The No-cry Potty Training Solution (19 page)

The things that are most important with potty training apply to every child, no matter their developmental stage or physical skills. Most of the tips and ideas in this book will apply to special-needs children exactly as they apply to all other children, because this method is based on understanding your individual child and working with her to master toilet training at her own pace.

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In order for training to be a positive experience, it’s helpful for your child to have as many of the readiness skills as possible. Children with special needs may not necessarily have
all
the readiness skills though. A child may not be physically able to take her pants off and on, for example, but still may be ready to begin potty training with a parent’s help with this step. Your knowledge of your child’s abilities and strengths will override any score on the readiness quiz—or anyone else’s opinion, for that matter. In addition, you may be willing to invest the extra time and energy necessary to help your child achieve this confidence and self-esteem building skill.

Shop around for the proper potty seat or toilet adapter for your child. A soft, padded seat, armrests, side rails, a back support, or a special footstool might be helpful. You’ll want your child to be comfortable while seated on the toilet.

Children with limited physical abilities might benefit from a bidet (a water spray attachment used for cleaning up after a bowel movement). Portable bidet systems that can be attached to your regular toilet are available. If wiping with toilet paper is exceptionally difficult or impossible for your child, you might want to get a special portable air dryer made for this purpose.

It helps to know your child’s pattern of elimination before you begin. If you can note how often your child pees and at what time of the day she normally has a bowel movement, it can help you put together a routine that matches your child’s usual schedule.

At the very start, just having your child sit on the potty is success. Set up the bathroom to be a fun and inviting place. Have some pleasant, soothing music playing, and collect an assortment of your child’s 136

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favorite toys or books to keep in the bathroom. In more complex situations, you might consider using a small television or computer for watching movies.

If your child is sensitive to odors, make sure you have an air freshener or fan to keep the air clean. If your child is touch-sensitive, you may want to use extrasoft toilet paper or flushable wet wipes.

Set the mood so that going to the bathroom is a relaxing and pleasant event. The first few potty sits should only be three to five minutes long. If your child tires of the game before that, don’t pressure her to stay seated. Remember that you are setting the stage for future visits.

Set up a routine to take your child to the bathroom throughout the day. Good times are immediately upon waking, after meals, before bath, before leaving the house, and before bed. Once your child is familiar with this routine, add a few additional potty sits throughout the day. Give your child specific step-by-step instructions. You may want to create a detailed potty poster, as described on page 84.

Watch your child carefully for signs that she has to go the bathroom. When you notice that your child is giving signs, do your best to get her there promptly. If it takes longer to get your child on the potty because of a wheelchair or other equipment, try to keep an eye on her so that you can get her to the potty before the need is so great she has an accident.

If you use a potty chair, keep a piece of toilet paper in the potty so you know if even a few drops make it into the bucket. If you are using a seat adapter on a regular toilet, listen carefully and watch your child’s

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Mother-Speak

“Our daughter responds very well to music, so we made up a potty song. ‘This is the way we pee and poop, pee and poop, pee and poop. This is the way we pee and poop, on the little potty!’ The second verse is, ‘This is the way we wipe our tush . . .’ The final verse happens during hand washing: ‘This is the way we wash our hands . . .’ We sing the song every time we have her sit on the potty, and it keeps her seated long enough to have success, and then it helps her remember all the other steps in the process.”

—Karen, mother of three-year-old Lisa

expressions to see if you can tell when she’s urinating.

Any small success can be rewarded with praise, hugs, and a small treat or prize.

If your child is taking any regular medications, talk to your health care provider about possible side effects that might affect elimination and how you might offset this. Some medications, for example, tend to cause constipation, which can often be handled with proper diet.

Take potty training one small step at a time. When your child feels comfortable at one level of skill, then move on to the next one. Be patient and supportive all along the way, and be confident that every day brings you closer to success, even those days when it doesn’t feel like it! You may occasionally take one step forward and two steps back, but eventually your child will master toilet training.

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Talk to your health care provider or with parents of children who have similar needs as your child and see if they have any particular ideas to share. There’s nothing like talking with someone who’s been there before you.

Day Care and Potty Training

Our son attends day care three days a week. How can we
ensure a good toilet training experience?

Most day cares are well organized for helping parents with toilet training, and they have lots of experience.

Before you begin toilet training, talk with your provider and ask how they normally handle it. Discuss the factors that are most important to you, and ask any questions you have.

You will need to understand that handling toilet training with more than one child in a group setting is very different than doing it one-on-one at home.

Providers may have specific routines that work well for them. If you disagree with any part of the plan, it’s best to be polite and respectful as you explain why you would like your child’s training to be handled differently and to offer to do what you can to make it easier for your provider.

Having a partnership between you and your day care provider will make the experience more pleasant for everyone involved. Keep the lines of communication open, and when you have questions or concerns,

address them immediately. Keep in mind that any problems should be discussed privately, not in front of a child, who may misunderstand or become concerned about what she hears.

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Once you know how the day care approaches potty training, try to set up a similar situation at home. The more consistent you are in both locations, the more likely your child will go along with the plan.

Bad Language and Potty Humor

How do you deal with inappropriate toilet-related jokes? For
example, lately my son is obsessed with bodily waste. The
other day when he was having a BM on the potty, he said
to my husband, “My poop is like toothpaste squeezing out,
but it’s brown.” Then he started laughing and asking over
and over if we wanted him to put it on our toothbrushes.

Now he keeps calling his brother poopie-paste, because he
thinks it’s very funny. Obviously we don’t!

Potty training invites all sorts of strange comments from our children, things that we may consider improper or rude. It also introduces children to words that accurately describe waste but when used out of the bathroom become “bad” words. Like it or not, though, kids can be unashamedly honest, and they tell it like it is!

Further, children find private body parts, waste products, and body sounds hysterically funny.

Many children (and some adults and stand-up come-dians) go through the phase of using bathroom topics as humor. While normal, it can be quite annoying, not to mention embarrassing when used in public, so the sooner you take action, the sooner it will stop.

Without adding anger or shaming to the situation, teach your child what is socially appropriate. When your child makes a joke or rude comment, stay calm, look him in the eye, and say in a serious voice, “That’s 140

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not polite to say.” Or, “That’s not something we joke about in this house.” Or, “Bathroom words need to stay in the bathroom.”

Keep in mind that your child will probably still use bathroom humor with his friends, because they are all at similar developmental stages. Also, don’t forget that young kids are great mynah birds. If parents, friends, and movies demonstrate bathroom talk as humor, kids will do the same. While you can’t eliminate all this from your child’s life, you can discuss what they hear and let them know that even if others use bathroom talk, it’s still not polite to do so in public.

Refining Your Little Boy’s Aim

How do I get my five-year-old son to aim better? He misses
the toilet half of the time and pees on the floor!