The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (68 page)

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.

HEBREWS 10:24

IN MARRIAGE, we have a unique opportunity to encourage each other in our efforts to serve God by serving others. Under the lordship of Christ, we derive satisfaction and self-esteem from being a part of his larger purpose. It makes us feel valuable and energized, and that's good for a marriage.

If your wife plays the piano at church or tutors a disadvantaged student, you should be her greatest fan. If your husband teaches a Bible class or volunteers at the homeless shelter, he needs your encouraging words. Look for positive ways in which your spouse is seeking to use his or her abilities to help others, and encourage that. The Bible makes clear that we should "spur one another on" to express our love through action and to do good to others.

Encourage your spouse, and sit back and see what God will do!

Lord Jesus, thank you for the gifts you have given to my spouse. Please help us to encourage each other to find ways to use our gifts for your glory. I know that is good for us, good for our marriage, and most of all, good for your Kingdom.

We know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. ROMANS 5:5

HOW CAN WE LOVE an unlovely spouse? Through almost thirty years of counseling, I have met with many individuals who live in unbelievably difficult marriages. Without exception, the root problem of marital difficulties is selfishness, and the root cure is love. Love and selfishness are opposites. By nature we are all self-centered, but when we become Christians, the Holy Spirit brings the love of God into our hearts, as Romans 5:5 indicates. Galatians 5 lists the character qualities the Holy Spirit will produce in our lives if we allow him, and these include love. We now can become God's agents for expressing his love. Sharing this divine love flowing through us is the most powerful thing we can do for our spouse.

I want to give you the challenge I have given many people through the years. Try a six-month experiment of loving your spouse unconditionally. Discover your spouse's primary love language, and speak it at least once a week for six months, no matter how you are treated in return. I have seen hard, harsh, cruel people melt long before the six months are over. When you let God express his love through you, you can become the agent of healing for your spouse and your marriage.

Heavenly Father, thank you for filling my heart with your love. No matter how frustrated 1 am with my marriage, l want to commit to loving my spouse unconditionally for the next six months and speaking his or her love language. Please give me the determination to do this. I know you can transform my marriage.

The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out.

PROVERBS 18:15 (NIV)

IF DECISION MAKING in marriage is a team effort-and it should be-then how do we find agreement? As individuals, we have personal thoughts and feelings on every subject, and those do not always agree with our spouse's. If we are to reach agreement, we must listen, understand, and compromise.

First, listen so you can learn what your spouse is thinking. As we see in Proverbs 18:15, wise people seek out new knowledge. That involves listening and discernment. Trying to see the world through your spouse's eyes enables you to understand his or her thoughts and feelings. Once you've done that, you can move on to compromise. This is not a negative word. Webster's dictionary says a compromise is "a settlement by consent reached by mutual concessions." We each share our perspective, and then we look for that on which we can agree. Each partner must be willing to give and to change.

The motivation for this is love. We are to be thinking about the benefit of the other person. Love says, "I want what is best for you. Therefore, I am willing to change my plans in order to meet your needs." In Colossians 1:8, Paul writes about the love for others that the Holy Spirit has given us as believers. Without that spirit of love, we may never reach agreement.

Lord Jesus, you know that making decisions can be difficult at times for my spouse and me. Please help me to remember that it's not ultimately about winning or doing what) want to do, but rather about coming to a decision that is workable for both of us. Please help me to be willing to listen, understand, and compromise for the sake of our marriage.

Wise words bring many benefits, and hard work brings rewards. Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. PROVERBS 12:14-15

IN MAKING DECISIONS, husbands and wives often disagree. If we don't learn how to come together, we may spend a lifetime fighting. In yesterday's devotion, I said that agreement requires listening, understanding, and compromise. Compromise expresses a willingness to move. It is the opposite of being rigid. King Solomon said it bluntly in Proverbs 12: "Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others." If we respect our spouse as our partner, we should also respect his or her viewpoint. It's neither wise nor loving to cling to our own viewpoint to the exclusion of our mate.

There are three possible ways to resolve a disagreement. One is what I call "Meet you on your side" In other words, you might say, "Now that I see how important this is to you, I'm willing to do what you want." You agree to do it your spouse's way for his or her benefit.

A second possibility is "Meet you in the middle." This means you might say, "I'd be willing to give a little if you could give a little, and we'll meet in the middle" For example, "I'll go with you to your mother's for the Friday night dinner if you will return with me Saturday morning in time for the big game."

The third possibility is "Meet you later." A couple in this position might say, "We don't seem to be making any progress. Why don't we just agree to disagree and discuss it again next week?" In the meantime, call a truce and treat each other kindly.

Father, thank you for these ideas on how to compromise. Please help me to let go of my need to do things my way. You know that) love my spouse and want to respect his or her ideas. I want to commit to loving compromise as we make decisions.

If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. i JOHN 1:8-9