The Ocean (20 page)

“How are you doing? You haven’t looked so good. Wel , you always look good, but sad,” Chiz said.

“I’m as wel as can be expected for the condition I’m in.” I smiled, thinking it was such a Gia answer.

“I was hoping you’d be in a better mood by today.”

“Wel , I did break up with my boyfriend, so I’m not sure what the mourning period for that is.” I heard the front step creak. I imagined her sitting there leaving him standing under the light.

“I think the rule is a day for every month you were together.” His footsteps were heavy as he walked to where she was.

“I may be an exception to that rule then.” That gave me hope again. Alex smiled at me.

“Wel , I was thinking.” He paused nervously. “Maybe I could help you with that.” There was a long pause, and he continued awkwardly, something that was so out of character for Chiz. He was brazen and cal oused when he spoke of girls and to girls. The girls he usual y went after were needy and starved for attention and usual y just as shal ow as he was. I suddenly realized that maybe he real y did like her as more than just a conquest. “I’d like to take you out for a nice dinner, maybe a movie, if that would be OK with you.” She didn’t answer. I was dying to peek my head over the ledge and see what her expression was.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. When we moved here, I didn’t have any intention of getting involved with anyone, and I think that was a good idea.

I’m sorry.” I heard the porch boards squeak again, and Alex grabbed me, pul ing me to the couch again. My heart began to race as we picked up our control ers and began playing the game like we’d been sitting there the whole time. We heard voices again near the door and then it opened and closed. Gia stood by the door for a moment and then turned off the light and went back upstairs. I leaned back against the back of the couch with a sigh. Alex threw some popcorn at me and chuckled.

“I told you to have a little a little faith in her.” We played for another hour and half. I felt at ease for the first time since I’d held her in my arms at the dance.

I made it through the next week. I gave her the space she needed. It was the hardest thing I did—sitting behind her every day, staring at the back of her head, unable to talk to her or do anything with her. I missed the long talks we had; I missed just being with her.

When the weekend came around, I hung out at home Friday after the game and al day Saturday. Hailey was happy at first to keep me company but was complaining about my sour mood by the time lunch came around. I took her to get ice cream, and we walked the boardwalk. I saw a lot of people from school out and about but not the face I wanted to see. Final y, we went home. Mom was in the kitchen making dinner. I left again and went walking. I walked al around my neighborhood. I tried to clear my head; I tried to plan my next move. I needed to decide if I would let this be the end or if I would fight for her. I found myself at the beach at the exact spot where I first met her, sitting on the ground watching those waves. It felt like years ago, not just the few short weeks it had actual y been. I stared at the waves, watching them come in and go out. I could only imagine how she felt that day. She probably felt as if her world were caving in on her, and here I was feeling the same way. She hadn’t talked to me in days. How could my world revolve around one person I’d known for such a short time? But that was it; I did know her. I knew her better than I’d known anyone.

The waves did have a calming effect. In the distance, a man played Frisbee with his dog, but other than that the beach was empty.

“You’re in my spot.” At first I thought I was imagining her voice. Then I turned and saw her standing there.

“Sorry, I thought it was public domain,” I smiled and turned back to the waves.

“Do you care if I join you?” I did care; I wanted her to, but I just shrugged. She sat beside me, an arm’s length away from me.

“Why do you want to join me?” When I turned and looked at her, she looked away from me to the tide and was silent for a moment before she answered.

“I miss you. It’s not fair, but I do. I came to get some air; my wal s were closing in on me, and I saw you sitting here. I hoped that it couldn’t hurt to say hi, and I could stay out of the house a little longer. I’m sorry I’ve been so awful this past week, it’s been—” she trailed off pul ing her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her thighs. I played with the sand in my hands and didn’t have a response for her. I was just so relieved that she was final y talking to me. I didn’t approach her; she came to me.

“I miss you too,” I final y said in a low tone.

“Do you think we could be friends again? Eventual y?” She looked over at me, laying her head on her knees.

“I would like that. I got a C on my math quiz this week. I miss our study sessions,” I chuckled. She smiled.

“I miss them, too; it’s nice to be able to talk to someone in between subjects.” She continued to stare at me. I looked back down at the sand.

“Is it too soon? Can we be friends?” I looked back at her.

“I would like that.” She looked back at the waves again. She didn’t say anything else. Neither did I.

We sat there until the sun set over the horizon. I sat there as long as she would let me. Final y she stood, and I did, too. It was beginning to get chil y.

I offered her my sweatshirt. She accepted it grateful y. I walked her back to her house, waiting for her to speak first, but she didn’t. When we stood at the first step to her house, she looked up to the sky, and then smiled at me; it wasn’t the smile I remembered, but it was a start.

“Thank you for walking me. You didn’t have to.” She unzipped the hoodie and handed it to me. I took it and smiled at her, too.

“I would do almost anything for you,” I said under my breath. She cocked her head to the side, not completely hearing me.

“Good night, Travis.” She took a step up backward.

“Good night, Gianna.” I took a step backward, too. She held my eyes and stood there a moment. It was as if she wasn’t ready to say goodbye, the same as I wasn’t. I wanted to rush to her and kiss her. l almost envisioned myself doing that, and she would kiss me back. But I didn’t. Instead I took another step away from her and said one more time, “good night, Gia.”

“Good night.” She didn’t move this time. Her eyes fixed on me.

“Good night,” I said one last time. She nodded and turned final y to go inside.

I put on my hoodie. It smel ed like her, her perfume, a sweet smel . I walked home. It was quiet when I got there, and for the first time al week, I went upstairs to my room and fel into my bed. Not being able to sleep al week had exhausted me. Now that we were cal ing ourselves friends again, I felt better. So I slept deeper and sounder than I had al week.

I Had One Wish; It Was to See You Again.

Gianna

I closed the front door and leaned against it. I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. Oliver came stomping down the stairs, his head tilted to the side and looking at me as I opened my eyes.

“Don’t,” I said, as I began to climb the stairs.

“Don’t what?” A smile hovered in his voice.

“Don’t say something that resembles fatherly advice. My life is a mess, and nothing wil fix it. I can’t fix it right now.” He stood in front of me, blocking my way up the stairs.

“I wasn’t going to say anything.” He paused. I moved to pass him, but he remained in front of me. “Unless ‘the heart wants what the heart wants,’ or in my opinion, you and that boy are good together counts as saying something. I see more than you realize.” He twinkled my nose, which annoyed me immensely. He stepped over to the side. I passed him, and he added, “Maybe you’re just good for that boy.” I paused and turned and looked down at him. “You are everything that is good that I could have done in my messed up life. I don’t deserve you and your brother.” He nodded and continued his descent of the stairs, leaving me standing there mouth open, just watching him.

On Monday, I entered the hal s of school feeling renewed. Travis stood at his locker wearing dark denim jeans, his Cons, and a thin graphic tee that showed his shoulders and form. I was sure he hadn’t seen me yet; he was relaxed and talking to one of the guys from the team. He threw his head back, laughing. I walked in beside Alex. He turned to see me. His smile widened. I smiled back and made a smal wave as I walked past him, stepping up to my locker. Alex talked to him for a few minutes and disappeared into the crowd. He closed his locker and turned to me. I looked up, nervously.

“Enjoy your day.” He smiled as he turned and walked away. This was definitely different from the last week. He had his confidence back. If our friendship did that to him and did that to me, then I could take it. This time I wanted to be sure he wanted to be with me. I could take whatever Jil ian dished out as long as I knew he wanted to be with me. That kiss had done more damage than I thought was possible.

I turned to go to my first class. This was tricky. I had been avoiding Chiz since he had asked me out the week before, but he always found me between my morning classes. Like clockwork, I rounded the corner and he was there. He draped his arm around my shoulders. Wel , it looked as if he draped his arm around my shoulder, but real y he held me there and I couldn’t move.

“Hey, honey,” he said, too close to my face and pul ing me in tight to him.

“Chiz, real y?” I final y pul ed out of his grasp. “We’ve talked about this. You’re making me uncomfortable.”

“I just want you to know how I feel.” He looked down but kept pace with me.

“I know how you feel, and I thought I made myself clear. I don’t want to be with anyone.” Except Travis. I finished the statement in my head. No one could know that until I was sure it was real y what he wanted. “Please respect me.” I was at the door to my class.

“After the game, wil you go with me to Brandon’s party?” He leaned against the door jam. My classmates had to squeeze past him. They looked at me in annoyance; he didn’t notice. I looked at each of them apologetical y.

“I don’t think so.” I turned to leave, and he grabbed my arm.

“Just, just tel me you’l think about it. Give me that.” I looked at my arm, and he released me.

“I’l think about it,” I sighed.

“That’s al I’m askin’.” He bounced away, leaving me to turn and face a room ful of annoyed juniors. I took my seat.

“Every day! Just go out with him, so he’l stop being a human door,” the boy across from me growled.

“Or get back with Travis. Either way, make up your mind,” another chimed in.

“OR,” from the corner, “dump them both and give some of us others a chance.” I turned to see who said it, but al the guys in that area were smiling.

“How about D none of the above and everyone just leave me alone.” I leaned back in my chair. A few of the girls glared at me while the boys continued to smirk.

Travis joined us for lunch, final y. I was relieved. He didn’t sit by me for obvious reasons, and I was glad for that to an extent. He sat beside Mason across from me. I real y had missed him in the past week. It was shocking to me how attached I had become to him. This only reinforced my decision that I needed proof he was over Jil ian. Unresolved feelings could stil linger and would break my heart. At this point I felt as though anything could send me over the edge. I didn’t think I was ready to deal with it.

I left the truck for Alex, letting Abby take me home. Travis had a dentist appointment and didn’t go to practice anyway. I was the only one home when the doorbel rang. I knew we weren’t expecting anyone, so I went to answer it. I pul ed the door open and was shocked to find Mitchel standing there. I practical y jumped into his arms.

“Hey, Gianna,” he smiled. I looked over his shoulder to see a smal U-Haul with a car hitched to the back of it. I pul ed away from him, stil smiling, and said, “Hey, Mitchel . What are you doing here?”

“I sold the house. I brought you and Alex some of your mother’s things and a few presents. I also have to talk to Oliver about your trust funds.” I looked at him quizzical y.

“You sold the house?” I looked around him again at the U-Haul.

“Yes, I’ve bought a new one closer to my practice. I’m actual y in Geist. Can you believe it? Right on the water.” He smiled widely now.

“What stuff did you bring us?” I was on the verge of hyperventilating—my mother’s house, my house, was someone else’s now.

“Furniture, pictures, jewelry, papers. Stuff like that. I donated most of her clothes but brought a few of the pieces that she knew you loved.” My knees went weak, and I lost my balance. He caught me just as I was about to hit the ground.

“Are you OK? Maybe we should go inside and cal Oliver.” He led me inside. He surveyed the old furniture with a raised eyebrow, and suddenly I felt defensive of where I lived now.

“I brought the great room furniture and the dining room set. I knew your mother was proud of that. She would want you guys to have it. It was the first major purchase she made, wasn’t it?” I nodded and walked around to sit on the couch. “I also brought things from your and Alex’s bedroom. Things you left behind.” We’d left those things thinking we’d be returning to that house for visits and to live after we turned eighteen. The kitchen door opened and slammed. Oliver came in, his hair disheveled, huffing as if he’d run the whole way from the Pub, as he glared at Mitchel .

“YOU!” He pointed and crossed the dining room. Mitchel stood.

“Oliver, take it easy. I have some business to discuss with you and just wanted to bring the kids some things. I won’t be staying long.” I reached and clung to his arm.

“NO, say you’l stay for a while! Please Mitchel .” He looked down at me, pushing his glasses up on his nose at the same time.

“I can’t stay long, sweetie, maybe overnight. I have to get back. I have a big case that goes to court on Friday.” He looked back at Oliver, who responded with a grunt. “I’ve got a hotel room for tonight. Where’s Alex? We need to unload these things.” He rubbed his hands together like he was about to do some work. As I stood, I could feel al the color drain from my face. Mitchel noticed and motioned for me to come to him. I did.