The Marriage Book (56 page)

Joe E. Brown and Jack Lemmon

RICHARD CURTIS

FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL
, 1994

After decades as a successful British TV writer (
Blackadder
,
Mr. Bean
), Richard Curtis (1956–) made the jump to film, writing the hugely successful romantic comedy
Four Weddings and a Funeral
. In this scene, the somewhat shaggy, self-deprecating, and smitten Charles (played by Hugh Grant) tries and fails to make his case to his beloved—but already engaged—Carrie (played by Andie MacDowell).

The “recent shopping excursion” was for Carrie’s wedding gown.
The Partridge Family
was a popular American sitcom in the seventies about a mother and children who form a rock band.

STEPHEN LILLEY

“HOW TO PROPOSE ON THE YANKEE STADIUM BIG SCREEN,” 2011

More than a hundred years after Mary Wilkinson Mount (see
this page
) warned men not to be careless about how they proposed, the combination of YouTube videos gone viral and reality TV shows like
The Bachelor
had made a simple ring and question far too simple for some. An article in the
Omaha World Herald
noted that recent proposals had included staging a fake arrest for murder and a production number in an IKEA store. And for the truly public proposal— 1. Call guest services at Yankee Stadium at 718-579-4464.

2. Inform the customer service representative you speak with that you will be proposing at Yankee Stadium. Provide them with the exact date of the game you will be attending where the proposal will take place. You will also need to provide the first and last name of the person you will be proposing to.

3. Pay the $10 special message fee by credit card over the phone (for a message appearing on the center field scoreboard). Once paid, you will be informed of exactly when your message will appear on the big screen. Watch the scoreboard during that inning for your message to appear and be prepared to propose when it does.

4. Pay the $100.00 message fee by credit card over the phone (for a message appearing on the Zales Fan marquee in right-center field). If you are paying by check, that check must be made out to “New York Yankees Foundation.” Once paid, you will be informed of exactly when your message will appear on the fan marquee. Watch the scoreboard during that inning for your message to appear and be prepared to propose when it does.

SARAH PEASE

“THE PROPOSAL PLANNER,”
BRILLIANT EVENT PLANNING
WEBSITE, 2013

Even the sports-arena approach had paled for some, and thus the business of engagement planning was born. In New York City, Brilliant Event Planning not only offered services for wedding planning but for proposal planning as well, and owner Sarah Pease, a former banking executive, gave a few examples and a few free tips on the company’s website. The charges were $500 for a first consultation and up to $50,000 for a top-of-the-line proposal.

Before you get down on one knee, here are five important facts about marriage proposals that you should know.

Our marriage proposal planning process focuses on three major areas: design, organization and coordination. Using this approach, we’re able to incorporate the unique elements of your history together with the logistical aspects involved with pulling off such an important surprise!

AN EXAMPLE FROM THE WEBSITE

Parvinder wanted a thoughtful and fun proposal, so that’s exactly what we planned for him! He told Luvleen that they were part of a scavenger hunt competition with other couples, but what she didn’t know was that all of the stops on the scavenger hunt were actually places of significance to them. Their first stop was the Museum of Natural History followed by stops at various other special NYC locations. In addition to going to these memorable spots, there were gifts at each stop on the scavenger hunt that reminded her of their relationship. The last “task” separated the couple, which gave Parvinder a chance to meet us at a private rooftop. When Luvleen finally arrived at the rooftop, she was greeted by a sea of rose petals in vibrant hues, a candlelit tree, tons of votive candles and, because she loves Bollywood, music from the most romantic part of her favorite movie was playing in the background. Parvinder then read her a letter he wrote and proposed! After she said yes they enjoyed a party with their closest friends and family on the rooftop. Congratulations, Parvinder and Luvleen!

Q

QUALMS

HEINRICH HEINE

THOUGHTS AND FANCIES
, 19TH CENTURY

Author Heinrich Heine (1797–1856) converted from Judaism to Protestantism in the hopes of pursuing an academic career (then forbidden to Jews in Germany). Later, he married Crescence Eugénie Mirat in a Catholic church but, rumors to the contrary, did not convert again.

The music at a marriage procession always reminds me of the music of soldiers entering on a battle.

VIRGINIA CARY HUDSON

O YE JIGS & JULIPS!
, 1904

Virginia Cary Hudson (1894–1954) was just ten when she wrote a number of essays describing life in her hometown of Versailles, Kentucky. Several years after her death, the essays were published in several small volumes, the first of which, quoted here, sold more than a million copies.

I guess walking slow getting married is because it gives you time to maybe change your mind.

THE UNHAPPY FOOL AND THE “BINTEL BRIEF” EDITOR

THE JEWISH DAILY FORWARD
, 1908

A celebrated feature in the
Jewish Daily Forward
, “A Bintel Brief” (literally “a bundle of letters”) was an advice column, written in Yiddish, answering the queries of recent Jewish immigrants.

Dear Editor,

I ask you to give me some advice in my situation.

I am a young man of twenty-five, sixteen years in America, and I recently met a fine girl. She has a flaw, however, that keeps me from marrying her. The fault is that she has a dimple in her chin, and it is said that people who have this lose their first husband or wife.

At first I laughed at the idea, but later it began to bother me. I began to observe people with dimpled chins and found out that their first husbands or wives had really died prematurely. I got so interested in this that whenever I see someone with this defect I ask about it immediately, and I find out that some of the men have lost their first wives, and some of the women’s first husbands are dead.

This upset me so that I don’t know what to do. I can’t leave my sweetheart. I love her very much. But I’m afraid to marry her lest I die because of the dimple. I’ve questioned many people. Some say it’s true, others laugh at the idea.

Perhaps you, too, will laugh at me for being such a fool and believing such nonsense, but I cannot rest until I hear your opinion about it. I want to add that my sweetheart knows nothing about this.

Respectfully,

The Unhappy Fool

ANSWER:
The tragedy is not that the girl has a dimple in her chin but that some people have a screw loose in their heads! One would need the knowledge of a genius to explain how a dimple in the chin could drive a husband or wife to the grave. Does the angel of death sit hiding in the dimple? It seems to us that it is a beauty spot, and we never imagined it could house the Devil!

It’s tragic humor to find such superstition in the world today. It’s truly shameful that a young man who was brought up in America should ask such questions. To calm him, we wish to tell him we know many people with such dimples who have not lost their first husbands or wives, but live out their years together in great happiness.

FRANZ KAFKA

DIARY, 1913

The diaries of the Prague-born writer Franz Kafka (1883–1924) reflect the troubled personal life of the man who made literary history with the novella
The Metamorphosis
and the novel
The Trial.
Rejected by parents who disapproved of his unremunerative vocation, Kafka suffered through failed relationships, demanding office jobs, and poor health. As he wrote the passage below, he was contemplating marriage to Felice Bauer (“F.” in his diary), to whom he was engaged twice before they split for good in 1917. He never married.

Neither Gustave Flaubert nor Franz Grillparzer—both of whom were of great literary and personal interest to Kafka—ever married, though both had lengthy relationships with women. Author Max Brod, Kafka’s closest friend, got married the same year Kafka wrote this journal entry.

SUMMARY OF ALL THE ARGUMENTS FOR AND AGAINST MY MARRIAGE

1. Inability to endure life alone, which does not imply inability to live, quite the contrary, it is even improbable that I know how to live with anyone, but I am incapable, alone, of bearing the assault of my own life, the demands of my own person, the attacks of time and old age, the vague pressure of the desire to write, sleeplessness, the nearness of insanity—I cannot bear all this alone. I naturally add a “perhaps” to this. The connection with F. will give my existence more strength to resist.

2. Everything immediately gives me pause. Every joke in the comic paper, what I remember about Flaubert and Grillparzer, the sight of the nightshirts on my parents’ beds, laid out for the night, Max’s marriage. Yesterday my sister said, “All the married people (that we know) are happy, I don’t understand it,” this remark too gave me pause, I became afraid again.

3. I must be alone a great deal. What I accomplished was only the result of being alone.

4. I hate everything that does not relate to literature, conversations bore me (even if they relate to literature), to visit people bores me, the sorrows and joys of my relatives bore me to my soul. Conversations take the importance, the seriousness, the truth out of everything I think.

5. The fear of the connection, of passing into the other. Then I’ll never be alone again.

6. In the past, especially, the person I am in the company of my sisters has been entirely different from the person I am in the company of other people. Fearless, powerful, surprising, moved as I otherwise am only when I write. If through the intermediation of my wife I could be like that in the presence of everyone! But then would it not be at the expense of my writing? Not that, not that!