The Sound (27 page)

He bites his lip. And then he takes a deep breath. ‘You really want to know the truth?’ he asks.

‘Yes,’ I say.

He slides to the floor then, bringing his knees up and resting his arms on them.

‘Tyler Reed assaulted my sister.’

I take a breath, reeling backwards. I shake my head. ‘What?’ This is several realms away from what I expected to hear.

‘Tyler Reed attacked my sister . . . last summer.’

I sink to my knees in front of him.

‘That’s why you beat him up,’ I say. It’s not a question. Everything is sliding sickeningly into place.

Jesse nods. I can see that his eyes are glimmering in the low light of the shop. He’s studying me hard, watching my reaction. I reach out and place a hand on his knee. ‘I’m so
sorry,’ I say, then, ‘Why didn’t you tell the police? Surely they would have understood why you beat him up? Tyler would have gone to prison, not you.’

He drops his head then after a beat looks up at me again. ‘Because Hannah didn’t want to report it. She was thirteen – she’s a kid. And we couldn’t force her. Not
after what she’d been through. Imagine what the whole process would be like for her. And for what? He would have walked. Rich kids like him always do. There was no proof. Just her word
against his.’

‘But—’ I start. She was thirteen, I wanted to say. He would never have got away with it.

He cuts me off. ‘No. I’m glad we didn’t make her because look what happened to
me
in court. Tyler Reed and his father would have dragged her through a trial, they
would have destroyed her. I couldn’t have watched that. I couldn’t—’ His voice breaks.

Now I move. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, cradling him against me, and I rock him as his shoulders heave. I rest my lips against the top of his head. I do not want to ever let him go.

Eventually Jesse takes a heaving breath in and looks up at me. His lips are inches from mine, his eyes shining bright. I see his gaze drop just briefly to my lips. My heart beats so fast in
response that it’s as if a bird is fluttering in my chest, trapped, beating against the panes of my ribs.

‘I’m going to finish this thing with Tyler,’ Jesse says, his gaze now locked on the middle distance where I imagine he’s picturing Tyler Reed’s face with his fist
attached to it.

I pull back, my arms falling to my sides. ‘What does that mean? You’re going to beat him up again?’ Or does he mean
kill him
?

Jesse nods, his attention back on me. ‘I want to hurt him as badly as he hurt Hannah,’ he spits, ‘I want to ruin his life like he ruined hers. You know what she’s doing
in Boston?’ he asks. I shake my head. ‘She’s too scared to be here – here at home with her family, where she belongs – because she knows Tyler will be here for the
summer. He’s run her out of her own home.’ He grimaces, the anger raging in his tense muscles. ‘That’s why she’s staying with my aunt in Boston. And she’s seeing
a therapist my parents can’t even afford to pay.’ He pauses, his eyes darting to mine. ‘I’ve not told a single soul any of this. Not even Austin. The only people who know
are my parents and me. And Hannah’s best friend.’

I hang my head. I wonder if that was the girl I saw him talking to outside the shop weeks ago. I shake my head. It’s so hard to know what to say, how to calm him down – because
wouldn’t I feel the same way in his situation? Hasn’t he every right to want to tear Tyler Reed limb from limb? I feel sick at having even spent time in the same space as Tyler, at
having kissed his best friend.

Then I look at Jesse, feeling determination shoot through me. ‘There are other ways,’ I say.

‘There are
no
other ways,’ Jesse says bitterly, ‘– not available to us anyway – Tyler’s rich, he’s connected. Hannah doesn’t want to
testify against him in court. And she’s right. He’d win. I can’t ask her to take the stand, to have to face him across a courtroom.’

‘Jesse,’ I say, my tone fierce, ‘if you go after him you will end up in prison. They’ll know it’s you. Even if you jumped him down a back alley and there were no
witnesses you’d be the prime suspect.’

Jesse looks up and holds my gaze. His eyes are fire. ‘I know,’ he says, resignation in his voice. His
I know
sounds more like
I don’t care
.

‘That’s why I can’t get involved with you.’ He says this softly, so sadly that I feel like I’m made from perforated card and he’s just torn me in two.

‘I don’t understand,’ I whisper, but I think I do. I
do
understand, I just don’t want to.

‘I’m not going to change my mind about this. I’m going to prison. It’s the price I’m willing to pay.’

I open my mouth, ready to start yelling, but he shakes his head and I fall silent.

‘I found her, Ren,’ he says and I watch the shadows darken his face. ‘She called me. She was crying so hard I couldn’t even understand what she was saying. She just asked
me to come and get her. I drove out to Jetties beach and she was there. At two a.m. He’d just left her . . . like she was a used piece of trash.’ He stops, takes a deep, shuddering
breath. ‘He invited her to a party,’ he continues, still holding my gaze. ‘There was no party.’ He pauses and I picture all of it. I picture Tyler leading her into the
dunes. I picture him throwing back his head and laughing when she tried to fight him off. ‘He left her there,’ he says again, almost in wonder this time, ‘in the middle of the
night, on her own.’ Another pause. He studies his clenched fists and then glances quickly back up at me. ‘And now he’s walking around scot-free, laughing about it, thinking
he’s got away with it.’ His gaze burns me. ‘So do you see now why I’m going to prison? And why that’s a price I’m willing to pay? He can’t just get away
with it. No way.’

I can’t find any words. What am I supposed to say? Yes, I see. No, Tyler can’t get away with it. But no – I don’t think it has to be this way.

‘I don’t want anyone trying to change my mind,’ Jesse says, looking pointedly at me even though I haven’t said a word. ‘Which is why I can’t be with you. I
don’t want you to change my mind.’ He lowers his voice, leans in towards me and speaks so fast that I have to grasp for the words. ‘All I want to do right now is kiss you,’
he says, ‘and hold you and . . .’ He breaks off. ‘But I can’t, Ren,’ he continues after a beat, resting back against the counter. ‘Believe me I wish I could. And
if I felt differently about you . . . if it could just be a meaningless hook-up I might even think about it because, let’s face it, I might never get the chance again.’ Here he smiles
softly at me but I can’t smile back. ‘But despite the rumours, I’m not a player. Not anymore anyway. And I’m not going to use you like Jeremy Thorne did. You deserve
better.’

It feels as if I’ve fallen onto a jagged piece of steel and it’s skewered all my vital organs. I’m speechless.

‘Even telling you all this makes you an accessory to a crime,’ he adds.

‘Jesse,’ I say, finally finding my voice though it no longer sounds like mine, ‘I don’t care. I want to help you.’

He brings his hand up and rests it gently against my cheek. ‘You can help me by not trying to change my mind . . . by understanding why I have to do this.’

I stagger to my feet. ‘No,’ I shout. ‘No bloody way.’

He frowns up at me in bewilderment. I grab my bag which is lying on the counter and head for the door. My tears have been burned up by anger and I yank the door so hard that the glass almost
breaks a second time.

I hear Jesse jumping to his feet behind me and then his hand closes around the edge of the door, stopping me from slamming it shut.

‘Ren,’ he says gently. ‘Don’t go.’

I whip around. He’s here. He’s so close. And all I want is to bury my head in his chest and breathe him in and hold on to him and kiss him and let him do
anything
to me. But
I don’t. I have more steadfastness than a rock. I do not budge.

‘I’m not going to be part of this,’ I say. ‘Of you being stupid and doing something you’ll regret for the rest of your life.’

‘I won’t regret it. It’s worth it. It’ll be worth it if it means Hannah can come back here. If she can come home.’

‘And what about if you’re gone? Did you think about that?’ I yell. ‘What would she be coming back to? A family that’s broken! A brother in prison! You think
that’s what she wants?’ I shake my head at him in fury. ‘I thought you were smarter than that.’

I shove past him out into the night and I start walking. I am about fifty metres down the road, marching in a blind fury, when a truck pulls up alongside me and that’s when I remember the
Nantucket Nanny Serial Killer. I clutch my bag to my chest, already searching for the mace, but then I see that it’s Jesse.

‘Get in,’ he says, throwing open the passenger door.

‘No,’ I say, glaring at him. But then I stare down the length of the very dark, very shadowy and very lonely street and think again.

‘Ren, I’m not letting you walk home by yourself given the situation.’

I huff and then pull myself up into the truck.

Jesse doesn’t say a word. He waits until I’m buckled up and then he starts driving. He goes slowly and the two times that I glance across at him I see that he’s frowning and
chewing his bottom lip. He’s thinking. Well good, I think, maybe he’s thinking that he’s being a total tool and reassessing the whole idea. Maybe he’s going to figure out
that going to jail would be a
dumb idea
. And that kissing me would be a
not so dumb idea
. Goddamn all men. Goddamn them. They all have shit for brains. I think about what
I’m going to tell Megan and then remember that I am sworn to secrecy. I will never betray Jesse’s confidence even if I think he’s being a total idiot with shit for brains.

I grit my teeth and clutch the door handle and count down the seconds until he pulls into my drive. He stops right at the top, doesn’t drive down to the house.

I frown across at him.

‘Don’t want to get you into trouble with your employers,’ he says quietly. ‘I know they didn’t appreciate me turning up the last time.’

I open my mouth to say something, reassure him that that wasn’t the case, but I can’t do that without lying, so I shut my mouth and just nod.

‘Thanks for the ride,’ I say quietly.

‘I’ll wait until you’re inside,’ he says, glancing down the drive where the front door of the house is visible.

Why does he have to be so goddamn good-looking? And such a dickhead? What is with him? How can he not see how stupid he’s being? But it’s true, that even as I think this,
there’s a part of me that thinks what he wants to do is full of courage and honour and love. He’s doing this out of love. Out of devotion to his sister and her happiness. The problem is
he isn’t thinking straight. He thinks what he is doing is his only option.

I open the car door and get out. I’m so angry and so tangled up with emotions I can’t think straight either and I don’t want to get into any more conversation with Jesse right
now. ‘Bye,’ I say, and I slam the door.

‘Oh my God! Oh good Lord! Thank you!’

It’s Carrie. She is still awake and has clearly been waiting up for me. She flings herself at me as soon as I step foot through the door.

‘Where have you been?’ she demands. ‘You should have been back half an hour ago. You called and said you were leaving with Richard Reed. I’ve been worried out of my mind
that you’d been in an accident. And he’s not answering his phone. I was about to call the police!’

Oh crap. I forgot to call her. ‘I’m sorry. I um, I had to see Jesse Miller about something so I stopped at the store and then he drove me home.’

Carrie stares at me blank-faced. ‘Jesse Miller?’ she says.

‘Yes,’ I answer. ‘You know, you people should really give him a break. He’s actually a really great guy.’

Carrie looks rather taken aback at my tone and I know that I’ve been a little aggressive in my assertion of Jesse’s goodness (and possibly a bit misguided given that this really
great guy is planning to kick the shit out of Tyler Reed sometime before summer’s up) but I feel so angry at all these people – at Tyler Reed and his creepy father, and at Jeremy, and
at Carrie too, for how they all judge Jesse when they don’t know the full story. It makes me so mad I could break something. So God knows how it must make Jesse feel. Suddenly I have full
empathy . . . even though I never thought I’d condone violence. Jesus, his sister was
thirteen
. I get a sudden sick feeling in my stomach as an image leaps into my mind. Tyler Reed
on the deck of his house with Paige’s little sister, Lola. Then I recall the argument I saw between Tyler and Paige on the fourth of July. The pieces that were falling sickeningly into place
now thud heavy as tombstones.

‘What is it? Ren?’ Carrie’s voice breaks through the images in my head. I blink at her, letting the images fade. ‘Are you OK?’ she asks, putting her hand on my
shoulder.

‘Yes,’ I murmur, ‘I’m fine. I just – I need to go to bed.’

She watches me as I head up the stairs. My hand is numb on the banister, my feet heavy as concrete. I sit on the edge of my bed and rest my head in my hands. Then I burst into tears.

I wake up with burning eyes. I’ve been crying in my sleep and my eyes feel as if they’ve been tasered repeatedly. I roll onto my side and shut them but all I can
see is Jesse, his face when he told me about his sister, the determination and hatred lacing his voice when he spoke about his plans for Tyler.

I have to find a way to stop him. I’m still mad at him but the anger has dulled to an ache, because really it’s my heart that is hurting the most. It’s like it was filled with
helium for a few precious seconds and allowed to float above the surface of the earth and then someone shot a missile right through it. But I can’t avoid the thought. Jesse Miller italicized
like
likes
me. I almost smile. He’s
liked
me, the whole time – all that flirting was for real. I recall every single line of flattery and flirtatious glance in my
direction and want to tattoo them into my brain just so I can get off on the self-torture of replaying them all for the rest of my freaking life. Obviously.