The Princess (37 page)

“It’s hard to believe we go home tomorrow,” Nikolai said conversationally over breakfast five days later—five days that had passed with unbelievable swiftness for Shelby. She had enjoyed herself, was very rested and ready to go home, but still had not talked to her husband about what was on her mind. She made herself open the conversation and ignore the fear inside of her.

“How did you meet Yvette?”

Nikolai blinked at her in surprise but recovered swiftly and said, “She was visiting Pendaran with her family from France.”

“And she wanted to meet the royal family?”

“No. There was a special song service at church, and we ended up sitting next to each other. Our mothers got to talking, and while very embarrassed, we both stood by until I got up the nerve to practice my French. They had just arrived in our country, so I saw her every day for the next week.”

“And by the time she left, you were in love.”

“I was smitten all right, but it was the first time I’d ever really fallen for anyone. Most of the kids I knew I’d grown up with, so they were more like family. My father reminded me of that and cautioned me to take it slowly, but Yvette and I did write to each other from the day she left Pendaran, and that’s when I knew it was the real thing.”

Shelby nodded and fell silent. Nikolai knew there was more on her mind and made himself wait. The paper was still in his hand, but his eyes were on her.

“How do you love two women?” she asked at last.

Nikolai smiled. “It helps when they’re both easy to love, Shelby.” His head tipped in thought. “It’s funny, but I can’t picture Yvette and me growing old together. Young as I am now, she still feels like the wife of my youth. You, on the other hand, are going to be here. What we share is so different from what I shared with Yvette, and I don’t have any desire to go backward in time. I’m sorry for Yvette’s family—I know they still miss her—and I think of her too, but you’re all I want. Almost a year ago when we married, I would never have believed that, but it’s very true today.”

Shelby nodded before admitting, “I’ve wanted to ask you about it all week. I let so much time go by.”

“Are you afraid I’ll be upset if you mention her?”

“Yes. You never talk about her, so I didn’t know.”

“I don’t mention her for fear that you’ll think she’s constantly on my mind. She’s not. You are. I’m more than happy to answer your questions.”

“I fear that I do things differently and you won’t like that,” Shelby was able to say. “I’ve never been a princess before, and I find myself thinking that Yvette had it down pat.”

“On the contrary. She was quite shy and nowhere near as willing as you are to make public appearances. She was getting better, but at first it was torture to be invited to balls and parties. I even went through a time of anger at you because everyone liked you so fast. I thought they might be comparing Yvette in a negative light, but that wasn’t true. No one’s ever compared the two of you.”

“Except you.”

“I have, Shelby, but not the way you’re thinking. I don’t look at your inadequacies and think Yvette could have done better. In
fact, you handle things better than she did. If anyone is more suited to be the princess than you are, I’ve yet to meet her.” Nikolai smiled at her. “My parents knew just what they were doing.”

“Were you very angry at them for a time?”

“Not before we were married, but afterward I was. They wanted me to make more of an effort, and rightly so, but I refused.” Nikolai looked her squarely in the eye. “I’m paying for that today.”

Shelby shook her head. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You were on your way to loving me, Shelby, I’m sure of it. But I couldn’t say those words, so you pulled back.”

Shelby was stunned by this announcement because she thought he might very well be right. She had been looking for signs in him and didn’t even know it. The morning she woke early and watched him sleep came to mind. She learned a moment later that his mind was on the same morning.

“Do you remember when I asked you what I did that made you feel inadequate?”

“I was just thinking of that.”

“That was the first time I went to see your mother. I felt a desperate need to learn to love you. She told me about your grandmother and how she married out of need instead of love. She also told me not to forget Yvette but to make room for you. That’s what I’ve done, Red; I’ve made room in my heart for you. And now you just about fill it.”

“Oh, Nicky,” Shelby said as tears filled her eyes. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Why must you
do
anything?”

“Because I need to
learn
to love you. I need to
choose
to love you.”

Nikolai’s head went back as he laughed. Shelby gawked at him.

“I can’t believe you’re laughing at this.”

The prince smiled. “If you could only see your earnest face, Red. You’re bound and determined to do this. That’s not what I’m looking for.”

Shelby looked completely at sea, and Nikolai reached for her hand.

“Listen to me, Red. I’ve done a lot of thinking about this. I can’t imagine your care of me being any more wonderful than it already is. You go out of your way to see after my comfort and needs. You make yourself available at a moment’s notice. You’re careful what you say, in case I’ll be upset.”

Shelby was still staring at him, and Nikolai gave her hand a little squeeze.

“The words would be nice to hear, Shelby, but they don’t make or break what we have here. Don’t
try
to love me, just keep on doing what you’re doing. Keep growing in the Lord. And keep talking to me like you did just now. Get mad at me if you need to, tell me when you do or do not like something, let me into your world as much as you’re able, and always be honest about the way you feel. Everything else will take care of itself. God will see to that.”

For the umpteenth time the man had rescued her. She had set up a standard in her mind that was her own, not God’s and certainly not her husband’s. She felt herself relaxing with relief, almost to the point of crying.

“You can cry if you want to,” Nikolai said, and Shelby looked up to see that his eyes were moist.

“Why do you want to cry?”

Nikolai could only shrug. How did a man explain something he didn’t understand? He loved this woman. It wasn’t some skip-around-the-room, lighter-than-air feeling, although he’d had some of that. It was just knowing that she was the one God had given him. She was the one who could fill his heart, whom he could cherish and grow with until they were old.

“How about a walk?” the prince asked.

“That sounds nice. I’ll get my shoes.”

Nikolai had to get his shoes too. He followed Shelby up the stairs, thinking not for the first time that she always smelled nice. Sometimes it made him passionate, and sometimes he just wanted to hold her. Now was such a time. Shelby asked him what the hug was for, but Nikolai never did answer. He stroked her cheek, winked at her, and went to put his shoes on.

“I thought Nikolai would be with you,” the king said when Shelby joined him and the queen for breakfast. “Did he know he was invited?”

“Yes, but he’s a bit of a bear today.”

Pendaran’s ruling couple both blinked at her.

“Nicky in a bad mood,” the queen mused. “That’s not like him.”

“He’s getting a cold,” Shelby said matter-of-factly.

The king found himself smiling. His daughter-in-law sounded like one-half of an old married couple.

“Was he going to rest?” Rafe asked.

“I think so.” Shelby’s voice was still quite calm. “I left him scowling at the clock when it buzzed for the fourth time.”

Erica broke out in laughter at this point. She had the feeling that there was more to this than Shelby was telling, but she didn’t expect her to tell. Every married couple had their little secrets. The mystery was only added to, however, when Nikolai showed up about 20 minutes later and scowled at his wife. Shelby’s placid expression was comical to watch, and when the two shared a look, it was obvious she felt she had the upper hand.

“Are you not feeling well, Nick?” his mother checked with him.

“I think I have a cold coming on.”

“That’s not like you, Nick. You never get sick.”

That Nikolai had had that same feeling didn’t really help all that much. His head was full, and his wife had teased him. He knew he had to apologize, but right now he was crabby and didn’t want to. He warmed up a bit over breakfast, but he was feeling awful, and when he talked, his head sounded stuffed.

“We haven’t had a chance to see you since your anniversary,” the queen mentioned at one point. “Did you do something fun?”

“We went out to dinner,” Shelby filled in, “and then to Farm Days Fair. It was fun.” Shelby looked over at her husband, who was still rather silent. “Well, I had fun,” she said.

“I did too,” he added, knowing he was going to have to make amends. At first Shelby had looked smiling and mischievous. Now she was looking uncertain. He was glad when his parents both left the room so he could have a word with her.

“I’m sorry about my mood.”

“I’m sorry I teased you,” Shelby returned, just as contrite.

Nikolai looked at her. “Would you really move back to your old room if I get a cold?”

Shelby smiled. “Not for a cold, but maybe for a bad mood.”

Nikolai’s lopsided smile appeared. He felt awful, but that was no excuse. A man wasn’t allowed to take a bad mood or an illness out on his wife—it simply wasn’t an option—but he had treated her as though it was.

“Why don’t I head out after breakfast and get some cold medicine for you?” Shelby asked.

“I think I have some, and if I don’t, Murdock will.”

“Why don’t you take it?”

“It makes me sleepy.”

“Well, isn’t that what you need?”

“I have a meeting.”

Shelby’s look was pointed.

“I don’t feel that bad,” Nikolai defended himself, but his denial sounded weak, even to his own ears.

“That’s not the point,” Shelby said, an edge to her voice. Having worked in a hospital, she had a strong opinion on this subject. “If you go out, you’re going to spread your germs. No one will thank you for that.”

With his muddled head making it hard to think, Nikolai hadn’t even considered that.

“I think I’ll go back to bed.”

“Shall I tell Murdock to cancel things for a few days?” Shelby offered.

“Just today,” the prince allowed, thinking he didn’t want to baby himself too much. He hadn’t counted on his wife. Shelby canceled all of her appointments as well, and every time he woke, she was close by with a drink or something else he might need. She smelled as good as ever, and her cool hands on his warm skin were something he could get used to in a hurry. He thought that if Shelby was going to be his nurse, he might stay in bed for the rest of the week.

Shelby gave up waiting for her husband. He had said he would be late, but she hoped he would surprise her. It didn’t happen. She didn’t know what time he climbed into bed, but because she’d been anticipating him arriving home from his trip for several hours before she slept, he woke her.

“Hi,” she said softly, coming wide awake and wanting to talk.

“Hi, Red.” Nikolai’s hoarse voice told of his fatigue. “Sorry to wake you.”

“It’s all right. How did it go?”

“Good, good. I’ll tell you all about it in the morning,” he said as he blew a kiss in her direction.

“Okay.”

Shelby waited, thinking he didn’t really mean it, but just moments later she heard the even sound of his breathing. She lay still for a moment, not wanting to disturb him but almost desperate to talk. Feeling terrible for doing it, she rolled rather hard, still staying on her side but rocking the whole bed. He never moved a muscle. Shelby gave up with a sigh. The alarm was set for an early hour. She was meeting her father for breakfast and then had a full day on the calendar. It took some time, but she eventually fell back to sleep, hoping as she did that Nikolai would be wide awake come morning.

Nikolai woke slowly the next morning, his body telling him he had not had enough sleep. He had not been able to get comfortable in the limo on the way home, and by the time he’d reached the palace, he had been miserable. He had hated to wake Shelby, but he would make it up to her this morning. It was a keen disappointment to find himself alone. He reached across the bed before he understood that she was gone, and that was when he felt the piece of paper. He smiled, sure that she was telling him where she would be.
I’m pregnant.
The two words jumped out at Nikolai so fast that he literally started.