the STRUGGLE (10 page)

Shirley took a drink of water. “What about the expense? A trip like that could cost plenty. I don’t mean to pry, but can you afford the gas and hotels you’ll need along the way?”

“Dave had a pretty good-sized life insurance policy, and I’m sure it’ll be more than enough to provide for my needs on this trip I’ve always dreamed about taking.”

Margo leaned forward and leveled Trisha with one of her most serious looks. “And there’s nothing we can do to talk you out of it?”

Trisha shook her head determinedly. “I’ve made up my mind, and I’m confident that God will be with me as I venture out to see some of the beautiful country He created.”

Pembroke, Kentucky

“Let’s see now…. The turkey is in the oven, green beans and potatoes are staying warm on the stove, a pumpkin and an apple pie are in the refrigerator, and the table is set.” Bonnie smiled as she surveyed her dining-room table. She’d used a lace tablecloth her grandmother had made many years ago, set the table with Grandma’s best china, and placed a pot of yellow mums from Suzanne’s garden in the center of the table with pale orange taper candles on either side. Everything was perfect and looked very festive. Now all she had to do was wait patiently for Allen to arrive.

Bonnie moved over to the window and pulled the lace curtains aside. The morning had started out with some fog, but then the fog had lifted and revealed a beautiful day with blue skies and white, puffy clouds, with no rain in sight. It was quite a contrast from the last few weeks when they’d had nothing but gray skies and too many rainy days.

She stepped into the hall to look in the mirror and check her appearance. She’d chosen a pretty green dress to wear today, and her dark, naturally curly hair framed her oval face. Bonnie also wore a cameo pin, one of the few pieces of jewelry that had belonged to her grandmother. She kept the brooch safely tucked away in her jewelry box except for special occasions such as this. A touch of lipstick, a little blush, and some pale green eye shadow completed her look. She’d always been told that she was attractive and didn’t need makeup, so she’d never worn much. But it wasn’t her natural beauty she hoped Allen was attracted to. She wanted him to see and appreciate her inner beauty as well.

Should I share my past with him today?
Bonnie wondered.
Or would it be best to wait for another time? I wish I could just tell him right out, but I’m so afraid of his reaction
. Since she didn’t know how he would deal with hearing she’d once had a child, she didn’t want to chance spoiling the day—or worse, their relationship.

The closer Bonnie and Allen had become, the more she struggled with her insecurities and fears. Her thoughts and reality seemed to be at odds with each other these days. It was unnerving at times. She would talk herself into telling him, but then her fears got in the way and she’d chicken out.

The sound of a vehicle rumbling up the driveway put an end to Bonnie’s musings. She looked through the peephole in the front door and saw Allen’s truck pull up to her garage. With a sense of excitement, she waited until Allen stepped onto the porch before she opened the door.

“Happy Thanksgiving!” they said at the same time.

He grinned. “Wow, you look absolutely beautiful!”

“Thanks. You look pretty good yourself,” Bonnie said, admiring his neatly pressed gray slacks, light blue shirt, and black leather jacket.

Allen followed her into the house and paused in the hall to sniff the air. “Mmm…Something sure smells good.”

She smiled. “Everything’s ready, so it’s just a matter of putting the turkey on the platter, carving it, and serving things up. Then we can eat.”

He handed her his jacket. “I’m starving! If you’ll hang this up for me, I’d be happy to cut the bird for you.”

“That would be great. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always loved seeing the Thanksgiving turkey sitting in the center of the table. You know, like one of those Norman Rockwell paintings.” Bonnie hung Allen’s jacket on the coat tree in the hall and followed him to the kitchen. While he carved the turkey, she put the potatoes and green beans into bowls and took them out to the dining-room table, along with some olives, pickles, and the whole-wheat rolls Esther had made for her the day before. She laid a serving spoon next to the spot for the turkey platter. That way they could scoop the hot stuffing right out of the bird and onto their plates.

Oops! Guess I’d better make more room for the turkey
, Bonnie thought, as she moved the yellow mums to the far end of the table. Then she returned to the kitchen to make the gravy while Allen finished up with the turkey.

“I think we’re all set,” Allen said, rubbing his hands briskly together. “For now, I think I’ve carved off enough meat for the both of us.”

“Yes, it looks wonderful, and I’m right behind you with the gravy,” Bonnie replied as they started for the dining room.

Once they were seated, Allen took hold of her hand. Bowing his head, he prayed, “Heavenly Father, I thank You for this wonderful meal that’s set before us. Bless it to the needs of our bodies, and bless the hands that prepared it. Be with our family and friends on this special Thanksgiving Day, and keep them all safe. Thank You for the many blessings You’ve given to us. Amen.”

Allen opened his eyes, looked at Bonnie, and winked. “As our Amish friends often say, ‘Now, let’s eat ourselves full!’”

“You carved the turkey, and you’re my guest, so you go first,” she said, pointing to the golden brown bird. “If you want some stuffing, you can use the large spoon to scoop some onto your plate.”

Allen forked a few pieces of turkey onto his plate and got some stuffing as well. Then they served themselves the side dishes. As they ate, they visited about various things that had happened in the area lately. Bonnie noticed that one minute Allen seemed very relaxed and the next minute he seemed kind of nervous and fidgety and would lose his train of thought. She knew he’d been working long hours lately and figured he might be tired or uptight. Hopefully, after he finished eating, he’d feel more relaxed.

“I’m surprised you didn’t go to Washington to spend Thanksgiving with your folks,” Bonnie said when the conversation began to lag.

“I’d thought about it, but Mom and Dad aren’t home right now. Their thirty-fifth wedding anniversary is tomorrow, so they’re on a two-week vacation in Kauai.”

“I’m sure they must be having a good time.” Bonnie sighed. “I’ve always wanted to visit one of the Hawaiian islands, but I guess it’s not likely to happen. At least not anytime soon.”

“How do you know?”

“I’m too busy running the B&B. Besides, I’m sure a trip like that would be expensive.”

“You never know. You might make it there someday. Maybe sooner than you think.” Allen fiddled with his spoon. “What about you? How come you didn’t go to Oregon to spend the holiday with your dad?”

“For one thing, I have some guests checking into the B&B on Saturday. Besides, my dad is coming to Kentucky for Christmas, so it’s only a month before I get to see him.”

Allen smiled, seeming to relax a bit. “That’s good to hear. I’m anxious to meet your dad.”

“I’m eager for you to meet him, and I’m sure he’ll enjoy getting to know you as well.”

They sat in companionable silence awhile, finishing the last of their meal. Then Bonnie pushed back her chair and stood. “As much as I hate to say it, I think it’s time to clear the table and do the dishes.” She motioned to the adjoining room. “If you’d like to make yourself comfortable in the living room, I’ll join you for pie and coffee as soon as my kitchen chores are done.”

Allen shook his head. “I wouldn’t think of letting you do all the work while I kick back and let my dinner settle.” He stood. “If we both clear the table and do the dishes together, we’ll be done in half the time. Then we can spend the rest of the day relaxing.”

“That sounds nice, and I’ll appreciate your help in the kitchen.”

An hour later, when the food had all been put away and the dishes were done, Bonnie gave Allen a cup of coffee and told him to go relax in the living room while she got out the pies.

“This time I won’t argue,” he said, offering her a tender smile. He really was a very nice man, and as hard as Bonnie had fought it, she’d fallen hopelessly in love with him.

Allen took the cup of coffee, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and headed for the living room.

Bonnie went to the refrigerator and took out the pumpkin pie and whipped cream. She was on her way to the dining room when she heard Cody barking outside.

“Would you mind checking to see what Cody’s yapping about?” she called to Allen. “Sounds like he’s in the backyard.”

“Sure, no problem.” Allen went through the kitchen and opened the back door.

Woof! Woof!
Cody rushed in and darted right in front of Bonnie, causing her to stumble. The pie slipped out of her hands and landed on the floor with a
splat
, and the can of whipped cream went rolling across the room, stopping at Allen’s feet.

Cody didn’t hesitate to lick up the pie, and Bonnie didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

When Allen started laughing, she gave in to the urge, too. “I hope you like apple pie,” she said, “because that’s the only kind I have left.”

“Apple’s my favorite anyway, and since the whipped cream came right to me, I can just spray some on,” he added, leaning over to pick up the can.

Bonnie didn’t know if apple really was Allen’s favorite or if he was just trying to make her feel better, but the easygoing way he’d handled the situation helped a lot. Gazing at the pie splattered all over the floor, they both gave in to hysterical giggles.

At last, Bonnie put the dog outside and, with Allen’s help, cleaned up the mess on the floor.

“This might not be the most romantic place to say it,” Allen said, taking Bonnie into his arms, “but I’d like to spend the rest of my life with you—cooking, cleaning, and getting after the dog.”

Bonnie tipped her head and looked up him. “Wh–what exactly do you mean?”

“I mean that I love you very much, and if you’ll have me, I want to make you my wife.”

Bonnie felt like all the air had been squeezed out of her lungs, and she leaned against Allen for support.

“Can I take that as a yes?” he asked, kissing the top of her head.

“No. Yes. I mean, maybe.” She pulled away. “What I really mean is I’d like to think about it a few weeks, if you don’t mind.”

Allen’s forehead wrinkled. “In all honesty, I was hoping you’d say you love me, too, and that you’d be happy to be my wife.”

“I…I do love you, Allen, but marriage is a lifelong commitment, and I—well, I don’t want to make a hasty decision. I’d really like a little time to think and pray about it before I give you my answer.”

He nodded slowly. “I guess that makes sense. When do you think you’ll have an answer?”

Noticing his disappointment, she searched for the right words as she moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. “Umm…How about Christmas Eve? Would that be soon enough?”

“That’s only a month away, so I guess I can hold out that long.” Allen lowered his head and kissed her gently.

Dear Lord
, Bonnie prayed when the kiss ended.
Help me to have the courage to tell Allen about my past. I’m just not ready to do it today
.

C
HAPTER
13

Paradise, Pennsylvania

W
hat can I do to help?” Fannie asked when she entered her daughter-in-law Leona’s kitchen on Thanksgiving Day.

Leona, red-faced and looking a bit anxious, smiled and said, “I appreciate the offer, because you and Abraham are the first ones here, and I really could use some help.” Her metal-framed glasses had slipped to the middle of her nose, and she quickly pushed them back in place. “Would you mind basting the turkey while I peel and cut the potatoes?”

“I don’t mind at all.” Fannie grabbed a pot holder and opened the oven door of the propane stove, releasing the delicious aroma of the Thanksgiving turkey that was nicely browning. “Mmm…Just the smell of this big bird makes me
hungerich
,” she said, while reaching for the basting brush lying on the counter to her right.

Leona nodded. “I know what you mean. The smell of turkey has been driving me crazy ever since it started roasting.”

“Where are the kinner?” Fannie asked after she’d covered the turkey again and shut the oven door.

“James is out in the barn helping Zach clean out a few of the stalls so the rest of our guests will have a place to put their horses if they’d rather not use the corral.”

“That’s where Abraham went, too, so he’ll probably end up helping them,” Fannie said. “Now, where are the girls hiding themselves? I didn’t see any sign of them when I came into the house.”

Leona pointed to the door leading upstairs. “They’re tidying up their rooms so their cousins won’t see how messy they can be.”

Fannie chuckled. “I guess that’s what you can expect with most kinner. Of course, my Abby wasn’t like that at all. Even when she was little, she kept her room neat.”