The Story Begins (10 page)

“If you’ve learned to trust me then you can learn to love someone, I’m sure.”

“You might be right. Actually, you probably
are
right. But with you, I believe I didn’t even have to learn to trust you. Though I had no reason to, for some reason I’m pretty sure that I started trusting you from the very moment that you first said hi to me. But your line of reasoning is sound. I do understand what you mean.” He looked at his watch. “Oh my God! It’s almost 3:00 in the morning. I should get going.”

“Please don’t go!” she entreated.

“But it’s almost 3:00.”

“I know. I’m not sure if the train is still running, and if it is it’s probably sporadic.”

“West Campus is only about a fifteen-minute walk from here. No need for the train.”

“You’ll be the only one out there.”

“I’ll be fine,” he tried to assure her.

She was adamant. “No. Stay!” He acquiesced.

“I suppose I can crash here for tonight. I guess this is when I’m supposed to say that I’ll sleep on the floor, on a blanket, or in a sleeping bag, etcetera, but honestly I’d rather we share the bed if that’s okay with you. I won’t try any funny stuff.”

“I know you won’t.”

As they lay there, a thought occurred to him. “What’s Tina going to think when she walks in and sees us probably snuggled close to each other in our sleep under the covers?”

“Nothing! Besides, she spends nights over at Todd’s place.”

“Yeah, but they’re a couple.”

“So are we, just not like they are. You worry too much.”

“You’re right. I’m worrying over nothing.”

“She won’t be back until sometime tomorrow evening anyhow.”

“Okay. Night, night!” he wished her.

“Night, night!”

He reached for the night lamp beside the bed and turned off the dim light. Within minutes they were sleep.

In his sleep he dreamt of a little girl he felt he had known as a child. He saw her in the distance and she glowed. Beside her stood Melanie and they smiled at him. Then out of the heavens appeared a being radiant and glowing. It began to descend upon Melanie and the child beside her. He knew not the sight of heavenly or divine but if he had to give a description of the entity, such were the only words that would have come to mind; yet even those words would have failed miserably in speaking of that which his eyes witnessed.

He tried to call out to them that they may look above them but they already seemed to be aware of the descending being and remained steadfast as it came down upon them. Gracefully it enveloped them, causing them to vanish within its midst and then it rose higher before starting to approach him. He tried to get away but realized that there wasn’t anywhere he could have gone. It appeared as though an eternity of emptiness lay before him. The being descended upon him, coming to rest right before his eyes.

“Do not be frightened,” it said.

“Who are you?”

“I was with you in ages past. I am with you now. And I am with you forever!” it said.

“God?” he asked.

“No,” it said, peering into his eyes.

“If you are an angel,” Jaden said, mesmerized by that which his senses grappled with, “how poorly we have depicted your kind. Even the most creative of imaginations couldn’t even begin to comprehend, let alone describe, such beauty.”

He felt that it smiled.

“By thy hand was I wrought,” it said.

Jaden felt that his was a lucid dream and said, “I wish I could be this imaginative when I am awake.
Are
you an angel?” he asked.

“Far greater,” it said.

Jaden was awestruck.

“Learn from me now, know me tomorrow and cherish me always,” it said affectionately then vanished.

Jaden slept peacefully.

THE
FOLLOWING MORNING: “Good morning, sleepy heads. What have we here?”

They turned each to the other still half asleep, wondering where that came from.

“Did you say something?” Melanie asked.

“No, I thought you did.”

“Hello? It’s me, guys.” It was Tina.

“What are you doing back so soon?” asked Melanie.

“Interrupting something it seems!” she said. “I can tell you weren’t expecting me, you naughty kids.”

During the course of the night, Jaden had felt warm and as such had gotten out from beneath the covers and taken off his shirt. Feeling cold later on but not knowing where he had tossed his shirt, he got back beneath the covers. Now again he was partially outside of the covers.

“I see that Jaden doesn’t have his shirt on and Melanie, your pajamas are still hanging on the bathroom door. Either of you care to fill me in on what’s going on?” she asked with a smirk across her face, quite obviously expecting prurient details.

“Sorry to disappoint. Regardless of how it looks, nothing happened,” Melanie managed to get out, yawning simultaneously, while still beneath covers that were already muffling her hard-to-understand words. “We hung out a little too late. By the time we realized what time it was, I thought it was too late for Jaden to go all the way back to West Campus. So, despite his objections,” she continued, looking over at him as though to imply that he had a resolute will, “I insisted that he spend the night.”

“Yeah sure, tell me more… explain your jammies hanging up there then,” Tina said, pointing to Melanie’s pajamas.

“Well that’s easy. My jammies are up there because I wore another set last night, which you can’t see because I am almost wholly immersed underneath the warm covers.”

“Oh! Yes, of course,” Tina said, feeling a bit silly. She then jokingly asked, “What kind of a sick relationship is this, anyway?” Though she asked in jest, Jaden thought he also sensed curiosity in her. She plunked onto her bed. “You two probably do more together than any other couple on the planet, including sleeping in the same bed apparently, but you’re not an item. I mean, neither one of you is seeing someone, neither one of you is gay… so would someone please explain this concept to me?”

“Sounds like this may be something you’ve been thinking about for some time, Tina. I suppose it is kind of unusual,” Jaden said, still half asleep.

“Unusual? No, this is just creepy!” Tina said.

“Well, it works for us… at least for now,” Melanie said.

“Did you say at least for now? What does that mean?” Tina asked.

“Well, sooner or later, one of us will start dating and we won’t be able to hang out all the time as we do now, let alone share a bed. I guess neither one of us has found the right person yet,” Melanie explained while getting out from under the covers, “but once whoever does first, it’ll be different.”

Jaden’s eyes opened wide. He looked as one who had just realized something, had just had an epiphany, perhaps. Melanie’s words resonated within him and had an unexpected effect on him. He felt strange. He felt very strange actually.

As Melanie went about getting changed, all the while listening to Tina recount her time with Todd, Jaden stayed in bed, pondering what it was that he felt and why. He realized that he did not much care about what Melanie had said. He couldn’t imagine that he felt jealous. That would have implied that he just might have cared for Melanie with a love that transcended friendship. Regardless of how strong their bond might have been, he found such a concept unfathomable, entirely impossible. It cannot be, he thought. Yet something within him was stirred. Was Kevin right? No! He refused to consider that.

“I’ve got to go!” he announced, getting up rather hurriedly.

Melanie noticed. “Are you okay?” she asked, hoping that all was well.

“Yeah, why do you ask?” He sounded somewhat agitated.

“You seem to be in a hurry all of a sudden. Somewhere you have to be?”

“No. Just want to give you two girls some space and time to do girl stuff, you know.”

“You can take your time about it, Jaden. No need to rush,” Tina assured him.

*

Jaden
had now known Melanie for most of his junior year and was just now beginning to realize the effect she had on him. His friends, what little time he spent with those who had forgiven his imbecility, commented that there had been a change in him. When he had asked what they meant, they couldn’t quite put it into words but did state that he had become a different person, a better person who now valued things more.

“The power women can wield over men is really mind-blowing,” Kevin had once commented while at dinner, not all that long after Jaden met Melanie.

“What do you mean?” Jaden had asked.

“You no longer seem to be disillusioned by the world. It’s hard to believe but have you noticed that you’ve stopped being a first-rate asshole – and I mean that in the nicest way possible – that couldn’t give a crap about other people? Dude, you don’t even rant about God anymore when He comes up in our conversations. Melanie has really had a profound effect on you, hasn’t she?” he had said. “Thank goodness my prayers have finally been answered.”

“Coincidence, not Melanie!” Jaden had said stoically. “Maybe I’m just mellowing out as time passes and it simply coincided. And coincidence, dear roommate, is an act of chance, not one of God or fate,” he had retorted.

“Okay, whatever you say, dude. We definitely don’t want the old Jaden back so we’ll get off the God thing for now.” They had then laughed.

*

Jaden
decided that he was creating an issue where there wasn’t one, nor did there need to be one. Summer break was just a few weeks away and they’d be out of school long enough for him to clear his head, sort this out, and then get over whatever it was that seemed to have reached into the very core of his being. He was very confident that time apart, coupled with his summer ROTC camp schedule, would distract him long enough to rid himself of whatever it was that now had him in a grip he felt growing stronger with each passing moment.

8

An Epiphany Too Late

SENIOR YEAR: “Wow!
Can you believe that this is our final year? We are finally seniors, dude!” Jaden exclaimed while helping Kevin bring in the last of his baggage.

“All that means is that it won’t be too long before we have to face the real world. And to be honest with you, I’m kind of apprehensive about that,” said Kevin, momentarily wondering if the stars were aligned in his favor.

“I say rather than worry about that, let’s make the most of now while we still can. Once we get out there, you’re right, we won’t be afforded the opportunity of being as carefree.”

“Talk to Melanie?” Kevin asked while reaching for a bottle of water in his backpack.

“Not often, just whenever I could, given how hectic my summer was. I’ll call her in a bit. I have to find the phone first though through all this mess. Hopefully the school directory has all the new numbers already listed. She told me that she has a surprise but wouldn’t say what it is only that I’d know soon enough,” Jaden said then asked rhetorically, “I wonder what it could be?”

“Or who it could be?” Kevin said.

Jaden hadn’t realized that he had spoken loudly enough for Kevin to hear him. He also found what Kevin said a most random and curious thing to say.

“What do you mean,
who
it could be?” asked a bemused Jaden.

“What do you mean what do I mean? Just what I said, it might be someone, not necessarily something,” Kevin clarified.

“Melanie? Nah. I suppose you could be right but I’m sure she’d have mentioned something like that.”

“Maybe she didn’t because she’s not sure that you’d approve.”

Jaden thought for a moment then said, “That makes no sense. She wouldn’t string a guy along all summer long and then break it off if I disapproved. Besides, I’m not her mom, dad, brother, sister or boyfriend, so why would I care?” Jaden’s subconscious had surfaced for, unbeknownst to him, he had sounded very defensive.

“Dude, relax, man. It was just a thought. Why are you getting so worked up?”

Jaden then realized that he had, indeed, become rankled; introspectively he reflected upon the same question. He realized that he did not much care for the possibility Kevin had suggested. He now also awakened to the fact that out of sight and out of mind need not necessarily equate to out of one’s heart. He couldn’t be any surer that he’d always have a place for Melanie in his heart, but that which he now felt, yet again, was no different than what he had felt that morning Tina came back earlier than expected. Had Tina returned the evening preceding that morrow and not the morning itself, his feelings, he was absolutely sure, would never have assumed any of the unfolding complications that now appeared to be beyond his influence to manipulate.

He pretended to be sorting through his boxes as though to put his belongings away when, in fact, what he really sought was the phone. Then he stopped abruptly and sank on his bed.

“Are you all right?” Kevin asked, noticing the suddenness of Jaden’s action.

“Yeah, I’m good, just exhausted! All the packing and unpacking, you know.”

“Oh yeah, I know all too well. This is the fourth year of doing this. You know what, I think I’ll follow your lead.” Kevin also crashed onto his own bed.

Jaden had stopped searching for, as much as he wished to call Melanie, he feared that perhaps Kevin might be right. He could barely shoulder the possibility, let alone the reality, if, in fact, Melanie had met someone over the break. All the excited anticipation of seeing her again quite suddenly turned into dread. He started thinking: I don’t know anything for sure so why am I reacting this way? It’s just a possibility. She never gave any indication that it was a guy. Then again, she never gave any indication that it wasn’t. Good God! Why do I care? Why do I care at all? Why am I giving a damn? There isn’t anything between us and there never will be. This is, actually, plain stupid – what the hell kind of a surprise would ‘Hey this is my boyfriend’ be? A surprise is I got a car, a puppy, a kitten, see how cute it is, something like that. Not, surprise, this is my boyfriend.

He tried hard to clear his thoughts and he failed miserably. His thoughts remained addled. He understood not why. It would have been obvious to anyone mindful of his predicament that he remained blind only because denial is what he chose rather than accept the truth. Alas the truth wavered not but stood steadfast; and truth then made itself known to him. Oh my God! How could I have let this happen? As much as he had not wanted to acknowledge a truth most obvious, Jaden now had to contend with the fact that, despite his greatest efforts against it, he had fallen in love.

Jaden’s misguided pride now impeded his ability to be the human being nature had intended him to be; to that end, he did not permit emotions he considered weak to betray how he was feeling. Casually he rose from his bed, grabbed his cap then, while heading towards the door, said, “I feel like a snack. Is there anything you’d like from the convenience store?”

“Dude, we’re all the way in Danielsen Hall, quite a way from the nearest campus store. The closest one is at Warren Towers, I think. There are convenience stores closer than that.”

“Yeah, I know, but the campus store has a particular brand of beef jerky I can’t get elsewhere. It’s worth the walk.”

“No, I’m good. Thanks.”

“All right, I’m out of here. Be back in a while.”

“All right, dude.”

AS
he headed towards Shelton Hall, he stopped by a campus phone, called the directory and inquired about Melanie’s number. It had not changed. He dialed. It rang to no answer. They must still be unpacking, he thought. Hanging up the phone, he walked at a brisk pace, feeling as though each step that brought him closer to Melanie’s dormitory compounded his anxiety. He could not fathom the degree of sway upon him that single uttered word had; “
who
.”

“HI,”
he said, standing in the doorway of a messy room, looking at the occupant who had her back towards him.

Tina turned around. “Oh my God! Jaden! It’s so nice to see you,” she said, wading through the mess then wrapping her arms around him. “I missed you guys so much… well, Melanie’s not here but you know what I mean. How are you?”

They walked into the room; she stepping over boxes while he remained just past the door on the inside. The place was really very cluttered.

“Great!” he answered. “Spent the entire summer doing army stuff and it was awesome!”

“Like what? Tell me about it,” Tina said, bubbling with excitement, happy to see him again.

“I jumped out of planes, navigated through swamps, rappelled out of choppers, flew in jets which mapped mountain ranges – just like you see in the movies when they fly through or around mountain ranges. It was really cool stuff.”

“Wow! Suddenly I feel like my summer was totally lame.”

“No, it wasn’t. Different strokes for different folks, right?”

“I love that about you. Always optimistic.”

“Thank you. By the looks of it, I take it that Melanie’s checked in as well? Or do you just have a lot of stuff?”

“She’s here all right. She’s just off somewhere with…” she struggled with a box then said, “Mike.”

“Mike?” he repeated, his brow furrowing. “Who’s Mike? Wait… I think she’s mentioned him before. Mike! Mike, as in like high school sweetheart Mike that turned out not to be so sweet?”

“Yeah, that’s him,” Tina confirmed.

“Shouldn’t he be not just out of her life but somewhere half way across the country?”

“Strange thing love is!” Tina observed.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, they got back together. She didn’t tell you, did she?” she asked while surveying the room, trying to figure what ought to be going where.

“No, she didn’t.”

“Yep, they got back together. I guess being away from her made him realize just how much he cares for her and how much of an ass he was and how much he hurt her when he thought that they ought to see other people.” She grabbed some hangers out of a box then placed them in the cabinet.

“She went back to him after that?” Jaden asked in disbelief.

“She believes he’s changed. Would you please hand me the bottle of water on the desk? I’m parched.”

He handed her the bottle without saying a word.

“Why do girls always have so much stuff?” she asked rhetorically. “Anyways, he couldn’t be away from her anymore and transferred over just to be with her. Can you believe that he gave up a scholarship to come to a school where he’d have to pay for his tuition? When she first told me over the summer that he was transferring, I was kind of skeptical, kind of very skeptical, but when I saw him after getting back here… well, one can’t help but believe. Yep, strange thing love is!”

It took all of Jaden’s might not to collapse onto the floor. This had to be a bad dream. This could not be real. In that moment he felt that his entire world had just come crashing down around him.

“She never mentioned anything about him when I talked to her over the break. She did say that she had a surprise. I guess that’s what she meant. Why would she not tell me though?” he asked, his face downcast.

Tina hadn’t noticed as she was very much engrossed in the task at hand. “Probably because she believed you wouldn’t have approved and would prefer you talk about it in person. It’s never easy when a good friend disapproves of someone else that is also dear to the affected person.”

He could not believe what he was hearing. He gripped the door knob, feeling as though he were blacking out. “Help me!” he said as he tried to stagger towards her over the boxes, barely able to feel his legs.

“Oh God! Jaden, are you all right?” Tina screamed as she rushed over, hoping to catch him before he fell. She caught him just in time and helped him to a chair. Then, clearing her bed, she helped him on to it.

“Where’s my cell phone when I need it?” she said, searching her purse frantically.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to call anyone. I’ll be fine,” he assured her.

“Are you sure? I mean… has this happened before that makes you sure that you’re fine, or that you will be fine? I’m calling 911.”

“No, I’ll be fine. Believe me.”

She moved some boxes out of the way and pulled her desk chair beside the bed so that she was next to him. Sitting beside him, she held his hand.

“What happened? Are you sick?” asked Tina, anguish in her voice.

“No, I’m not,” he said as a tear trickled down his face.

She let go of his hand as a realization dawned on her. “Oh my God!” she cried, raising her hands over her mouth. “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

“If how I feel is love, then yes,” he answered meekly.

“How long have you felt like this?”

“I can’t be sure but if I had to guess I’d say at least since that day you returned from Todd’s place to find us sharing a bed,” he said, trying to refrain from shedding tears.

“Why did you never talk to her about it?”

“Because it is only now that I truly recognize what I’ve been feeling.” He got up.

“What are you going to do?”

“The only thing I
can
do, which is to be as good and supportive a friend now as I’ve always been. I, too, am inclined to believe one who has sacrificed much for another is, indeed, a changed soul. As long as she is happy with him, my secret is never to burden her heart, okay?”

“I understand.”

“Thank you. Please tell her that I stopped by.”

“I will,” said Tina, wishing that there was something she could have done at that moment to ease his pain.

“Cheer up, Tina! It isn’t the end of the world,” he said softly as he headed towards the door. “Please be your usual self when she gets back; we don’t want her suspecting anything, okay?”

“Okay, I will,” she promised.

“See ya!”

“Bye.”

Tina remained seated, looking very much dismayed as though it were her world that had just come to an end.

*

“How
foolish a child I was; yet this was necessary,” observed the unseen older Jaden, who hovered outside the window with his beloved Lydia, witnessing the dismay his younger self had wrought upon his own head. “How truly foolish and stubborn a child I was,” he said calmly. He smiled and then they walked away, continuing their journey through time.