kristallnacht
and what had happened with the girl Lieb, she knew him to be a good soul. Elke had grown up with a selfish, self-serving mother who’d forced her into terrible acts with egotistical men. Knowing Manny had affected her in so many ways. It made her realize that perhaps there were people who were actually cared about others. He cared enough about that girl, Libe, to carry the guilt in his heart, and he’d cared enough about Alex and Anna to give them the gift of a future. He thought of himself as a heatless self-indulgent playboy. Everyone made mistakes.

For years Elke had avoided questioning the identity of her birth father. She’d forced herself not to wonder where she came from.  She’d closed that chapter when as she just a child. She’d asked her mother about her father, and her mother had responded by slapping her.

“Don’t ever ask about that bastard. He left us to fend for ourselves. Let me tell you he was a good-for-nothing man. To think I once believed I actually loved him.”

Seeing the fury in her mother’s eyes, Elke never dared to ask again. The only information she had about her father was information that her mother had volunteered willingly, and that had only happened when her mother drank too much.

Life had forced her mother into becoming a strong and demanding woman whom Elke had feared. She had raised Elke alone, without love or tenderness. Because she’d been saddled with a child, as she called it, at a young age, she’d had no time to acquire any education or skills. Her mother had told Elke that with a baby hanging on her neck she would never find a husband either. So, her mother had taken care of her child the only way she knew how, by selling her body and then secretly cursing the men who bought her wares, and beating her daughter while blaming Elke for forcing her into a life of poverty and prostitution. Often she’d told Elke,”If it’s good enough for me, it’s good enough for you,” and as soon as her clients began to find Elke desirable, her mother made her earn her keep.

But now, sitting here on this doomed ship, uncertain of her future or the future of Jews in general, Elke allowed herself to wonder about her father. From her blonde hair and light eyes, she’d always assumed that her father had been Gentile. But actually, there were blond Jews, she’d seen them here on this ship, and she’d met them even before she’d left Germany. So her coloring did not give her any definite indication as to who or what nationality her father might be. It was hard to accept, but she thought that he was probably a customer of her mother’s, although her mother claimed she’d only begun prostitution after her father left them. In fact, once her mother had even claimed to have been married to her father.  However, Elke knew that her mother could stretch or change the truth to suit her needs; she’d seen her do it often. So there could be no telling fact from fiction. Once Elke had had a dream that she’d finally met her father. In the dream, she was a little girl again.  Her father had turned out to be, of all people, Adolf Hitler. He’d come to see her mother to pay for her services like all the other men who came to trade money for sex.  Elke had been cowering in the corner hoping that this customer would not set his sights on her and force her into the terrible, painful acts that the others did. Hitler had looked in the corner and smiled. Then he told her in a calm and inviting voice that he was her father, luring her out of her hiding place. She’d come out slowly, trusting him. “Come sit by me,” he’d said, pulling a bunch of hard candies out of his suit-jacket pocket.  Then as the dream had continued, she’d come to trust him, and as they talked she told him that she was a Jew and her mother was too. Then she’d begged him to stop his persecution of the Jews. She’d told him how afraid she was every day of her life, and although the fear of the Nazis had only come upon her over the last few years, in the dream the fears had come to her as a child, even before she understood what the Nazis stood for. But dreams can be like that, where the time sequences made no sense at all. He’d immediately changed from the smiling father image to a monster with horns growing out of his head; his face had been covered in red, bulging veins and he’d growled with anger and disgust. Then he’d roared for his
Gestapo
agents and they’d come rushing in. They too had been monsters rather than men. She and her mother had been handcuffed, beaten to near death and then sent to a concentration camp. Elke had had this dream more than once and each time it occurred, she’d awaken shaken and afraid to go back to sleep. I am so troubled, she thought. My mind is not stable. I should consider myself fortunate to have someone like Viktor who cares about me in my life.  He always shows me kindness and he is very gentle and generous. Not like the others, the ones my mother allowed to force themselves on me before I even knew what it was that happened between a man and a woman. She envisioned Viktor’s face in her mind.
He could never do such a thing; he would never force himself upon a child, or anyone else for that matter. His heart is good.

It was at that moment as she sat on the deck of the
MS St. Louis
gazing out at the coast of Miami, the smell of seaweed in the air and a light dusting of salt from the ocean spray upon her lips, that Elke Berman, the girl who was never going to fall in love, allowed herself to fall in love with Viktor Hahn.

Chapter 113

Elke waited in the dining room for Viktor. He was late, but she wasn’t concerned; she knew he would come. The waiters brought a large tureen and served each passenger a bowl of soup. There was bread on the table, enough for one slice per person. These meals were nothing like the opulent meals they’d served on the way to Cuba. They must preserve the food supply that was still available. The others at the table cursed the captain and his crew.

“I think this was a trick from the beginning. This ship flies the Nazi flag. When we first got on, there was a picture of Hitler right here in the dining room,” a middle-aged man with graying hair and a tailored suit said.

“I am afraid you could be right,” said one of the other men at the table.

“I don’t believe that,” Elke said. “I know for a fact that the captain is doing all he can for us.”

“Well, he’s sent a wire to the President of America. At least he claims he did.”

“I know he did. He is waiting, as we all are.”

“Perhaps, but his life is not at stake. Ours are. If we are returned to Germany there is no telling what will become of us,” the middle-aged man’s wife said.

“But that is not his fault. He is trying,” Elke said.

“You say that because you are dating one of them, a Nazi,” the woman spoke again and shook her head, looking like she would like to spit.

“He is a German, but he is not a Nazi. I know you can’t believe this, but not all Germans are Nazis. Before I got on this ship, I didn’t believe it either. But now I know it for a fact,” Elke said.

“You know only what they tell you. But what you don’t know or don’t understand is how badly they lie. The Nazis wanted our money, the money we had hidden outside of Germany, the money they would never have found, never have gotten their filthy hands on, so they arranged this voyage to force us to pay them for our lives. And we did. Once they had our money, we were worthless to them, and all of the passports they sold us with all of the promises they made fell through. The visas that we paid for with our life savings weren’t worth the paper they were written on. And now I am afraid our lives are worth even less,” the man with graying hair said as he lit a cigar.

“I hope you are wrong…” a young woman holding a child, who’d been silent thus far said. “If you are right, we are finished.”

Just then, Viktor came dashing into the dining room. His smile reached across his face and his eyes twinkled as he walked up to Elke.

“Come with me, onto the deck. I have something to tell you,” Viktor said, grabbing Elke’s hand.

“Wouldn’t you like to have something to eat first?” she asked.

“I am too excited to eat.”

Elke took the napkin off her lap and got up from the table. “Please excuse me,” she said to the other diners who frowned at her and Viktor.

He pulled her up the stairs so fast that she felt as if she might fall. Laughing, she said, “Viktor. Slow down! I am wearing high heels.”

“I’m sorry. I am just so excited. I have news. It won’t be announced to the rest of the ship until later tonight. But I will tell you now.”

They were on the deck, standing next to the railing.

“Go on…” she said turning to look in his eyes.

“The captain has made contact with the Dominican Republic and also a small island off the coast of Cuba called Isla de la Juventud. The Dominican Republic hasn’t answered. But the island is willing to take the passengers.”

“All of us?”

“Yes, all of you.“

“Oh, Viktor, that is such good news.”

“It is, isn’t it?”

“But…” She looked away from him as emptiness filled her heart. How could she be so silly at such a crucial moment? This was a matter of life and death. Why did she care about leaving him behind? Somehow losing him seemed almost as important as losing her life. “I guess this is goodbye for us… I mean, I will get off the ship and you…you will return to Germany.”

“I thought about that. I thought about that long and hard. Elke,” he got down on one knee. “I am afraid I was unable to buy a ring. There is no jewelry shop onboard.”

“You are so silly, even now...”

“I am not being silly. I love you. Will you marry me? If you say yes, I will finish this voyage; then I will come to the Isla de la Juventud and we will live out our lives together. I have a little money saved. We can start over.”

She swallowed hard to hold back the tears, but they came anyway.

“Yes, Viktor, I will marry you. I will be your wife.”

He stood up and lifted her in the air, swirling her in a circle of joy. She giggled. He put her down carefully and pressed his lips against hers.

“I will get you a ring.”

“It’s not necessary. Keep the money; we may need it for more important things.”

“Whatever you want,” he said. “Tonight you have made me the happiest man in the world.”

“Let’s go to my room,” she said. Why was it so hard for her to say “I love you,” even when it was true?

He nodded. “Yes, let’s go to your room. But first let me get us a couple of hard rolls. I was so excited about the news that I forgot to eat. I haven’t eaten since this morning.”

She smiled. “It is exciting. Go to the kitchen and get something for yourself. I am fine. I’ve eaten plenty today.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” She smiled, touching his hair. “Then meet me at my room?”

“I’ll be there soon…very soon.”

Later that night the announcement about the Isla de la Juventud was sounded over the loud speaker.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I sent out wires to Canada, The Dominican Republic, and to a small island off the coast of Cuba called Isla de la Juventud asking them for permission to dock at their ports. Unfortunately, the answers from Canada and the Dominican Republic were not favorable. However, I received a wire from the Isla de la Juventud. They have agreed to accept the passengers of the
MS St. Louis
onto their shores. This is wonderful news for all of us. Tomorrow morning I will be turning the ship around and heading back toward Cuban waters. As always, I remain your faithful servant, Captain Gustav Schroder.”

Cries of jubilation could be heard all over the ship.  A few minutes later the band began to play and the passengers got up to dance.

But still they had not heard even a word from America...

Chapter 114

Elke lay in Viktor’s arms. He caressed her shoulder, marveling at the softness of her skin.

“Why me?” she asked.

“I’m sorry? I don’t understand.”

“Why did you choose me to love?”

“You don’t choose who you will love. Love just happens. I don’t know why.”

“I don’t agree. I think that you chose to allow yourself to love or not to love,” she said.

“I will say this: the first time I saw you I thought you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. But it’s far more than that. There is something in you that touches something deep within me. It makes me want to protect and care for you.”

“But I was so rude to you …in the beginning.”

“That’s because you liked Manny,” he said

“You knew that?”

“I knew. I knew what attracted you to him, too. He was suave, and rich.  And I suppose I hated him. He was so carefree. At least that was what I thought.”

“Yes, that was what we both thought.”

“I am sorry he died, but I am glad you are mine.”

“He never wanted me anyway. He was in love with Anna.”

“What a triangle.”

“Yes, I suppose it was. But you know, this is interesting to me anyway. I had gone through life, I mean before I got on this ship, certain that I would never allow myself to care for anyone or anything. I’d suffered far too much. Everything I’d ever cared for or wanted was taken away from me, so I learned early not to become attached to anything.”

“I can understand.”

She began toying with a loose string on the blanket that covered them. “When I was a little girl, I brought a dog home. I’d found it on the street and it had licked my hand. I fell instantly in love with the pup. I can still remember her she was a little brown-and-white dog with a tail that never stopped wagging. I named her Brownie. My mother said I could keep her. I was so excited. But two days later after one of her drinking sprees, she got rid of the dog while I was at school. I came home and Brownie was gone. Oh, how I cried. And when I cried my mother slapped my face and said that we barely had money to feed ourselves. How were we going to feed a dog?”

“That must have hurt you very badly.”

“Oh yes, it did. But there is even more. Something I must tell you before you become involved with me.”

“I think it might be too late for that,” he said.

“Hear me out. You might decide I am not the angel you thought I was.”

“Go ahead. I am listening.”

“This is hard for me. But I must tell you. My mother, she was a prostitute.  I don’t know who my father was. But, Viktor, the part that is even worse, is that she forced me to be a prostitute too. She sold me to older men who had deviant attractions to children. I am dirty. They did strange and awful things to me. But if it weren’t for a group of Nazis who were my customers, I would never have gotten passage on this ship. They took pity on me. And although they hurt me in many ways, they also saved my life. I am ashamed of my past. And I know that you deserve better. So there it is...”

He was silent for a moment. She was suddenly afraid that he would get up, get dressed, and walk out of this room, and once again she would be alone. Her heartbeat quickened. She wanted to speak, but she couldn’t think of anything more to say… Elke had told him what he must know before she could become his wife. Finally he turned and took her into his arms. Then she felt his face against hers. He was crying.

“Oh, Elke, that is so terrible. My darling, I wish I could have been there to help you.”

“You are not going to leave me?”

“I am never going to leave you.”

“You forgive me?” she asked.

“Forgive you? You were just a child. You had no choice in the matter. It was what your mother demanded of you, and so you did what you were told. There is nothing to forgive. This does not change my feelings for you. In fact, if anything they are even stronger.”

“That is why I thought I wanted Manny. I was looking for a comfortable life where I would never have to earn money that way again, and I could escape from my terrible beginnings.”

“And you saw Manny as the one to do that for you? I can’t say I blame you after what you’d been through.”

“Yes, I did think he was the one. I liked him, but I never loved him.”

“Dare I ask?”

“Ask what?”

“Do you love me?” Viktor asked.

“It comes as a surprise even to me, me who thought I was incapable of love…but yes, Viktor, I love you.”

“Say it again…”

She laughed. “I love you.”

“And I love you too, with all my heart. Elke, we are going to have a wonderful life together, I promise. And if I have to work around the clock, you will never have to sell yourself again.”

“And we will live in an island paradise.”

“Yes on the Isla de la Juventud.  Before today, I’d never even heard of this place, this small island that has brought me immeasurable joy when just this morning I was almost at the depths of despair. Elke, I was so worried.  But now I know that you will be safe. That is such a relief to my mind and to my heart. I know that as long as we are together, this little island we will call home will be heaven on earth,” Viktor said and he kissed her.

Chapter 115

The passengers stood on deck watching, and they cheered as the ship turned around heading back toward Cuba.  A handsome young man with dark curling hair and sparkling green eyes was playing the piano while a group of passengers surrounded him singing songs in Yiddish.  Viktor had gone to work with a promise of returning to Elke as soon as his shift ended. Elke sat on the deck. She’d taken a book from the library to entertain her until Viktor was done with his shift. As she began reading, a little girl of no more than ten years old came over and sat beside her.

“Hello,” the child said. “My name is Judith. What are you reading?”

“It’s a book about the different regions in Germany. There wasn’t much to choose from, I’m afraid. And this one is awfully boring.”

“It sounds boring,” Judith said. “My mother says that Hitler burned all the books that were written by people he didn’t like. And we are not allowed to read anything unless he says it’s all right with him.”

“That’s true. He’s banned many books in Germany. And this is a German ship, so I guess they have to abide by his rules,” Elke said, laying the book down on the chair beside her.

“What does that mean, to abide by his rules?”

“It means that the ship must do what Hitler tells them to do.”

“What if he says that we have to go back to Germany?  I heard my parents talking when they thought I was asleep. They said that the Nazis would kill us. Could that be true? Would they really kill us? That makes me so scared. I wish that Hitler would just leave us alone.”

“Don’t be afraid. We are on our way right now to a nice little island right by Cuba. I would bet that they even have conga dancing there.” Elke looked at the child. It saddened her to think that a little girl had to worry about dying. Her own childhood had been filled with fear, so she felt for this little one very deeply.

“I saw some of the passengers conga dancing when we first got on the ship. It looked like fun,” Judith said, breaking Elke’s train of thought.

“You will probably learn how to do that dance and maybe some others as well once we are on the island.”

“I would really like that,” Judith said, smiling.

The bell sounded and the captain came over the loud speaker.

“Ladies and gentlemen…” He cleared his throat. “It is with deepest regret that I must inform you that the Isla de la Juventad has withdrawn their offer. We are no longer welcome on their shores. I immediately wired the JDC to inform them of the news. I am turning the ship back again toward the United States. Please do not lose hope. A few minutes ago I received word that the JDC, the committee for the assistance of Jewish refugees is working diligently to help you find a safe harbor. They promise that they will not stop trying until we are able to land. We must hold fast to the belief that they will be successful. It breaks my heart to bring you this news. But as always, I remain your captain, here to serve you, Captain Gustav Schroder, of the
MS St. Louis
.”

Judith lost her color. Her eyes filled with panic as she looked at Elke. “What does that mean? Does that mean that the island doesn’t want us? Why not? What did we do wrong? Can’t we tell them we’re sorry and we won’t do it again? They have to take us, or Hitler will kill us. Can’t we tell them that?”

“Judith,” Elke said, reaching over and putting her arm around the little girls shoulder. “We did nothing wrong. Don’t worry. We will find a place to land.”

“I don’t think anyone wants us. I don’t know why. I don’t understand why they all hate us. But I am really scared that we are going back to Germany, and then I think we will die. My mother says so, and I’m afraid to die. I think it will hurt a lot.”

“Don’t say such things. Don’t even think them…” Elke said just as Viktor came bounding up the stairs on to the deck. He ran over to Elke.

“When I heard the news I went to your cabin. You weren’t there, so I thought you might be up here.”

She nodded. “I was getting a little fresh air.”

“We are going back to Germany,” Judith said. She had begun to cry. “I know it.”

“I don’t believe that.  We have a very good captain. He will find a way for you; you’ll see...”

“I don’t believe you. I don’t believe any Germans who aren’t Jewish anymore… They hate us. They want to hurt us…” Judith got up and ran to the stairs that lead back to the staterooms.

“Terrible news,” Elke said.

“Yes, it is, but I have an alternate plan. I want to talk to you about it.”

“All right,” she said.

“Not here, not out in the open. Let’s go to your room.”

“Of course.” Elke stood up and followed him.

He looked at the book she carried. “Such nonsense,” he said, shaking his head in disgust. “You can’t even read what you want to read. The only books available to us are books that proclaim Germany as the greatest place on earth and Hitler the supreme leader. These books are so far from the truth that it’s disgusting.”

They walked back to Elke’s stateroom. After they closed the door and Elke locked it, Viktor sat down on the bed. He patted the area next to him for Elke to sit.

“I don’t have much time. I have to get back to work. However, I didn’t want you to despair over the news. I wanted to ensure you that I already have a plan.”

“Can you tell me?”

“Of course. I will tell you quickly. If we are forced to go back to Germany, I am planning to hide you in the engine room once we dock. Then I will wait until dark, when I will come back and sneak you off the ship. I have an apartment where I will hide you while a very good friend of mine has papers forged by a professional forger, papers that declare you a Gentile. At that time, we will leave Germany and go to Switzerland and get married. What do you think?”

“I am afraid that I will be missed. They took a head count when we got on board. Won’t the authorities know that I’ve disappeared?”

“Yes, that’s a valid point, but you could have fallen from the ship during the night while we were at sea and gone unnoticed. It isn’t likely, but it’s not impossible either. It is our only option. I think it’s worth the risk.”

“If you think so, then this is what we will do.”

“And no matter what, I will be beside you. If you go to a camp, I will tell them that they might as well arrest me and send me too.”