The Season: Rush (Austin Arrows #1) (37 page)

Bianca

When I woke up this morning, I held my breath. The only thing I wanted for Christmas this year was to find out that my dad had contacted my mom. Every day I eagerly wait for the second she turns to me and says that she heard from him and she’s so happy I did that Facebook post because now we can be a happy family, just the three of us.

Okay, maybe I haven’t thought about that a lot, but Gabby keeps telling me that’s the way it’ll happen. She is sure that once my mom sees my dad again, she’s going to fall in love with him. I’m not quite so sure about that because she likes Kingston. But lately, it seems as though Kingston makes her sad. She hasn’t said anything, but I think she’s a little upset about him. Maybe they really had been dating and now they broke up or something. I don’t know.

Every day I pull up Facebook and I go back to that post to read more comments. I didn’t expect it to be so popular, but it is. Still. I get hundreds of comments from people telling me they hope I find my dad. At first it was so cool to have that many people paying attention. Now I’m getting questions from people asking me if I heard from him. I don’t answer because I don’t want to tell them no. It makes me feel like crap.

I can’t even ask my mom because she doesn’t know about the post. The phone number to the Penalty Box is on it, so if he did call her, I wouldn’t know. I figure as soon as he does, she’s going to ask me about it. Since that hasn’t happened, I don’t think he’s seen the post.

“Bianca! Can you come down here for a minute? There’s someone here to see you.”

My eyes dart over to the door, and a huge jolt of something shoots through my body. It’s like being on a roller coaster and feeling like my tummy fell to my toes. Is this it? Is it possible that I am going to get my Christmas wish? I dreamed about this. About how my mom and dad planned to surprise me for Christmas. Maybe it’s really happening.

I jump off the bed and bounce a few times on the balls of my feet, trying not to get too excited. I feel a strange swirling motion in my belly.

Is he here? Did he finally find us?

My hand is shaking when I turn the doorknob. I hope my knees don’t turn to Silly String as I head down the hall toward the stairs. I keep my hand on the wall, just to be safe. I peek around the wall but my mom isn’t standing down there. I don’t see anyone.

I pause, straining to hear what’s going on downstairs.

There are voices.

Oh, my God!

There are voices. Two of them. One is deeper than the other. It could be a man’s voice. I can’t tell. It kind of sounds like a woman, but it could be a man. I hope it’s a man. I hope it’s my dad!

Ohemgee! Ohemgee! Ohemgee! This could be it. He could be here.

My heart feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest. I force my legs to move, slowly going down the stairs. I have to grip the handrail to keep me steady. The voices get louder, but I can’t tell who they are. I can hear my heart beating in my ears.

“Oh, wow. She’s going to be so thrilled,” my mom says.

Taking a deep breath, I turn the corner into the living room only to find…

“Hey,” my mother greets, grinning ear to ear. “Look who came to see you.”

Ellie

The shock on Bianca’s face confuses me. As soon as she stepped off the stairs, her gaze traveled the room as though she was looking for someone specific. When she zeroed in on Noelle, disappointment instantly marred her features.

Not exactly how I thought she was going to react to the fact that Noelle came over to see her tonight. Then again, when she opens her present, I don’t think she’ll be at all disappointed.

“Hey, kiddo. What’s doin’?” Noelle asks, her voice deeper than usual because of her cold.

Bianca forces a smile. I wonder if Noelle notices it, too.

“I brought you something. Sorry I couldn’t come by yesterday. I’ve got a cold and it’s taken me down a notch. But I knew you would want your gift.”

From the box sitting on the island, a soft meow escapes, giving away the gift inside. Thanks to all the holes, it would be nearly impossible to hide, anyway.

“Is that…” Bianca’s eyes widen as they latch on to the box.

“It is. Merry Christmas, B,” Noelle says, grabbing Bianca and hugging her tight. “I talked it over with your mom. She said it’d be cool for me to get you a kitten.”

“I said it would be
okay
,” I clarify. “Never did I say it would be cool.”

“Yeah, but she meant cool.” Noelle smirks at me. “And I got the things you’ll need. Litter pan, litter, some food… All the good stuff.”

Bianca is already untucking the flaps of the box to get inside. Her eyes well with tears when she pulls out the tiny black-and-white kitten.

“Is it a boy or a girl?” Bianca asks.

“They tell me it’s a girl, but I don’t know how to tell, so I’m taking their word for it.”

Bianca holds up the kitten and stares at it. She’s smiling.

“This is awesome,” she whispers. “It’s the second-best thing I could get for Christmas.”

“Second-best?” Noelle asks, pretending to be affronted by the notion, her eyes darting over to me briefly.

Bianca smiles shyly. “Yeah.” She looks my way quickly. “The first would’ve been to meet my dad.”

My heart cracks in my chest. The sadness in her tone is enough to level me. James and I actually talked about him coming back down for Christmas. Since we’re still waiting for the paternity test results, I told him we should wait. It’s only been three weeks since he contacted me. I’m not sure what I’m waiting for before introducing them, but I’m taking this slow. He seems to be okay with that.

“Well,” Noelle says, clearly picking up on my uneasiness, “I’m happy to be second-best this year.”

“She’s so cute,” Bianca says, focusing only on Noelle. “Thanks. I promise I’ll take good care of her.”

“I know you will.” Noelle hugs Bianca against her side briefly.

“Can I take her to my room?” my daughter asks me.

“Of course. Make sure you set up the litter box and get her some water and food.”

Noelle giggles. “Probably don’t want the litter box in your room, though. Maybe put it in your bathroom and teach her where to go.”

Bianca nods but never takes her eyes off the tiny bundle of fur. A minute later, she’s carrying everything up to her room, her smile no longer on her face.

“Oh, my goodness,” Noelle whispers when Bianca is out of earshot. “She looks so heartbroken.”

I stare at my best friend. “I know.”

“When are you going to tell her?”

I shrug. I really don’t know. James is coming back to town after the first of the year so we can talk some more. I figure we’ll make plans at that time. We should have the test results back.

I don’t tell Noelle any of this because I can’t stop thinking about how sad Bianca looks. She still doesn’t know that I know about the post. I haven’t brought it up because I don’t want to get her hopes up. If I tell her I know, she’ll want to know if I’ve heard from her dad. I can’t lie to my kid, so I haven’t said anything.

I guess technically that’s a lie by omission.

48

Kingston

Saturday, December 31
st

I’m not sure how I got talked into going to the Penalty Box tonight, but here I am. They’ve got some sort of New Year’s party going on. Nothing fancy, but the place is crowded. A lot of my teammates have arrived, many of the single ones already with puck bunnies on their arm.

Not me.

However, I have had quite a bit to drink tonight, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

“You got a girl to kiss at midnight, Rush?” someone asks from my left.

I shake my head, focusing on the drink in front of me. I know Ellie’s around here somewhere, and if there is any girl I would kiss at midnight it would be her. Only, I seriously doubt it will be. She’s been much too busy to pay attention, and every time I do catch her looking at me, I manage to look away quickly.

And now, I find myself watching Ellie in the mirror above the bar. I see her stopping at several tables, chatting with the customers, a radiant smile on her face. I want to grab her and hold her and never let her go. It’s killing me to sit here, but I can’t make myself leave. I don’t want to be at home alone when the clock strikes twelve, so sitting here and having a pity party seems relatively harmless to everyone except me.

“Hey, ladies,” I hear Ellie say as she stops at a table full of women. It looks like the ladies have pulled several tables together, and there are quite a few empty shot glasses sitting on top. “Everything all right?”

There is an eruption of yeses, followed by some giggles. Ellie nods and turns back toward the bar. She finds my eyes in the reflection and I hold her stare.

“Hey, Ellie!” a woman calls out. “Wanted to see how those
services
were coming along. From where I sit, it looks to me like it’s all fizzled out.”

I spin around and search the tables until I find her. Cheryl.

Goddammit. Why does she have to go and ruin a completely shitty night? Then again, it’s not like it can get much worse than this.

“Hey, guys!” Noelle hollers. “Two minutes until midnight. If you’re gonna be playing tonsil hockey, you might wanna find a partner!”

Great.

I watch Ellie, who is holding Cheryl’s amused gaze. “What in the world gave you that idea?” she taunts.

Cheryl glances over at me. I do my best to keep my face clean of all expression. I’m not sure which direction this is about to go, but I don’t want Cheryl starting shit with Ellie.

“Seeing that the hot goalie is over there all by his lonesome … it didn’t take much deductive reasoning.”

“I assure you, he’s not lonely,” Ellie says, then turns to look at me.

“One minute!” Noelle yells.

And all of a sudden, the room erupts with people counting down. I don’t take part. Hell, I don’t do anything except watch Ellie as she moves toward me. I can see the determination in her eyes. My heart is beating to the repetitious countdown, but my lungs have ceased to work. I haven’t seen Ellie in ten days. Since the night I walked out of her house after I dropped Bianca and Gabby off. We haven’t talked in all that time, either.

“Get ready, ladies and gentlemen. Ten seconds!”

The countdown gets louder, and Ellie stops directly in front of me, forcing my legs wider so she can stand between them. I never break eye contact, willing her to see everything that’s going on inside me.

Five…

Four…

Three…

Two…

I can’t resist. As the cheers erupt, I reach up and pull Ellie to me, slamming my mouth over hers. The desperation I feel claws at my insides. I’ve missed her so goddamn bad. I could kiss her like this all night, never letting her go. She kisses me back with just as much heat, as much pent-up passion. It’s a damn good thing I’m sitting down.

“Happy New Year!”

Those irritating horns sound, and everyone is laughing and talking over one another when Ellie pulls back. She leans in close to my ear.

“I’m sorry,” she says sweetly. “I just didn’t want her spreading rumors. Thought it would be best to prove that I’m still in desperate need of your services.”

When she pulls back, I stare at her.

I heard the words and I’m trying to process them. She wants sex, that’s clear.

Damn, it would be so fucking easy to give in. To take her to her office and fuck her right up against the door. I wouldn’t even regret it.

Not until tomorrow, anyway.

Not until I realize that no matter what I want, Ellie Kaufman isn’t mine forever. And until that happens, I’m not sure I can settle for anything less.

Ellie

All I have to do is take his hand, lead him down the hallway to my office…

I continue to watch Kingston while I debate the merits of having a quickie in my office. I know he’d be willing if I made the first move.

Unfortunately, I’ve already made more moves than I intended tonight.

Fucking Cheryl.

I don’t have a clue why that woman chose to show up here tonight, but she managed to ruin it. I damn sure wasn’t going to sit back and let her think that Kingston was ripe for the plucking. Although he seems to have pressed pause on our arrangement, I’m not about to let her sink her claws into him again.

Instead of taking my verbal bait, I see a battle warring in Kingston’s eyes. It doesn’t seem to matter that I was forward enough to tell him I still need his services; he’s not going to bite.

And it’s more proof that Kingston is upset with me still. I hate that he is, but I don’t know how to fix it. I’m not an idiot. This all started when James appeared like magic into my life—thanks, of course, to Bianca’s post—and I can see that the thought of James in my life bothers him.

I can’t make that any better. I can’t sit down and tell James that he can’t be Bianca’s father. And Kingston shouldn’t expect me to.

I thought we’d shared something. And maybe we did. Maybe we shared a little bit of ourselves and that’s all Kingston had to offer. He certainly doesn’t look as though he’s willing to go another round, although I’m still pretending this is only about sex.

If only it were that simple.

“Happy New Year, Kingston.”

And with that, I manage to take a step back, swallow my pride—as well as my heart, which has lodged in my throat—and get back to work.

49

Kingston

Tuesday, January 3
rd

“Fuck you!”

I shrug off the hateful glare from the center who bowled me over a few seconds ago. I’m trying to rein in my temper and not go ballistic ninja on his ass. Let me tell you, it’s not easy.

The ref gets between us, pushing the other guy back while I pretend not to give a shit. Normally I would pass it off as the accident it looked to be, but I’ve got so much fear and anger coursing through me I want to throw off my gloves and beat the son of a bitch bloody.

I don’t get the chance because, thankfully, the asshole backs down, and the game gets underway once more.

As I expected, we lost the game. I was shit out there on the ice, so I’m probably the one to blame, but I’m not sticking around long enough to find out. I don’t care. Right now, I don’t care about anything except possibly getting plastered and passing out for a couple of days.

Not that it’s an option, but it seems like a damn good idea.

“Kingston.”

I lift my head when I hear Ellie’s voice. I see her standing in the hallway. She smiles and offers a small wave when I see her. Not wanting to be a total dickhead, I start toward her.

It isn’t until I’m about two feet away that I see she’s not alone.

“Kingston, this is James Heron. James, Kingston Rush.”

James holds out his hand, and I feel as though he used that very hand to punch me in the throat.

“Kingston is my brother’s best friend,” Ellie tells James.

Yeah? Is that all I am?

I manage to return the gesture and shake James’s extended hand. I squeeze firmly but pull away quickly.

“Nice to meet you,” James states politely, his eyes darting between Ellie and me.

I don’t bother looking at her. I don’t want to see the way she’s looking at him. I’ve managed to keep my distance for the last couple of weeks. It fucking sucks, but at least I haven’t had to endure seeing the two of them together.

“Same.” I glance over James’s head. “I gotta head out.”

Without even acknowledging Ellie, I start for the door. My stomach has landed somewhere in my shoes, and I feel like I might be sick. The hollowness in my chest threatens to take me out at the knees.

“Hey!”

I pretend I don’t hear Ellie calling after me, but I’m forced to stop when she puts her hand on my arm. Only feet from freedom, I find myself turning to look at her. I pray she doesn’t see the torment in my eyes. The last thing I want is her sympathy. The woman doesn’t owe me anything. We went into this arrangement knowing it was temporary. In fact, she was the one who was forthcoming with not wanting anything permanent.

I was the dumb ass who went and fell in love with her.

“Are you okay?” she asks, her voice soft as she gets up close to me. I look down the hall and see James staring after her.

“I’m great. Why?”

Ellie’s nose scrunches. I know that means she doesn’t believe me.

“I saw you out there on the ice. The fight you were almost in.”

Aw. So she’s worried about my shitty performance on the ice.

“Nothing to worry about, Ellie. It’s all good.” I glance down at James again. “You probably shouldn’t leave your boyfriend waiting.”

Fuck. Did that really come out of my mouth?

Based on the horror reflected in Ellie’s face, it did.

“He’s not—”

“Look,” I say, leaning in close. “I can’t do this shit anymore. I’m sorry for dragging you into this arrangement. I never meant for it to go this far. If I could turn back time, I would. You deserve someone far better than me, Ell. Someone like…” I can’t keep from looking down the hall once more. “Him.”

“I don’t want him,” she counters, her eyes wide. “That’s not what this is ab—”

“Look, I got to go. I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

Without waiting for a response, I turn and walk out the door into the night. I suck cold air into my lungs as fast as I can.

Inhale, exhale.

Inhale, exhale.

Fuck.

Pain blossoms in my chest. It radiates out through my arms. If I didn’t know better, I would think I was having a heart attack.

Unfortunately, my heart is involved, but it’s not ceasing to beat, it’s … shattering.