The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (45 page)

Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. i JOHN 3:18

IN YESTERDAY'S READING, I suggested that there are two basic ways to express love to your spouse: through words and through deeds. Today we'll look at deeds. As we see in the verse above, the apostle John wrote that we should show our love for each other through actions, not just words. It can be easy to speak words, but our sincerity is proved through what we do. Do something to show your love.

Love is kind, the Bible says (see 1 Corinthians 13:4). So to express your love, find something kind and do it. It might be giving him an unexpected gift or washing the car that he drives. It might be offering to stay home with the children while she goes shopping or hiking. Or perhaps it's picking up dinner on the way home when you know she's had a hectic day. How long has it been since you wrote your spouse a love letter?

Love is patient (see 1 Corinthians 13:4). So stop pacing the floor while your spouse is getting ready to go. Sit down, relax, read your Bible, and pray. Love is also courteous. The word means courtlike. So do some of the things you did when you were courting. Reach over and touch his knee or take her hand. Open the door for her. Say please and thank you. Be polite. Express your love by your actions.

Lord, l know that both words and actions are important. Please help me to express my love through the things 1 say and do. I want to show my spouse how sincere my love is.

The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ.

1 CORINTHIANS 12:12 (NIV)

WHAT ARE SOME of the differences between you and your spouse? If you are an optimist, your spouse may be a pessimist. Often, one spouse is quiet; the other is talkative. One tends to be organized with everything in its place; the other spends half a lifetime looking for car keys.

After years of arguing about differences, couples often conclude that they are incompatible. In fact, incompatibility-or "irreconcilable differences"-is often cited as the grounds for divorce. However, after thirty years of counseling married couples, I'm convinced that there are no irreconcilable differences, only people who refuse to reconcile.

In God's mind, our differences are designed to be complementary, not to cause conflicts. The principle is illustrated by the church, as the apostle Paul described in 1 Corinthians 12. Each member performs a different role, yet each is seen as an important part of the body. Believers can accomplish far more when we function as a team. Why can't we get this working in our marriages? It all begins by accepting our differences as an asset rather than a liability. Why not begin by thanking God that you and your spouse aren't exactly alike?

Lord Jesus, thank you for the reminder that your church is stronger because it is made up of many people with different gifts and skills. When l get frustrated with how different my spouse and 1 are, help me to remember that those differences can make us a better team. Please show us how to celebrate each other's uniqueness.

Our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. How strange a body would be if it had only one part! Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. The eye can never say to the hand, "I don't need you." The head can't say to the feet, "I don't need you." 1 CORINTHIANS 12:18-21

HAVE YOU EVER THANKED God that you and your spouse are very different? Most of the time, we see our differences as irritations. Nathan is by nature a couch potato. His wife, Ashley, is always doing something. In the past, she viewed Nathan as lazy; he viewed her as so nervous she couldn't relax. They often had words over this difference, but most of the time they simply lived with a low-grade resentment toward each other.

Once they discovered that differences were meant to be a blessing and not a curse, they each thanked God for the other. The next step was to ask, "What can we learn from each other?" Ashley learned how to relax and watch a TV show without jumping up to do something else at the same time. Nathan learned to help with the housework so Ashley could have time to relax and not feel guilty. Together they enriched each other's life.

That is what marriage is all about. We are trying to learn how to make the best of our differences. Again, the Bible is clear that the body of Christ benefits from many different people working together. In the church as well as in marriage, we need each other. We can't function without diversity, and that knowledge should lead us to thank God for the differences. Once you've done that, ask him to show each of you what you can learn from the other. You may be surprised at God's answer.

Father, please give me the humility to realize that I can learn from my spouse. Help me to look at our differences as opportunities to grow, not as frustrations. Thank you for making us so different yet preparing us to fit together perfectly.

"This is not good!"Moses'father-in-law exclaimed.... "This job is too heavy a burden for you to handle all by yourself.... Select from all the people some capable, honest men who fear God and hate bribes. Appoint them as leaders." ... Moses listened to his father-in-law's advice and followed his suggestions.

EXODUS 18:17-18, 21, 24

WHEN WE MARRY, we commit to leaving our parents and cleaving to our spouse. But leaving parents does not mean that we will not consider their suggestions. After all, our parents are older than we are, and perhaps wiser. Your parents or in-laws may have some good advice.

In the book of Exodus, we see that Moses was an overworked administrator until he took the advice of his father-in-law. Jethro observed Moses spending hours judging all the Israelites' disagreements and suggested that Moses was on the fast track to burnout. When he shared the principle of delegation, Moses said to himself, Why didn't I think of that? That night he talked with his wife about the idea and the next day posted a sign outside his office: Help Wanted. Well, not exactly. But he did appoint several managers, to whom he delegated much of his work. It was one of the best decisions Moses ever made, and he got the idea from his father-in-law.

In following Jethro's advice, Moses demonstrated his own maturity. He did not feel compelled to rebel against a good idea simply because it came from his father-in-law. He didn't feel the need to prove his own intelligence. Rather, he was secure enough in his own self-worth that he could accept a good idea, regardless of its source. I hope that you will be as wise as Moses.

Lord Jesus, thank you for the wisdom and experience you have given my parents and my paren is-in-law. You know how easy it is for me to discount their suggestions. When they give good advice, please show me how to accept it graciously.