The Princess (29 page)

Nikolai had worked hard on Thursday, bending his mind to the tasks of the committee and even into the dinner conversation that evening, but now he was in his own room at the chairman’s house and able to give way to other thoughts, namely, Shelby’s words from the night before.

I think I am ready for this change between us, Nick—as much as I’m able to discern. And like you, I’m committed to this marriage and also desirous of children. But there’s one thing you must know. I won’t say “I love you” until I’m sure I mean it, and I want you to do the same for me.

Nikolai had certainly agreed and thanked her for her wise words, but now, this evening, he was left alone with his thoughts. These two women, Yvette and Shelby, both of whom he’d known
such a short time and who had played and did play such major roles in his life, were like warring factions within him.

Nikolai’s eyes closed with a sigh.
Yvette is receding from my mind, Lord, and yet I still feel I love her. I can’t honestly tell You what I feel for Shelby.
Nikolai sat by the open window and looked over the lights of the city, his heart in a quandary.
I care, Father. I care so much. I want to take such good care of Shelby. I want to see her obedient, blessed, and happy, but I’m not able to say those three little words. She was wise to put the subject right on the table. If we keep it open, I think we’ll make it.

Nikolai suddenly realized how tired he was. He had a full day ahead of him, possibly two, and he owed it to the committee to be at his best.

I would love the luxury of talking to You all night about this, but right now I must rest and be at peace in You.

Nikolai was ready for bed and asleep less than 20 minutes later. He wasn’t anxious, but Shelby was still very much on his mind.

“What are you thinking?” Erica asked Rafe softly, but she received no answer. The queen stared at her husband in the reflection of the mirror, but he still didn’t notice. She had been readying for bed when he joined her in the bathroom, kissing the top of her head and then sitting on the edge of the bathtub without speaking. Erica was at her dressing table, thinking he’d come about some particular issue, but he only sat, seemingly in another world.

“Rafe?” she tried again.

“Yes?”

“Did you need something?”

“No. I was just lost in thought.”

Erica turned from the mirror to look at him. “Anything you can talk about?”

He finally looked at her. “Do you know how Nick and Shelby are doing?”

“I think well. They’re trying to spend more time together; I know that.”

Rafe nodded. “I planned to talk with Nicky this week, but he’s in Enstrom right now.”

“And you’re concerned because they didn’t travel together?”

“A little. None of the men take their wives to the committee meetings. It’s too intense. But I am wondering how much time they are spending together.

“Maybe Shelby did go with him.”

“No, she didn’t. I saw her on her bike today.”

Erica had no reply. She had spoken with both Nikolai and Shelby separately within the last week, and both seemed very fine, quite happy even. Their conversations, however, had not ranged to the personal.

“Why don’t you give Nicky a call? He always stays at the chairman’s house.”

The king shook his head. “No. I’ll see him when he gets back.” Rafe’s eyes now went to his wife’s attire. She always looked beautiful to him, but tonight she had on red. He liked red.

“You look nice,” he said, knowing it was an understatement.

“Thank you,” she smiled. “I didn’t think you noticed.”

“I must remedy that,” he said softly as he went to her. The queen’s doubts flew as the king’s lips touched her own.

When Shelby had awakened and found herself alone in Nikolai’s room, she had exited through their adjoining door, innocently leaving it wide open. Because Nikolai had not been home,
that was the way it was left. This was also the way the prince found it when he came home very late on Friday night. Indeed, after putting a light on, it was the first thing he noticed.

Not troubling to do any more than set his case down, Nikolai found a flashlight and went through the door. As he expected, Shelby was asleep in bed. Careful not to shine the light in her face, he went toward the bed and set the light on the nightstand to cast a glow over her. Because she was in the middle of the mattress, he was able to sit on the edge. She did not move, but that was all right. Nikolai was happy just to stare at her face and watch the way she curled around a pillow to sleep.

He didn’t know how long it was before he realized he needed his own bed, but one thing was certain: He took his cue from his wife and left the door open.

The next morning Shelby came from the bathroom wearing only her underthings, her mind already on the day. Nikolai might be home anytime, and she didn’t know if she should go out or cancel her appointments. She moved to the desk and checked her calendar, seeing that things were very free. She was scheduled to interpret the next morning in church and knew she would need to be fresh for that, so she was relieved the day was a relaxed one.

Shelby was turning from the desk when she saw him. Leaning one shoulder against the doorjamb between their rooms, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans, the prince stood and watched her.

“Nikolai!” Shelby cried in soft surprise as she backtracked and reached for the robe that was draped on the desk chair.

Nikolai pushed away from the jamb. In the time it took for him to come forward and kiss her, Shelby had knotted the belt at her waist.

“You’re blushing,” Nikolai noticed after he stood to full height.

Shelby shrugged and tried for nonchalance. “I’m not very used to having a man in my room when I’m not dressed.”

Nikolai was watching her very closely as he asked, “Even when the man is your husband?”

Shelby’s blush only deepened.

Nikolai’s heart sighed gently within him. On the way home he’d figured that they might still have walls to scale, and his wife’s red face told him he was very correct. He wished there was some way to tell her that he did not have a hidden agenda; neither would he ever rush her.

“You haven’t started to redecorate, I see.”

Shelby looked back to see him taking in her room.

“No. I don’t seem to have the time right now.”

“What will you do?”

“I don’t know.” Shelby glanced around as well, glad for the change in subject.

“Maybe we should redo mine at the same time. Carry the theme through, if you know what I mean.”

Shelby looked up at him but wasn’t sure what to say. She suddenly remembered the way both Yvette and the queen had shared the same room with their husbands. Nikolai didn’t sound as though he was all too thrilled about such a plan, the way he was encouraging her to decorate both rooms. Shelby tried to be logical about it, but she couldn’t quite ignore the painful feeling of rejection.

“Shelby, what does that look on your face mean?”

“What look?” she asked back, trying to evade the question.

“That look of confusion or hurt—I don’t know which.”

Shelby was searching desperately for a reply when the phone rang. She brightened with relief.

“I have to get my phone.”

“I’ll get it,” Nikolai said, reaching around her and even taking the handpiece from her. “Hello. Yes, she is here, Murdock. Is it
urgent? In that case I’ll have her call you. All right. Goodbye.” Nikolai put the phone down and turned back to his wife. Shelby had angled her body away from him, but Nikolai moved to look at her face. When she wouldn’t look up at him, he sat on the edge of the desk, dropping his gaze to her level, and with hands to her waist, brought her to stand directly in front of him.

“I did a lot of thinking while I was gone, and I’ve come to one solid conclusion: We have to keep talking. It’s awkward and embarrassing at times, but we must keep at it.”

Shelby nodded but still didn’t speak for a moment. Nikolai was on the verge of ordering her, not that that would have been helpful, when she seemed to come uncorked.

“I have to tell you something, Nikolai; I have to!” Shelby looked almost desperate now. “I’m afraid to even mention Yvette to you. I’m terrified of even thinking her name, let alone saying it. I’m so afraid that it will upset you or that you’ll tell me it’s none of my business. I mean, it should be my business, I’m your wife, but I don’t feel that it is.”

Nikolai put his hands on the backs of her upper arms and rubbed gently. The pink in her face had gone pale, and her features were strained. Nikolai found that it hurt him to know she was so upset. In truth, he didn’t want to discuss Yvette with Shelby, but that wasn’t fair to either of them.

“Tell me if this will work for you, Shelby: When you have a question about Yvette, just check with me about asking. At some times I feel more vulnerable in that area than at others. If you can check with me, then I think it will be less painful and uncertain for both of us.”

“I can do that,” Shelby told him, thinking she would say anything not to hurt him or have him mad at her.

“Good. Now, what did I say that made you think of Yvette?”

Shelby played with the belt on her robe, wishing she didn’t have to answer but still making an attempt. “It was just the way
you mentioned the rooms. I don’t know if I can explain it more than that.”

Nikolai worked in his mind to grasp what she had said and finally asked, “Are you ready to move into my room, Shelby?”

The thought alone made Shelby blush. She immediately shook her head no.

“In that case,” Nikolai said, not seeing a need to tell her he wasn’t ready for that either, “we’ll start by leaving the door open and see how we like that.”

Shelby nodded, relief coming in slow waves. She had known there would be more bridges to cross and battles to endure, but she was still so uncertain and embarrassed in front of her spouse. Would she never feel completely at home and secure in this place?

“May I hold you, Shelby?” Nikolai suddenly asked. Shelby hadn’t been aware of his scrutiny, but she could relate to what she saw in his eyes: need.

“If I can hold you back.”

Nikolai’s eyes slid shut as her arms went around his neck, his own encircling her to hold on tight. Their prayers, had they but known it, were quite similar. They both asked God to help them find their footing in this relationship.