The No-cry Potty Training Solution (16 page)

Training Resistance

You
thought
your child was ready. You
thought
you were ready. But things are not going according to plan. Following are some common parent statements with explanations and solutions.

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“He won’t even try!”

If your child seems totally clueless, he probably is. For his entire life he’s peed and pooped in his diaper and never even noticed this elimination. Now you want him to not only notice but hold it and then put it some-where else! It’s time to read potty books; make your own potty book (see page 80); have a sibling, friend, or parent demonstrate; give a few step-by-step lessons; and maybe even have some bare naked playtime to help him see and feel what’s happening down there.

It’s possible that your child
has
tried but feels overwhelmed. He may have had high expectations for himself and feels he’s failed both you and himself. He may just need help understanding that this isn’t a one-day job but will take him a long time to learn. Praise him for the things he can do, no matter how small, and build from those.

I’d also suggest that you retake the readiness quiz in Chapter 2. Ponder each question, and instead of mark-ing down the answer that you hope to be correct, indicate what’s really true. Your child may not be ready just yet. And if you already know that, but still need or want to continue training, refill your basket of patience, put a smile on your face, and pull out the fanciest tricks in this book.

“She has tantrums when I make her sit on the potty.”

If your child views sitting on the toilet as a punishment, then likely there’s been too much stress or pressure for her to learn. If things are really awful, you may need to stop training for a week or two to give both of you a breather. However, if you have made some progress, you may not want to give up what you’ve achieved. Instead,
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make potty time more fun. Add books, toys, music, storytelling, or singing to your bathroom visits. Start the fun before she even sits down by having a parade or race into the bathroom. Almost all children thrive with a parent’s lighthearted one-on-one playtime, so concentrate on this aspect for a while, without demanding a deposit every time she visits the potty.

When you feel your little one is enjoying potty visits, then begin to take her on a regular schedule of every one and a half to two hours or whenever she looks like she needs to go. When she begins to have success, then praise her and provide her with a sticker or prize. Soon she’ll take over and be on her way to independence.

“I’ve tried everything in the book.”

That may be the problem! Your poor little pottier is so confused he doesn’t know which end is up! Take a step back and refine your plan. Don’t let it get so complicated. Reread Quick Guide 4 to help you clarify your potty training plan so that it is simple and clear.

Excessive Accidents

It’s common for children to have accidents when they are new to using the potty. But if accidents don’t gradually fade over time, or if your child is having more experience going in her pants than in her potty, you may think training is going nowhere. Following are a few comments and suggestions.

“He has an accident every day!”

If your child is new to potty training, it is perfectly normal for him to have one or more accidents every single

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Maddison, two and a half years old

day. Even children who have been trained for six months or more may have an accident once a week.

The best solution is to be prepared for these with proper cleaning materials, easy access to a change of clothes, and a relaxed attitude.

One approach that can help reduce the number of accidents is for you to become familiar with your child’s signals of impending need (see page 68) and take your child to the potty when you suspect he needs to go. Do
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not
ask
if he has to go, because he’ll likely say no.

Instead, invite him to follow you, saying, “Let’s go potty.” Or offer a choice, saying, “Do you want to use your potty or the big toilet?” Or simply take him by the hand and lead him to the bathroom, saying, “Come with me, kiddo.”

There’s one last thing for you to consider. Do you give your child more attention (good or bad) when he has an accident than when he has success? Turn the tables. Clean up accidents quickly and without emotion, and provide lots of praise, hugs, and attention for every productive potty visit.

“She never makes it to the bathroom. She usually
goes in her pants.”

Your child may not be hearing her body when it tells her it’s time to go. Or she may get so busy with her play that she tries to wish it away, or she thinks she can hold it much longer than she really can.

You might consider moving the potty closer to her and making it easier for her to go. Create a potty nook near her play area and keep her dressed in very simple clothing. Once she gets used to going when she needs to, you can move the potty chair back to the bathroom.

You might try having a potty party weekend. Don’t announce this to your child—just make a plan in your own mind. Stay home all weekend and hang out in the same room as your little one. Provide lots of salty snacks and plenty to drink. Watch her for signs (see page 68) and get her to the potty as soon as you think she may need to go, plus do a potty run every hour or so. Give stickers, small prizes, or treats (how about her favorite salty chips?) to keep her motivated and interested. The 112

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hidden advantage to this approach is that you can enjoy a weekend of one-on-one quality time with your precious little child.

Constipation and Refusal to Have a Bowel

Movement on the Potty

One of the most common and frustrating toilet training roadblocks is when a child willingly pees on the potty but demands a diaper, or uses his pants, for bowel movements. Some children will actually hold their bowel movements and create severe constipation, which further complicates the issue.

Children typically resist having a bowel movement on the toilet, or hold back from going, for one of these reasons:

• Bowel movements take too long to wait for, and an active child dislikes having to sit on the potty for an extended length of time.

• After being used to the squashed sensation of stool coming out into a diaper, the feeling of letting it loose into the air is unsettling and strange.

• A child is used to standing or moving during a bowel movement, and sitting still on the potty is an uncomfortable change of routine.

• Your child thinks the stool is part of him and doesn’t understand why he should flush it away.

• A bad experience, such as being splashed on the bottom with urine or water during a movement or having a messy accident, causes a child to avoid having it happen again.

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• Pain from a previously difficult or hard stool makes a child afraid to poop on the potty.

• A current case of constipation is preventing usual elimination.

Don’t try to solve the problem without understanding why it exists. Once you identify your child’s impe-tus for avoiding bowel movements, you can create the best plan for helping him to have regular and natural elimination. As you put your plan together, consider these basic
don’ts
and
dos
:

What Not to Do

• Don’t get angry. Don’t scold your child or make her feel ashamed. Your little one isn’t doing this on purpose, she isn’t trying to make you mad, and she doesn’t understand how to solve this any more than you do.

• Don’t make your child sit on the toilet and “try”

or push. BMs come out when the body is ready,

and forcing them can create small tears in the anus (fissures) or hemorrhoids, which cause all-day pain in the rectum. This will cause the child to avoid pooping even more, which leads to constipation, which creates hard stool, which causes more hemorrhoids, and on and on and on to generate a

dreadful cycle of pain and frustration.

• Don’t let your child strain when he sits to poo. Of course, a little bit of pushing can be necessary for a normal bowel movement. But if he is grunting, straining, and forcing, it’s a sign that either he’s not quite ready to go or he’s somewhat consti-114

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pated. Have him drink a big glass of water, eat a piece of fruit, and then try again in ten or twenty minutes.

• Don’t ever make your child “hold it.” When she announces the need to go, or if you notice that her body signals are indicating a need to go, find a toilet immediately. Delaying and holding contributes to constipation and other bowel problems.

What to Do

• Make certain that your child is drinking plenty of fluids all day long. Stick to water and juice (apple, pear, cranberry, grape, and prune juice but not orange or other citrus juices).

• Be sure your child eats plenty of fiber-rich foods every day: vegetables (especially raw ones), fruit, whole grains, brown rice, and oatmeal are some

examples. Avoid giving your child junk food,

refined sugar, soda pop, candy, and chocolate.

• Limit foods that can constipate, such as bananas, rice, applesauce, cheese, citrus juice, and carbon-ated sodas.

• Food allergies or lactose intolerance (intolerance to milk products) can cause constipation in a

child. If you suspect this may be true, talk to your doctor.

• If your child has been constipated, apply petro-leum jelly or diaper ointment to her rectum before potty visits.

• Make sure your child has plenty of daily exercise, which stimulates digestion, prevents constipation, and is necessary for proper elimination.

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• Be sure that your child is peeing every one and a half to two hours. Regular urination is a necessary component to regular bowel movements.

• Take your child to the potty first thing in the morning and ten to thirty minutes after a full

meal, when BMs are likely to happen.

• Teach your child to go when the urge hits. Explain that the poop is trying to come out and she should go right to the potty.

• Purchase a soft, padded child’s adapter seat for the toilet or a potty chair with a soft seat. Some children find it difficult to sit on the hard surface for the length of time it takes to make a bowel movement.

• If you find your child has had a bowel movement in her pants, calmly take her to the bathroom.

Flush her poop down the toilet with a comment to explain that’s where it goes. Have her sit on the potty while you wipe her bottom, and let her know that soon she’ll do her poopie on the potty.

• If your child will only go in a diaper, begin to have her do so in the bathroom. Progress to having her sit on the potty, in her diaper if she’d like. Once she is used to this, suggest taking her diaper off and putting it into the potty bowl as a “pocket” to catch her poopie.

• You might find success by cutting through the crotch of the diaper so that it still is wrapped around her, but the bottom is open to let the poop drop into the potty.

• Make sure that your child sits long enough to empty her bladder or bowel each time she uses the toilet. Make it a relaxing three to five minutes.

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Malcolm, twenty months old, and Mommy

• Make sure that your child’s legs are comfortable, with knees slightly apart and feet firmly planted on the floor or a sturdy stool.

• Help your child relax on the potty by reading books, telling a story, singing a song, or chatting.

• Have your child close her eyes and take a few deep breaths while you talk or sing softly.

• Play soothing music during potty sits.

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