The Makeover (58 page)

Still she had
to try.  She reached out.  “Paulo—”

Paulo sneered
and stepped back before he
really
went off.  “James, take the baby
to the nursery.  I’ll get us seats and text you to let you know where we
are.”

When James
followed Paulo into the building, Cara turned to Phoenix with a tight-lipped

look.  “
Chica
,
now I know why we were praying so
hard.  You are nuts!  You went through with your scheme to seduce
Cedric and get back at him?  After everything?  Well, I can’t judge
you, but how could you?” She slapped Phoenix’s arm
hard
.  “You
broke his heart, Girl! I have no idea how to help you out of this one.”

Tears sprang to
Phoenix’s eyes.  “You guys have it all wrong.  That’s what I’ve been
trying—”

“Girl, save it
for later.  We only got a couple minutes.  We’ll get this straight
after service, alright?”

“Okay, text me
where you guys end up.  I’ll be there in a while.”

“Where you
going?  I don’t know if I should leave you alone.  You might go burn
down Paulo’s brownstone or something.”

“Just stop it,”
Phoenix snapped.  “I didn’t mean to hurt him and you are jumping to
conclusions.  I’ll be there as soon as I can.  I have to take care of
something, if it isn’t too late.”

“Okay, I’ll
text you,” Cara conceded before leaving to join her family.

Phoenix took
two deep breaths and ran into the church to the front desk.  “I know it’s
late, but can I still sign up to share my testimony?”

The older woman
at the front desk of the church looked at her list.  “We just got number
three, dear.  Just two minutes before you came in.  You have to wait
for next Sunday.”

Dismay flooded
Phoenix as she nodded.  “Okay then.”  Her day was not going as
planned at all.

As she walked
away from the desk, the woman stopped her.  “Dear?  You know
what?  I can squeeze you in.  I feel the Lord telling me it’s
important you share tonight.  You go ahead.  What is your name?”

“Phoenix Jean-
Baptiste
,” Phoenix answered, keeping herself from jumping
up and shouting.  God was truly in control.

“Fill out this
card and take those stairs to head backstage.  You have to keep it short
because we only hear three testimonies usually.”

“I understand,”
Phoenix said, taking the card.  “Thank you so much!”

She handed the
card back after answering the short questions about her faith and how long
she’d been attending the church. 

“God bless
you,” the woman called, as Phoenix raced down the stairs just as she heard the
music from the choir begin.

“Where’s your
friend?” Paulo asked.  “Did she leave?”

As much as he
wanted to be away from her, that had nothing to do with her missing church.

“No,” Cara
answered, leaning over James.  “I texted her to tell her where we are
sitting and told her she was on the aisle.  She said she had to do
something first.  Maybe she went to the restroom or something. 
Anyway, we’re only in the fourth row from the back.  She will find us.”

Paulo hoped
that was the case. 
Father forgive me if I drove her away.  I am
just so hurt.  I pray that she comes to her senses and officially accepts
You into her life.  I know it’s too late for us but I still ask that she
accept Christ.

They each
wondered where she was as they sang songs of praise to the Lord.

Fifteen minutes
later, the first woman stood to share her testimony.  Paulo wondered if he
should go out into the lobby to search for her.

Phoenix was
quivering on the stage. 

She was seated
on the far end of the stage, where the elder had quickly placed a seat for
her.  She was practically hidden behind the section where the church
leaders sat.  She could barely see the audience.  She wasn’t afraid
of speaking in public, having done so many presentations in school and at
work. 

But her
testimony was no presentation.

This time, she
would not be speaking on something she had researched.  She did not have a
PowerPoint presentation filled with graphs and statistics to prove her
theory.  All she had was her memory of what God had done for her in the
past few months.

But what if she
sounded stupid?  What if she said something that offended the audience? 

She tried to
practice her testimony in her head but found that she couldn’t.

As she watched
the first woman walk up to the pulpit, her fear turned to sharp knives that
began to cut away at her courage.

God, help
me.  I don’t know what to say!

Be still
and know that I am God. 

Phoenix
received a peace that surpassed her entire scope of understanding.

After the choir
sang several more songs, and the third man took the pulpit to share, James
recommended that Paulo go to the lobby and check for Phoenix.  She had
been gone a full half hour.

Besides, he was
sick of Paulo’s fidgeting.

Paulo climbed
over James and Cara and raced to the lobby.  He walked to other side of
the sanctuary entrance, went upstairs to where the balcony seats were, and
downstairs to the overflow room, where the church had a large room with a
screen.  He scanned the room and went back outside.

Dejected, he
realized that Phoenix must have left.

His behavior
had caused her to leave the church.

He returned to
their row, but that time took Phoenix’s seat on the aisle.  He whispered,
“I think she’s gone” to James and Cara.

But Cara was
shaking her head as she stared, wide-eyed, at the stage.  “No she’s not.”

Paulo almost
fell out of his seat.  “Phoenix?” he whispered.

The choir’s song
had ended and Phoenix was walking to the pulpit.

Lead me,
God.

I am with
you, Daughter.  You are with God.

Phoenix reached
the pulpit and took a deep breath.  She scanned the audience to see if she
could see her friends, but the lights were too bright.

She opened her
mouth to speak and was suddenly overcome with tears.

“Glory to God!”
she spoke with words that were not her own, but reflected exactly how she
felt.  “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“That’s
alright, Sister,” one of the choir members spoke from her place behind
Phoenix.  “Take your time.” 

Phoenix took
several more breaths.  “I got saved last night on my living room floor,”
she blurted. 

The entire
congregation let out shouts of praise and applause. 

“But first, I
have to tell you how that happened.”

“Amen!” one of
the elders shouted.

“I’ve always
hated myself.  You see, up until about six months ago, I was overweight
all my life.  I had horrible skin and had always believed my skin was too
dark.  I was always awkward and never felt worthy of love.  My father
left us for another woman when I was younger, and my mother blamed her own
imperfections for his adultery.  She passed that self-hatred down to me…”

Tears spilled
onto her cheeks as a hush fell over the congregation.

“She taught me,
with her self-hatred, that women that looked like us didn’t ever get to have
true love.  So I learned early in life that I had to work hard to get
love.  I wasn’t beautiful on the outside.  I figured my looks, what
God had created me to be, was beyond my control.  So I learned I had to do
what I could to get love at all costs.  I learned that I needed to be
educated as possible so I could make lots of money.  I figured with that
money, I could fix myself up one day…”

Paulo gasped as
her words hit him.

“I learned that
I needed to take care of everybody in order for them to accept me.  I
wanted to please everyone.  It didn’t matter if I was sapping my own
strength.  I felt it was the only way to get love.  I started
studying psychology and joined a field where I could help people who felt just
as unlovable and rejected as I always felt.  I always tried to please my
family and my friends and my clients and coworkers at my job.  I always
volunteered for things and tried to do things for people, because I felt I was
too ugly to be accepted for me, you know?  No one ever loves the ugly, fat
girls.  No one wants to hang out with them.  The only way we could be
loved was to give, and give, and give.  But God showed me different! 
God showed me that He is ready to give His love to us!”

Again Phoenix
paused as the congregation cheered their Lord.

“Four years
ago, I got so depressed that I ended up going to church with a friend from
work.  For the first time ever, I felt like Someone could love me. 
He didn’t care if I was sixty pounds overweight or if my skin gave me
problems.  He only wanted me to believe and trust His Son, who died on the
cross for broken people like me.  I thought, ‘wow!  Someone is
willing to love me and I don’t have to do any work for their love?  Sure,
I’ll take it!’”

The
congregation laughed. 

Phoenix
continued.  “So when they gave the altar call at my old church, I gave my
life to Jesus.  Or so I thought.  Within a couple of years, I started
missing my old life.  I missed my friends and being in a relationship, so
I started searching for one.  I ended up with a man who had no interest in
me.  He was very handsome and he knew I wanted him.  I promptly
started taking care of him financially and let him move into my home.  We
lived together in sin for almost two years.  He had proposed –with a ring
I purchased—and I just wanted to marry him so badly…”

“She purchased
her own ring?” Paulo whispered, realizing the magnitude of Phoenix’s pain and
sorrow. 

“And I ignored
the fact that while I took care of him, and his child, and his relatives, along
with my relatives, he didn’t love me.  I figured if I worked hard enough,
he would grow to love me.  And I tried.  I did everything from giving
him money to giving him my car.  I was just happy that someone was giving
me a chance.  I was happy that someone was giving me some attention. 
I was so excited to marry someone, finally, that I ignored all of these things
that were happening, until God made it so I couldn’t ignore it anymore. 
You see, God wanted more for me and for my life!”

“Halleluiah!”
Cara shouted, with tears of delight in her eyes.

“I walked in on
my ex-
fiance
, two months before the wedding, cheating
on me in my house.  I found him on the bed that I had purchased for us
only a few months prior—”

Cara reached
over to punch Paulo in the arm.  “Thanks, really!” she hissed.

“
Shhh
, she’s talking,” Paulo said with wide eyes before
turning back to Phoenix.

“—and when I
went to my mom, she told me that I should have stayed with him because I was
too unattractive to hope for more.  I was so angry with her.  But I
realize now that I forgive my mom.  After I went to see her, I went to my
favorite park to sit on a bench and cry.  I cried out to God for the first
time in a couple of years.  I begged Him to help me.  I begged Him to
send someone to give me a makeover.  I begged Him to send someone to help
me become beautiful.  I begged Him to give me true love.  That’s when
I met a member of this church who came to help me.”

Paulo’s eyes
filled and spilled as he listened to Phoenix recount their meeting and all they
had accomplished together.

“But the thing
about this guy, is that I believed he was being used to give me a physical
makeover, helping me lose more than fifty pounds—”

The
congregation applauded.

“—while my
other friend, also from this church, helped me to take care of myself. 
She helped me to become like the Proverbs 31 woman who took delight in dressing
well and loving herself even before I lost all that weight—”

James squeezed
his wife’s hand, as Cara shook her head, overcome.

“—but what God
did through both of them was teach me that the real makeover that had to be
done was in my heart.  The real makeover had to be done through Jesus
Christ!  They taught me that Jesus Christ was the only one that could
really change me where it counts.”

The applause
was deafening.

Phoenix went on
to share how as she began to lose weight, she became prideful and bitter about
her past.  She talked about how her plan was to win her ex back and reject
him, even at the cost of destroying the relationship she had with Paulo. 
She confessed how every time she had wanted to rededicate her life back to
Christ, she had held back, refusing because of her pride and deliberate plan
for revenge.

“But last
night, after my friend and I had it out about my behavior, I went home full of
rage because my friend had told me the truth.  Again, my friend reminded
me that although I’d undergone a physical makeover, I needed to let the Lord
makeover my spirit and my heart.  I went to see my other friends in the
building and they prayed for me.  It didn’t help, or so I thought.  I
went to my apartment and got drunk.  I believe God was trying to stop me
and I was ready to stop, but my ex suddenly showed up at my door…”

Paulo’s heart
seized, as he listened to Phoenix confess her plan to seduce Cedric and reject
him, in order to make him pay for hurting her.  He wasn’t sure he wanted
to hear the rest.

“But God...”
Phoenix cried.  She had to pause as tears overcame her again.

“But God
wouldn’t let me go through with it.  He kept at me all night.  He
turned the whole evening around!  Before I knew what was happening, my ex
was sharing
his
story of how he got to be so bitter and angry, and was
apologizing for hurting me, lying to me, and using me.  Before I could
stop myself, I found myself comforting
him,
just like God commands us to
do with our enemies!”