The Unwritten Rule (3 page)

I looked at my hands. As much as I did not like walking around with Ryan and Brianna when they were kissing, it was much worse. And the reality is that these are tense times more common than kisses, have been long indeed. “Ok, you’re driving,” said Brianna, and I heard how much he tried to sound happy. Can you think of me for at least a better one? “I like my car. “It’s not yours. “It’s mine. “Sarah does not even have a car, then the car can not be who you are,” said Brianna. Right, Sarah? “I … Well, it is assumed that my mother is getting somewhere, “I said, with the tension I felt, and in the car that ate me inside,” but then that would make you orange and timing. So I do not know. Brianna looked at me briefly, and I could tell she was upset because I did not agree with it. I leaned forward to try to do something, say something, but she seemed to Hawaii and put on some music. Found a song he liked and went up so high that the car windows were practically vibrating. So strong that nobody could say anything.

Six

The party is in the basement of someone, one of those things hey-we-did-this-for-what-you-guys-not-destroy-the-home. Is one of those machines you could want, but of course nobody cares because everyone is too busy dancing or wasting time with the game of croquet that someone has found and installed. Brianna walks directly to the dance floor, and Ryan and I ended up playing croquet for a while. I make sure not to stand next to him, because … well … because. Tommy comes to me when I’m done and I feel my millionth turn and I’m hoping to go again. “Hello,” he said. Look. “Hey, Tommy,” I said, I saw him smile. He really looks good, and it smells … well, it smells like after the aftershave. My father’s aftershave. “You look great,” he says, only looking at Brianna as he says this, and I have to say that, although rarely be complicated by a guy who smells like my father, I really feel bad for Tommy. Brianna was with him nearly a week last year, so she decided that it wanted to go ahead. He did not. Most guys do not Brianna. I mean, do not walk behind her in school or something, but you know, even when they are with someone else, that if she was interested again, they have been running back. She has this way of doing, that the guy loves her more than she wants it, the kids love her forever and it is possible to think of it even when it has gone with someone else. “So, you want to sit down or something? Tommy said, and I shrugged my shoulders, letting my deck.

Let’s sit in lawn chairs have been placed in a semicircle around the edge of the croquet set. At first glance, he’s nervous, but then asked about his band, Brianna remember complaining about it, and soon he no longer is made and released. I like the music, although I’m not sure that Tommy’s Banana Brain Pain necessarily qualify as that. However, I like the name. He told me he would give me a shirt when I said that, and then begins to tell me about their ironic cover of a song about a boy band that I remember loving when I was at first. “So, how has been Brianna? “He says. And I look at it, trying not to look at her. Poor guy. “She’s fine,” I say, and hit Tommy with my elbow. She always liked your band. - Really? Seat and smile at that, broadly and very happy because I’ve been smiling all the time he has been with me. I look around and find Laura Kirst looking. - You know who else you really like your band? “I say. Laura. - Does she? “Yeah. You know, you should go to talk about that song “I say. She will love it. “She will. Laura only wears t-nineties, and if anyone else would love to hear about an ironic cover of a boy band, is it. He is also obvious that she thinks that Tommy is cute. “No,” said Tommy, but he’s seeing now Laura, and she returned a shy giggle. I see him looking at me, and then he smiles back. “Hey, I’ll take a drink” I say. Do you see there? “Yes” answers. And while I’m looking for a root beer, and I have to settle for a Coca-Cola, I see him sitting near her. She looks really happy and he is not even looking at Brianna. (Well, once, but only for a second.) “So, Tommy and Laura? Ryan says, and looked at him, alarmed.

“It seems so,” I say, and took a sip of Coca-Cola before I stop to look at him. She always likes to hear about your band. “I thought you liked him. Effort a laugh. “No, he just likes to talk about … we just talk sometimes. - Do you always find girls to the boys who still like Brianna? I watch to see if he looks jealous or angry about that Tommy likes Brianna. He did not sound like that and not look angry at all. He’s smiling. And looking at me. “I do not …” I say, and then fade away my voice, because he has raised the eyebrow with the scar and I just … I just want to lean toward him. Now, here in front of everyone. In front of my best friend. You should go dancing with Brianna, “I say, and I move a little away from him, shaking my hands tightly wrapped around my soda. “I really do not dance like her. You know that. - Who can? “I say, ignoring the last part of what he says because I have to. I can not think of him dancing. Only I can not. The mention of that boat ride last year was enough to keep hoping and … No. Do not do that. I look at Brianna swinging her hips, smiling while pulling her hair back and hip range, something I could practice in my room and even thousands of hours never master it, and added, “Besides, Brianna does not care. She likes you, she likes everything about you. “Except my car,” he says. “Well, but. “And my hair. Rio, sure he’s joking, but he does not laugh either, and I turn into a kind of cough and took another sip of soda. - What is wrong with your hair? “I know I should drag it to see Brianna and move their hands around it, but that’s what comes in place. And she can not really not like her hair. No?

“She said it was too long,” he says, dragging a hand through it and see it fall on its face, the end of it keeps falling over his eyes, smooth dark waves would love to play. “Oh, I say, because I can not touch your hair or say that I think looks great because I’m the best friend and he is her boyfriend. I do not know why Brianna asked me to come home and see that movie with them or bring me to this party, but I know I want to go home and not think about how much I wish Ryan and I stood here talking about something real Instead of talking about him and Brianna. “I’m very tired,” I say. You should probably go. And try to fake a yawn and prevent credible shake my soda. “Wait, I’m going to tell Brianna says, and shit, came with them. I should have said I had to go talk to someone and get a ride with them. I do not want to go to Brianna and Ryan, I do not sit in the car with them, they want to see … “Sarah, will you go? Brianna says, coming up behind me and throwing her arms around me. Even sweating, she looks beautiful. Why? I can not say “Because I want to throw your boyfriend and is exhausted and wanting to feel guilty about it at the same time, ? so I just say,” I’m tired. Sorry. I’m tired. “Just spending time with us for a while, okay? There is something in his voice and I look, but she is turning its face and is seeing all dancing. I can not. I will find someone and take a walk, still call me tomorrow “I say, and hit my hip against hers. “I’ll take you home,” says Ryan, and look at him in surprise. He has his hands in his pockets, his face a little flushed, and Brianna said: “Yes, go with Ryan, OK? -And then gives me a hug. Ask him why he did not want to spend time with me, “he whispers as he puts his arms around me. He even does not care that I’m dancing with guys you used to date, and at first this thing was great not-jealous, but now is … do not know. Also tell him to cut his hair.

She returns to the group of people who are dancing, turning to Ryan before she turn into one of his ex, Greg, that looks very happy to see her.

I turn to Ryan, ready to tell him he need not worry about me, I’ll be able to find a ride home and that he should spend time with Brianna, but he is not watching. She’s right, he is not jealous. That has never happened before. - Ready to go? She says, and I nod, confused and something … and stuff. Things that should not be feeling. But that I feel in any way.

Seven

You really don’t have to drive me home “I say when we are outside.

“My car’s that bad? “He says, looking at me, and I start to say” NO “and then I see a smile. “It’s hideous,” I tell him as I get in. “For starters, there is orange as I have promised for so long and I’m sure I’ll never actually have it, and secondly, where are the dents? How can you not drive a car that has dents that mean your mother has been distracted thinking about tortillas and pizza with bean sauce? - Pizza with bean sauce? “Yeah” I say. After my mother’s side will line at the grocery store when parked, she scored her recipe for tortilla pizza. Look, all the recipes have a twist contest. Or at least the winners have them, according to my mother. And she knows a lot about cooking contests. And cooking too, but the thing about competitions is … well, you know. His thing. “She has done great things. I even remember those cookies turtle made for your birthday number eight. “Those things are hard to forget when someone’s mother creates a river of chocolate sauce and making everyone wait to eat while she creates the turtles in-home ?” I say. The worst. Fiesta. Birthday. Always. “No way,” he said. That was cute. “Making people wait to eat cookies and then say no cake is not pretty. I think people took their gifts and left.

“Well, I can overcome that. I had to wear that brace on my tenth birthday. - Did not! He nods. “If I took them. Oh, hey, my sketch pad is directed your way. Turned a corner and it slides off the dashboard onto my lap. - Do you drive on, you draw? - I say, waving a finger at him, it feels so good to do this, speak and to be flirting. I know, but it is only a little. He smiles, his teeth glow while driving through the dark streets, heading to my house. “I’m trying to get some dents and improvise the image of the car. Rio and took the sketch pad. - Are you still doing these pencil drawings as last year? - Remember that? “He says, sounding surprised, and looking at me. I do, and I wonder if I should not even know he had a lot of his drawings presented and exhibited at the school last year Dad. I looked at him and told him that I loved when we ended up standing in the lunch line at the same time, but that was last year, and as a non-interested-in-him, you remember I can admit that? I doubt it. I put the drawing pad back to the dashboard and say, “You have some pictures at school, remember? Dad always drags mom and me to look at things. “Yes,” he says. Were mine. You probably do not remember, but I said last year that you liked, and I thought, well, that was really nice of you. He remembers! One of my fingers together trying to avoid shaking. That would not seem very good. - So you still do stuff like that?

“Yes,” he said. I just made this series of hands. I found all these pictures of my grandparents, my grandmother played the piano and my grandfather’s violin, and his hands when playing, are striking. Just … it’s like they talk to them, as if I could hear the music and want to try to show that “clears his throat. Sorry, I know it’s boring.

I shake my head’s not. I wish I could draw, but a straight line is all that comes out of me. - What about those buckets you do in class? She says, and I examine, surprised and happy that he noticed what I do in class. Especially since we have not been together for a while. “Well, I can draw cubes” I say. Maybe I should quit school. Could travel around the world drawing on things like bridges buckets or benches. My parents could use the money from my college savings. They would love that. He laughs again and says, “Maybe you can get a home at home. Draw cubes in the driveway or something. “Wait, we’re here? “I say, and then quickly added,” I mean, thanks for bringing me home. “It was fun,” says Ryan, a cute thing to say something nice about him, but when I look, a closer look before he returns to the party with my best friend, he is looking like … well, as if he would look at me. As if he loved what he sees, and he is smiling and her eyes are so blue, even in the dim glow of the input light they shine, and the seat moves blindly groping then reached the door handle trying to look away and still not be able to. -Sarah-he says, gently, almost hesitantly, my heart pounding, pounding, and this happens when you want someone you can not have. Love someone you should not even look. This is wrong, very wrong, to be here, but the longing gnawing inside me until it’s all I am until I am a trembling shell swinging toward him. I hear the soft, slow whistle of my seat belt as it extends, the faint echo in my head pounding, pounding on my fingers and my feet, roaring in my ears, and he is so close, then closer still, flicker flashing blue eyes staring before her eyelashes fall further and shake my eyes closed, locking the world. And then we kissed. It is a vast universe, an eternity of his mouth moving against mine softly, slowly scan that makes my insides turn, and I get lost in it, in it, and never return.

Your seat belt creaks as he leans closer, a hand touching my head and hear me breathing, I hear breathing. Two of us, just us two, except that it should not be. He is Brianna, my best friend. -Ryan-my voice comes out like a ball scratching aluminum, and he rests his forehead against mine. His fingers are still touching my hair. I can feel them shaking. -Sarah-he says again, and there is so much sweetness in her voice at him, and I’ve tried it and do it again and again and again until you think of anything else or anyone else. “Sorry,” I say, and he begins to shake her head, her hair so soft against my skin, even touching his forehead to mine, and my heart screaming that I’m not sorry at all and that maybe he did not. But then he says, “I did not mean …” His voice is quiet, and not, of course he had no intention of doing so. He did not intend to make this happen. He had no intention that we kissed. He has to Brianna. “Okay,” I say sitting up and smile with the smile you used when one of Brianna’s boyfriends are annoying me, the smile that says I will listen and I will understand because that is what I do. I know things are a little weird between you and Brianna now, and the thing is, Brianna thinks you’re mad at her, “I say, reminding me that I have a best friend, this is her boyfriend, and … Well, so what else is there? -. I know you’re not angry, but she is only … “drink. She really loves this and is so concerned. Ryan looks away from me then, staring at the windshield on the dark front yard. “I’m not … I’m not mad at her. Just … Sarah, I really had no intention … “I know as fast as I can tell, I do not want him to say something else. I do not want to hear what comes after “really had no intention ?, especially when he has said twice. And maybe my voice out a little too high, perhaps a bit hasty, but I can not sit here in the quiet darkness of Ryan with this car. When you need me that was a mistake, even though …