the STRUGGLE (12 page)

Hannah glanced at the battery-operated clock on the far kitchen wall and frowned. The men had left early this morning for a job in Elkton, which meant she’d had to get up early in order to fix breakfast and pack their lunches. In a few minutes, the children would be getting up, and then she’d have to fix their breakfast as well. Why was it that Esther always seemed to be late on the days she was needed the most?

Not that I really want her to be here
, Hannah thought as she reached for her cup of coffee and took a sip.
It’s just not fair that I should have to be responsible for two men and five children—four who aren’t even my own
.

She tapped her fingers along the edge of the table.
If I wasn’t here right now, and Esther was late, I wonder what Samuel would think about that. Was she ever late before we came to live here? Should he really be thinking of making her his wife?

“For goodness’ sake,” she said aloud. “I don’t even know what I think anymore. It wasn’t long ago that I didn’t want Esther here at all. Now I’m complaining that she’s not here to help me.”

Hannah got up from the table and moved over to the window, letting her thoughts focus on yesterday and the close friendship she’d noticed between Suzanne and Esther. It seemed like they had their heads together, laughing and talking, most of the day. Again, she found herself wishing for a friend—someone with whom she could share her deepest feelings and who wouldn’t criticize her for the things she said or did—someone she could be close to the way she had been with Mom.

Oh, how she wished her folks could have joined them for Thanksgiving, but maybe they could come for Christmas. She hoped she, Timothy, and Mindy would be living in their own place by then. The house Allen had mentioned to Timothy might be the one. Hannah hoped they could look at it soon, because she really wanted to be moved out of Samuel’s house before Christmas.

C
HAPTER
15

W
hat time will Allen be here?” Hannah asked as she, Timothy, and Samuel sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee on Saturday morning.

“Said he’d be here by nine o’clock.” Timothy glanced at the clock. “So we have about ten more minutes to wait.”

Hannah rose from her chair. “I’d better get Mindy’s coat on so we can be ready to go as soon as he arrives.”

Timothy shook his head. “I don’t think taking Mindy with us to look at the house is a good idea.”

Hannah quirked an eyebrow. “Why not?”

“We need to concentrate on checking out the house that Allen’s found, and having Mindy along would be a distraction. You know how active she can be sometimes.”

Hannah pursed her lips. “We can’t expect Samuel to watch her. He’ll have enough on his hands watching his own kinner today.”

“I don’t mind,” Samuel spoke up. “Penny and Marla will keep Mindy entertained, and she shouldn’t be a problem at all. The kids are all playing upstairs right now, so they’ll probably keep right on playing till they’re called down for lunch.”

Hannah tapped her foot as she contemplated what Samuel had said. He was pretty good with his children, so maybe Mindy would be okay left in his care. “Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind …”

Samuel shook his head. “Don’t mind a bit.”

“Okay, we’ll leave Mindy here.” Hannah glanced at the clock again. It was almost nine, and still no Allen. She really wished he’d show up so they could be on their way. And oh how she hoped the house he’d be taking them to see was the right one for them.

“Take a seat and have some more coffee,” Timothy said, motioning to her empty chair. “Allen’s probably running a little late this morning. I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

With a sigh, Hannah reluctantly sat down. She’d only taken a few sips of coffee when she heard Allen’s truck pull in. “Oh good, he’s here,” she said, jumping up and peeking out the kitchen window. “I’ll get my shawl.”

“Guess I’d better wear a jacket,” Timothy said, rising from his seat. “When I went out before breakfast to help Samuel and Leon with the chores, I realized just how cold it is out there.”

“Jah,” Samuel said with a nod. “Wouldn’t surprise me if we got some snow pretty soon.”

Hannah wrinkled her nose. “I hope not. I’m not ready for snow.”

“Well, the kinner might not agree with you on that.” Samuel chuckled. “I think they’d be happy if we had snow on the ground all year long.”

Hannah wrapped her shawl around her shoulders, set her black outer bonnet on her head, and hurried outside without saying another word. She had thought about going upstairs to tell Mindy good-bye but decided it would be best if she snuck out the back door. If she’d gone upstairs and Mindy started crying, she would have felt compelled to take her with them, which, of course, might have caused dissension between her and Timothy.

“Are you sure you don’t mind driving us all the way to Cadiz?” Timothy asked Allen after they’d gotten into his truck.

Allen shook his head. “I don’t mind a bit, and it’s really not that far. Maybe when we’re done looking at the house we can stop in Hopkinsville for some lunch.”

“That sounds nice,” Hannah was quick to say, “but Samuel might need some help fixing lunch for the kinner, and since today is Esther’s day off, he’d probably appreciate me being there to help.” Truth was, Hannah doubted Samuel’s ability to fix a nutritious lunch for the children. He’d probably give them whatever they asked for instead of what they needed.

“Eating lunch at a restaurant sounds good to me,” Timothy spoke up, looking straight at Hannah. “And I’m sure Samuel can manage to fix something for the kinner just fine.”

Hannah was tempted to argue the point but didn’t want to make a scene in front of Allen. “Okay, whatever,” she said with a nod. She supposed it wouldn’t hurt Mindy to have an unhealthy lunch once in a while. Forcing herself to relax, Hannah focused on the passing scenery as they headed for Trigg County.

Sometime later, Allen turned off the main road and onto a dirt road—more of a path, really. “The house is just up ahead,” he said, pointing in that direction.

A few minutes later, a small house came into view.
It’s too small for our needs
, Hannah thought at first glance,
but I suppose it could be added on to. Well, I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt—at least until we’ve seen the inside of the place
.

As Tom Donnelson, the real estate agent, showed them through each room of the house, all Timothy could think was,
This place is way too small
. The kitchen, while it had been recently remodeled, didn’t have a lot of cupboard space. He didn’t see any sign of a pantry, either, which would have helped, since the cabinet area was so sparse. The living room and dining room were both small, too, and there were only three bedrooms. If he and Hannah had more children, which he hoped they would someday, a three-bedroom house wouldn’t be large enough—especially if any overnight guests came to visit. They would definitely have to add more bedrooms to the house, as well as enlarge the living room and kitchen. And of course, since this was an Englisher’s home, they would have to take out all the electrical connections.

The other thing that bothered Timothy was the distance between Trigg and Christian Counties. If they moved here, they’d have to hire a driver every time they wanted to see Samuel, Titus, and their families. And how would that work with him working with Samuel? It would be inconvenient and costly to hire a driver every day for such a distance, not to mention the miles his brothers would have to travel if they helped him with renovations on the small house. It would be expensive for Titus and Samuel to get someone to bring them here whenever they came to visit, too, and he wouldn’t feel right about putting that burden on his brothers.

Timothy glanced at Hannah, hoping to gauge her reaction to the place. She’d commented on how nice it was to see new cupboards in the kitchen and bathroom and even said how convenient it would be to have everything on one floor. If she liked it here, it would be hard to say no to buying it, because keeping Hannah happy in Kentucky would mean she’d be less likely to hound him about moving back to Pennsylvania.
Is this a sacrifice I’d be willing to make?
he asked himself.

“The owners are motivated to sell,” Tom said. “So I’m sure they’d be willing to consider any reasonable offer.”

Timothy looked at Hannah, but she said nothing. It wasn’t like her not to give her opinion—especially on something as important as buying a house.

Timothy cleared his throat, searching for the right words. “I…uh…think my wife and I need to talk about this, but we appreciate you taking the time to show us the place.”

Tom rubbed the top of his bald head. “Sure, no problem. Just don’t take too much time making a decision, because as nice as this place is, I don’t think it’ll be on the market very long.”

“We’ll get back to you as soon as we can.” Timothy ushered Hannah out the door and into Allen’s truck, where he’d been waiting for them.

“That didn’t take too long,” Allen said. “So, what’d you think of the house?”

Timothy glanced at Hannah, but she didn’t say a word—just sat with her hands folded in her lap, looking straight ahead.

“Well, uh…It’s a nice little house, but I’m not sure it’s the right one for us,” Timothy said. “I can see we’d be sinking a lot of money into the place just to enlarge it for our needs.”

Hannah released a lingering sigh. “Oh, Timothy, I totally agree.”

“You do?”

She nodded vigorously. “The place is way too small, and it’s so isolated out here. I wouldn’t think you’d want to be this far from your brothers either.”

A sense of relief flooded over Timothy. She was as disappointed in the place as he was. Even so, she was probably unhappy that they would have to continue living with Samuel for who knew how much longer.

“It’s okay,” he said, whispering in Hannah’s ear. “I’m sure some other place will come up for sale, and hopefully it’ll be closer to home.”

“Home?” She tipped her head and looked at him curiously.

“What I meant to say was, closer to Samuel and Titus’s homes.”

“It’ll need to be a much larger house and not so isolated.” Her lips compressed, and tiny wrinkles formed across her forehead. “I think I’d go crazy if we moved way out here.”

“Not to worry,” he said, resting his hand on her arm. “We’ll wait till we find just the right place. Anyway, we can consider this as a practice run in knowing what we need to look for. Live and learn, right?”

Hannah gave a quick nod; then she leaned her head against the seat and closed her eyes. Was she still hoping he’d give up on the idea of living in Kentucky and move back to Pennsylvania? Well, if she was, she could forget that notion.

C
HAPTER
16

H
annah glanced out the kitchen window and grimaced. It had started snowing last night and hadn’t let up at all. Christmas was just two weeks away, and if the weather turned bad, it could affect her folks’ plan to come for the holiday. Timothy’s parents were planning to come, too. In fact, their folks planned to hire a driver and travel together. Andy Paulsen, the driver they’d asked, was single, owned a nice-sized van, and had some friends who lived in Hopkinsville, so it was the perfect arrangement.

Hannah wondered if Timothy was as anxious to see his folks as she was hers. It was different for Timothy; he had family here. She didn’t. He never talked about home the way she did either, so maybe he was happy just being here, where he could see his twin brother and Samuel whenever he wanted. Despite a bit of competition between Timothy and Titus, they’d always been very close. Hannah remembered one evening when she and Timothy were courting that Titus, who liked to play pranks, had taken her home from a singing, pretending to be Timothy. Since it was dark and she couldn’t see his face well, he’d managed to fool her until they got to her house and one of the barn cats had rubbed against his leg when he was helping Hannah out of the buggy. He’d hollered at the cat and called it a stupid
katz
, something Timothy would never have done. Hannah knew right away that she’d ridden home with the wrong brother.

She chuckled as she thought about how she’d decided to play along with the joke awhile and had picked up the cat and thrust it into Titus’s arms. When the cat stuck its claws into Titus’s chest, the joke ended.

“What’s so funny?”

Hannah whirled around. “Ach, Esther, you shouldn’t sneak up on me like that.”

“I didn’t mean to frighten you,” Esther said apologetically. “I just came into the kitchen to check on the soup I’ve got cooking and saw you standing in front of the window laughing. I thought something amusing must be going on outside.”

Hannah shook her head. “The only thing going on out there is a lot of snow coming down.”

Esther stepped up to the window. “It doesn’t seem to be letting up, does it?”

“Do you get much snow in this part of Kentucky?” Hannah asked.