The No-cry Potty Training Solution (3 page)

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The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

• Help your toddler identify what’s happening when she wets or fills her diaper. Tell her, “You’re going poo-poo in your diaper.” Have her watch you

dump and flush.

• Start giving your child simple directions and help him to follow them. For example, ask him to get a toy from another room or to put the spoon in the dishwasher.

• Encourage your child to do things on her own: put on her socks, pull up her pants, carry a cup to the sink, or fetch a book.

• Have a daily sit-and-read time together.

• Take the quiz again in a month or two to see if you’re ready to move on to active potty learning.

For more information, read Chapter 3.

Quick Guide 4:

It’s Potty Time!

Get Ready

• Buy a potty chair, a dozen pairs of training pants, four or more elastic-waist pants or shorts, and a supply of pull-up diapers or disposables with a feel-the-wetness sensation liner.

Get Set

• Put the potty in the bathroom, and tell your child what it’s for.

• Read books about going potty to your child.

• Let your child practice just sitting on the potty without expecting a deposit.

The No-Cry Potty Training Solution Quick Guide
7

Go

• Begin dressing your child in training pants or pull-up diapers.

• Create a potty routine—have your child sit on the potty when she first wakes up, after meals, before getting in the car, and before bed.

• If your child looks like she needs to go—tell, don’t ask! Say, “Let’s go to the potty.”

• Boys and girls both can learn sitting down. Teach your son to hold his penis down. He can learn to stand when he’s tall enough to reach.

• Your child must relax to go: read a book, tell a story, sing, or talk about the day.

• Make hand washing a fun part of the routine. Keep a step stool by the sink, and have colorful, child-friendly soap available.

• Praise her when she goes!

• Expect accidents, and clean them up calmly.

• Matter-of-factly use diapers or pull-ups for naps and bedtime.

• Either cover the car seat or use pull-ups or diapers for car trips.

• Visit new bathrooms frequently when away from home.

• Be patient! It will take three to twelve months for your child to be an independent toileter.

Stop

• If your child has temper tantrums or sheds tears over potty training, or if you find yourself getting angry, then stop training. Read this book, particularly Chapters 7 and 8, and try again in a month or two.

For more information, read Chapters 4 and 5.

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The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

Quick Guide 5:

Bed-Wetting

• Young children wet the bed for biological reasons: his kidneys aren’t sending a signal to his brain while asleep, his bladder hasn’t grown large enough to hold a full night’s supply of urine, or he sleeps so deeply he doesn’t wake up to go to the bathroom.

• You can’t teach a child to be dry at night until his physiology allows this—it is not under his control.

• Never wake your child to take him to the bathroom. You’ll just disturb his sleep.

• It’s normal. Half of all three-year-olds and 40 percent of four-year-olds wet the bed several times a week. Also, 20 to 25 percent of five-year-old children and 10 to 15 percent of six-year-olds don’t stay dry every night.

• Bed-wetting is hereditary, so if one or both parents were bed wetters, a child has a much greater

chance of being one.

• For a bed-wetting toddler or preschooler, the solution is simple: have your child use the potty before bed, and then have him sleep in a diaper, padded training pants, or disposable absorbent pull-ups.

When he has a week of dry mornings, it’s time to change to underpants and use a mattress cover

until he consistently stays dry all night.

• According to the National Kidney Foundation,

you only need to talk to a doctor about bed-

wetting if your child is six or seven years of age or older or if there are other symptoms of a sleep disorder, such as loud, frequent snoring, or symptoms of an infection, such as painful elimination.

For more information, read Chapter 6.

The No-Cry Potty Training Solution Quick Guide
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Quick Guide 6:

Solving Common Toilet Training Problems

Reasons Why

Problem

It Happens

Solutions

Your child

• She doesn’t

• Reevaluate your approach,

shows

understand.

and try something new.

readiness

• The process is not

• Have a few step-by-step

but won’t

interesting enough.

lessons and make it fun.

try.

• She is going through

• Put up a sticker poster or

a negative phase.

put a bowl of small prizes in

the bathroom and award

one for each use.

Your child

• He is distracted.

• Set a timer to ring every two

has lots of

• He is not noticing

hours. Take him to the

accidents.

his body’s warning

potty when it rings.

signs.

• Help him identify his need

to go. (“You’re wiggling; let’s

go potty.”)

Your child is

• There are problems

• Increase fruit, vegetables,

constipated.

with her diet.

whole grains, and water.

• She does not have

Avoid refined sugar, candy,

the patience to sit on

soda, cheese, rice, and

the potty.

junk food.

• She is feeling pressure

• Relax the potty training a bit.

about training.

• Teach her to go as soon as

• She is holding it too

she needs to go.

long.

Your child

• It feels wrong to him

• Reassure him that he’s

won’t

to use the toilet after

learning and soon he’ll have

poop on

going in a diaper for

his BMs in the potty.

the potty.

so long.

• Have him poop in the

• He is fearful about

bathroom, even if it’s in

the process.

his diaper.

• He’s not yet able to

• Clean him in the bathroom,

read his body’s

wipe him on the potty,

warning signals.

and have him flush.

(continued)

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The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

Reasons Why

Problem

It Happens

Solutions

Your child

• He had a bad exper-

• Get a soft, padded toilet

won’t

ience, such as consti-

seat.

poop on

pation or a fall off

• Don’t personalize his stool

the potty.

the toilet.

by talking to it.

(cont.)

• Line the potty bowl with a

diaper or cut the crotch out

of a diaper and have him sit

and try to go.

• Read, sing, or tell stories

when he is on the potty. Play

soft music to help him relax.

Your child

• She relies on parent

• Practice each morning when

won’t use

prompts at home.

you drop her off at day care.

the potty at • Different routines are

• Have routine potty times.

day care.

confusing to her.

• Set a plan with your day

• She is not comfortable

care provider.

with the bathroom.

• Ask your child what will help.

• She gets too busy

playing.

Your child

• The day care schedule • Ask the day care provider uses the

or method creates

for tips.

potty at day

success.

• Use the day care schedule

care but not • Peer pressure

at home.

at home.

motivates him to go.

• Duplicate the day care

method at home.

• Create a sticker chart for

your child to use.

Your child

• She has stage fright.

• Bring along a book to read.

won’t go

• She doesn’t understand

• Visit the potty everywhere

when away

that she’s supposed to.

you go.

from home.

• She can’t relax when

• Teach her a private signal or

away from home.

word to tell you when she

• She is embarrassed.

has to go.

• She’s not used to a

• Tell her that everyone uses

big toilet.

toilets everywhere you go.

(continued)

The No-Cry Potty Training Solution Quick Guide
11

Reasons Why

Problem

It Happens

Solutions

Your child

• She doesn’t understand • Bring a portable folding won’t go

why you cover or clean

toilet seat cover.

when away

the seat, or she is

• Don’t dwell on germs. Tell

from home.

scared of the germs.

her that you cover or clean

(cont.)

the seat because it’s not

your own toilet.

Your child

• A life change is

• Give extra love and praise.

was trained

causing stress.

• Take him to the potty at

but has

• He has lost interest.

routine times.

regressed.

• You stopped

• Introduce a sticker chart or

reminding him.

potty prizes.

• He has a medical

• Talk to your health care

problem.

provider.

You are

• Things are not

• Read books and articles

getting

progressing according

about potty training.

impatient

to plan.

• Talk to other, experienced

and angry.

• You have unreasonable

parents.

expectations.

• Talk to your pediatrician.

• Stop training for a month or

so and regroup.

It isn’t always easy to determine the reason for a problem, and solutions are not always simple. For more information, read Chapters 7 and 8.

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1

Potty Training: What’s It

All About?

At the start of the grand adventure that is teaching a child to use the toilet, many parents wonder how they’ll ever accomplish such a complex feat. They watch their toddler with his brand-new potty bowl on his head and doubt the sanity that convinced them to purchase it in the first place. The good news is that the vast majority of children are able to master daytime toileting by the age of three and a half or so, and for most families it’s a pleasant, even fun experience.

Take a moment to think about how you teach your child other new life skills. How do you teach your child to recite the alphabet, draw a picture, tie his shoes, dress himself, or put together a puzzle? Do you spend one full day on intense lessons and then expect your child to pass a test at the end of the day? Would you insist that he show mastery every day thereafter without ever making any mistakes? I doubt it! If you did approach lessons in this way, you’d likely end up frustrated and your child would be in tears.

The actual way that we teach children new skills is by doing it gradually, over a period of months, celebrating every little victory along the way. This doesn’t apply just to toddlers—it’s a pattern you’ll follow for 13

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The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

many years to come with your child, from the first new bicycle, to the first time on skis, to the brand-new driver’s license, and about a million other new things in between.

Think about
your part
in your child’s learning processes. How do you act when teaching your child something new? Are you intense and emotional? Do you insist that he sit still and pay attention? Do you put a crayon in his hand and demand that he work, while you sit and worry that he’ll never learn to draw a proper picture or print a capital
A
? Do you think you’ll be sitting next to him, taking notes, when he goes to first grade?

Do you fret that he’ll be wearing Velcro sneakers to high school or you’ll have to button his tux for him on his wedding day? Of course not! You know that your child will master these skills—and many, many more—

during his lifetime and that teaching him is one of your roles as a parent.

Consider your
expectations
when teaching your child something new. When teaching him to draw a picture, what do you expect will be the first thing he’ll put down on paper? A family portrait? No, it’s a scribble! And you’ll delight in his effort and post his artwork on the refrigerator door. Over time, and with practice, that scribble will take shape until eventually your child will draw circles and squares and soon houses, people, and animals.

Now think about this next new event in your child’s life: toilet training. You can, and should, approach toilet training the same way that you do any other new skill—step-by-step, over time, with joy, kindness, and patience.

Potty Training: What’s It All About?

15

Keep Things in Perspective

Not only is there no need to rush the process, but rushing things can lead to disaster. It puts tremendous stress on both you and your child. It makes the whole process a miserable experience instead of the ordinary learning process that it should be. Even more, when stress and pressure enter the picture, it can create resistance, tantrums, constipation, excessive accidents, and setbacks.

Your child will learn to use the toilet. She’ll learn best in her own way and on her own time schedule.

There is no prize for the most quickly trained child.

And research proves over and over that early or late toileting mastery has nothing whatsoever to do with how smart or capable a child is. So relax and enjoy the process.