The Sigh of Haruhi Suzumiya (13 page)

And with that proclamation, she walked off humming Marilyn Manson’s “Rock Is Dead.”

“I’ll let Asahina know,” Koizumi whispered in my ear before he left. Asahina had Koizumi’s blazer draped over her head. If it were winter, I’d have brought a coat, but unfortunately the weather had been stuck in a late-summer pattern. I directed an irritated glare at the pile of items next to my feet.

“Let her know what?”

“About the laser we were discussing. There shouldn’t be any odd rays being fired if her eye doesn’t change color. That’s how it works according to Suzumiya’s rules, so we should be okay if she doesn’t put on any color contacts.”

The reflector-board-carrying leading bastard flashed me what looked like one of those insurance-salesman smiles.

“Let us err on the side of caution and prepare a safety net. I’m sure she will be willing to cooperate. After all, beams are dangerous.”

Koizumi walked over to the black-garbed figure that looked something like a human crow, Nagato.

As I returned home carrying my huge load of crap, my sister came out to greet me, looking at me like I was some kind of weird animal. The grade-schooler who had been responsible for the nickname “Kyon” spreading all over started spouting stuff like “Is that a video camera? Yay, film me, film me!” and other nonsense, but I just said “Moron” and went to my room.

In any case, I was completely exhausted. Any desire to engage in any further unbecoming cameraman activities had long evaporated. Asahina was one thing, but why should I have to engage in something as sad as recording footage of my own little sister? No fun in that.

I set down my bag along with the backpack and paper bags before collapsing on my bed, attaining a brief moment’s respite before my mother sent my sister up to elbow-smash me awake for dinner.

The next day, we gathered in front of the station yet again. The only difference would be that there had been a switch in members. In addition to the SOS Brigade members, there were three new faces standing before me. They were the underling characters Haruhi had mentioned.

“Hey, Kyon. This isn’t how you said it would be.”

Taniguchi was filing some sort of protest.

“Where’s the lovely Asahina? I only came ’cause you said she’d be here to greet us. She’s not here, chief.”

Exactly. The scheduled time had passed and Asahina still hadn’t shown up. She’s most likely cooped up inside her room, refusing to go outside, considering how much she went through yesterday and the day before.

“I came here for the eye candy. And what’s this? All I’ve seen so far is Suzumiya’s pissed-off face. This is a scam.”

Shut up. Why don’t you look at Nagato or something?

“In any case, that outfit really suits Nagato,” Kunikida commented in a carefree tone. He would be the second underling after Taniguchi. The night before, I had just gotten into the bathtub when Haruhi called. I took the phone from my sister and answered it as I washed my hair.

“That moron Taniguchi and the other one… I can’t remember his name, but anyway, your friend. Bring the two of them with you tomorrow. We’ll be using them for underlings.”

And with that she hung up. Didn’t even say hello. When you ask people to do something for you, you should try sounding more appealing—the way Asahina sounds—instead of just barking out orders.

Once I was done with my bath, I called Taniguchi and Kunikida to ask if they had any plans for the weekend, and the bored side duo immediately consented to come. What do you guys usually do on the weekend?

Maybe Haruhi thought that two guys by themselves wouldn’t make for much of a shot, but whatever the case, she had prepared another extra. That person was currently bent over, peering into Nagato’s face under her wide-brimmed hat. With a toss of her long hair, she stood straight and turned to greet me with a smile.

“Kyon, what happened to Mikuru?”

The cheerful girl was Tsuruya, Asahina’s classmate. According to Asahina, she was “a friend from this time period,” so I would assume she doesn’t have a weird background. Back in June when Haruhi was like “Let’s enter a baseball tournament” and we needed more people, Asahina brought this normal second-year female high-schooler. Oh yeah, Taniguchi and Kunikida were also around for that one. My sister too, while we’re at it.

Tsuruya bared her healthy white teeth for all to see.

“So, what’re we doing? I was told to come if I happened to be free. What’s it say on Suzumiya’s armband? Whatcha gonna do with that video camera? Why’s Yuki dressed like that?”

She fired the stream of questions in rapid succession. By the time I had opened my mouth to respond, Tsuruya had already moved on to Koizumi.

“Whoa, Koizumi! Looking sharp today.”

Busy person.

Still, Haruhi could give Tsuruya a run for her money when it comes to hyperactivity. Pretty impressive how she could yell at her cell phone so loudly this early in the morning.

“What are you talking about? You’re the star! Thirty percent of this movie’s success is riding on you! Though the other seventy percent depends on my talent. Whatever! What was that? Your stomach hurts? Stupid! That excuse is only going to work in grade school! Get your ass down here right now! Within thirty seconds!”

It would appear that Asahina’s suffering from an onset of hikikomori syndrome. It was inevitable. Wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if the mere thought of having to endure yet another day of torture would be enough to emotionally induce stomach pains. Since she’s a timid person.

“Sheesh!”

Haruhi hung up in a rage with a look on her face like a butler about to scold a child for not using proper table manners.

“She needs to be punished!”

Don’t be like that. Asahina, unlike you, just wants to live a quiet life. You could leave her in peace on Sunday, at least, that’s what I think.

Of course, Haruhi wasn’t going to listen to any selfish requests from her leading actress. This female director kept a short leash on her star, even when she wasn’t paying her a penny.

“I’ll go pick her up. Hand me that bag over there.”

She snatched a clear bag containing the costumes and sprinted off to the taxi stand. She then pounded on the window of a parked taxi until the door was opened, before jumping in and riding off somewhere.

That’s right. I don’t know where Asahina lives. Though I’ve been to Nagato’s place a number of times….

“I can understand how Asahina feels.”

Koizumi had moved to stand next to me when I wasn’t paying attention. Tsuruya was with the joker combo from my class saying stuff like “Hey, it’s been a while” as they bowed and fawned over her. Koizumi smiled as he watched them.

“After all, there’s an impression that she may actually become a real transforming heroine at this rate. Anyway, the laser rays were definitely over the top.”

“What wouldn’t be over the top?”

“Let’s see. Something on the level of breathing fire from her mouth would be simple to set up.”

“Asahina isn’t supposed to be a monster, performer, or evil wrestler. What if her lovely lips get burned? Nobody could possibly shoulder the responsibility for that. Don’t tell me you’re already planning on taking responsibility for her.”

“Not at all. The only time I would ever feel responsibility would be if I were to allow the Celestials to run wild. Fortunately, that has never happened… ah, it happened once, didn’t it? I must thank you for your actions during that time. Your help allowed us to get through the incident.”

Half a year ago, the world had been on the verge of being destroyed. Thanks to excruciating physical effort and exhausting mental exertion on my part, the world was able to hang on by a thread. I figured it wouldn’t be odd to expect world leaders to send me thank-you letters, but I have yet to hear from any embassy staff. Well, it’d be a problem if they actually did show up, so I’m not really hoping for anything. I received a reward last time in the form of an embrace from a sobbing Asahina, and when I thought about it, that was more than enough. It wasn’t like Koizumi saying thanks was going to make me happy.

“About Mikuru Asahina…”

“Don’t use her first name. It gives me an unpleasant feeling.”

“Excuse me. About Asahina, it appears that we will be able to avoid having her emit odd rays.”

“How’d you manage that? Are you just being really optimistic and assuming that Haruhi didn’t prepare a spare color contact?”

“No, it’s already been taken care of. Nagato was very cooperative.”

I looked over at the unmoving girl staring at shops in front of the station before looking back at Koizumi. “What’d you do to Asahina?”

“There’s no need to look angry. We merely eliminated any exposure to laser. I don’t entirely understand it myself. Nagato, unlike the other TFEI terminals, speaks very little. I simply requested for her to remove any risk of danger.”

“What’s TFEI?”

“An abbreviation we arbitrarily assigned. It’s not exactly vital information. However, I believe that Nagato stands out, even when compared with the rest of them. I believe that she may serve another purpose beyond a mere interface.”

What else would the tight-mouthed bookworm do besides observe Haruhi? Ryoko Asakura would be missed by more people. Not that I miss her, though.

After thirty minutes, the taxi Haruhi had taken returned. Waitress Asahina was in tow, looking as glum as she did yesterday. Haruhi was getting a receipt from the driver. Maybe she intended to write off the taxi fee as an expense.

Taniguchi and Kunikida were holding some kind of discussion as they watched.

“The other night, I’d gone to the convenience store and was on my way back when I passed a taxi.”

“Huh.”

“And then I noticed that the
Taxi
sign on the roof looked like it said
Love.
”

“Wowzers.”

“But the taxi sped off before I could get another look. That’s when I realized. Love is what I’m missing right now.”

“Maybe it really did say
Love.
It must have been a private taxi.”

To think that we have to ask two idiots engaged in such a ridiculous conversation for help. We must really be scraping the bottom of the personnel barrel. If I were to compare Taniguchi and Kunikida to nickel alloy, then Tsuruya would be platinum. They’re about as different as fireworks and Apollo 11.

“Hey, hey. Mikuru, who do you think you are to come by taxi?”

Tsuruya was pretty psyched up, but it was at a mild level. Nowhere near Haruhi’s crazy natural high. You could say that Tsuruya was still grounded within the realm of the normal world.

“Wow, amazing! Sexy! Mikuru, what’s the place you’re working at? Must not allow anyone under eighteen inside. Huh? Aren’t you only seventeen? Oh, right. You’re not a customer so it’s okay.”

Asahina’s eyes, puffy from crying, were their natural color. Looks like they’re out of color contacts.

Haruhi dragged the petite waitress out front.

“You’re not going to get away with pretending to be sick! We’re going to keep on filming! Mikuru, this will be your time to shine. Everything is for the SOS Brigade! The spirit of self-sacrifice will always move the audience, no matter what world you live in!”

You be the sacrifice.

“There can only be one heroine in this world. It really should be me, but I’m giving up the seat this time as a special service. At least, until the cultural festival’s over!”

Nobody in this world accepts you as the heroine.

Tsuruya was slapping Asahina on the shoulder as she talked.

“What’s this? Race queen? Some kind of character? Oh, that’s it. Let’s use this for the yakisoba café at the cultural festival! A bunch of customers will come!”

I can understand why Asahina wanted to coop herself up in her room. No pitcher’s going to stand on the mound when he knows a rally is about to start.

Asahina slowly raised her head and looked at me with the eyes of a martyr, begging for salvation, before quickly looking away. She let loose a soft sigh before offering a wan smile and dragging her feet over to me.

“Sorry I’m late.”

I was looking at the top of Asahina’s head as she bowed down.

“Nah, I don’t really mind.”

“I guess I’ll have to pay for everyone’s lunch….”

“No way, don’t sweat it.”

“I’m sorry about yesterday. It looks like I fired some kind optical weapon without realizing it….”

“No sweat, I was perfectly fine….”

I took a quick peek. Nagato was standing around absentmindedly with the star-tipped antenna in her hand. Noticing my reaction, Asahina lowered her already soft and fine voice.

“I was bitten.”

She rubbed her left wrist.

“Bitten by what?”

“Nagato. She said something about injecting nanomachines…. But it looks like my eyes will no longer emit anything. What a relief.”

Which means I don’t have to worry about getting sliced up, huh? Still, it’s hard to picture Nagato biting Asahina. So, what exactly did she inject?

“It was last night. She came with Koizumi to my home….”

Koizumi, in charge of keeping an eye on the equipment, was talking with Haruhi about something. I would have loved to have come along. Invite me to these kinds of things. I’d much rather be invited on a visit to Asahina’s home instead of closed space.