The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus (7 page)

Of course, you may be really turned on by the thought of being right there when she comes in your face, and find this very special form of face-bathing incredibly hot. You’ll want to keep licking her as she comes, but be prepared to get it in your mouth and to possibly swallow some. It’s perfectly safe to swallow, but this activity is definitely for partners who are “fluid-bonded” and don’t need to practice safer sex. For more information on safer sex and fluid-bonding , see chapter 4, “Health Considerations.”

Now and then I’ve had a woman ejaculate unexpectedly while I was going down on her. It’s a pretty big surprise if your face is between her legs and suddenly there’s a squirt of fluid you’re not planning on. At the same time, though, I have to admit it was an unexpected turn-on the first time it happened. I had heard so much about female ejaculation, and that it was this big empowering female thing—but I had never had a woman “squirt” when I was with her. Then all of a sudden it happened and I was like, wow, cool. I was so pleased that I’d finally experienced it that I didn’t have time to be grossed out or anything like I might have thought I would. After that I was used to it, so it never bothered me one bit—I think it’s cool, whenever it happens.

CHAPTER 4

Health Considerations

Nature is opportunistic: if there’s an opening in any environment, it will be filled by whatever gets there first and finds the circumstances hospitable—such as bugs, germs, diseases, and infections. If you make yourself a good enough host and invite them on in, they’ll waste no time making themselves at home and taking over the joint. In the realm of sex, becoming a good host means anything from having unprotected sex to being weakened by illness or unsafe lube and toy practices to being a careless (or unknowing) carrier of unfriendly bugs.

Is Cunnilingus a Risky Behavior?

Unprotected cunnilingus carries a lower risk for the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) than unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse (with a penis or a just-shared, unprotected sex toy), or unprotected fellatio, but there is risk involved—for both the giving and the receiving partner.

Some STDs are easier to transmit than others. Let’s look at the most common STDs and their relative risks for transmission during cunnilingus.

HIV

HIV is transmitted when the blood of an infected person enters another person’s bloodstream via an open cut, sore, or blood vessel. According to the Centers for Disease Control, HIV has also been found in varying amounts in semen, vaginal fluid, breast milk, saliva, and tears. The CDC cautions against the blood of an infected person making contact with mucous membranes. If you perform unprotected cunnilingus with a menstruating partner, you may be at risk, especially if you have a cut or sore on your lips or in your mouth (perhaps from recently brushing or flossing your teeth). As we all know, while great strides have been made in managing HIV infection, there is no cure for HIV. The virus can lie dormant in the body for a very long time and can be transmitted even when there are no symptoms present. The person infected with HIV may not even know they have it. In women, symptoms of HIV infection can resemble those of other STDs, such as recurrent pelvic inflammatory disease.

Hepatitis

Hepatitis A, B, and C infect millions of people worldwide and can be asymptomatic for years before liver disease is evident. Hepatitis A is transmitted through oral-fecal contact and can be contracted when rimming an unprotected partner (for more on rimming, see the next section). Hepatitis B is very similar in transmission to HIV: it is found in blood and other body fluids, such as semen, vaginal secretions, breast milk, and tears. You contract hepatitis B when fluids from a carrier enter your body via an opening such as a cut or sore in your mouth. Cara Bruce, author of
The First Year: Hepatitis C,
states that “of all the hepatitis strains, you’re most at risk for hepatitis B when performing unprotected cunnilingus.” Hepatitis C is transmitted solely via direct blood contact. Bruce tells us that to contract hepatitis C during cunnilingus, the receptive partner (who has hepatitis C) must be menstruating, and the person going down on her must have a cut, sore, bite, or abrasion in their mouth. Hepatitis A is not a chronic or long-term infection; there is a vaccine to prevent hepatitis B, and it can be can be treated in some cases; however, there is no cure or vaccine for hepatitis C.

Herpes

Herpes is an extremely contagious STD that can be spread through contact with mucous membranes—from vulva to mouth and from mouth to vulva—as well as through skin-to-skin contact, such as hand-to-vulva or hand-to-anus contact. That’s why you’ll want to use gloves with your dental dams (or saran wrap), since you’ll probably want to touch your partner’s labia, clit, vagina, and/or anus while going down on her. While it’s true that the herpes virus is benign when not active, the CDC states that it’s possible to contract herpes between eruptions, when the skin is shedding. An outbreak can range from a collection of blistering, painful sores to one small sore that can be unknowingly tucked in a fold of skin. There is no cure for herpes (science has yet to cure any virus), but there are treatments in the form of prescription drugs that can help prevent the onset of a breakout and lessen the severity and duration if one occurs.

HPV

Human papillomavirus (HPV) is the virus associated with genital warts. However, you can have HPV and never have a genital wart; in fact, most people who have HPV do not know they have it, because it usually causes no symptoms. Approximately ten of the thirty identified strains of HPV can lead to the development of cervical cancer. Research has shown that 90 percent of cervical HPV infections become undetectable within two years; it is persistent infection from HPV that is considered a key risk factor for cervical cancer. HPV is spread much like herpes, through skin-to-skin and mucous membrane contact when the virus is shedding, whether or not the infected person has any symptoms. The symptoms of HPV can take several weeks or even months to appear, and in some cases they appear only on the cervix or vaginal tissues. HPV can be detected by a Pap smear. Again, gloves and dental dams are advised. There is no cure for HPV but there are treatments, including in-office procedures including cryotherapy (freezing) and patient-applied medications such as imiquimod cream.

Bacterial STDs

Gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis are bacterial STDs and can be treated with antibiotics. They are spread through unprotected sexual contact. Though transmission of chlamydia through cunnilingus is unlikely, the CDC tells us that gonorrhea can be spread via unprotected oral-vaginal contact, as can syphilis, if there is a sore (chancre) present on your mouth or her vagina.

Infections

Trichomonaisis, bacterial vaginosis (BV), and vulviovaginal candidasis (yeast infections) are infections that can develop on their own through growth of harmful bacteria in the vagina, though they also can be spread through unprotected vaginal intercourse. Trichomonaisis and BV can be spread through contact with vaginal secretions—for instance, when a woman touches her partner’s vulva and then her own—but instances of contracting a yeast infection this way are rare. These infections can be treated with antibiotics.

Is Rimming Risky?

Rimming, or analingus, is caressing or penetrating your lover’s anal opening with your tongue. Because the delicate pucker of the anus is rife with sensitive nerve endings, rimming feels incredibly pleasurable to many people, and there are just as many people who enjoy giving it as getting it. For them, the charge is an unparalleled erotic spark.

Though rimming is certainly enjoyable, it isn’t a very safe activity. Unprotected rimming can transmit hepatitis A, anal herpes, anal warts, and possibly viruses such as HIV. Always use a barrier for rimming—but if you insist on barrier-free rimming, get a hepatitis A shot. Read about erotic rimming techniques in chapter 10, “Independent Study.”

Safer Sex

Because sexually transmitted diseases can remain dormant for months or even years after exposure, it’s possible to pass on something you didn’t even know you had. This is why it’s essential to use barriers—latex or nonlatex—when coming in contact with a partner’s sexual fluids.

If either you or your partner has an STD, safer-sex practices are
required
to prevent transmission. If one of you has a viral STD, such as hepatitis C, HIV, HPV, or herpes, use a latex barrier during cunnilingus. It may also be helpful to talk to your physician or an STD prevention specialist (see chapter 11, “Sex Resources,” for hotlines and organizations) about the risks for transmission in your particular case.

If one of you has a bacterial infection such as chlamydia or vaginosis, you
must
use latex barriers until you’ve completed treatment. Risk is greatly increased for both partners if you have a cut or bite in your mouth or you’ve recently brushed or flossed your teeth, both of which can cause tiny cuts and bleeding in your mouth. Don’t despair—there are many options out there for the silver-tongued adepts who want to stay safe.

However, not everyone who comes to the cunnilingus table needs to use barriers. Once you and your partner have been tested for all STDs and are sure you are free from infection, you may decide to have sex only with each other. Or you may choose to become
fluid bonded,
a term that means the parties involved have had updated tests for STDs and infections and have explicitly agreed to have unprotected sex only with each other and use barriers with all other partners.

I always tell new partners about my HPV outbreak—discovered during a routine gynecological exam some years ago. Even though my gynecologist has not seen evidence of any cellular abnormalities for over a year, I figure it’s best to be up front about it.

We all make our own choices about everyday risks, and most of them are informed—we know the risks involved in smoking, walking down a dark street at night alone, having a one-night stand with a stranger. Life is full of these decisions. With safer sex, the important thing is to understand that safer sex is a spectrum of choices and not an either/or issue. We determine what safer-sex practices we are comfortable with and what our acceptable levels of risk are, and we each make our own set of safer-sex “rules.” For instance, some possible rules are “no cunnilingus without a barrier” or “no anal intercourse without a condom.” This way, we choose the risks we take. And since we’re human and love to make rules and then break them, we can also examine what might cause us to break those rules; perhaps alcohol, drugs, trust issues, love—or fear of judgment.

I’m afraid that if I get out a dental dam he’ll assume I’ve got an STD and won’t want to do it.

I hate to admit it, but I don’t use protection when a guy’s going down on me. If a guy brought it up I wouldn’t mind using a dental dam, but they never do, so I don’t bother.

Risk assessment is the process of honestly assessing your own risky sexual behaviors, such as preferring unprotected cunnilingus or engaging in unprotected intercourse, and determining how risky they are. It’s also assessing the risk level of your potential partners. For instance, if a partner has been recently tested (and they are free of STDs) they can be considered a low risk for unprotected sex. But if you enjoy unprotected oral sex on the first date, then your partners are high-risk, and having this type of sex with them puts you in the high-risk category, too.

Safer-sex concerns kept me from more oral sex experiments while I slutted around San Francisco.

Safer-Sex Gear

Safer sex
is a term usually associated with having protected sex with a new partner to prevent transmission of STDs or pregnancy—and it is—but the applications for safer-sex gear go much further than that. Even if you’re in a long-term, monogamous relationship, you’ll be surprised at just how useful safer-sex gear is for adding pleasure and spontaneity (yes, spontaneity!) to your oral adventures. Also, there are some safer-sex items that you will always want to have handy: gloves serve the dual purpose of preventing the spread of certain bacteria and facilitating cleanup in a snap, while a selection of unlubricated condoms can make your insertable sex toys ready to use without a trip to the sink clean them. Unlubricated condoms are recommended because the silicone lubricant on lubed condoms may ruin the surface of some silicone toys.

For cunnilingus or analingus, you can choose among different types of protection to suit your style or needs. The thought of a mouthful of latex may seem unappealing to you, or not as intimate as you like, but I encourage you to consider the risks and make an informed decision. When you decide which methods you want to use, set aside some time alone to taste, smell, examine, and handle the items before you put them to use.

Dental Dams

If neither of you have latex sensitivities, you can use dental dams, or lollyes. Dental dams are small squares of latex that are used in dentistry to isolate a tooth. They can transmit the sensations of cunnilingus well when both sides are lubricated. Exactly where this idea came from is unknown (though I can imagine a few scenarios), but these little quivery origami squares make great oral sex barriers. Dental dams are on the thick side—thicker than a condom—so the sex industry has answered back with thinner, larger squares of latex. Glyde Lollyes are thin 10-by-6-inch sheets that come in both flavored and unflavored versions. Lixx are even thinner, but smaller (5 by 5 inches) and also come in flavored or plain versions. If you can’t find dams, you can cut open a latex or nonlatex condom or glove.