The No-cry Potty Training Solution (5 page)

A potty chair, a dozen pairs of training pants, and a relaxed and pleasant attitude are all that’s really needed to teach your child how to use the toilet. Anything extra is truly optional.

Helpful Facts to Know

You probably don’t think much about your own elimination process, and it’s probably been a while since the color and consistency of your child’s diaper deposits

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The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

Halene, fifteen months old

have been part of your daily conversation. (Remember those days?) There are some facts that are helpful to know as you embark on the toilet training journey.

• Toilet training has nothing to do with nighttime dryness. Nighttime dryness is achieved only when a
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child’s physiology supports this. A child wets during sleep because of a number of reasons: his kidneys aren’t sending a signal to his brain when he’s asleep to alert him he has to go, his bladder hasn’t yet grown large enough to contain a full night’s supply of urine, his bladder overproduces urine during the night, or he sleeps so deeply he doesn’t wake up to go to the bathroom. As children grow, all of these conditions are self-correcting. This usually occurs between the ages of three and six. This isn’t something you can teach, and you can’t rush it. (See Chapter 6, on bed-wetting.)

• A parent’s readiness to train is just as important as a child’s readiness to learn. A child can’t learn how to use the toilet unless someone teaches her. And the teacher’s approach and attitude can have a direct effect on how long the process takes and how pleasant the journey is. A parent who is stressed about the process or who is too busy to dedicate the time necessary for teaching can slow the process or even bring it to a screeching halt. Conversely, a knowledgeable, patient parent with a pleasant approach can make the process enjoyable and bring much better, quicker results.

• Most toddlers urinate four to eight times each day, usually about every two hours or so. A child’s bladder can hold about one to one and a half ounces of urine for each year of age. (A two-year-old’s bladder can hold about two to three ounces; a three-year-old’s, about three to four and a half ounces; and a four-year-old’s, about four to six ounces—less than a cup.)

• Most toddlers have one or two bowel movements each day, some have three, and others skip a day or two in between movements. In general, each child has a regular pattern.

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The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

• A child’s diet will affect the amount and frequency of urination and bowel movements. Adequate daily liquids, including water, plus a healthy diet containing foods with plenty of fiber (fruit, vegetables, and whole grains) will make elimination easier—which in turn makes potty training easier.

• Ample daily exercise ensures that your child’s stool is moved through her system properly. Lack of movement can contribute to constipation.

• A child’s pelvic and sphincter muscles need to relax in order to release pee or poop. Stress, pressure, or anxiety is a surefire way to stop the process. (That’s why some children go in their diaper immediately after they are taken off the toilet.)

• Polls have shown that more than 80 percent of parents say that their children experience setbacks in toilet training. This high number indicates that what we often label as “setbacks” is really just the usual path to mastery of toileting. Just like any new thing that children learn, it’s not always a direct arrow from start to finish. It’s often more like a squiggly line, with bursts of success as well as snags and pauses along the way to the final result.

• No matter what approach is used for toilet training, 98 percent of children are completely daytime independent by age four.

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The Readiness Quiz: Is It

Time for Potty Training?

When you and your child are both truly ready for potty training, it can be an easy and pleasant experience. But the big question is, how do you know when you’re ready? If you have never traveled this road before, you likely don’t even know what signs to look for.

The Readiness Factor

There are three areas of readiness skills: physical, cogni-tive, and social. A child who has always eliminated into a diaper without giving it much thought has many new things to learn. In addition, there are many motor skills involved in the actual process. And even more, a young child doesn’t truly understand the benefits of moving out of diapers, because she’s never lived that way.

The Parent’s Role

When a child is ready to learn how to use the potty, it’s important that the parent be ready and willing to embark on the training process and that the timing is 25

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What It Takes to Master Toilet Training

For a child to be independent in the potty department, she must be able to do the following:

• Identify the body signals that indicate a full bladder or bowel.

• Remember that her lifetime routine has changed and that she should not go in her diaper.

• Understand that she must stop her current activity and use the bathroom when she feels the urge to go.

• Control the holding of urine and stool until the time and place are right.

• Communicate the need to use the toilet.

• Walk to the potty, pull down her pants, and sit on the toilet.

• Control the releasing of urine and stool into the toilet.

• Have enough patience to wait for elimination to occur.

• Wipe with the right amount of toilet paper, get off the toilet, flush, and pull up her pants.

• Get up to the sink and wash and dry her hands.

• Remember the steps to using the toilet: the when, where, and how.

• Have enough interest, motivation, and patience to follow all of these steps five to eight times a day, every day.

You may have never realized what a complicated undertaking this is for a young child to master!

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right for the family. No matter what the advertisements would lead you to believe, toilet training is not a one-day event; it is a process that can take many weeks, or even months, from start to finish. Parents must be actively involved in reminding, coaching, and helping their child every few hours, every day. They must also handle the cleaning up and clothes changing that must occur after the inevitable accidents. The entire training process can be frustrating for a parent who isn’t prepared for the task, but it can be a pleasant one for a parent who knows what to expect and who is prepared for the journey.

The Quiz

The following quiz will help you assess whether you and your child are ready to begin potty training by giving you more insight into what indicators to look for.

Jot down the letter codes for each of your answers.

Then consult the formula to determine scoring. Your score will direct you to the best chapter in this book to help you start your potty training journey.

1. My toddler tells me when he’s got a wet or messy diaper:

a. Are you kidding? He doesn’t notice, couldn’t care less, or wears those low-slung dipes proudly.

(Either that, or I’m the one too busy to notice!) b. He seems to know that it’s wet or messy but isn’t in a hurry to get changed.

c. Some days he could care less, but other days he wants the diaper off as soon as possible.

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The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

d. Always. He doesn’t like wearing a wet or messy diaper!

2. When my toddler is having a bowel movement, she: a. Gives no sign. I only know it when I smell it!

b. Sometimes makes it obvious; other times she’s too distracted to notice.

c. Stops everything and concentrates. (She may

even go off to a private corner.)

3. My toddler’s bowel movements:

a. Are unpredictable. They can happen at any time and can catch me by surprise.

b. Aren’t always predictable in timing, but we

always know when one is approaching by her

actions or signs.

c. Are regular and predictable. They happen about the same time every day.

4. My toddler understands the meaning of the words wet, dry, clean, dirty, wash, sit, and go:

a. Well, no, he does not understand the meaning of these words.

b. Sometimes he seems to understand the meaning of these words.

c. Yes, he clearly understands the meaning of these words.

d. He understands not only these words but more complex ideas as well, such as where to put his wet clothes or how to clean up a spill.

5. If I ask my toddler to put a toy in the toy box: a. He ends up playing with the toy and never makes it to the toy box.

b. Sometimes he makes it to the toy box; other times he gets distracted.

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c. He immediately and proudly puts the toy in the toy box.

d. I don’t even have to ask. He knows where his toys belong, and he often puts them away without

prompting. (Well, OK, not always, but on

occasion!)

6. When my toddler tries to dress herself, she: a. Has no clue where anything goes or how to put it on.

b. Knows where things belong but just can’t get the clothes to cooperate.

c. Can manage to put on easy clothes, such as

elastic-waist pants, with some help.

d. Can put on her pants, shirt, and socks all by herself. (She probably can’t manage buttons or

snaps just yet.)

7. When I read a book to my child, he:

a. Doesn’t seem to know I’m reading—he just keeps on playing.

b. Sits still for a page or two.

c. Sometimes sits to listen and sometimes wanders off. When he stays to listen, he takes an interest in the pictures.

d. Sits and listens to one or two short books.

e. Sits still and listens to books for as long as I’m willing to read!

8. My child loves to imitate others. If she sees me, siblings, older friends, or cousins doing something, she wants to try to do it, too.

a. I haven’t noticed this.

b. She imitates mainly when prodded, such as when we say, “Wave bye-bye!”

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The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

c. Yes, I’m starting to see some imitation, every once in a while.

d. All the time! She’s like a little impersonator!

9. When a family member is using the toilet and my toddler is nearby, he:

a. Is busy playing and doesn’t notice.

b. Sometimes seems interested but other times

ignores it.

c. Has been interested and curious. (Sometimes

more than I’d like!)

d. Has demonstrated an understanding of what the toilet is for.

10. I change my toddler’s diaper:

a. Frequently, every hour or two.

b. It varies. Sometimes she stays dry longer than other times.

c. Wow! I never realized it, but she consistently stays dry for two or more hours.

11. My toddler is:

a. Younger than fifteen months.

b. Between fifteen months and twenty months.

c. Between twenty months and twenty-four

months.

d. Between twenty-four months and thirty months.

e. Older than thirty months.

12. When my toddler is in the bathroom and I flush the toilet, she:

a. Gets scared or worried.

b. Doesn’t ever notice.

c. Is sometimes interested in the flushing and has even done it herself (or she tries).

d. Seems to accept or understand that a person

flushes after using the toilet.

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13. This is how I would describe my toddler’s communication skills:

a. She is just starting to communicate her needs and can only say or sign a few basic words.

b. She can get her essential needs across to us with words or sign language.

c. She has a good vocabulary consisting of

monosyllabic words and can use simple

sentences as well.

d. Are you kidding? She never stops talking!