The Upside of Being Let Down (new adult romance - 1) (22 page)

“
I
’
m not afraid,
”
I said.
“
I
’
m
just... being smart. Maybe greedy, I don
’
t
know.
”

“
And
you haven
’
t talked to him
since your date? For all he knows you went home with Jon and spent the night
there.
”

“
I
know that,
”
I said. I
started to feel annoyed. Very annoyed.
“
But
I just don
’
t want to go
back to the apartment and face Bryan. Not yet.
”

“
Tell
him to come here then,
”
Winnie
said.
“
Tell him you slept
here and you want to see him.
”

“
That
sounds desperate,
”
I said.

“
Well...
you kind of are...
”

“
Don
’
t say that,
”
I said.
“
I hate hearing that. And I hate feeling it. If I
call him to come over here, what am I going to say?
”

“
Tell
him you just wanted to let him know you stayed here and that you
’
re okay,
”
Winnie said.
“
I
’
ll leave for an hour or
something so you two can talk.
”

“
We
can just talk at the apartment,
”
I said.

“
Yeah,
but if you bring him here, it
’
s
different, right? Different place. Won
’
t
be so comfortable. And no sex!
”

I laughed.
“
I can
’
t
promise...
”

“
AJ!
”

“
I
wouldn
’
t,
”
I said.

But with Bryan I probably would.

“
Just
do it,
”
Winnie said.
“
The longer you wait the more it
has to be driving him crazy.
”

“
But
that
’
s kind of fun, right?
”
I asked, smiling.

“
You
can be a bitch, AJ, just don
’
t
be mean.
”

Winnie went into her room and I
looked at my phone.

I knew Winnie was right. I needed
to call Bryan. Even just to hear his voice. Just to talk to him. Maybe to
confess something. I didn
’
t
know what but it certainly felt like something was burning inside me. Maybe
talking to him here, at Winnie
’
s
apartment, would give us a chance to figure it out.

I grabbed my phone and stared at
the messages from Bryan.

I hated moments like these.

The kind that changed my entire
life.

(24)

Bryan woke up and feared rolling to
the other side of the bed. He knew it was empty without looking at it. He knew
it was empty because he slept half awake the night before, all night, waiting
to see if AJ would come home. He kept his phone on the nightstand too just in
case she needed something. Before that he stayed up on the couch after finding
a
made for men
movie marathon. High flying, action packed, adventure
movies. One after another, but all the movies did was remind Bryan each time
another two hours had ticked by. When the credits rolled and the screen on the
television split to roll the beginning credits for the next movie, Bryan felt
his stomach churning.

He hated himself for not doing
something.

He hated himself for not saying
something.

He could have told AJ not to go on
the date. He could have told her he liked her too much to see her go. That he
wanted to take her on a date first. That he wanted a chance to steal her heart.

But he feared saying those words.
Not just for the chance at rejection but at the chance that if he steered AJ
’
s life towards something else,
she
’
d forever wonder. The
thoughts and wounds from Chloe were still fresh in his mind and heart. When he
first met Chloe she was a partying kind of girl and after they had a one night
stand, Bryan couldn
’
t stop
thinking about her. He couldn
’
t
stop wanting her. So he pressured her. He pushed her. He went after her in a
way that in his mind laid the groundwork for forever. But that didn
’
t happen at all. Once a partying
girl, always a partying girl. Chloe wasn
’
t
done exploring her life and whatever she felt she needed to find and, because
of Bryan, things got terrible. Chloe cheated, Bryan got hurt, and it just made
a mess.

And that was the exact kind of mess
Bryan wanted to avoid with AJ.

He
’
d
tell her how he felt at some point.

But after waking and finding the
bed empty, it stung. When he found the couch empty, it hurt. And when he saw he
didn
’
t have a single text
or call from AJ, it ached. His heart actually ached. That
’
s when he had to face the fact
that AJ went on a date and went home with the guy.

After forcing food into his stomach,
Bryan went to the gym. That
’
s
where he enjoyed taking the edge off of the day and off his life, but this time
it did nothing. He couldn
’
t
focus. He couldn
’
t
concentrate. He felt weak and his muscles acted weak. When he left the gym, he
felt worse than when he got there.

A hot shower helped a little and
when he saw a text on his phone he grew excited. But it was just Gary asking
him to come over and hang out for a little while. Bryan had nothing else to do
for the day and he sure as hell wasn
’
t
going to wait around for AJ to come home. He couldn
’
t handle that. To see her walking in from a date
that turned into an all nighter. To see her walk to the shower -
his shower
- and clean her body from whatever happened.

The anger started to grow and more
than once Bryan considered texting AJ but he didn
’
t
want to scare her away. After all, she didn
’
t
do anything wrong. She told him about the date and went on it. They weren
’
t a couple. They laughed,
talked, fucked, nothing more. It wasn
’
t
AJ
’
s fault that Bryan
’
s heart longed for something
more.

He showed up to Gary and Jeff
’
s apartment and tried to mask
everything. He listened to Gary carry on about his date with the girl he met
online. He was like a little puppy dog in love. Even Jeff got sick of it,
finally saying something.

“
Dude,
give it up,
”
Jeff said.

“
You
should talk,
”
Gary said.
Gary looked at Bryan.
“
He
fucked his old high school girlfriend
’
s
best friend.
”

“
What?
”
I asked.

“
Couldn
’
t help it,
”
Jeff said.
“
Something I
’
d been wanting for years.
”

“
How
was it?
”
Bryan asked.

“
Eh,
okay. More build up in my head than my pants.
”

Bryan laughed and shook his head.

“
So
how
’
s it going with your
roommate?
”
Jeff asked.
“
You
’
re like the luckiest fucking guy in the world, you
know that? A girl shows up and stays with you and fucks you whenever you want.
”

“
Sounds
better than it is,
”
Bryan
said.

“
Bullshit,
”
Gary said.
“
How can it be bad?
”

“
Well,
she had a date last night,
”
Bryan said.
“
Didn
’
t come home yet.
”

“
Oh,
”
Jeff said.
“
Sorry.
”

“
That
hurts,
”
Gary said.
“
When she does though... you got
to make her understand she
’
s
meant with you.
”

Gary made a fist and Bryan shook
his head.
“
What the fuck
does that mean? Hit her?
”

“
No,
”
Gary said. He smacked his fist
into his hand.
“
Bang her.
”

“
Bang
her?
”
Jeff laughed.
“
Are we twelve?
”

“
What?
”
Gary asked.

“
I
’
m not
banging
anyone,
”
Bryan said.
“
She can date anyone she wants,
right? It
’
s no big deal. I
mean, sure, I
’
ll miss the
sex, but if she
’
s happy...
”

“
Oh
fuck,
”
Jeff said. He put his
hands out and stood up.
“
Wait...
she went out on a date and didn
’
t
come home. You
’
ve got to
assume she fucked the guy, right?
”

“
Shut
up man,
”
Bryan said.

Pain and jealousy mixed in his
body.

“
What
’
s your point, Jeff?
”
Gary asked.

“
Listen
to me... who is AJ
’
s
sister?
”

The room went silent. Bryan shook
his head as Jeff nodded and Gary smiled.

“
What
are you getting at?
”
Bryan
asked.

“
There
’
s your ticket,
”
Jeff said.
“
You
’
ve got an in... with a stripper...
”

The words were like venom to Bryan.
He instantly thought about all the stuff AJ had mentioned about guys using her.
Using her to get to her sister, Wicked.

“
I
’
m serious,
”
Jeff said.
“
AJ
’
s
dating, you can too. I
’
d
totally find a way to get in with her sister. Oh man, imagine sex with a
stripper?
”

“
What
would be so different?
”
Bryan asked.

“
It
’
s a fucking stripper!
”
Gary yelled.
“
Damn, man. And if you got in
with her, you could get us in with her friends...
”

“
I
thought you were in love,
”
Bryan said.
“
With the
online chick.
”

“
I
’
d leave anyone for a stripper,
”
Gary said.
“
I
’
m
a man. I have needs and fantasies.
”

“
That
’
s desperate and low,
”
Bryan said.

“
Who
gives a shit?
”
Jeff said.
“
Bryan, think about it.
”

“
No,
I won
’
t.
”

“
Do
it,
”
Gary said.

“
What
if I pay you?
”
Jeff asked.

Bryan opened his mouth and his cell
phone rang. When Bryan saw the small screen he did a double take.

It was AJ calling.

Bryan jumped up and ran towards the
door.

“
Who
is it?
”
Jeff asked.

“
Fuck
off,
”
Bryan said.

“
It
’
s AJ,
”
Gary said.
“
Look
at him running...
”

“
Get
her sister,
”
Jeff called
out as Bryan left the apartment.

He shut the door and took the call.
“
AJ, are you okay?
”

Bryan closed his eyes and winced.
Did he have to sound so pathetic?

“
I
’
m fine,
”
AJ said.
“
I
’
m fine. I
’
m... are you okay?
”

“
Yeah,
why?
”

“
You
sound...
”

“
I
’
m at Jeff and Gary
’
s,
”
Bryan said.
“
I hurried out
of the apartment when you called.
”

“
Oh.
”

Bryan felt his mouth going dry.
Just hearing AJ
’
s voice
made his heart race. But he couldn
’
t
find the words he wanted to say or the words he needed to say. Let alone the
idea of asking about her night.

“
Are...
are you home?
”
Bryan asked.
Home?
“
I mean, you
know, at the apartment.
”

“
No,
”
AJ said.
“
I didn
’
t come back last night.
”

“
I
know,
”
Bryan said.
“
You sort of made me worried.
”

“
You
were worried? Why?
”

“
I
don
’
t know, AJ, I just was.
You could have text me real quick...
”

Bryan knew he was approaching that
line. That pushing line that he had once tested with Chloe.

“
Where
do you think I am right now?
”
AJ asked.

“
It
’
s not my business,
”
Bryan said.
“
I just wanted to know you were
safe.
”

“
I
’
m safe, Bryan, okay? I
’
m at my sister
’
s apartment.
”

Bryan turned around and looked at
the closed apartment door. He shook his head, trying to chase away everything
Gary and Jeff had said.

“
I
stayed here last night,
”
AJ
said.
“
After my date.
”

“
Ah,
the date.
”

“
Shut
up. You knew I was on a date.
”

“
Will
I know about a second date?
”

“
Can
you come over?
”
AJ asked.

It surprised Bryan.

“
Come
over? Why can
’
t we meet at
the apartment?
”

“
I
don
’
t know. Just come over.
Winnie just left for a little bit and I need to talk to you.
”

“
Talk
to me,
”
Bryan said.

“
Not
on the phone.
”

“
What
is this?
”

“
I
don
’
t know,
”
AJ said.
“
Maybe that
’
s what I
’
m trying to figure out. Us, Bryan, okay?
”

Us?

Bryan smiled. He could smile, AJ
couldn
’
t see it.

“
Why
can
’
t you leave there?
”

“
I
told Winnie I
’
d be here
when she came back. Just come here.
”

Bryan thought about it. Maybe it
was a test from AJ. Maybe she wanted Bryan to meet her sister and see what
happened. Bryan knew that AJ would always worry about a boyfriend using her to
get to Winnie and as much as he wanted to squash the idea, he couldn
’
t. The proof in that was his two
idiot friends in the apartment who had just, a few minutes ago, begged Bryan to
go after Winnie.