The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus (9 page)

My partner and I both shave our pubes so we can achieve a higher tongue-to-skin ratio.

Shaving

If you’d like to shave, follow these suggestions:

• Before starting, trim the hair down with a pair of small scissors, such as mustache trimmers.

• Take a shower or a warm bath to soften the hair.

• To decrease irritation, you might want to rub a bit of oil into the skin under the hair before shaving; try almond or olive, but be sure not to get it inside the vagina.

• Put hair conditioner in your pubic hair even before applying shaving cream. Hair conditioner is what’s in those creams sold in adult bookstores specifically for pubic hair shaving, so you can avoid spending the extra money by getting a regular conditioner at the drugstore.

Illustration 7. Shaving

• Lather up well with a shaving cream or gel—a thick gel is recommended.

• Use disposable razors; you might even use two or three in a session.

• Start shaving in the same direction as the hair grows, if you can tell. The idea is to shave with as few strokes as possible. Rinse the razor in warm water after each pass; never dry shave.

• Use a mirror and sit on a towel if you’re by yourself. A chair and a full-length mirror are ideal, but a hand mirror will do nicely.

• To shave the edges of the outer labia safely, stretch them out flat with your hand.

• When finished, rinse off using a gentle soap, pat dry, and apply a scent-fee, hypoallergenic lotion.

• Never powder! If you must dust, only use cornstarch: all powders contain talc, which has been linked directly with cervical cancer.

• If you tend to get ingrown hairs, stay away from waxing, which makes hair split and loop around under the skin’s surface.

• Yes, it can itch like crazy when it grows back in. Instead of wiggling around like an Elvis impersonator while waiting in line for a cup of coffee, excuse yourself and apply hypoallergenic lotion. It won’t make the itching stop forever, but it helps.

The one thing I do find frustrating about cunnilingus is the problem of pubic hair. Pubic hair has such a wiry texture compared to the hair on the head or other body hair, and I HATE having one in the back of my throat or—god forbid!—between my teeth. When I’ve been with smooth-shaven women, I’ve enjoyed cunnilingus much more.

What About Waxing?

Waxing is the procedure in which a warm wax specifically formulated for hair removal is applied to the places you want hair eliminated, then gauze is pressed onto it while still warm. When it’s set, it’s ripped away from the skin, taking the hair with it. It hurts when it’s ripped off and leaves you swollen and red for a day or two, but the women who swear by it say they get used to it, or don’t mind, probably because the offending hair is gone for four to six weeks. Waxing can be done at home, but for the “full monty” of having your entire genital area waxed, you’re better off putting your pussy in the hands of experts.

You’ve got a few options with waxing. You can go for what’s called a bikini line wax, in which just the hair outside the bikini line is waxed. Or you can go all the way and get a Brazilian wax, in which everything is waxed, usually leaving a little racing stripe of hair on the front—or you can have even that removed. Either way, with a Brazilian, they wax it
all—
anus, outer labia, and even inner labia.

When you go in to get a Brazilian, be prepared to strip down and spread you legs very, very wide—the cosmetologist will probably have you hold your legs over your head. It’s not for the shy. Be sure to go in when you have enough hair to wax off; if you’ve shaved recently, the cosmetologist might tell you to come back when your hair has grown in more. The waxing begins with a dusting of baby powder (you’ll want to shower when you get home to get the talc off your vulva) and continues with a quick slathering of wax. Even more quickly, the wax comes off, and the sensation may make your eyes roll up into your head. Then, a once-over with tweezers, and, well, by then let’s hope the endorphins have kicked in, because you’ll be red, swollen, and
sore
. But the whole procedure is over in about fifteen minutes—not bad for a month of silky-smooth pussy.

To find a good waxer, hunt around for higher-end salons. You’ll pay more, but it will be worth it to be in expert hands. Talk with the women who work at the salon and find out how long they’ve been in business and how long the person who will wax you has been doing Brazilians. Don’t settle for someone with less than a year’s experience.

Many salons that do Brazilian waxes will also dress up your newly bare privates with a shimmering crystal tattoo. The tattoo is a stenciled design of small clear or colored crystals affixed with an adhesive that lasts for up to five days, though you can have designs applied that last only for the evening. These crystal tattoos are the same Swarovski crystal tattoo designs you might see on other body parts. Designs can be custom, or you can choose among the stencils available—popular designs include sunbursts, hearts, stars, and butterflies. Salons report than many women come in and get the tattoos for special occasions, such as weddings or anniversaries.

Razor Burn

Nothing’s worse than making yourself lovely with a clean shave, and then having it ruined by razor burn. That uncomfortable, ugly red rash of bumps is troublesome, but it can be avoided to some extent by following the shaving suggestions presented earlier in this chapter. If you seek further help, beware of over-the-counter and prescription creams, because they contain cortisone. Cortisone will get rid of your razor burn, but using it more than twice a week causes thinning of the skin. Try these suggestions instead:

• Splash with cool water after shaving to close your pores.

• Wash shaved areas with goat milk soap. Goat milk soap restores the skin’s natural mantle and pH.

• Use calendula creams or ointments after shaving. Calendula works wonders on irritated skin.

• Use a natural aftershave from a health food store. Men use aftershaves for a reason!

• You can find products for razor burn and ingrown hairs in the men’s shaving section of your local drugstore. They work well, but use them sparingly, because the chemicals are harsh and may take a toll on the sensitive, thin skin of your genitals.

Working in a health food store, I’ve tried everything. What works for me is an old-fashioned lather brush, a fresh razor, and some aftershave.

Smell and Taste

It still tastes funny (like cocks don’t?), but I’ve learned to appreciate the funk.

I love how every woman smells different. I don’t want to sound like a sap, but I still get nostalgic sometimes thinking about how my different girl-friends smelled.

A kiss—any kiss—is our first taste of each other. As you become close to your lover, nuzzling her face, running your lips over hers and kissing parts of her face, you get to savor the first flavors of her skin. By being near her, you can take a deep breath and relish the essence of her scent. The smell of your lover and the sweet taste of her lips can be unforgettable.

The odors and tastes found between the thighs of all genders have had volumes of euphemisms written to commemorate, or denigrate, their uniqueness. People who enjoy performing oral sex on women wax poetic about the sensual taste and musky bouquet they relish, while others new to the game may be scared senseless about how things might smell. The vagaries of scent and taste depend on any number of factors, from where she is in her cycle to whether she’s eaten garlic linguine or takes multivitamins. If you’re wondering what’s in store for you when going face-to-face with her vulva, then you’re in for a little chemistry lesson.

As Natalie Angier tells us in
Woman: An Intimate Geography
, on any given day, our skin’s pH hovers between 6.0 and 7.0, while the hearty vagina hovers between a piquant 3.8 and 4.5. While you won’t find vulvas on the menu at your local café, you can have some black coffee (pH 5), try a lick of lemon (pH 2), or have a glass of the closest thing going, wine, which has the same pH range as the vagina. And the friendly bacteria that protect the vagina from becoming the perfect hostess to germs are lactobacilli, the same bacteria found in yogurt. The lactic acid in vaginal secretions plays a big role in keeping the pH low. Healthy, juicy women will have a slightly sweet, slightly pungent scent, very near that of room-temperature plain yogurt.

When a woman’s vaginal pH climbs, her secretions smell stronger. The yogurt spoils; the Chianti is corked. It doesn’t take much to upset the balance and change the pH in the vaginal ecosystem, and the troublemakers come in a trinity: douching, soap, and semen. Douching is extremely harsh and is one of the biggest causes of vaginal infections. Regular soap is a big culprit—most body soaps range in pH anywhere from 7.0 to 14! The final usurper of our peaceful flora and fauna is male ejaculate, measuring in at an alkaline pH of 8 (more alkaline than saliva, tears, or sweat), enough to transform our gentle scent within minutes.

If you both are concerned about cleanliness, try showering together beforehand, or taking a sensual bath. If you’re unsure about what your initial reaction to her taste might be, try this: As you seduce, arouse, and titillate in the stages of foreplay, take the time to become accustomed to the scent of her skin. Gently massage her vulva with your hand, and try a taste of her on your fingers. This way, you can change your mind before it’s too late—or discover the true meaning behind those beautiful poetic references to “my lover’s sweet nectar.”

But being clean for our lovers is important, and so the best thing for women who want to wash up before oral sex is to purchase a hypoallergenic soap with a low pH, something you can find at drugstores. Women with sensitive vaginas may want to use these soaps on a regular basis. One little-known fact is that the human mouth is less hygienic than the vagina, and folks who are going down will want to do their own bit of washing up, too. Before you begin your sexual encounter, rinse your mouth with water or mouthwash. Brushing your teeth may produce tiny cuts in your mouth—don’t do it if you want to avoid fluid transmission during unprotected cunnilingus.

The natural taste of a woman’s vulva can range from slightly tangy to a slippery saltiness to even containing a hint of iron around the time of her menstrual cycle. Strong foods such as asparagus and garlic can influence the vulva’s environment, and so can vitamins. Flavors and aromas secreted from an aroused woman’s genitalia are so packed with chemicals and pheromones that they make a powerful biochemical aphrodisiac. However, this doesn’t mean that her chemistry will “click” with yours, or that your lover will have the same sweet taste every day of the month. Should you notice a marked change in your sweetie’s bouquet, and you have both established trust about oral sex, you might gently bring it to her attention, as it could warrant a health check.

Either way, while the receiver of your most tender affections is present, tact is utmost. Most women in our culture have grown up with cloying “freshness” commercials and ugly schoolyard jokes about tuna reinforcing a distinct sexual shame. How each woman internalizes this is unique, from realizing it’s not true to really believing she is dirty and disgusting. For many women there is nothing hotter under the sun than a lover who revels in her tastes and smells and makes it crystal-clear that they absolutely love to have her in their mouth. Be sensitive and let her know how much you enjoy everything about her. And don’t forget, there’s a whole lot more to oral sex than orgasm—it’s about making your lover feel good all over—body, heart, and spirit.