The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (42 page)

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Authors: Athol Kay

BOOK: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
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Note that she will be pleased that you have returned to her, because she has her servant back. She will probably have sex with you once.
Just once.
Then you’re back to the endless waiting for another special moment and her whim. If you can’t ever get it into your head that you really can find another woman to replace her, you’re going to be trapped with the one you have.
(25.4) Women Are Replaceable

 

It’s a fairly cynical point of view, but any one woman can be replaced with another woman. All a woman needs to do to make you happy is do some mix of working a job and keeping house, be reasonably enjoyable company and have a functional vagina that she happily lets you use. The job description really isn’t all that hard to do, or all that confusing. Most women would make a reasonably good wife for you if given the opportunity.

 

I don’t mean to make women sound like chattel here. Men are no less replaceable than women are. Men sell “husband” and women sell “wife” when it boils down to it. This book is aimed for men who live with women that want to get paid for selling “wife” but don’t want to part company with the goods. The solution for this is that you start shopping around and stop buying “wife” from her and buy “wife” from someone else; the essential threat of running The MAP.

 

Objectively, there is nothing special about your current wife. The only thing that makes her seem special to you is a bunch of hormonal markers cycling around your body telling you to think she is wonderful beyond all reason. She’s not all that wonderful. If you met her today for the first time and she told you she wanted to marry you but only have sex five times a year, you’d just laugh and walk away. No one would agree to that. You just can’t see that because you’re so drugged on dopamine and vasopressin. It’s like your body is jacking you up on a bad cocktail of emotional cocaine and valium.

 

Even sex with a new woman isn’t going to be all that different. It’s not like you get to have sex with a new woman, or even ten new women, with a new penis. Your sensations and orgasm are going to be much the same no matter who you are with in bed. If you’re a 7 and leave your 7 wife and remarry another 7, the sex is going to be about the same. But you might have ten times as much sex with a new wife.
(25.5) Get a Massage

 

Oh relax. I didn’t say go have hookers stroke your back for ten minutes and then blow you. I said get a massage. Go get a real proper therapeutic massage – from a female masseuse of course.

 

Just enjoy it.

 

Just soak in the sensation of another woman physically touching you all over for an hour. If you’re at all undersexed or under-touched, you’ll probably get hard as a rock at some point in the session. Just don’t worry about it, that’s all perfectly normal and nothing will happen to you. Massage therapists do not suddenly decide to give up their licenses and start jerking on your dick.

 

But think about this. How many weeks go by before you get as much physical touch from your wife as you got in this single massage session? Massages cost fifty to one-hundred dollars, depending on where you live. How much comes out of your pocket for your wife over those weeks? Does it seem to be a fair comparison?

 

I’m not even talking about
sex
here, I’m just talking about
touch.
(25.6) Hooker Math

 

Okay, let’s do the hooker math now. Figure out how much money you spent on your wife in the last year and divide that by the number of times you’ve had sex in the same time period. That’s your cost per lay. Is that more or less than the price of a nice hooker?

 

Now this is a pretty loose and highly offensive way of assessing your wife and I don’t advise making too much of it. But if that number is much larger than you feel comfortable admitting to, maybe you need to really consider what you are getting from the relationship. If everything flows from you to her and nothing much flows from her to you, why bother?

 

Now I know that you’re not going to bail on your wife and plan to eat Ramen noodles to maximize your hooker money. That seems like it might be fun for a week, but after that it’s all a bit impersonal. I’m just trying to get you thinking clearer and trying to get some perspective on your situation. Like I said before, you’re really probably looking at the possibility of leaving your wife to remarry someone that’s actually interested in you. If you have Oneitis, you’re like a drug addict for her; I’m trying to stage a mini-intervention here.

 

And let’s be serious, if the Hooker Math for sex with your wife comes to over a thousand dollars a lay, it sounds like you’re partying with Charlie Sheen a bit much.
(25.7) Take a Vacation Alone

 

One way to try and clear things in your head is to go on a vacation without her. Just go do it for you. It has to be for at least a week. Go have fun. How do you really feel without her around you? If everything flows from you to her, a real vacation for you is actually
being away from her
. So think about that for a bit.
(25.8) Are You Captain-Save-a-Ho?

 

The purpose of marriage is not to save a woman. The purpose of marriage is to have a productive, functional and happy life together. It’s not your job to act like her paid 24/7 support staff and bail her out of every mess she gets herself into, or endlessly cater to her every whim without hope of you ever getting you needs met.
(25.9) Balanced Relationships

 

Don’t get me wrong on this chapter. I have a good case of Oneitis for Jennifer, but she also has Oneitis for me, so it’s a balanced relationship. When both sides of the marriage are really into each other, it’s how it’s meant to be. But when only your side of the marriage is into her, all those wonderful feelings of love and intense attachment become a
liability
to you and trap you into the relationship.

 

Jennifer and I don’t blindly believe we’re soulmates. I sell her “a pretty good husband” and Jennifer sells me “a pretty good wife”. It’s a balanced, fair exchange and we’re great together, but we both know that if we didn’t have each other,
someone else would probably do
. If we hadn’t met each other, we would have gone on to marry other people and very likely had happy lives.

 

We’re also both loaded up on hormones for each other too… so there’s
real love
between us. That may be distressing to think of, but hormones really do act as real world physical counterparts to actual feelings. Your brain is a meat computer and the hormones act like software. Emotions are, on one level, actual physical
things.

 

This is all rather clinical and unromantic, but once you get used to thinking these thoughts, you realize that your romantic feelings and love for your wife aren’t actually affected by knowing that you have a bunch of hormones inside you making you feel as you do. Dr. Helen Fisher has a wonderful story she tells to explain this. She says that you could know everything there is to know about chocolate cake – how to make it, what all the ingredients are, all the chemistry that happens when the cake is baked and so on. But that knowledge doesn’t affect the sensation of enjoying eating chocolate cake. Once the cake is in your mouth… you just
experience
the chocolate cake.

 

For Jennifer and myself, we’ve actually felt deeper feelings for each other since taking this journey into knowing the contents of this book. It explains why our constant sex with each other bonds us so well to one another and we consciously do fun things together and feel more in love because of it.
Plus if women are essentially replaceable and all much the same… that’s why the grass is always greener on the other side.
So I may as well keep nailing Jennifer then.
Chapter 26
Common Mistakes

 

 

(26.1) Cheating on Your Wife

 

Imagine you’re a humble male 6 married to a female 7 and the sex life is mediocre at best. Then you buy this book and discover the basic principles I cover and start putting them into action.

 

You work out, are nicer at home, earn a little more money, dress better, play with the kids and so on. When you go from a 6 to a 7 life is great and your sex life gets better. So you keep plowing ahead and continue to develop yourself further. When you hit Sex Rank 8, the sex at home starts getting really good. Your wife loves the new you and can’t help but respond to you.

 

Then comes the test.
Failing this test will probably undo, in one easy move, everything you’ve done to improve things with your wife.

 

Here’s how the test occurs. Say you know another female 6 or 7; your sister-in-law, your wife’s best friend, your female work friend, the chick behind the counter at Starbucks, one of the moms at your kid’s school, or any woman in your sphere of influence. When you were a 6, you were off the market and she wasn’t interested in you. Pulling you off your wife would have taken a lot of effort, and let’s face it, you were just a 6, so why should she bother?

 

But now… now you’re an 8 and that’s a whole different deal because she’s a 6 or 7 and you’re a sexier than her – a quite different experience for her to think about. She can’t help feeling attracted to you because attraction isn’t a choice. She may not even be consciously aware of it, but you are far more sexually interesting to her now. Then you’ll start noticing some of the dozens of “Indications of Interest” she’s throwing out at you:

 

Dressing better when she expects to see you.
Hair flipping and stroking.
Reapplying lipstick. Licking lips.
Smiling.
Eye contact.
Touching her body, especially her neck area.
Sitting with her body oriented towards yours.
Sitting with her legs open towards you.
Laughing easily at your jokes – even if they are not particularly good.
Taking an article of clothing off in front of you.
Small acts of service that aren’t required.
Seeking to stand or sit near you.
Increased breathing rate.
Being eager to see you.
Unnecessary phone calls, emails, text messages just to create contact with you.
Touching you in any way.

 

One day you’re going to be having a great conversation with this woman, not even trying to consciously to seduce her… and you’ll suddenly realize that she’s doing half the things on the list above. Then you realize all you need to do is
“Instigate, Isolate and Escalate”
a little and she would very likely have sex with you if you can be discreet.

 

As an aside - being discreet is the key to seduction. I once answered a phone call as a female friend was laughing at one of my jokes. The caller asked me,
“Who are you with?”
and I replied
“Oh I don’t kiss and tell.”
Just that phrase alone turned my friend positively crimson and then she completely took down her hair, shook it out and tied it back up again, then removed her scarf and just hung out with me longer than she needed to. If I had made a move in that moment, she would have very likely responded to me.

 

So it’s not going to be some super hot 10 wanting to get back at her boyfriend who will be your test. Megan Fox won’t be your test. It’s going to be someone close to you, someone you probably have known for a while, even feel friendly and emotionally connected to, that is going to be your test. You may not see it coming until it’s close to the point of no return.

 

You will absolutely love every second of her company as well – you’re biologically programmed to like it. The great difficulty of temptation is that it’s… tempting. No matter how wonderful sex at home is, new pussy is incredibly tasty. Once you can read a woman’s indicators of interest, and you know the basics of seduction, having a little piece of something on the side becomes not just a fantasy, but real possibility. Emotions can run high. You may be more hooked on the other woman than you know…at least while you're standing next to her anyway.

 

And all this will be happening just as everything you’ve worked for with your wife responding to you is coming together. If your wife is even halfway paying attention to you, she’ll know something is up.

 

So while I'm not telling you what is right and what is wrong, be aware of what you truly risk for a little extra fun on the side. If your Sex Rank is higher than your wife, you have her full attention on you, so getting away with things is probably harder than it seems on the surface. Wives hate being cheated on and the damage you do to your relationship may be permanent. What may seem a little harmless fun to you, will be seen as an affair by your wife and provoke the most serious of marital crises. Any illusions you have of an easy resolution to a discovered affair are laughable.

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