The Merry Wives of Windsor (4 page)
Read The Merry Wives of Windsor Online
Authors: William Shakespeare
Knocks
What, ho! Got pless your house here!
PAGE
Who’s there?
Speaks within and then enters
EVANS
Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and Justice
Shallow, and here young Master Slender, that peradventures
shall
tell you another tale
63
, if matters grow to your likings.
PAGE
I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you for
my venison, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW
Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it
your good heart. I wished your venison better, it was
ill
67
killed. How doth good Mistress Page? And I thank you
always with my heart,
la
69
— with my heart.
PAGE
Sir, I thank you.
SHALLOW
Sir, I thank you:
by yea and no
71
, I do.
PAGE
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
SLENDER
How does your
fallow
73
greyhound, sir? I he ard say he
was outrun on
Cotsall
74
.
PAGE
It could not be
judged
75
, sir.
SLENDER
You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.
SHALLOW
That he will not.—
’Tis your fault
78
, ’tis your fault.— ’Tis a good dog.
Aside to Slender/To Page
PAGE
A
cur
79
, sir.
SHALLOW
Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog, can there be
more said? He is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?
PAGE
Sir, he is within: and I
would
82
I could do a good office
between you.
EVANS
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
SHALLOW
He hath wronged me, Master Page.
PAGE
Sir, he doth
in some sort
86
confess it.
SHALLOW
If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not that so,
Master Page? He hath wronged me, indeed he hath,
at
88
a
word, he hath. Believe me: Robert Shallow esquire saith he is
wronged.
PAGE
Here comes Sir John.
[
Enter Falstaff, Bardolph, Nim and
Pistol
]
FALSTAFF
Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the
king?
SHALLOW
Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer,
and broke open my
lodge
95
.
FALSTAFF
But not kissed your
keeper’s
96
daughter?
SHALLOW
Tut, a
pin
! This shall be
answered
97
.
FALSTAFF
I will answer it
straight
98
: I have done all this. That is
now answered.
SHALLOW
The Council shall know this.
FALSTAFF
’Twere better for you if it were known
in counsel
101
.
You’ll be laughed at.
EVANS
Pauca verba
103
, Sir John, goot worts.
FALSTAFF
Good
worts
? Good cabbage. Slender, I
broke
104
your
head. What
matter
105
have you against me?
SLENDER
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you,
and against your
cony-catching
107
rascals, Bardolph, Nim and
Pistol.
BARDOLPH
You
Banbury cheese
109
!
SLENDER
Ay, it is no
matter
110
.
PISTOL
How now,
Mephostophilus
111
?
SLENDER
Ay, it is no matter.
NIM
Slice
, I say!
Pauca
,
pauca
. Slice, that’s my
humour
113
.
SLENDER
Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?
EVANS
Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is
three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that is, Master
Page —
fidelicet
117
Master Page — and there is myself —
fidelicet
myself — and the
three
118
party is — lastly and finally — mine
host
119
of the Garter.
PAGE
We three to hear it and end it between them.
EVANS
Fery goot, I will make a
prief
121
of it in my note-book,
and we will afterwards
’ork
122
upon the cause with as great
discreetly
123
as we can.
FALSTAFF
Pistol!
PISTOL
He hears with ears.
EVANS
The
tevil and his tam
126
! What phrase is this? He hears
with ear? Why, it is affectations.
FALSTAFF
Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?
SLENDER
Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might never
come in mine own
great chamber
again else, of seven
groats
130
in
mill-sixpences
, and two
Edward shovel-boards
131
, that cost
me two shilling and two pence apiece of
Yead
132
Miller, by these
gloves.
FALSTAFF
Is this true, Pistol?
EVANS
No,
it is false
135
, if it is a pick-purse.
PISTOL
Ha, thou
mountain-foreigner
136
! Sir John and master mine,
I
combat challenge
of this
latten
bilbo
137
.
Word of denial in thy
labras
138
here!
Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!
SLENDER
By these gloves, then, ’twas he.
Points to Nim
NIM
Be avised
, sir, and
pass good humours
141
: I will say
‘marry
trap’
with you, if you
run the
nuthook
142
’s humour on
me. That is the
very note
143
of it.
SLENDER
By this hat, then,
he in the red face
144
had it: for
though I cannot remember what I did when you made me
drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
FALSTAFF
What say you,
Scarlet and John
147
?
BARDOLPH
Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk
himself out of his five sentences.
EVANS
It is his five senses. Fie, what the ignorance is!
BARDOLPH
And being
fap
151
, sir, was, as they say, cashiered: and
so
conclusions passed the
careers
152
.
SLENDER
Ay, you spake in Latin then too. But ’tis no matter. I’ll
ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly
company, for this trick. If I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those
that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
EVANS
So Got
’udge
me, that is a virtuous
mind
157
.
FALSTAFF
You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen, you
hear it.
[
Enter Anne, with wine
]
PAGE
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in: we’ll drink within.
[
Exit Anne
]
Aside?
SLENDER
O heaven, this is Mistress Anne Page!
[
Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page
]
PAGE
How now, Mistress Ford?
FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met.
By your
leave
164
, good mistress.
Kisses her
PAGE
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have
a hot venison
pasty to
166
dinner. Come, gentlemen, I hope we
shall drink down all unkindness.
[
Exeunt all except Shallow, Slender and Evans
]
SLENDER
I had rather than forty shillings I had my book of
Songs and Sonnets
168
here.
[
Enter Simple
]
How now, Simple, where have you been? I must wait on
myself, must I? You have not the
Book of Riddles
171
about you,
have you?
SIMPLE
Book of Riddles
? Why, did you not lend it to Alice
Shortcake upon
Allhallowmas
174
last, a fortnight afore
SHALLOW
Come, coz. Come, coz, we
stay
176
for you. A word
with you, coz. Marry, this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a
tender
177
,
a kind of tender, made
afar off
178
by Sir Hugh here. Do you
understand me?
SLENDER
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable. If it be so, I
shall
do that that is reason
181
.
SHALLOW
Nay, but understand me.
SLENDER
So I do, sir.
EVANS
Give ear to his
motions
184
. Master Slender, I will
description the matter to you, if you
be capacity of
185
it.
SLENDER
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I pray you
pardon me, he’s a Justice of Peace in his
country
,
simple
187
though I stand here.
EVANS
But that is not the question. The question is
concerning your marriage.
SHALLOW
Ay, there’s the point, sir.
EVANS
Marry, is it: the very point of it, to Mistress Anne
Page.
SLENDER
Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable
EVANS
But can you affection the
’oman
196
? Let us command
to know that of your mouth or of your lips, for
divers
197
philosophers hold that the lips is
parcel
198
of the mouth.
Therefore, precisely, can you
carry your good will to
199
the maid?
SHALLOW
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
SLENDER
I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would
do reason.
EVANS
Nay, Got’s lords and his ladies, you must speak
possitable
, if you can
carry her
204
your desires towards her.
SHALLOW
That you must. Will you,
upon
205
good dowry, marry
her?
SLENDER
I will do a greater thing than that upon your
request, cousin, in any reason.
SHALLOW
Nay,
conceive
209
me, conceive me, sweet coz. What I do
is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?
SLENDER
I will marry her, sir, at your request. But if there be
no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may
decrease
212
it
upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have
more occasion to know one another. I hope upon familiarity
will grow more contempt. But if you say ‘Marry her’, I will
marry her — that I am freely
dissolved
, and
dissolutely
216
.
EVANS
It is a fery discretion answer. Save the
fall
217
is in the
’ord
218
‘dissolutely’ — the ’ort is, according to our meaning,
‘resolutely’ — his meaning is good.
SHALLOW
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
SLENDER
Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
SHALLOW
Here comes fair Mistress Anne.
