The Merry Wives of Windsor (11 page)
Read The Merry Wives of Windsor Online
Authors: William Shakespeare
To Page and Shallow/To Caius and Evans
Come, lay their swords
to pawn
97
.— Follow me,
lads of peace, follow, follow, follow.
[
Exit
]
SHALLOW
Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.
SLENDER
O sweet Anne Page!
Aside?
[
Exeunt Shallow, Slender and Page
]
CAIUS
Ha, do I perceive dat? Have you make-a de
sot
101
of us,
ha, ha?
EVANS
This is well, he has made us his
vlouting-stog
103
. I
desire you that we may be friends, and let us knog our prains
together to be revenge on this same
scall
, scurvy
cogging
105
companion, the host of the Garter.
CAIUS
By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me
where is Anne Page: by gar, he deceive me too.
EVANS
Well, I will smite his
noddles
109
. Pray you, follow.
[
Exeunt
]
running scene 9
Enter Robin [followed by] Mistress Page
MISTRESS PAGE
Nay,
keep your way
, little gallant. You
were wont
1
to be a follower, but now you are a leader.
Whether
2
had you
rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master’s heels?
ROBIN
I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man than
follow him like a dwarf.
MISTRESS PAGE
O, you are a flattering boy. Now I see you’ll be a
courtier.
[
Enter Ford
]
FORD
Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?
MISTRESS PAGE
Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?
FORD
Ay, and
as idle as she may hang together
10
, for want of
company. I think, if your husbands were dead, you two
would marry.
MISTRESS PAGE
Be sure of that — two other husbands.
FORD
Where had you this pretty weather-cock?
MISTRESS PAGE
I cannot tell what the dickens
his name is my
15
husband had him of. What do you call your knight’s name,
sirrah?
ROBIN
Sir John Falstaff.
FORD
Sir John Falstaff?
MISTRESS PAGE
He, he. I can never hit on’s name. There is such
a
league
21
between my good man and he. Is your wife at home
indeed?
FORD
Indeed she is.
MISTRESS PAGE
By your leave, sir, I am sick till I see her.
[
Exeunt Mistress Page and Robin
]
FORD
Has Page any brains? Hath he any eyes? Hath he
any thinking? Sure they sleep, he hath no use of them. Why,
this boy will carry a letter twenty mile as easy as a cannon
will shoot point-blank
twelvescore
. He
pieces out
28
his wife’s
inclination, he gives her
folly
motion and advantage
29
. And
now she’s going to my wife, and Falstaff’s boy with her. A
man may
hear this shower sing in the wind
31
. And Falstaff’s
boy with her. Good plots, they are laid, and our
revolted
32
wives share damnation together. Well, I will
take him
33
, then
torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the
so-seeming Mistress Page,
divulge
35
Page himself for a secure
and
wilful
Actaeon
36
, and to these violent proceedings all my
neighbours shall
cry aim
37
. The clock gives me
A clock strikes
my cue, and my assurance bids me search: there I shall find
Falstaff. I shall be rather praised for this than mocked, for it is
as positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is there. I will go.
[
Enter Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Evans, Caius and Rugby
]
SHALLOW, PAGE
and
OTHERS
Well met, Master Ford.
FORD
Trust me, a good
knot
. I have good
cheer
42
at home,
and I pray you all go with me.
SHALLOW
I must excuse myself, Master Ford.
SLENDER
And so must I, sir. We have appointed to dine with
Mistress Anne, and I would not
break with
46
her for more
money than I’ll speak of.
SHALLOW
We have lingered about a match between Anne
Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our
answer.
SLENDER
I hope I have your good will, father Page.
PAGE
You have, Master Slender, I stand wholly for you.
But my wife, Master Doctor, is for you altogether.
CAIUS
Ay, be-gar, and de maid is love-a me. My nursh-a
Quickly tell me so mush.
HOST
What say you to young Master Fenton?
To Page
He
capers
57
, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses,
he
speaks holiday
, he smells April and May. He will
carry’t
58
,
he will carry’t,
’tis in his buttons
59
, he will carry’t.
PAGE
Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is
of no
having
: he kept company with the
wild prince and
61
Poins. He is of too high a
region
62
, he knows too much. No, he
shall not
knit a knot
63
in his fortunes with the finger of my
substance
. If he take her, let him take her
simply
64
: the wealth I
have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way.
FORD
I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with
me to dinner. Besides your cheer, you shall have sport: I will
show you a
monster
68
. Master Doctor, you shall go, so shall
you, Master Page, and you, Sir Hugh.
SHALLOW
Well, fare you well.— We shall have
Aside to Slender
the freer wooing at Master Page’s.
[
Exeunt Shallow and Slender
]
CAIUS
Go home, John Rugby, I come
anon
72
.
[
Exit Rugby
]
[
Exit
]
FORD
I think I shall drink in
pipe wine
75
first with
Aside
him. I’ll
make him dance
.— Will you go,
gentles
76
?
Aloud
ALL
Have with
77
you to see this monster.
Exeunt
running scene 10
Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page
MISTRESS FORD
What, John? What, Robert?
MISTRESS PAGE
Quickly, quickly! Is the
buck-basket
2
—
MISTRESS FORD
I warrant. What, Robin, I say!
[
Enter John and Robert with a laundry basket
]
MISTRESS PAGE
Come, come, come.
MISTRESS FORD
Here, set it down.
MISTRESS PAGE
Give your men the
charge
6
, we must be brief.
MISTRESS FORD
Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be
ready here
hard
by in the
brew-house
8
, and when I suddenly
call you, come forth, and without any pause or staggering
take this basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it
in all haste, and carry it among the
whitsters
in
Datchet
11
Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close by the
Thames side.
MISTRESS PAGE
You will do it?
To John and Robert
MISTRESS FORD
I ha’ told them over and over, they lack no
direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.
[
Exeunt John and Robert
]
MISTRESS PAGE
Here comes little Robin.
[
Enter Robin
]
MISTRESS FORD
How now, my
eyas-musket
18
? What news with
you?
ROBIN
My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door,
Mistress Ford, and requests your company.
MISTRESS PAGE
You little
Jack-a-Lent
22
, have you been true to us?
ROBIN
Ay, I’ll be sworn. My master knows not of your
being here and hath threatened to put me into everlasting
liberty
if I tell you of it: for he swears he’ll
turn me away
25
.
MISTRESS PAGE
Thou’rt a good boy. This secrecy of thine shall
be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and
hose. I’ll go hide me.
MISTRESS FORD
Do so.— Go tell thy master I am alone.
To Robin
[
Exit Robin
]
Mistress Page, remember you your cue.
MISTRESS PAGE
I warrant thee: if I do not act it, hiss me.
[
Exit
]
MISTRESS FORD
Go to, then. We’ll use this unwholesome
humidity
, this gross watery
pumpion
33
. We’ll teach him to
know
turtles from jays
34
.
[
Enter Falstaff
]
FALSTAFF
Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel
35
? Why, now
let me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the
period
36
of
my ambition. O this blessèd hour!
MISTRESS FORD
O sweet Sir John!
FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, I cannot
cog
, I cannot
prate
39
, Mistress
Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband were
dead. I’ll speak it before the best lord. I would make thee my
lady.
MISTRESS FORD
I your lady, Sir John? Alas, I should be a pitiful
lady!
FALSTAFF
Let the court of France show me such another. I see
how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast the
right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the
ship-tire
47
,
the
tire-valiant
, or any tire of
Venetian admittance
48
.
MISTRESS FORD
A plain
kerchief
, Sir John: my brows
become
49
nothing else, nor that well neither.
FALSTAFF
Thou art a tyrant to say so: thou wouldst make an
absolute
courtier, and the
firm fixture of thy foot
52
would give
an excellent motion to thy gait in a
semi-circled farthingale
53
.
I see what thou wert if
Fortune thy foe were not, Nature thy
54
friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.
MISTRESS FORD
Believe me, there’s no such thing in me.
FALSTAFF
What made me love thee? Let that persuade thee
there’s something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot cog
and say thou art this and that, like a many of these lisping
hawthorn-buds
60
that come like women in men’s apparel and
smell like
Bucklersbury
in
simple time
61
. I cannot. But I love
thee, none but thee —and thou deservest it.
MISTRESS FORD
Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress
Page.
FALSTAFF
Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the
Counter-gate
, which is as hateful to me as the
reek
66
of a
MISTRESS FORD
Well, heaven knows how I love you, and you
shall one day find it.
FALSTAFF
Keep in that mind, I’ll deserve it.
MISTRESS FORD
Nay, I must tell you, so you do, or else I could not
be in that mind.
ROBIN
Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford, here’s
