The Marriage Book (24 page)
Authors: Lisa Grunwald,Stephen Adler
Tags: #Family & Relationships, #Marriage & Long Term Relationships, #General, #Literary Collections
In addition to working as a doctor and author, Wile spent six years as New York City’s commissioner of education and was editor of several medical journals. Winn worked for the
New York Herald Tribune
.
The use of the home as a dumping-ground for business vexations may save [a husband’s] business, but it is likely to wreck the home and condition the children. It wears down the wife’s patience and exhausts her affection. One of the most fearful tortures ever invented was the steady, constant dripping of water on the head of a victim who had been tied so that he could not get away from it. People subjected to this method suffered only moderate physical pain, but they often became insane unless released in time, for each little drop caused a slight nervous shock and the effect was cumulative. Living with an irritable person is the same kind of torture; it causes a series of nervous shocks which can wear love down to nothingness. . . .
. . . If the husband carries his business troubles home every night, and the wife has saved her household worries to recount to him at the evening meal, that meal will not be a happy affair. Such a state of things, long continued, will eventually cause both wife and husband to dread the homecoming; each will have become for the other not a stimulant but a depressant.
OLD JOKE
Persky goes to the rabbi for counseling.
“Rabbi,” he says. “I did a horrible thing. At dinner last night, I made this terrible Freudian slip.”
“Well, tell me what you meant to say, and tell me what you said.”
“I meant to say, ‘Pass the butter, please.’ What I said was, ‘You bitch, you’ve ruined my life.’ ”
HOW TO BE A GOOD HUSBAND
, 1936
This small British volume was originally published as
Do’s and Don’ts for Husbands
. In the dedication, the anonymous author wrote: “The part which a husband must play in life is not exactly an easy one. He has definite obligations and numerous restrictions. Often he will be puzzled as to why things have gone wrong.”
The following admonitions were among those appearing under the chapter called “Personal Habits.”
Don’t squeeze the tube of tooth paste from the top instead of from the bottom. This is one of the small things of life that always irritates a careful wife.
Don’t think that your wife has placed waste-paper baskets in the rooms as ornaments. They are put there for you to use. Don’t, however, utilise them for spent matches unless you are very well insured.
Don’t get into the habit of storing up a lot of useless old stuff and then grumble for a week if your wife disposes of some of it. Every woman likes her house to be a home not a marine store depot.
Don’t expect to be numbered among the good mannered if you use a nail file, comb or toothpick otherwise than in a dressing room.
GEORGE CRANE
“MARITAL RATING SCALE, HUSBAND’S CHART,” 1939
Northwestern University’s George W. Crane (1901–1995) was an MD and PhD who ran a counseling practice and matchmaking service, wrote an advice column called “The Worry Clinic,” and devised a handy rating scale for husbands and wives. The lists were drawn from interviews Crane conducted with six hundred husbands and six hundred wives. While the items thus represented an early attempt at a scientific method for assessing marriages, Crane conceded that the points he assigned to various items were based on his personal judgment.
In computing the score, check the various items under
DEMERITS
which fit the husband and add the total. Each item counts one point unless specifically weighted, as in the parentheses. Then check the items under
MERITS
which apply. Now subtract the
DEMERIT
score from the
MERIT
score. The result is the husband’s raw score. Interpret it according to this table:
RAW SCORES | INTERPRETATION |
0–24 | Very Poor (Failures) |
25–41 | Poor |
42–58 | Average |
59–75 | Superior |
76 and up | Very Superior |
DEMERITS
1. Stares at or flirts with other women while out with wife. (5) 2. Reads newspaper at the table.
3. Fails to come to table promptly when meal is ready.
4. Brings guests home for meals without warning wife.
5. Doesn’t phone when late for dinner.
6. Compares wife unfavorably with his mother or other wives. (5) 7. Publicly praises bachelor days and regrets having married.
8. Criticizes wife in public. (5)
9. Belches without apology, or blows nose at table.
10. Leaves dresser drawers open.
11. Leaves shoes in living room.
12. Snores.
13. Careless in bathroom—leaves razor out or ring around tub.
14. Fails to bathe or change socks often enough.
15. Fails to brush teeth regularly or keep nails clean.
16. Dislikes to dress or shave on Sunday.
17. Hangs ties or clothes on doorknobs.
18. Picks teeth, nose, or sucks on teeth when in public.
19. Objects to wife’s driving auto.
20. Uses profanity or vulgarity.
21. Blames wife for everything that goes wrong.
22. Complains of being too tired to go out at night with wife.
23. Is suspicious and jealous.
24. Uses alcohol. If ever drunk. (5)
25. Tells lies, not dependable. (5)
26. Angry if newspaper is disarranged.
27. Stubborn—rarely admits that he is wrong. Seldom apologizes. (5) 28. Talks of
efficiency of his stenographer or other women.
29. Teases wife to fatness, slowness, etc.
30. Tells embarrassing things about wife when out in public.
31. Makes fun of wife’s hats, clothes, cooking, housekeeping, etc.
32. Smokes in bed.
33. Calls “Where is—” without first hunting the object.
34. Monopolizes radio on Sunday as for the baseball broadcasts.
35. Dislikes children, or scolds them too harshly. (5) 36. A chronic ailer or patent medicine addict.
37. Writes on tablecloth with pencil.
38. A chronic braggart or boaster.
39. Argues with or curses other motorists.
40. Will not help wife’s relatives as much as his own.
41. Rolls in bed covers—pulls them off wife.
42. Eats onions, radishes or garlic before dates or going to bed.
43. Addicted to gambling.
44. Defers too much to mother, a “mama’s boy.” (5) 45. Belittles wife’s opinions, her judgment, or ability. (5) 46. Opens his wife’s mail.
47. Boasts about his former girl friends or his conquests. (5) 48. Leaves lights burning all over the house.
49. Kisses wife just after her makeup has been applied.
50. Too much a book worm—doesn’t talk to wife enough when home.
MERITS
1. Gives wife ample allowance or turns pay check over to her. (5) 2. Courteous to wife’s friends.
3. Frequently compliments wife re looks, cooking, housekeeping, etc. (5) 4. Remembers birthdays, anniversaries, etc. (5) 5. Helps wife with dishes, caring for children, scrubbing.
6. Polite and mannerly even when alone with his wife.
7. Consults wife’s opinion re business and social affairs.
8. Has date with wife at least once per week. (5 per date) 9. Reads newspaper, books or magazines aloud to wife.
10. A good conversationalist.
11.
Steady worker and good provider. (5) 12. Leaves car for wife on days she may need it.
13. Handy about house re fixing, iron, vacuum, hanging pictures, etc.
14. Enjoys taking wife along with him wherever he goes.
15. Doesn’t interfere with wife’s correction of children.
16. Carries adequate insurance for family. (5) 17. Doesn’t quarrel with wife before children or the public.
18. Makes guests feel welcome—an interesting entertainer.
19. Often tells wife he loves her. (5)
20. Usually comes home with a smile.
21. Shares his business and personal problems with her.
22. Holds wife’s coat and opens doors for her.
23. Good humored in the morning.
24. Even-tempered.
25. Does not use tobacco.
26. Interested in athletics.
27. Writes often and lovingly when away from home.
28. Plays with children or helps them with lessons. (5) 29. Willing to go shopping with wife.
30. Waits up for wife or calls for her at her party.
31. Neat in appearance—shoes shined, hair cut, suit pressed.
32. Attends church or urges children to attend Sunday school. (10) 33. Attends parent-teacher meetings and educational lectures.
34. Ambitious—works or studies to gain promotion.
35. Surprises wife occasionally with candy, flowers, gifts.
36. A fast and efficient worker, not the puttering sort.
37. Willingly prepares own breakfast.
38. Ardent lover—sees that wife has orgasm in marital congress. (20) 39. Shows wife attention and affection in public. (5) 40. Is a careful auto driver.
41. Kind, but firm and the head of his household.
42. Well liked by men, courageous—not a sissy.
43. Is true to his wife. (10)
44. Eats whatever is served without grumbling or criticism.
45. His children are pleased at his arrival home. (5) 46.
Tries to keep wife equipped with modern labor saving devices. (5) 47. Gives wife real movie kisses, not dutiful “peck” on the cheek.
48. If wife is ill, phones from work to inquire about her.
49. Neatly hangs up his clothes on hooks or hangers.
50. Kisses wife when leaving for work or a trip.
GEORGE CRANE
“MARITAL RATING SCALE, WIFE’S CHART,” 1939
In computing the score, check the various items under
DEMERITS
which fit the wife and add the total. Each item counts one point unless specifically weighted, as in the parentheses. Then check the items under
MERITS
which apply. Now subtract the
DEMERIT
score from the
MERIT
score. The result is the wife’s raw score. Interpret it according to this table:
RAW SCORES | INTERPRETATION |
0–24 | Very Poor (Failures) |
25–41 | Poor |
42–58 | Average |
59–75 | Superior |
76 and up | Very Superior |
DEMERITS
1. Slow in coming to bed—delays till husband is almost asleep.
2. Doesn’t like children. (5)
3. Fails to sew on buttons or darn socks regularly.
4. Wears soiled or ragged dresses and aprons around the house.
5. Wears red nail polish.
6. Often late for appointments. (5)
7. Seams in hose often crooked.
8. Goes to bed with curlers on her hair or much face cream.
9. Puts her cold feet on husband at night to warm them.
10. Is a back seat driver.
11. Flirts with other men at parties or in restaurants. (5) 12. Is suspicious and jealous. (5)
13. Uses slang or profanity. (5)
14.
Smokes, drinks, gambles, or uses dope. (5) 15. Talks about former boy friends or first husband.
16. Squeezes tooth paste at the top.
17. Reminds husband it is her money they are living on. (5) 18. Tells family affairs to casual acquaintances, too talkative.
19. A chronic borrower—doesn’t keep stocked up.
20. Slows up card game with chatter or gossip.
21. Opens husband’s personal mail.
22. Frequently exceeds her allowance or family budget. (5) 23. Eats onions, radishes, or garlic before a date or going to bed.
24. Tells risque or vulgar stories. (5)
