The Story Begins (9 page)

“Yeah, she’s cool. We’ve done community service together a few times. She’s always cool to hang out with.”

“Yeah. Should be fun. Oh, seeing as how I’m the new guy, you probably don’t know where my stop is.”

“Where?” Jim asked as he awaited a car to pass before he merged onto the road.

“Straight down Comm Ave to West Campus,” Jaden directed.

LATER
THAT EVENING: “You know, now that I think about it, if I did have a girlfriend, this definitely would have been kind of odd. I mean, we met this morning, fast forward to now and we are hanging out in a dimly lit hotel room, your roommate is not around and the only comfortable thing that we can both sit on happens to be a bed. Yeah, perception without regard for circumstances can definitely make for trouble.”

“Those details hadn’t occurred to me but I suppose you’re right,” she agreed.

“Well, since the atmosphere is already set, why don’t we make the most of it?” he joshed.

“Yeah right! You so wish, don’t you?”

Laughing out loud, they did not hear the door unlock.

“Hey, Melanie!” said a voice.

They both looked towards the door. It was Tina, Melanie’s roommate.

“Hey Tina! What’s up?” Melanie introduced them. “Guys, meet each other. Tina, this Jaden. Jaden, this is Tina, my roommate.”

“Community service?” asked Tina.

“Yep,” said Jaden.

“Nice to meet you,” she said, extending her hand out to him.

“Likewise,” he said, reciprocating the gesture.

“They still haven’t replaced the light bulb yet, I see,” said Tina, looking at the light fixture on the ceiling as she plunked onto her bed.

“Have you been waiting on a replacement bulb for long?” Jaden asked.

“A couple of days now,” Melanie told him.

“I’ll go get one from the front desk and replace the burnt one,” he offered.

“You might want to wait a few minutes before going down,” Tina suggested. “When I walked into the lobby area there was a notice on the desk saying that the desk clerk would be back in five minutes.”

“Okay.”

“So, how’d it go today?” she asked Melanie.

“Oh, it was a lot of fun. It was nice to be out there in the peace and quiet, away from city life. It was tranquil, serene; so very peaceful.” Melanie then pulled a cassette out of her nightstand drawer. “While raking leaves Jaden and I found a tape out there somebody must have dropped. It still works, believe it or not.”

“You actually brought that back with you?” Jaden asked, staring at the ancient technology.

“Yep, I did.”

“And it really does work?” he asked, wondering why she had even brought it back in the first place.

“Yep! Not sure who the artist is because the cassette is all faded but other than that, it works just fine. I was curious so I tried playing it as soon as I got in.”

Jaden was still in disbelief. “And you actually still have a cassette deck?”

“Yes, I do,” she said, as though oblivious to the age of CDs. Then she pointed to the small dual-deck player that sat atop the corner of her desk.

“Wow!” Jaden couldn’t help but be amazed. The last time he had seen one of those, he was still a child.

“Sounds like you had yourselves quite a bit of fun,” said Tina.

“Yeah, we did,” he said, smiling. “I wouldn’t mind going out there again, preferably when it’s a bit warmer though.”

“I should get ready. Todd’s expecting me,” Tina said, getting up.

“Where are you guys going?” Melanie asked.

“Not sure yet, probably go see a movie. I really don’t feel like going out, though. I’d prefer if we just got some videos. There’s a video rental store right down the street from his apartment.”

“So are you guys officially dating now or is it still ‘or something’?” Melanie asked.

“I think we still fall into the “or something” category; which neither one of us has figured out yet.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, how long have you two been in this “or something” status?” Jaden asked.

“For a few months now,” she said.

“Is either one of you seeing anyone else?”

“No.”

“Sounds like exclusive dating to me then,” he said.

“I suppose. I just wish we could talk about it and make it official.” She sighed. “But I don’t want to raise the subject and possibly end up messing things up.”

“Then perhaps it would be best if left unaddressed,” he suggested. “Provided that neither of you is carrying on in a manner the other would disapprove of, rather you’re sharing in activities that bring you closer, though undefined by your own subjective definition, I’d say yours is a safe relationship. Wouldn’t you think?”

“Do you charge by the hour?” Tina asked jokingly. “Are you… like… a couples’ counselor?” Tina continued. “I mean, it makes sense. It’s just that when I woke up this morning and walked out the door, I never thought I’d be coming back to quasi counseling. But you’re right. Why not let sleeping dogs lie, right? Forgive me for not being as eloquent but I agree with you. Melanie, this one’s definitely a keeper,” she teased.

“I definitely didn’t think of it that way either. Are you majoring in some kind of counseling or psychology?” Melanie asked.

“Nah. I suppose it’s all the books I read,” he said, getting up. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to go see if I can get you girls that light bulb.”

7

Denial

SECOND SEMESTER–JUNIOR YEAR:
“The phone’s ringing!” announced a flu-afflicted Kevin, his head partly buried into his pillow.

“I know… we
are
in the same room, dude. I don’t feel like picking it up. You get it.”

“Dude, you’re closer,” Kevin argued. “Besides, I’m sick.”

“Kevin, the phone is as far away from you as it is from me. Just let the answering machine pick up if you don’t feel like getting it.”

“It’s probably Melanie.”

“Kevin, if you really want to know who is calling why don’t you answer it? Besides, if it’s someone that you need to talk to, you can always pick up after the answering machine comes on, assuming, of course, the person intends to leave a message. And if it’s Melanie, I’ll call her back. I’m too exhausted to move right now. How I feel right now is what happens when you’ve had a long day of classes mixed with a bit of Captain Ronan, and topped off with missing dinner. Captain Ronan is going to be the death of the ROTC program,” Jaden complained. Then it occurred to him that the phone was still ringing. “Why is the phone still ringing?” he asked as it dawned on him that the answering machine should already have answered the call. “Did you change the settings or is the answering machine not working?”

“No, it’s probably...oh, there it goes.”

Melanie’s voice came on, asking Jaden to call her back.

“So what’s with you and Melanie?” Kevin asked, his head now propped up as he eagerly awaited an answer.

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean what do I mean?” Kevin said, using an inflection that seemed to suggest that Jaden was well aware of how to interpret Kevin’s question.

“Well, let’s see. What I meant by asking you what do you mean is exactly that, what do you mean?” Jaden retorted.

“Guy, come on! You guys are always hanging out. Is there anything going on between you?”

“No, there isn’t. You know I’ve gotten that question from so many people that now I can’t help but wonder if it’s possible that I’m the only guy in the entire country that can hang out with a girl without wanting anything from her at all, other than friendship, that is. And if I don’t get asked, it’s because an assumption has already been made.”

“It’s just that you guys are like a couple.”

“Yeah, Tina says the same thing. We do hang out a lot but it’s nothing more than platonic. It’s kind of weird though sometimes. I get this feeling that there’s more between us but I can’t quite explain it. It isn’t anything physical. It’s more like a bond that I can’t seem to put into words.”

“Love, maybe?” Kevin suggested.

“Possibly, but not how you’re probably thinking of it. It almost seems… ah, never mind! It’s just kind of different… kind of very different, actually.”

“It’s love, dude. You just don’t know it yet.”

“As per your definition, I think not. Not now, not ever… with anyone, not just her,” Jaden said, quite sure of himself.

JADEN
woke up a couple of hours later, hating having fallen asleep for he feared that those couple of hours might have now thrown off his sleep cycle. He looked over to Kevin’s bed but his roommate had left. Still groggy he picked up the phone and dialed Melanie’s number.

“Heeeeeeellooooooo!” said a voice mellifluously.

The voice sounded very, very familiar, seeming to reach deep within him and almost within grasp of his memory; he, however, couldn’t place it. “Hello?”

“Heeeeeeellooooooo!” the voice said again.

It sounded like that of a child, that of a little girl. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I must have dialed the wrong number. Bye, bye.”

“No, you didn’t,” she said sweetly before again saying, “Heeeeeeellooooooo!”

“Sweetie, you really shouldn’t talk to strangers. I’m going to go now, okay.”

The voice then changed to that of an adult. “Hello?”

It sounded like Melanie, he thought. “Melanie?”

“Yes.”

He was puzzled. “Did you just hear a little girl on the line?”

“A little girl?” Melanie repeated.

“How long have you been on the phone?” But before Melanie could offer a response, he said, “Never mind the question. A crossed line, I guess.” He then dismissed it. “So, what’s up?”

“Nothing! I called a couple of hours ago but when you didn’t pick up, I figured you either weren’t back yet or the Captain wore you guys out with whatever he had you doing this time.”

“Yeah, I was here but because of Captain Ronan, my limbs weren’t responding to the signals my brain was sending out. We hiked seven miles in deep snow, three of which we actually ran not walked, and then, when we got to the endpoint, we knocked out an ungodly number of push-ups with the heavy rucksacks still on our backs. That guy isn’t hardcore, he’s plain insane… but it’s a lot of fun,” he added.

“
That
was fun? You’re beginning to sound just as insane,” Melanie teased.

“It might be contagious,” he joshed.

“Is something wrong with your answering machine?”

“I don’t know. Seems like it. You’re referring to it taking forever before picking up, right?”

“Yes.”

“I am not sure.”

“Okay. Did you make it to dinner tonight?” she asked.

“I think you know the answer to that.”

“That makes two of us then. You want to come over? We can do late night at Shelton Hall. I can’t wait to get a room there, it’ll be so much more convenient, especially in this cold. We’ll meet there, okay?”

“Okay. Give me about half an hour.”

“Okay, but please, just half an hour. I’m starving.”

“I’m military, sweetie. I’m always prompt.”

“Good, then. Execute, Cadet!”

“Roger, ma’am.”

BECAUSE
the train wasn’t always punctual, Jaden arrived at Shelton Hall about 45 minutes later; Melanie, however, wasn’t waiting for him in the lobby as he expected. She must be in the cafeteria, he thought. He walked in and took a look around; not seeing her he walked back out. He dialed her number, using the common access phone in the lobby area.

Tina picked up. “Hello!”

“Hey Tina, what’s up?”

“Hey you! I’m good. How are you?”

“Good, but I’d be better if I knew where Melanie is.”

“Oh she’ll be right with you, okay.”

“Okay.”

“Talk to you later,” she said.

“Later,” he replied then Tina hung up. “That’s weird… she was supposed to put Melanie on the phone,” he said. As he looked at the phone, slightly confused, his cognitive sense was registering a glowing light of sorts materializing in his peripheral vision; he, on the other hand, couldn’t get over Tina hanging up the phone after she had said that Melanie would be right with him. Just as he was about to call her back, he was startled by the sudden appearance of a person in his peripheral vision right next to him. Instinctively he turned in that direction. It was Melanie. He stood there for a moment, quite perplexed, before saying something. “I just spoke with Tina and she said that you’d be right with me but then hung up. How did you get from Hojo’s to here in two seconds?”

Melanie smiled, almost wryly. “She said that I’d be right with you. That doesn’t necessarily mean on the phone,” she explained, “so would it not stand to reason that she couldn’t have meant it to be on the phone?”

“Okay,” he said uncertainly. “But how did she know that you’d literally really be right with me?”

Her response was evasive. “The world does have its mysteries.”

“Yeah… the world does have its mysteries,” he repeated slowly, still looking very much confounded. They walked towards the cafeteria.

“Melanie, sweetie, I can’t be out too late tonight. I’m really tired. I thought accidentally napping for a couple of hours was going to wreak havoc on my sleep tonight but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I’ve been feeling kind of tired lately, more so than usual. Sometimes it’s like when I wake up, I feel as though I hadn’t slept at all. It’s so strange,” he complained as they walked into the cafeteria.

“Really!” she exclaimed. “I wonder if it’s a bug that’s going around or maybe just midterm jitters.”

He had almost forgotten about the pending exams. “That’s right around the corner, isn’t it? Then it might be a combination of the impending exams, psycho Ronan and my roommate’s flu. I really hope that I’m not coming down with something.”

LATER
that night, as Jaden lay in bed, he thought back to the voice he had heard when he’d called Melanie. It sounded very, very familiar. He believed that somehow there was a childhood association there, a memory of someone or something from that time. Perhaps a playmate he once had at school, at the playground, or maybe it was a neighbor; he couldn’t be certain.

*

A
FEW DAYS LATER: It was Friday night and Tina had just left for Todd’s place, leaving Melanie and Jaden undecided as to how they’d spend their evening. By the time they’d finally decided on a movie, the last show was already halfway through.

“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” Melanie asked quite suddenly.

As before, she took Jaden completely off guard with the question. “Wow! Okay! That was abrupt. Movies to girlfriends, I can definitely see the connection,” he said facetiously. “To answer your question, though, no; I’ve never had a girlfriend.”

He had now known Melanie long enough to no longer fear that she might have wanted more than what they already had and, as such, though the question was unexpected, he felt comfortable with the subject. “Why do you ask?” he said, curious as to the answer.

“I’m just curious,” she responded. “Is there a reason why not?”

“Yes. Two-fold, actually. I’ve never been attracted to anyone in that regard and, secondly, even had I been, I’d never let myself get involved.”

“Why not?”

“Because of my,” he paused, “…troubled soul,” he finished, lowering himself onto her bed.

“Troubled soul? Sounds like I may not know you as well as I thought I did. I’m not so sure that I like the sound of that,” she said disconcertedly. “Do I not know you as well as I believe?”

“You do know me. It isn’t anything that is necessarily bad… well, I guess that’s a matter of perspective.”

“What makes you call your soul troubled?”

“I’ve always been a tad bit too sensitive to the woes of the world and it’s shaped my perspective of life, perhaps for the worse. I don’t let myself get too close to anyone, not enough to trust them wholeheartedly. It’s sad but true. So I can’t see myself trusting a girl enough to give her my heart.”

“I don’t believe I understand why.”

“Look at the world around us. Even blood no longer means much these days. I’ve seen and heard of too many failed relationships and wonder if it’s really worth all the heartache. I am very much aware of the fact that there are couples that do get along famously and age together, sometimes even passing within a short period of each other because of how great their love was. I also know that, unless I try, I’ll never know with certainty what my lot might have been but I’m not so sure that it’s in me to take that chance. Anyways, like I said, I am yet to meet a girl that I am attracted to in that regard. If that ever happens… well, I’ll cross that bridge if ever I get to it.”

“Don’t you trust me?” she asked, feeling hurt.

“You’re the sole exception.” He then thought of Alex, who had been the other exception. He knew that Alex had indeed been a friend he could have entrusted the entirety of his being to, but alas that friendship was no more.

“You’re just saying that so my feelings may be spared.”

“No. You
are
the only exception. Why or how, I don’t know.”

“You make it sound as though you regret that you trust me.”

“No! Not at all. I cherish that I do. It’s nice to be able to trust someone wholeheartedly.”

“Do you trust me enough to have dated me if I were the girl at the other end of the bridge?” she asked.

How did she mean that? He suddenly wasn’t sure anymore. Was she just curious or was he failing to read between the lines?

“As beautiful and wonderful as you are, no, I wouldn’t date you,” he answered her, hoping that he wasn’t hurting her feelings by being forthright. He tried to discern through her rather stoic facial expression and mannerism how she took it. He could not read her. At least he was being honest, he thought.

“You’re not going to tell me it’s because I’m like a sister to you, are you?”

He laughed. “Guys hate it when it’s reversed,” he said.

“You’re telling me!” she said, as though she had been down that road time and again.

“No, it’s not that you’re like a sister to me. I’m not so sure that I could ever see us as anything other than great friends though. Ours is an incredible friendship. I don’t think that our love, such as it is, could ever transcend the bounds of platonic friendship. The world has darkened my heart and if my heart is incapable of trust, it cannot be capable of a love true, as opposed to one established upon criteria. And I cannot take from another that which I cannot reciprocate. That is the second reason why not.”

“I’m not so sure that I understand this. You say that you trust me; that I am the only one that you trust wholeheartedly.”

“Yes.”

“Then, for the sake of argument, why could we not be more than friends?” she asked, looking confused.

“I think that the love for a person who is more than a friend is different than that for one who is no more than a friend. The emotional attachment can be profound in both but I believe that in some ways, it is far more profound between couples. Or maybe it’s just as profound only in a different sense. I guess my bottom line is I’d rather a broken friendship than a broken relationship. Why the curiosity?” he asked.

“Just very curious… I guess it might be because so many guys have hit on me but you never have, nor have I ever seen you hit on anyone else, so I was just wondering if there was a reason.”

“Now you know. And see, it wasn’t a bad thing, again depending on one’s perspective, of course. It is unfortunate but not necessarily bad. Or perhaps it is. I don’t know; maybe I’m just a very confused person.”