The New Rule: (The Casual Rule 2) (32 page)

In the heels I wore to work yesterday, I walk. Just walk to nowhere—because right now, nowhere is the only place I can handle.

I find myself standing in front of Bethesda Fountain. I have no clue how I ended up here. I don’t remember walking uptown. I don’t remember walking through the entrance to Central Park. I look at the fountain and my heart sinks. He once told me he’d throw all his precious coins in this fountain and make a wish that we’re never apart.

Lies.

I stare at the statue of The Angel of the Waters, who stands atop the fountain. There are half a dozen pigeons resting on her wings. The four cherubs beneath her look deep in thought, maybe they hold the answers. I know they’re supposed to represent virtue, peace, and some other shit. I wouldn’t mind a little help. I remember reading somewhere that the Angel blesses the pool with healing powers. Maybe I should jump in and heal away my pain.

I sit down on a sandstone bench and watch the water cascading into the basin of the fountain then into the surrounding pool. The sound of the water is white noise to the loud voice in my head telling me “I told you so.” In the back of my mind, I worried we were too good to be true. The doubt that once whispered in my ear is now shouting.

I look up to the sky. It’s a brilliant blue with just a few fluffy white clouds. It’s just like the day I met Ben, here, lying on a towel on the Great Lawn. Maybe that’s what drew me to this place. I feel a little closer to him here.

I close my eyes and soak in the sun’s heat on my face. Right now, heat is the only thing I feel: the heat on the outside and the heat within me. Everything else is numb.

How could he do this to us? All I’ve ever done is love him… and it wasn’t enough. How do you break up with someone you say you love? It doesn’t make any sense.

He didn’t want to take away my smile? Ripping out my heart and stomping on it is his solution? God, help me make sense of this.

I open my eyes and watch people enjoying their Saturday on The Terrace. There’s a young couple taking a series of selfies in front of the fountain and a few children making wishes by throwing coins in the water. Some teenagers are in a circle, playing a game of hacky sack. And couples in love are strolling hand in hand around the fountain looking out at the lake behind it.

It’s strange watching people go on with their lives when you feel like yours was just ripped away from you. Life is moving right in front of me, but mine feels like it’s at a standstill.

I pull out my cell and stare at my lock screen. It’s the picture my sister took of us at the beach. He looks so handsome with a devilish grin and his arm around me, pulling me close to him. My green eyes are sparkling, joyful, probably still high from the shower sex we had that morning in the Hamptons house.

We look so happy.

So much in love.

How did we go from there to here? My stomach is turning. My chest feels heavy. This is torture. I turn my phone off. I can’t look at it. Allie is going to have to delete it for me, or I’m going to throw the phone in the fountain.

I stare at the fountain in a daze, not paying attention to anything in particular, when a pigeon lands in front of me. It’s purple and green iridescent neck feathers sparkling in the sun.

“Go away, you filthy rat with wings.”

The pigeon stares at me, craning its neck, then takes a couple of steps toward me, a few inches from my shoes.

“I have no food, bird. Go away.” It cocks its head and studies me. “I thought you disgusting creatures traveled in packs. Did you just get dumped too?”

The bird continues to stare at me to the point where I’m getting uncomfortable. It’s bad enough my heart was just torn out of my chest; now there’s a bird getting ready to finish the job by pecking me to death.

“Shoo,” I wave my hand at it.

It’s still examining me, unfazed by my hand waving. I tilt my head and glare at it. There are three rings around its leg, just like the pigeon I saw on Kitty’s window ledge.

“Leonard?”

My God, I’ve gone off the deep end.

The bird cocks his head from side to side, still watching me. It’s making actual eye contact, human eye to beady bird eye, when another bird flies out of the sky and lands next to it.

I remember Ben telling me that pigeons mate for life. I look curiously at bird number two.

“Kitty?” I ask, frowning. “I guess Leonard did come for you. Looks like you got your wish.”

The men in the white coats should be arriving any minute to haul my crazy ass away for a straight jacket fitting. I’m losing my mind.

The pigeons coo and canoodle with each other, one wrapping its neck affectionately around the other, like a bird hug. It’s the sweetest thing, even to a love-hater like me.

“You’re quite charming, Leonard. Just like your grandson. He charmed me until I fell in love with him. Then he dumped me. Now he’s just a charming asshole.”

Leonard is affectionately preening Kitty’s feathers. I roll my eyes. Another neat freak. Now I know where Ben got it. Kitty blinks her beady bird eyes and stares at me.

“You were right,” I say to Kitty, wiping away my tears. “He was under a tremendous amount of pressure before… but when you died, he fell apart. He completely closed me out. I tried. I tried so hard to help him, but he pushed me further away.”

The bird tilts its head. I think it’s listening. I have no one else to talk to, so I continue.

“I tried to convince him to see his therapist, but he flat-out refused. He just broke up with me. Because he loves me. Who does that? He thinks he makes me unhappy. Breaking my heart is supposed to solve that? Do I look happy? I love him so much. I don’t know what to do.” I shake my head, scrubbing my hands over my face.

Glancing over to my side, I see a couple sitting a few feet over staring at me. I secretly stick my middle finger up at them. I must look insane, mumbling to myself. I hate you, Ben. I redirect my attention to the pigeons.

“I just flipped the bird to that couple. Get it? Flipped the bird,” I tell them.

Oh yeah, I’m losing it.

Looking out to the lake, I see a few couples enjoying a romantic late morning in rowboats. I hope they sink. Clueless fools. Don’t fall in love. It’s cruel. You’re lulled into a false sense of security then your heart is ripped out without warning, leaving you a shell of who you were, alone and baring your soul to dirty birds.

Kitty looks at me. I swear she looks sympathetic. Things must be bleak when a pigeon feels sorry for you.

“Your grandson’s a jerk. A beautiful, fucked-up jerk. And incidentally, Leonard is a
stupid
name.” I look at the other bird. “No offense.”

“Julia?”

I startle in my seat and look up. Looking back is Mr. Tall, Tanned, and Sparkling Blue Eyes. He’s wearing a pair of running shorts, a loose-fitting T-shirt, and running shoes.

“Pierce?” I quickly wipe away my tears and straighten myself out.

“Are you alright? You look like you’ve been crying. And you’re talking to…” He looks down at the brick pavement at my feathered friends.

I sigh. “Yes, I know. I’m talking to birds. Pierce… this is Leonard and Kitty. Leonard and Kitty… Pierce.”

He smiles; a warm, perfect smile. “Nice to meet you.” He directs his attention back to me. “Can I join you?”

I shrug a shoulder. “Sure.”

“So, the birds… friends of yours?”

“We’re old acquaintances.”

“You travel with an unusual crowd.”

“Humans, birds, squirrels. I’m a regular Dr. Doolittle.”

He chuckles. “I’ll remember that. Seriously, are you okay?”

I blow out a breath. “I’m fine,” I lie.

“You don’t look fine. I mean, you look beautiful. You always look beautiful. But clearly there’s something wrong.”

I shrug a shoulder.

“In college I minored in psychology. I’m practically a shrink. I’m an excellent listener,” he says.

“I’m sure you have better things to do. Besides, I can see you’re out for a run.” I sniff, wiping away my tears. “I don’t want to keep you from it.”

“I was just warming up. I can run later. We’re friends, right?”

“I guess.”

“Then talk to me. I’m told I give excellent advice.”

My shoulders slump and I stare down at the ground.

“You finally smartened up and left the writer?” he jokes.

I inhale a shaky breath, my lip quivers, and the tears start rolling again.

“Jesus, Julia. I’m sorry. I was kidding. You left him?”

I shake my head.

“Don’t tell me he left you? You? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I wish I was,” I choke out.

“When I saw you together, it didn’t look like he wanted you two inches away from him.”

“Well, he changed his mind.”

“Was the bastard seeing someone else?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod. “Yes.”

“I have to tell you, Julia. I’m a little confused. I don’t want to pry, but I can’t fathom why anyone in their right mind would even entertain the possibility of leaving you, let alone actually doing it.”

“He’s not in his right mind.”

Pierce tilts his head, confused.

“Over-stressed from work and some family issues. Someone important to him passed away recently. He thought he was making me unhappy and leaving me was his solution,” I explain.

“That makes no sense.”

I blow out a short breath. “I know. But I don’t know what to do. I tried to reason with him, but his mind was already made up,” I sniffle, rummaging through my bag for a tissue.

“Come here, lean on me.”

I jerk my head back slightly and frown at him.

“I’m not going to bite, I promise. I’m just offering a shoulder to lean on.”

“Thanks.” I lean on to Pierce’s shoulder. He wraps his arm around me.

“Every time he fucks up, fate brings us together. Maybe that means something.”

“Ben doesn’t like you.”

“He shouldn’t like me,” he says matter-of-factly.

 “He’s under some insane notion that you …” My face heats up. “Oh, it’s ridiculous to say.”

“It’s not so ridiculous. Hold on, I have to send a quick text to a friend I was supposed to meet. Just give me one second.” He takes his cell out from his shorts pocket and sends a message, never removing his arm from around my shoulder. He slips his phone back into his pocket.

“I don’t want to keep you from your plans,” I tell him.

“It’s not a problem. I’m just letting them know I’m a little delayed. It’s fine. It’s nothing that can’t wait a little while.”

“Okay. One handed texting. Impressive. Are you sure I’m not keeping you from anything?”

“It’s all good. Do you want to tell me what happened? You don’t have to. We could just sit here and watch the fountain if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t know. Things have been off between us lately, but I thought it was getting better. Then this morning, out of the blue, he tells me he wants a break.”

“Hmm,” he hums.

“What’s that ‘hmm’ mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Just say it, Pierce. You’re not going to say anything I don’t already know.”

“A break is a selfish guy thing. You’re either together or you’re not.”

“He clarified it. We’re not.” I inhale a shaky breath. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“Why do you think it’s
you
that did something wrong? I’ll admit I don’t know you that well, but from what little I do know… I think it’s safe to say you’re not the one at fault. That guy seems to have a pattern of hurting you. I’ve met you three times and twice he had you in tears.”

“He’s just going through a hard time.”

“You’re making excuses for the inexcusable. Any guy who makes you cry is not worth your time. He stole your happiness. You deserve someone who can give it back to you.”

“I can’t let him go,” I whisper. “It hurts too much.”

“Doesn’t holding on to someone who doesn’t want you hurt more?”

“He loves me. I know he does.”

“He has a shitty way of proving it. You are an amazing person. You deserve better. Someone who wants to prove he’s worthy of you.”

“I don’t know. Maybe he was only supposed to love me for a little while,” I say sadly.

Pierce shakes his head. “Impossible. Anyone who falls in love with you could never recover.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t talk about him anymore. It’s too hard. You should go. I’m sure you have better things to do than sit with a blubbering fool.”

“I want to be here. I’m pretty good at reading people. I know you’re special. I like you. I told you; that guy has good reason not to like me.”

My eyes widen and I begin to straighten myself upright.

Pierce laughs. “Don’t worry Julia. I’m not about to make a move on you. Not today, anyway.”

I frown as he continues.

“You can’t be so blind that you missed it. You’re beautiful. And witty. And sweet. You’re exactly the type of girl I want to date. If I’m completely honest, you’re the
exact
girl I want to date. I know that we don’t know each other well... and you’re obviously going through a tough time. But someday when you’re ready, I’d like to get to know you better. I know you’re hurting now. But sometime… Maybe we could go out. I can be your rebound guy.” He shrugs. “Then maybe one day, not your rebound anymore.”

“Pierce, I…”

“I know your heart belongs to him. Now. But anyone stupid enough to toss you aside isn’t worth keeping. If he can walk away from you…” He shakes his head. “Julia, just let him go. He doesn’t deserve you.”

Tears run down my cheeks. I sit back up, staring at Pierce.

“Pierce, thank you. I’m flattered. But I know that no matter how much he hurt me, I won’t stop loving him. He’s the only one for me.”

He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I know all that was terribly inappropriate for me to say. Especially now.” He shrugs. “It was worth a shot. We’re friends. We could still go out as friends sometime, right?”

I bite my thumbnail nervously. Pierce has made it abundantly clear he’s interested in me as more than a friend. I don’t want to lead him on.

“Sure. Sometime… as friends,” I clarify.

“I’m not a bad guy.”

“I know.”