The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (77 page)

They hand out gerbils at the tunnel of love.

What did the brown gerbil say to the white gerbil?

“You’re new around here, aren’t you.”

How many thalidomides does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they are unable to reach. They will have to either get someone else to do it for them or sit in the dark.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. He has several more drinks; he gets pretty hammered because he has a drinking problem. Eventually he goes home, hits his wife and cries himself to sleep.

A horse walks into a bar. It has a long face.

A couple on their honeymoon want to have a bash at anal sex, but the woman declines on the basis that they have not known each other long enough for this kind of sexual deviance.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder’s new video?

Well, it is really quite good.

My father used to say, “Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” However his opinion was not based on any firm medical evidence.

Did you hear about the Amish mechanic?

He did not own a car.

A bus hit my brother and he had both of his legs amputated. He now wears prosthetic limbs.

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

“I say, I say, my dog has no nose.”

“Oh no! How does it smell?”

“Well, it doesn’t, but it has two ears and a fully functioning pair of eyes and that compensates for it.”

One day, little Johnny was outside when it started to rain. But the rain was different from normal rain, this rain was green. Johnny laughed as it fell on him. He opened his mouth and caught it on his tongue. “I will call it ‘goo’!” he said. Johnny collected a bottle of the green rain and took it to his school to show everyone. In class, Johnny’s teacher saw the jar and asked him what it is. Johnny said “It’s ‘goo’! I named it!” The teacher laughed and all his friends were jealous.