the STRUGGLE (4 page)

Timothy gripped the reins a bit tighter. “You only think you hate it here because you didn’t want to move, but if you’ll give it half a chance, I think you might change your mind. Besides, the house in Pennsylvania is not ours anymore, remember?”

“Jah, you made sure of that, didn’t you? And I doubt I’ll ever like it here. I mean, what’s to like? We’re stuck living with Samuel and his kinner, and—”

“We won’t be living with him forever,” Timothy interrupted. “As soon as we find some suitable property, I can start building a house.”

“But it’s the middle of November, Timothy. Even if we could find the perfect property right away, you’d never get a house built for us before winter sets in.”

“You’re right, but spring will come sooner than we think.”

“I can’t imagine us being cooped up with Samuel and his rowdy kinner throughout the winter months.” Hannah frowned. “If we have to live here, I’d really like to have a place of our own.”

“And we will—just as soon as I can get one built.”

“Can’t we see about buying a house that’s already built? We could move in quicker, and our stay with Samuel would be brief.”

He shrugged. “Samuel said there’s not much for sale in this area right now. He feels fortunate to be renting the house owned by Esther’s folks.”

“What’s going to happen after he and Esther are married?” Hannah asked. “Will they continue renting the place from her folks, or will they end up buying it?’

“I’m not sure. Samuel hasn’t said anything about that. And as far as I know, he and Esther aren’t officially engaged yet.”

“I’ll bet they will be soon. Samuel needs a
mudder
for his kinner, and it’s pretty obvious that he’s smitten with Esther.”

“I don’t think
smitten
is the right word for what my bruder feels for Esther,” Timothy said. “All ya have to do is watch how they interact to see that they’re obviously in love with each other.”

Hannah looked down at Mindy and stroked her soft cheek.
Well, at least I have you
, she thought.
That’s something to be thankful for. Mindy, you are my one constant blessing
.

C
HAPTER
5

W
ake up, sleepyhead.” Timothy shook his wife’s shoulder.

“I’m tired. It can’t be time to get up already.” Hannah moaned and pulled the quilt over her head.

Timothy nudged her arm through the covers. “It’s Monday morning, and Samuel and I need to get an early start because we’ll be working out of the area today. Allen will be coming by to pick us up soon.”

Hannah just lay there, unmoving.

“Hannah, please get up. I was hoping you’d fix us some breakfast and pack lunches for us to take to the job.”

She pulled the covers aside and yawned noisily as she sat up. “Oh, all right.” Her long, tawny-brown hair hung around her shoulders in an array of tangled curls. Hannah’s thick hair had always been naturally curly—which meant she had to work hard at getting it parted down the middle, twisted on the sides, and pulled back into a bun. When she took it down at night, she spent several minutes brushing it out. During the first year of their marriage Timothy had often brushed Hannah’s hair. That had been a special time for him, when he felt really close to her. He hoped they could bring those days back again now that they were making a new start.

Timothy leaned down and kissed Hannah’s cheek. It was warm and soft, and he was tempted to forget about going to work with Samuel and stay here with Hannah. But he knew he couldn’t do that. He had to earn a living and provide for them.

“I’ll see you downstairs in the kitchen,” he said, before giving her another quick kiss. Then he moved away from the bed and stopped for a minute to gaze at Mindy, sleeping peacefully on a cot across the room, her golden curls fanned out across the pillow. She looked like an angel, lying there so sweet. Mindy could have shared a room with Penny, of course, but Hannah had insisted that their daughter needed to be close to them—at least until she felt more familiar with this new place. Timothy figured it was just an excuse. Hannah, following in her mother’s footsteps, was too clingy and overprotective where their little girl was concerned.

Mindy’s so sweet and innocent
, he thought.
She’s always smiling and full of curiosity
. Timothy hoped in the years ahead that he and Hannah would have a few more children, whom he was sure would be equally special. His stomach clenched as he thought about the baby Hannah had lost last year and how hard she’d grieved after the miscarriage. It had taken some time for her to pull out of her depression, but with the help and encouragement of several family members, she’d finally come to accept the baby’s death, although he didn’t think she had ever fully understood why God had allowed it.

Of course, God’s ways aren’t our ways. Sometimes it’s better if we don’t try and figure things out—just accept life’s disappointments and trust God to help us through them, because He’s in control of every situation anyhow
, Timothy reminded himself as he slipped quietly out of the room.

After fixing breakfast for Timothy and Samuel and packing them both a lunch, Hannah, still feeling tired, was tempted to go back to bed. But she knew she couldn’t do that because Samuel’s children would be up soon, and then she’d have to fix them breakfast and see that the two oldest were off to school. Esther had been caring for Samuel’s children, but since Samuel hadn’t mentioned Esther coming over, Hannah assumed she’d be watching them. She’d been worried that it might be expected of her, but now that she was here, she’d changed her mind. Truth was, she thought she could do a better job with the kids than Esther, not to mention with keeping the house running smoother. Good habits began at an early age, and as far as Hannah was concerned, Samuel’s children needed more structure.

After Leon and Marla left for school, she would find something for the little ones to do while she unpacked some of her and Timothy’s clothes and got things organized in the bedroom they shared with Mindy. Hannah had suggested that Mindy sleep in the bed with her and Timothy for a few nights, but he’d put his foot down and insisted that she sleep on the cot. Didn’t he care that Mindy was being forced to adjust to new surroundings and needed the comfort of her mother?

With determination, Hannah forced her thoughts aside, knowing if she didn’t keep busy she would feel even more depressed. “Maybe I should organize around here today,” she muttered as she put away the bread. The whole house, while clean enough, seemed quite cluttered—not nearly as tidy as she’d kept their home in Pennsylvania.

“Who ya talkin’ to?” a small voice asked.

Startled, Hannah whirled around. Seven-year-old Leon, still in his pajamas and barefoot, stared up at her, blinking his brown eyes rapidly.

“No one. I mean, I was talking to myself.” She suppressed a yawn.

“Are ya bored? Is that why you were talkin’ to yourself?”

“No, I’m not bored, I was just…. Oh, never mind.” Hannah motioned to the table, where the box of cold cereal she’d served the men for breakfast still sat. “Would you like some cereal?”

He shook his head.

“Would you rather have eggs?”

“Don’t want no
oier
. I was hopin’ for some
pannekuche
.“

“I don’t have time to make pancakes this morning.”

“Esther fixes us pannekuche whenever we want ’em.” Leon, who had his father’s light brown hair, made a sweeping glance of the entire room. “Where is Esther, anyways? She’s usually here before we get up.”

“I don’t think she’ll be here today.”

He tipped his head and looked at her curiously. “How come?”

“Because I’m here, and I’ll be fixing your breakfast this morning.”

Leon studied her a few more seconds then shrugged. “So can we have pannekuche?”

Hannah shook her head. “I said no. I don’t have time for that this morning.”
This child is certainly persistent
, she thought.

He pointed to the battery-operated clock on the far wall. “It’s still early. Marla, Penny, and Jared ain’t even outa bed yet.”

“The correct word is
aren’t
, and I’m not going to fix pancakes this morning, so you may as well go back upstairs and get dressed. By the time you come down, I’ll have a bowl of cereal and a hard-boiled egg ready for you to eat.”

“Don’t want an
oi
,” Leon mumbled, shuffling toward the door leading to the stairs.

“Make sure you wake Marla,” Hannah called after him. “I don’t want either of you to be late for school.”

Leon tromped up the stairs.

Hannah cringed. She hoped he didn’t wake Mindy. Like Hannah, Mindy wasn’t a morning person, and if she got woken out of a sound sleep, she was bound to be cranky.

She listened for a few minutes, and when she didn’t hear her daughter, she went to the refrigerator and took out a carton of eggs. She’d just gotten them boiling on the stove when both Leon and Marla showed up.

“Leon said Esther’s not comin’ today. Is that true?” Blond-haired, nine-year-old Marla, asked, casting curious brown eyes on Hannah.

Hannah nodded. “I’m sure that’s the case, because if she was coming, she would have been here by now.” She motioned to the table. “Have a seat. You can eat your cereal while the eggs are boiling.”

“I told ya before—I don’t want no boiled oi,” Leon said. “It’ll get stuck in my throat.”

Hannah grimaced. Was there no pleasing this child?

“Just eat your cereal, then,” she said, placing two bowls on the table.

The kids took a seat and bowed their heads for silent prayer. Hannah waited quietly until they were finished; then she poured cereal into the bowls and gave them each a glass of milk. She’d just turned off the stove when she heard Mindy crying upstairs. “I’ll be right back,” she said to Marla before hurrying up the stairs.

Hannah was about to enter the bedroom she and Timothy shared with Mindy when three-year-old Jared and Penny, who was five, padded down the hall.

“Wu is
Daadi?” Penny asked. Her long, sandy-brown hair hung down her back in gentle waves, and she blinked her brown eyes as she looked up at Hannah curiously.

“Your daddy went to work,” Hannah said. “Now go downstairs to the kitchen. I’ll be there as soon as I get Mindy.”

“
Kumme
, Jared,” Penny said, taking her blond-haired little brother’s hand.

As the children plodded down the stairs, Hannah went to see about Mindy. She found the child curled up on the cot sobbing. No doubt she was confused by her surroundings. After all, they’d only been here two nights, and waking up and finding herself alone in the room probably frightened her.

“It’s okay, my precious little girl. Mama’s here.” Hannah bent down and gathered Mindy into her arms. Truth was, she felt like crying, too. Only there was no time to give in to her tears right now. She had to feed the little ones and get Marla and Leon off to school.

When Esther stepped into Samuel’s kitchen, she was surprised to see Marla and Leon at the table eating cereal.

“Where’s your daed?” she asked, looking at Marla.

“He and Uncle Timothy went to work.”

Esther glanced at the clock. She knew she was running a little behind but didn’t think she was that late.

“Daadi left early this mornin’,” Leon explained. “Had a paint job to do up in Marion.”

“Oh, I see.” Esther smiled. “So did you two fix your own breakfast?”

Marla shook her head. “Aunt Hannah fixed it for us.”

“I guess that makes sense. Where is Hannah?”

“Went upstairs ‘cause Mindy was cryin’,” Leon answered around a mouthful of cereal.

Just then, Jared and Penny entered the kitchen, both wearing their nightclothes. As soon as Penny caught sight of Esther, she grinned and held up her arms.

Esther bent down and scooped the little girl up, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Penny was such a sweet child—easygoing and so compliant. Her little brother, on the other hand, could be a handful at times, but he was still a dear. Esther loved him, as well as all of Samuel’s children, as if they were her own. After she and Samuel got married, these little ones would be hers to help raise, and she could hardly wait. It would be wonderful to leave the guesthouse where she’d been staying on Bonnie’s property and move back here to the home where she used to live with her parents. The best part of moving back would be that she would finally be Samuel’s wife.