The Miting (21 page)

She got down on her knees beside her bed to pray.

“Lord, show me what to do. I want to hear Your clear voice telling me what to do now. I don’t want to have to choose between my family and You. Don’t make me choose, Lord. How could I do that? Oh, Lord, what began so sweetly tonight is ending in fear. Help me overcome that fear. Lead me to You.”

She got up and stretched out on her bed. Tears ran as she buried her face in her pillow and poured her heart out to the Lord. “Tomorrow,
Gott
, I’ll have to figure out a way to please both You and
Daet.
How can I do that? Please give me wisdom and strength. Please help me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

She pulled the covers over her shivering body.
I guess Matthew was right. I am in a heap of trouble.

C
HAPTER
E
LEVEN

T
he next morning, breakfast was tense. Ada kept a steady gaze on her oatmeal, and Benny looked at Leah with big blue eyes, not understanding what but knowing she had done something wrong. She guessed her siblings had been told they shouldn’t speak to her.
Daet
was already in his shop, and
Maem
was busying herself at the cook stove, with not even a glance at her.

Leah said a silent prayer and ate breakfast without trying to talk to anyone. She hadn’t realized how hard it would be to be ostracized. She swallowed a lump in her throat and tried to eat as fast as possible. For the first time, she didn’t have a list of chores to accomplish or time to spend in the shop helping
Daet.
It was as though she’d been erased from the family.

“Ada and Benny, it’s time to get ready for school now,”
Maem
said. Leah’s siblings got up obediently and left the room.
Maem
took their dishes to the sink and washed them, then pulled her cape from the pegs by the back door and hurried outside without speaking a word.

It cut Leah to the heart not to have a kind “good morning” or a smile from
Maem
, and she felt the shame spread over her neck and face.

“So this is the way it feels, and this is how it will be.”

She wiped her tears, finished breakfast, then walked to the sink to wash and dry her dishes. She knew she should put them aside—away from the rest of the family’s utensils, so she neatly stacked them at the end of the shelf and left the kitchen with a heavy heart.

After a long morning and afternoon spent sequestered in her room, Leah crept quietly down the stairs, made herself a quick sandwich, then walked through the house and out the front door. Grabbing her cape as she left, Leah decided to take a walk up the lane to think.

She turned onto the main road just as Abe Troyer’s truck approached. He slowed down, pulling the beat-up machine to the edge of the dusty road. Leah walked to the passenger side, leaning in the window so they could talk.

“I was hoping to see you somewhere today. Martha wanted to let you know she’s leaving the house tonight. I plan to pick her up at the end of the driveway. She’s been taking some things out of the house slowly, and she’s ready to leave.”

“Tonight? Everything’s changing so fast, Abe. You should know unless I repent of saying I’m a born-again Christian, I’m in trouble with my parents and I’m sure the church, too, by now. I don’t know what will happen, because I don’t plan to repent.”

Abe raised his brows. “Why get yourself into trouble over something like that?” he muttered. He shifted in his seat, waved away the topic, and gave his advice. “Be sure you know what you’re doing. With me and Martha, we’ll be together, but you won’t have Jacob if you keep on this way. You’ll be alone, Leah.”

She stared at him, then smiled softly. “But that’s just it, Abe. With Jesus in my heart, I’ll never be alone again, no matter what happens to me.”

He grunted and placed his hands back on the steering wheel. “Suit yourself. I’m just saying—well, never mind. You know what you want, I guess. Listen, I got to go. I have a job lined up for tomorrow, and I need to get things squared away before I come back for Martha.” He pointed a finger down the road toward her friend’s house. “Maybe you could go by and let her know what’s going on.”

She nodded and waved as Abe drove off. Leah watched his truck grow smaller and smaller on the lonely road until the sound of horse hoofs behind her shifted her attention to who was coming. It was
Daet.
As he neared, Leah lifted her hand in greeting, but he kept his eyes straight ahead on the road and passed by without a glance.

She lowered her hand, her gaze turning toward the road. Her parents’ rejection was almost more than she could take, and as she set out on her walk to Martha’s house, she came close to changing her mind about her salvation. She nearly ran home to repent and recant her testimony, but as she scanned the bright November sky and watched the crows fighting for the last of the corn in the fields, an odd strength entered her spirit. Leah knew she could never deny the truth.

She’d changed—she’d found peace, and no amount of shunning was going to take that knowledge away from her. Her eyes were opened, and there was no going back, no matter what it cost.

The late afternoon sunshine had warmed the air by the time she came to the lane that led to the Masts’ home. Leah saw Martha in the side yard, gathering clothes off the line. She was filling a handmade basket with the shirts and pants of the men in her household, and as Leah drew nearer, she saw tears running down her friend’s cheeks.

“Martha!”

She dropped the shirt she was unpegging and turned to see who had called her name. “Leah! I’m so glad you came by today. Did you see Abe?”

“Yes, that’s one of the reasons why I’m here. He said you’re leaving tonight, and I wanted to come to say good-bye.”

She nodded. “It won’t be like a real good-bye, you know. You can come and visit me whenever you want.” She pulled her apron up and wiped her eyes. “Sorry you caught me crying; getting sentimental about my sisters. I’ll worry about them.”

“I know. I’m sorry you have to leave them. It’ll seem different without you here. Do your parents know about your plans?”

“I think
Maem
suspects, but my
stepdaet
just tries to ignore anything in the household he doesn’t want to know about.”

They walked to a bench near the barn door and sat down. “What about your sisters?”

“Believe it or not, I told Abner that if I ever hear of him touching one of them, I’ll go to the Ashfield County sheriff. Now that I’ll be on the outside, he looked a little more worried about whether I’m a real threat. I hope he thinks twice, because I meant what I told him.” She stared out over the barnyard for a time, her face hard and emotionless. She turned to Leah finally and asked, “How are you getting along with your parents?”

Leah dropped her chin, afraid she might cry if she tried to speak. After a moment, she told Martha about going to the Bible study and getting saved. Martha looked surprised.

“How’d that go over with your parents?”

“Not very well.
Daet
has made up his mind to tell the bishop that he and
Maem
consider me to be in the hands of Satan—really rebellious against them and the church. I don’t know what the bishop will say. I know he won’t think too much of me saying I’m a born-again Christian.”

Martha shook her head. “He isn’t going to like it, Leah. If you were older or a member of the church already, I’m sure you’d get the ban.”

“
Daet
and
Maem
are already treating me like I’m under the miting.”

“They are?”

She nodded. “They see my confession of faith as full-out rebellion against the church.
Daet
thinks by saying I know I’ll go to heaven when I die, I’m under Satan’s influence. He thinks the only way to bring me to my senses is to shun me back into the fold.”

“He really means business, doesn’t he?” Martha was surprised.

“
Ja.
His biggest worry is that I might go to hell. And I have to admit, it still worries me sometimes, after hearing over and over that if we don’t stay Amish, we can’t go to heaven.”

Her friend shrugged. “I don’t know and I don’t care. Like I told you, I don’t care if I go straight to hell as long as I don’t have to live Amish the rest of my life.”

“But, Martha, you have to think about where you’re going to end up. Don’t you think about the end of your life?”

“Ha! No way, Leah. I’ve had nothing but Abner and the church and
Maem
and my sisters to think about, but hell or heaven? Nope.” Martha stood suddenly and pointed to the back porch. “You’d better go. I see my
stepdaet
looking for me, and when he bothers to look for me, it’s usually not a good thing. Hurry! Let me walk you down the lane, and then maybe by the time I get back, he’ll have forgotten what he wanted me for.”

Leah stood and walked quickly with Martha to the road, listening as she chattered about the new apartment Abe had found for them. She was excited to be leaving, she insisted, and would never miss the clothes or the life or the church, and especially not the
Ordnung.

As they neared the end of the lane, Martha stopped, grabbing her arm. “You’ll not let them boss you too much, will you, Leah?”

“I hope I can please
Daet
and
Maem
without getting banned. But I also know this: I can’t give up what I believe now, this freedom, this joy.”

“What about Jacob Yoder?”

“He went with me to the Bible study, Martha. He watched me accept Christ, and on the way home he was really quiet. Sometimes I think the Lord’s working in his heart, too.”

Martha laughed. “Looks like I’m leaving you right at the best time if you’re going to get all religious, Leah.”

She reached over and gave Martha another hug. “I’ll be praying for you. Stay safe, Martha. Be careful out there with those
Englishers.
”

“I will. Hey, my guy says things will be fine, and I believe him. It’s been a long time coming, and I’m ready to move out of here.”

“Okay. Just don’t try to do everything all at once. I wish you didn’t have to live with Abe. Have you asked the Schrocks if they have space for you in their downstairs apartment?”

“You think like the Amish. You worry too much about what other people will say about you.” She tossed her head. “I told you before. I don’t care about what people think of me.”

“I know, but—”

“I just want to be happy, Leah. For once—just once, I want to be happy and free of those dumb rules.”

“I’ll still pray for that, Martha. I’ll pray for
Gott
to help you be happy. And”—she fished around in her apron pocket until she found the pamphlet the Schrocks had given her about Mission to Amish People—“here’s a number where you can reach the Schrocks, in case you need to call them to help you. I know they will.”

Martha took the paper and put it in her pocket. “Thanks, Leah. I won’t need to call them, I’m sure, but thanks anyway. And go ahead and pray for me; I guess I could always use the extra help.”

They said final good-byes, and as Martha walked back down the lane, Leah stopped to watch her. She saw the determined set of her friend’s shoulders and wondered if Martha was truly as carefree and happy as her words tried to convey.

For the first time in her life, Leah realized she was not looking forward to going home. As she approached the house,
Maem
’s silhouette was visible, moving from the kitchen to the living room, lighting the lamp by the door as she went. She prayed
Maem
would come to understand her desire to follow Jesus.

She went in the front door just as
Maem
was going up the stairs to bed.
Maem
glanced down at her but slowly turned and went up the steps without a word or a smile.

“Good night,
Maem
.”

Maem
’s only reply was the gentle closing of her bedroom door.

Leah blew out the lamp and went up to bed, too. As she passed her parents’ room, she heard
Maem
crying. Leah stopped, placed her hand on the doorknob, and started to go in, but when she heard
Maem
talking to
Daet
, she changed her mind. She’d only be an unwelcome interruption.