The Suicide Project (Rebirth Book 1) (6 page)

Perching comfortably on the edge of Sam’s lap, I let him brush my hair for me while Gideon sat watching at the other end of the couch. A glance at the clock showed three minutes to go. Playing with my hair was a pastime that Sam thoroughly enjoyed for some reason. Considering the fact that I love having my hair brushed, I reasoned that it was definitely a win-win situation for the two of us. I suddenly noticed how quiet it was in the room and how the second hand of the clock seemed especially loud as it went
tick, tick, tick.
Off in the distance, I imagined that I may have heard a heavy metal door slam and it caused a tiny prickle of unease to rise up my back. Instinctively, I slid off of Sam’s lap to wedge myself in between the guys on the couch, pulling my legs up to sit cross-legged as I calmly announced, “He’s here.”

The three of us turned our attention to the doorway as Sergeant Ramsey appeared, followed by Dr. Howard Duffy, (or Doc Duffy as we all called him) and Jamie, the thirty-something year old nurse who assisted the doctor every time he paid us a visit. “What’s up Doc?” I joked in greeting, as I smiled and nodded at Jamie in welcome. The guys copied my lead, offering our visitors a warm welcome. The presence of Dr. Duffy and the nurse were unexpected but definitely comforting as I glanced at the serious expression on the Sergeant’s face.

With satisfaction, I watched Jamie do a double take as she visually appraised Sam and Gideon’s new haircuts. Grinning, she let loose with a loud wolf-whistle of appreciation before turning to me and winking. “Good job Teagan! Very,
very
nice.” I just laughed off the compliment as I watched Gideon’s cheeks redden in embarrassment at being the center of attention. I laughed harder when I noticed that Sam was practically preening for everyone’s benefit. Dr. Duffy and Sergeant Ramsey both complimented the change.

“I can’t say I’m sad to see both of y’alls hairstyles go,” the sergeant confided. “I almost didn’t recognize you two!” His gaze lingered on Gideon the longest since he had undergone the biggest transformation. “Geez! It’s like magic!” he muttered. His expression showed that he was having a hard time believing it was really Gideon and I thought it was hilarious when he finally tore his focus away from Gideon with an effort. Catching my eye, he joked, “Are we really sure that’s Gideon?” His deep booming laughter burst forth as he laughed at his own joke, and I couldn’t help but laugh in reply. Every now and then, the sergeant had his moments where he was actually funny.

Once his laughter died down, he helped himself to a bottle of water from the fridge and paused to take a few sips before schooling his features. After clearing his throat, Sergeant Ramsey reached into his pocket and withdrew a small device that looked like some sort of remote control. Turning at the waist, he aimed it at the camera on the wall above the door behind him and suddenly the little red light on the camera vanished as it appeared to have been turned off. Glancing at the three of us solemnly, he sat down on one of the armchairs across from us while the Doc and Jamie followed suit and sat down on the last remaining sofa so that we all faced each other. Jamie caught my eye and offered me a tentative smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
Hmmm….curious.
I had never seen her look this serious before.

Sergeant Ramsey was all business, and his current expression was completely different from when we parted ways with him three hours prior.

“I turned off the camera so that we could have the freedom to talk privately. I don’t want the others to hear what is said in this room,” the sergeant began mysteriously. “Dr. Duffy is here because some of the information I’m about to give y’all may be difficult for you to accept or understand. He’s here to offer emotional support to whoever may need it.” Glancing at the Doc, I felt my gut clench in response to the rising tension emanating from either side of me. I had a feeling I knew which direction Sergeant Ramsey was going with this but opted to keep my mouth shut for the time being.

“You’ve heard me mention several times in the past that y’all are part of a secret government military program. We’ll discuss the actual program in detail momentarily, but for now I’m thinking some of you may be confused as to how you actually
ended up
here. I would like to clarify that none of y’all
voluntarily
offered your services; you were drafted by the US government.” He paused a moment, looking each one of us in the eye to let his words sink in before continuing.

“Currently, the government is experimenting with introducing genetically enhanced animal DNAs into human test subjects for the purpose of creating a superior breed of soldiers. Our hope is to form a special group of covert operatives who can successfully carry out the more difficult, high-risk missions that ordinary soldiers cannot. Now as y’all can imagine, once someone hears the term “genetically enhanced with animal DNA”, they instantly become fearful of volunteering for the program, especially since we’re still in the experimental phase.” Suddenly standing up from his armchair, Sergeant Ramsey began to pace the floor almost as if he was summoning the courage to deliver the next blow.

“The US military has numerous connections in various hospitals across the Continental US. Since we had very few volunteers for this program, we decided to take matters into our own hands and select a very specific group of people. Occasionally, one of our contact hospitals would receive a patient into their ER who would be very close to death at the time of their admittance. If the hospital was able to successfully revive that patient and save their life, then that person was deemed worthy of being accepted into the program and was immediately brought here for the first stage of their training following their recovery.”

Sergeant Ramsey paused, glancing at us again to verify that his words were sinking in. I could feel the weight of Sam’s stare on me and I turned my head in his direction to see his expression of horror. I purposely kept my own expression blank for fear of aggravating Sam further. Glancing at Gideon, I could see that his jaw was clenched as he struggled to understand what the Sergeant was trying to explain.

“The Target Group consists of a group of young people who attempted to take their own lives and were unsuccessful. Those people were recovered and brought here to begin the first stage of training. You three are all part of that Target Group. Horrible things had happened to each of you in your previous lives and so for various reasons, y’all attempted to commit suicide…but failed. Once the hospitals declared you to be in stable condition, you were brought here to heal. From that point on, since the government felt that you no longer valued your own lives as evidenced by your attempted suicides, the military claimed responsibility for you. The three of you are now considered property of the US Government.”

Sam shook his head in denial as a heart-breaking sob burst forth. I saw him look down at his hands as he twisted his wrists upwards and stared at the jagged scarring that decorated the insides of both wrists. He had a nervous habit of tracing the scars at times, and the faint expression of confusion that clouded his eyes during those times proved he couldn’t recall how or why he had scarring there. Sam looked at me with pain filled eyes as the truth of Sergeant Ramsey’s words finally penetrated his brain. I had wondered about those scars myself, but had been afraid to bring up the topic. Of course I had my suspicions, but hoped that I was wrong.

“Why don’t I remember any of it?” Sam demanded, as the tears started to leak from his eyes. “Does my family know where I am?” Dr. Duffy, who had been utterly silent up until this point, took the opportunity to interject. “Upon arrival, you three were given medications to help suppress memory in order to prevent emotional shock.”

“Kind of a moot point now, seeing as Sam is obviously emotionally traumatized,” I mumbled quietly, but loud enough for all to hear. Doc Duffy glanced at me sympathetically before continuing with his explanation.

“For all intents and purposes to the outside world, you three really did die. Funerals were held for you, and your bodies were really inside the coffins during open viewing. We have access to a special drug that creates the illusion of death. We swapped out your bodies before your coffins were delivered to the cemetery for burial. It was one of our ways of tying up loose ends so we could be assured no one would come looking for any of you. It was also a way for your friends and family to say goodbye and have some closure, so they could move on with their lives.”

I grasped one of Sam’s hands in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. Glancing back at Gideon, I saw him fingering the lightly faded line that marred the skin around his entire neckline. His hours spent in the sun helped to camouflage the scarring somewhat, but it was still visible. Catching his eye, I felt pangs of despondency flooding my chest as I watched him struggle to keep his emotions in check. It hurt me to see my teammates so upset and I wished there was something I could do to take their pain away. Reaching over with my right hand, I clasped Gideon’s hand with my free one and held on tight, trying to offer what comfort I could.

Looking up, I saw that Sergeant Ramsey, Dr. Duffy, and Jamie were all staring intently at me with an expression I couldn’t quite place.

“What?” I demanded defensively, unnerved by their combined attention. The Doc was the one to break the silence as he motioned at me with his hand.

“It’s just that you’re handling all of this remarkably well Teagan. I’m just trying to figure out why you don’t seem at all surprised by any of this,” he commented, as Jamie just stared at me curiously while nodding her head in agreement. I hadn’t anticipated being called out like this so early on, and my mind raced like quicksilver as I tried to come up with a plausible excuse that they would all accept. It was not in my nature to lie though, so of course I wasn’t going to start now. I could feel everyone’s gaze on me as they waited for me to say something. Unfortunately, I knew I was trapped.

Hanging my head a little, I sighed in resignation, and admitted, “Because I already knew.” Loud gasps were heard from either side of me as I felt the combined heat of Sam and Gideon’s stares. They both tried to yank their hands out of my grasp but I wouldn’t let them shake me off. Instead, I squeezed their hands tighter in desperation.

“Let me clarify,” I backtracked hurriedly as I tried to amend my earlier confession. “I must be immune to those damn memory suppression drugs because I remembered
everything
that happened to me from the moment I woke up here.” Guiltily darting my gaze between Gideon and Sam, I pleaded, “I didn’t want to say anything to you guys about it because I couldn’t stand to have either of you think badly of me. Also, it didn’t occur to me that you may have tried to do what I had done. Subconsciously, I guess I was hoping you guys actually
had
volunteered for this government program. I don’t like the thought of either of you trying to hurt yourselves.”

Noticing that Sergeant Ramsey was once again sitting in the armchair instead of pacing, I gave him my full attention. He shook his head at me in astonishment before commenting, “You really are full of surprises Teagan. You never cease to amaze me. How could you have known for a full six months and not say anything about it to anyone?” he asked incredulously. He frowned darkly at me as if I had somehow betrayed his trust. “I want you to tell us everything that you remember, and what led you up to your decision to end your life,” he demanded without pretense.

It was almost offensive to me being forced to discuss my attempted suicide so blatantly, but I guess there was no getting around the truth of my actions. Plain and simple, I
had
tried to take my own life. If anything, I felt that I owed Gideon and Sam an explanation because having their trust meant everything to me. Taking a deep breath, I quickly launched into my story trying to take a neutral approach in an effort to tone down the emotional aspects. After all, I didn’t want or need anyone’s sympathy. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t shed one more tear over my bastard of an ex.

“Okay, here’s the short version. I had a loving family which included my mom and dad, my twin brother, and my grandparents. When I was ten years old, my grandparents on my mom’s side passed away when a tornado ripped through their neighborhood in Oklahoma where they lived. That was my first experience with death. Then when I was fifteen, my grandmother on my dad’s side was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer and died less than a year later. The following year, my grandfather passed too. My mom said he died of a broken heart because he missed my grandmother too much. After all, his doctor couldn’t explain his death because he claimed my grandfather was in perfect health. Then, just two years ago, my parents were coming back from vacation when their plane suffered some sort of malfunction and crashed. They both died. I was broken hearted because I loved my parents deeply. At that point, all I had left was my brother Dominic. At my parents’ funeral, we made a pact that we would always be there for one another, and that we would be strong for each other in order to survive the loss of our parents’. Last year, Dominic’s regiment got deployed to Afghanistan and he was killed by a roadside car bomb that had gone off.”

I heard my voice crack at the mention of my beloved older brother, and had to pause to clear my throat before continuing. Even though I tried to keep my story detached and unemotional, I couldn’t suppress my feelings of grief every time I thought about the loss of my precious family, all of whom I had loved so much. I was helpless to stop the tears that flooded my eyes, and I blinked rapidly in hopes of preventing them from sliding down my cheeks. I didn’t cry often, so I despised the thought of shedding tears in front of other people. I blew out a deep breath and continued. “My entire family was gone and I was all alone. It was very hard to deal with, and as you can imagine, I had difficulty coping.”

My eyes dropped to my lap and stayed there as I continued on with my story. I refused to look anyone in the eyes by this point, as it was becoming increasingly difficult to maintain my self-control.