The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress (121 page)

     Mrs. Dehning as I was saying had some sense for living. Julia was important enough in living, was not really failing in living, was really quite important as living, was really one very courageously completely living her living, was fairly attacking, was one not having really sense for living. Did Alfred Hersland have sense for living, any sense for living, I am not quite certain, I think he had a little sense for living, not so much as he was one being stupid in aspiration, in ambition, as he was an engulfing resisting one not really resisting, not really engulfing, but perhaps he had a very little bit of sense for living, else he probably would have been completely failing in living, a little sense for living came to be in a way in him and then he was again a loving one and then he was failing but not really completely failing in living. He was then even almost succeeding in living.
     Julia Dehning and Alfred Hersland then when they were marrying each other did certainly have loving in them each one of them for the other one. I have already told about their coming to be needing to have each other for living and loving. They did certainly come to marrying. They did certainly succeed in not succeeding in their married living. This is to be now some description of loving being in each one of the two of them and of their marrying and of their married living.
     The description of the loving being in Julia Dehning and then in Alfred Hersland and the relation in Julia of her being loving to family living, the loving being in Julia and the stupid being in her and the family living to her, and then more loving being in her.
     It is very difficult in quarrelling to be certain in either one what the other one is remembering. It is very often astonishing to each one quarrelling to find out what the other one was remembering for quarrelling. Mostly in quarreling not any one is finding out what the other one is remembering for quarrelling, what the other one is remembering from quarrelling.
     I have been telling something about living in men and women having resisting being in them, having engulfing resisting being in them. Some of such of them have quite a good deal of loving in them, some of such of them have more loving in them than they can feel in them some have less loving in them than they are believing they have in them, not having it in them to have emotion poignant like a sensation as those having attacking being have it in them. Some having resisting being having attacking in them to keep themselves from having to be resisting being very dependent of the dependent independent kind of them say they are having very much loving, they may have very much loving in them, say they have very little loving in them, they may have very little loving in them. Those having engulfing being may have very much, a little or quite some loving in them. These sometimes have very much more loving feeling in them than at other times in their living, some of them. These may tell that they have very much loving feeling in them with conviction, they may tell that they have little loving feeling in them with conviction.
     Those having attacking have it as I am saying to have emotion having in them the poignancy of a sensation. Some having attacking being can certainly have this very dully in them. Many can have it in them that they are telling about having it very much in them, some of such of them have it very much in them and some of such of them just have it some in them. Some of the attacking kind of them can be very excited about telling it about themselves, sometimes very often, and some of such of them certainly have it very lively in them, some have it quite deadened in them. Some can have very much emotion in telling about it to themselves and every one and they have quite a great deal of it really in them, some have it very much in them in telling of it and it is in them that they have it really in them, yes they certainly have it really in them only it does not make them do what they think it will, it does, it did make them do in living. Some have a great deal of it in them but it is not active in them but I will not tell all the ways I can think of that those having attacking being have emotion in them. Some as I am saying of the attacking kind in men and women are very much excited always in being, in living in any living, in being one being living. Some of such of them have very much emotion in them, some not so much, some quite a bit, some really very little in them. Some of such of them have it in them that they are not having emotion with the excitement of being in living in them, they have emotion in them. Some are all their living, some of such as these I am describing, some are all their living having been having really one fairly large emotion and are resisting any changing in them of this emotion in them and are very excited in living from being excited ones and stubborn ones in living. Some of such of them have sense for living, some of such of them have not sense for living. Some of such are very stupid ones in being, some of such of them are quite sensitive in being. Julia Dehning was of the kind having one emotion all her living and not being ever changing, and being stubborn in resisting and excited in being living, and not sensitive in being and not having sense for living.
     This is to be now more description of loving and marrying and quarrelling and family living.
     When some one having been feeling all their living one way of feeling living comes to be feeling in them another way of feeling living, that is disturbing to them. Sometimes then one is from that time on a more or less sick one. Sometimes some one likes this in them. Sometimes they do not like it in them. Sometimes some one has all their living been doing something and having for doing that thing excited feeling in them and then some one does that thing for them with not any excitement in that one and then the other one is left with not any excited feeling and that is sometimes a pleasant thing and sometimes a completely distressing thing. Some never can lose excitement out of them not with any one's showing them. Julia Dehning always had an excited way of being needing anything and as I was saying she had really loving being all her living and as I was saying that was not exciting in her really, not very exciting and always she was stubbornly resisting being any different in attacking by her being.
     Julia and Alfred and Dehning family living and loving and learning and quarrelling.
     Some know of themselves in their dressing, in their daily living in everything what they are and what they are wanting from every one, from any one. Some know what they are wanting but they do not have it in them in their daily living, in their dressing to show it to any one. Some can show it while they are with some who have the same being in them and then later when they are left alone cannot really be remembering what it is they wanted to be to show to any one, to every one. Some know what they want to be and can build it up by little pieces and do again and again. Some know what they are and see it as a complete thing and make that thing in daily living. Some know what they are and are always cutting and fitting and fitting and cutting and painting and sometime they come to be that thing in dressing and daily living and then they can lose that thing. Some cannot see the thing they are in daily living and in dressing nor what they want to be in daily living and in dressing. Some see what they want to be in daily living and in dressing and then they are a little less than that thing so that they will not be queer to any one. Some have really the feeling of inventing themselves in daily living and in dressing, some are really doing this thing, some are feeling themselves doing this thing. I will tell more about this thing. Julia Dehning as I was saying was all her living after she was herself to herself in living wanting to be creating living in learning everything in daily living, furnishing, dress-making, decoration, cleaning herself and everything, resting, reading, being a good one, being a useful one. She was doing this then and she came to loving Alfred Hersland. She was doing this thing, she was as I was saying one not having really any way of feeling in learning. She came to loving and marrying Alfred Hersland. She had loving being in her, she had Dehning family living in her feeling.
     One knows what effect that one wants to produce to that one, to any one, in that one existing, in the daily living that one has for living. That one does not feel that one as a finished thing, that one works from something that one is knowing pretty quickly to something that one has been not really knowing and then that comes to be to that one a known thing and then that one sticks there in that thing. That one does not want to be conspicuous in living but does want to be intelligent and elegant. This then is a personal ideal, that that that one has for daily living and so this one has feeling of being always creating all the daily living, the being in that one, really that one is going from something that one has been knowing to something that one has not quite been certainly knowing and sticks there in that thing.
     Another one needs to be for living what that one is certain any one like that one is in being and in living. That one can be that in living when there are others realising what that one being that kind of a one is in living, when others being that kind in living are with that one in daily living. This one needs these then for being what this one is certain any one being like this one is in daily living. This one when this one is not being kept in living being by others being what this one is certain this one is being in living, by others being certain that this one is in living what this one is certain any one like this one is in living, loses the grasp really on what is what this one is certain any one like this one is in daily living. Another one never loses realising what it is that this one is certain is being in this one and always this one is building it up by little pieces. This one never comes to be a completer one. Very often this one is a vague and stupid one and not really being in living and so then always this one keeps a little pile by always adding to make this one what this one is certain from what this one and every one expects of this one this one is in daily living. Some see themselves as a whole one and they cut and add boldly to make themselves the whole one. Some slowly possess it, some never know what it is and never possess it, some only know what is not it when they see themselves not it in daily living. Julia Dehning was one having certainly a needing of being learning everything. Julia was in a way not feeling in learning anything. Julia had loving being in her that is certain. She was certain of having honesty for living as every one having Dehning family living have in them. She was certain of having courage for living. This thing she had in her in daily living, this she could not ever have in her as developing. It was in her that was certain, she had attacking being in her that was this thing in her, she had attacking being in her that was being needing learning anything. She had it in her to be completely stubbornly actively passively resisting any changing of the attacking being in her, she had then not really sense for living, as any one can know now by a little feeling being in her. She was not really failing in living, she was not really succeeding in living, she was lighting very well always for her being one living, being honestly a courageous one, being one needing to be learning everything. She had very much active nervous being in her. She had excitement in being one doing her daily living in living. She had really passion in her but not enough to make it right that she should have so much stubbornness in her of not changing her attacking, not enough to make it right that she should be such a nervous one in daily living, should be one so excited in learning anything. I will begin again now with a description of Julia Dehning.
     Julia Dehning came to be married to Alfred. They were not very successful one with the other in married living. It is certain that each one in quarrelling is remembering a different thing for quarrelling. This is to be now more description of daily living in Julia Dehning.
     Julia and Alfred each one in daily living, aspiration, ambition, taste, feeling, moral being, quarrelling, family living.
     I am describing what is to me a beautiful thing, learning being in women and in men. Every little bit, every single bit of learning being in women and men is to me a beautiful thing. I am telling always about what is to me a beautiful thing, that is learning being in women and in men. A very little bit I am ever learning is to me a beautiful thing. Learning being in women and in men is to me really a completely beautiful thing. Every bit of repeating I am doing while I am learning being in women and in men is to me a completely really beautiful thing. Being one learning being in women and in men ought then to be always making me a very happy one. I am always learning being in women and in men. I am sometimes quite a melancholy one.
     I have learnt pretty completely being in Julia Dehning. I am remembering now being in Julia Dehning. I am realising now being in Julia Dehning. I am feeling now more realisation of being in Julia Dehning by always more realising the connection between being in her and being in women and in men who have the same kind of being more or less in them. Julia Dehning was quite an important person in being a person being living.
     Really she was not failing in living, really she was not succeeding in living, really she had much support and loving in living, really she was quite an important one in being living, really she had courage in being one being living, really she had loving being in her, really she had a need in her that there would be some there certain to be supporting, really she always had support and loving in her living, really she was quite an important one in living. Really she had much support and loving for living, really she had courage in being one always being one living, really she was one having courage to be going on being in living, really she was one resisting and being one not feeling hearing seeing anything that could be changing anything of attacking being she had in living, she was one needing learning everything, needing learning anything so that she would be using all her being living, as she was not learning anything, for living attacking being which was the being in her. So then she was not really defeated in being living, she was not succeeding, not failing in living, she was quite an important one in living, she had loving and support in her living, she had not sense for living.