The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (17 page)

His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.

SONG OF SOLOMON 2:6

TO THE PERSON whose primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than tender touches. To touch my body is to touch me. To withdraw from my body is to distance yourself from me emotionally. In our society, shaking hands is a way of communicating openness and social politeness. When on rare occasions one person refuses to shake hands with another, it communicates that things are not right in their relationship. The same principle applies in marriage. Withdraw from your spouse physically, and you are withdrawing emotionally.

Touches may be explicit and call for your full attention, such as a back rub or sexual foreplay. Or they may be implicit and require only a moment, such as putting your hand on her shoulder as you pour a cup of coffee or rubbing your body against him as you pass in the kitchen. Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your husband or wife, you are limited only by your imagination. Kiss when you get in the car. It may greatly enhance your travels. Give him a hug before you go shopping, and you may hear less griping when you return. Try new touches in new places and listen for feedback on whether or not it is pleasurable. Remember, your spouse has the final word; you are learning to speak his or her language.

Lord Jesus, please help me to learn how my spouse wants to be touched. My love is so strong, and 1 want to communicate that.

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.... A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. ECCLESIASTES 3:1, 4-5

ALMOST INSTINCTIVELY in a time of crisis, we hug one another. Why? In a crisis, more than anything, we need to feel loved. We cannot always change events, but we can survive if we feel loved.

All marriages will experience crises. The death of parents is inevitable. Automobile accidents injure thousands each year. Disease is no respecter of persons. Disappointments are a part of life. The most important thing you can do for your spouse in a time of crisis is to love him or her. Especially if your spouse's primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries or putting a hand on his shoulder as he makes a difficult decision. Your words may mean little to a person who is hurt or in shock, but your physical touch will communicate that you care.

Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that there's a time for everything, and crises provide unique opportunities for expressing love. Tender touches will be remembered long after the crisis has past, but your failure to touch may never be forgotten. Physical touch is a powerful love language. In a time of crisis, a hug is worth more than a thousand words.

Heavenly Father, when we face a difficult situation as a couple, help me to reach out to my spouse with loving touch. May my touch bring comfort.

Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper-it only leads to harm.

PSALM 37:8

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME you experienced anger toward your spouse, and how did you handle it? In the next few days, I want to give you a five-step program for handling anger in a positive way.

The first step is admitting to yourself that you are angry. "That's obvious;' you might reply. "Anyone would know that I am angry." Perhaps, but the question is, are you conscious of your anger? Anger comes on so suddenly that often you may be caught up in a verbal or physical response before you consciously acknowledge what is going on inside you.

The Scriptures never say that anger is wrong, but multiple passages talk about the importance of controlling anger. Psalm 37 speaks about avoiding rage and not losing your temper, which can harm others. When you realize you are angry, I suggest that you say these words out loud: "I am angry about this. Now what am I going to do?" You have placed the issue on the table, and you have distinguished the difference between what you are feeling-your anger-and the action you are going to take. You have set the stage for applying reason to your anger rather than simply being controlled by your emotions. This is the first step in processing anger positively.

Father, I get angry more than I like to admit. Please help me as 1 try to deal with it the right way. Guard me from losing my temper and hurting the one I love most.

An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin.

PROVERBS 29:22

HOW DO I KEEP from sinning when I am angry? That is the challenge given in Ephesians 4:26, which says, "Be angry, and do not sin" (NKJv). King Solomon echoes the same sentiment in Proverbs 29 when he reminds us that a hot temper can lead to many kinds of sin. We've all seen evidence of that, whether the sin is hurtful, cutting words; physical violence; or reckless behavior. There is a better way.

Yesterday we looked at the first step for handling anger in a positive way: Consciously acknowledge to yourself that you are angry. Today we look at step two: Restrain your immediate response. Don't jump to action; think. Most of us follow the patterns we learned in childhood, and those patterns tend to cluster around two extremes-verbal or physical venting on the one hand, or withdrawal and silence on the other. Both are destructive.

How do you change these patterns? How do you restrain your immediate response? Some do it by counting to ten or one hundred. Others do it by taking deep breaths or going for a walk. One woman told me that when she gets angry, she waters her flowers. She said, "The first summer I tried this I almost drowned my petunias."Yes, you can break old patterns. Find a plan that works for you and learn to restrain your negative responses to anger.

Lord Jesus, when I get angry, I often lose my temper and hurt my mate by lashing out verbally. I know that's destructive to our relationship. Please help me to retrain myself to respond differently.