Read The Merry Wives of Windsor Online
Authors: William Shakespeare
[
Exit
]
FALSTAFF
Say’st thou so, old Jack
123
? Go thy ways: I’ll make more
of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet
look after
124
thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now
a gainer? Good body, I thank thee. Let them say ’tis
grossly
126
[
Enter Bardolph, with a goblet
]
BARDOLPH
Sir John, there’s one Master Broom below would
fain
129
speak with you and be acquainted with you, and hath
sent your worship a morning’s draught of sack.
FALSTAFF
Broom is his name?
BARDOLPH
Ay, sir.
FALSTAFF
Call him in.
[
Exit Bardolph
]
Such Brooms are welcome to me, that o’erflows such liquor.
Aha, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have I
encompassed
135
you? Go to,
via
136
!
[
Enter Bardolph, with Ford disguised, carrying a bag of money
]
FORD
Bless you, sir.
FALSTAFF
And you, sir. Would you speak with me?
FORD
I
make bold
to press with so little
preparation
139
upon
you.
FALSTAFF
You’re welcome. What’s your will?
Give us leave
141
,
[
Exit Bardolph
]
FORD
Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much: my
name is Broom.
FALSTAFF
Good Master Broom, I desire more acquaintance
of you.
FORD
Good Sir John, I
sue
for yours: not to
charge
147
you, for
I must let you understand I think myself in better
plight
148
for a
lender than you are, the which hath something emboldened
me to this
unseasoned
150
intrusion. For they say, if money go
before, all ways do lie open.
FALSTAFF
Money is a good soldier, sir, and will
on
152
.
FORD
Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me.
If you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or
Sets it down
half, for easing me of the
carriage
155
.
FALSTAFF
Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter.
FORD
I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing.
FALSTAFF
Speak, good Master Broom: I shall be glad to be your
servant.
FORD
Sir, I hear you are a scholar — I will be brief with
you — and you have been a man long known to me, though
I had never so good means as desire to make myself
acquainted with you. I shall
discover
163
a thing to you, wherein
I must very much lay open mine own imperfection. But,
good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you
hear them unfolded, turn another into the
register
166
of your
own, that I may pass with a reproof the easier,
sith
167
you
yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender.
FALSTAFF
Very well, sir, proceed.
FORD
There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband’s
name is Ford.
FALSTAFF
Well, sir.
FORD
I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed
much on her: followed her with a doting
observance
174
,
engrossed
opportunities to meet her,
fee’d
175
every slight
occasion that could but niggardly give me sight of her: not
only bought many presents to give her, but have given
largely
177
to many to know what she
would have given
178
. Briefly, I have
pursued her as love hath pursued me, which hath been on the
wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either
in my mind or in my
means
,
meed
181
I am sure I have received
none, unless experience be a jewel that I have purchased at an
infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say this:
‘Love like a shadow
flies
when
substance
184
love pursues,
Pursuing that
that flies
185
, and flying what pursues.’
FALSTAFF
Have you received no promise of
satisfaction
186
at her
hands?
FORD
Never.
FALSTAFF
Have you
importuned
189
her to such a purpose?
FORD
Never.
FALSTAFF
Of what quality was your love, then?
FORD
Like a fair house built on another man’s ground, so
that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place where I
erected
194
it.
FALSTAFF
To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?
FORD
When I have told you that, I have told you all.
Some say that though she appear
honest
197
to me, yet in other
places she enlargeth her
mirth
so far that there is
shrewd
198
construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of
my purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent breeding,
admirable discourse, of
great admittance
,
authentic
201
in your
place and person,
generally allowed
202
for your many war-like,
court-like and learned
preparations
203
.
FALSTAFF
O, sir!
FORD
Believe it, for you know it. There is
Points to the bag
money: spend it, spend it, spend more, spend all I have, only
give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an
amiable
208
siege to the honesty of this Ford’s wife. Use your art
of wooing, win her to consent to you. If any man may, you
may as soon as any.
FALSTAFF
Would it
apply well to
211
the vehemency of your
affection that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks
you prescribe to yourself very
preposterously
213
.
FORD
O, understand my
drift
214
: she dwells so securely on
the excellency of her honour that the
folly
215
of my soul dares
not present itself. She is too bright to be looked
against
216
. Now,
could I come to her with any
detection
217
in my hand, my
desires had
instance
218
and argument to commend themselves:
I could drive her then from the
ward
219
of her purity, her
reputation,
her
220
marriage-vow, and a thousand other her
defences, which now are too too strongly embattled against
me. What say you to’t, Sir John?
FALSTAFF
Master Broom, I will first make bold with your
money. Next, give me your hand. And last, as
Takes the bag
I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford’s wife.
FORD
O, good sir!
FALSTAFF
I say you shall.
FORD
Want
228
no money, Sir John: you shall want none.
FALSTAFF
Want no Mistress Ford, Master Broom, you shall
want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her own
appointment. Even as you came in to me, her assistant or go-
between parted from me. I say I shall be with her between ten
and eleven, for at that time the jealous rascally knave her
husband will be
forth
234
. Come you to me at night: you shall
know how I
speed
235
.
FORD
I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know
Ford, sir?
FALSTAFF
Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave, I know him not.
Yet I wrong him to call him poor: they say the jealous
wittolly
knave hath masses of money, for
the which
240
his wife
seems to me
well-favoured
241
. I will use her as the key of the
cuckoldly rogue’s coffer, and there’s my
harvest-home
242
.
FORD
I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid
him if you saw him.
FALSTAFF
Hang him,
mechanical
salt-butter
245
rogue! I will stare
him out of his wits, I will awe him with my cudgel. It shall
hang like a
meteor
247
o’er the cuckold’s horns. Master Broom,
thou shalt know I will
predominate
248
over the peasant, and
thou shalt lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night. Ford’s
a knave, and I will
aggravate his style
250
. Thou, Master Broom,
shalt know him for knave and cuckold. Come to me soon at
night.
[
Exit
]
FORD
What a damned
Epicurean
253
rascal is this? My heart is
ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is
improvident
254
jealousy? My wife hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the
match is made. Would any man have thought this? See the
hell of having a
false
257
woman: my bed shall be abused, my
coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at, and I shall not
only receive this villainous wrong, but
stand under the
259
adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this
wrong. Terms, names!
Amaimon sounds well: Lucifer, well:
261
Barbason, well: yet they are devils’
additions
262
, the names of
fiends. But Cuckold? Wittol? Cuckold? The devil himself hath
not such a name. Page is an ass, a
secure
264
ass. He will trust his
wife, he will not be jealous. I will rather trust a
Fleming
265
with
my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an
Irishman with my
aqua-vitae
bottle, or a thief to
walk
267
my
ambling gelding
268
, than my wife with herself. Then she plots,
then she ruminates, then she devises: and what they think in
their hearts they may effect — they will break their hearts
but they will effect. Heaven be praised for my jealousy!
Eleven o’clock the hour. I will prevent this, detect my wife, be
revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it. Better
three hours too soon than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie!
Cuckold, cuckold, cuckold!
Exit
running scene 7
Enter Caius and Rugby
CAIUS
Jack Rugby!
RUGBY
Sir?
CAIUS
Vat is the clock, Jack?
RUGBY
’Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to
meet.
CAIUS
By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come. He
has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come. By gar, Jack Rugby,
he is dead already, if he be come.
RUGBY
He is wise, sir. He knew your worship would kill
him, if he came.
CAIUS
By gar, de herring is
no dead, so as
11
I vill kill
Draws
him. Take your rapier, Jack. I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
RUGBY
Alas, sir, I cannot fence.
CAIUS
Villainy
14
, take your rapier.
RUGBY
Forbear. Here’s company.