The Magykal Papers (26 page)

DISPATCHES FROM THE OLD
M
ESSAGE
R
AT
O
FFICE

MESSAGE STATUS:
RETURN MESSAGE

FROM:
PRIVILEGE ACCOUNT HOLDER, ZELDA ZANUBA HEAP @ KEEPER’S COTTAGE, DRAGGEN ISLAND, MARRAM MARSHES

TO:
PRINCESS JENNA @ THE PALACE, THE CASTLE

DEAR JENNA,

I WAS SO PLEASED TO RECEIVE YOUR LETTER! BERT AND I ENJOYED READING IT VERY MUCH INDEED. I AM GETTING A REPLY STRAIGHT BACK TO YOU. EXCUSE ME IF IT IS A LITTLE RUSHED, BUT THE RAT WILL ONLY WAIT FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE MESSAGE RAT SERVICE IS COMING TO.

I AM SO PLEASED THAT YOU AND YOUR PARENTS ARE ADJUSTING WELL TO LIFE IN THE PALACE. IT MUST SEEM VERY BIG AFTER YOUR COZY ROOM IN THE RAMBLINGS. I DO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE UPSET THAT YOUR ROOM HAS BEEN EMPTIED WHILE YOU WERE AWAY AND I AM
SO
SORRY THEY TOOK YOUR TEDDY. BUT I AM SURE MR. TED WILL BE ALL RIGHT AND I REALLY DON’T THINK ANYONE WOULD HAVE THROWN HIM ON THE RUBBISH DUMP, WHATEVER THEY DID WITH EVERYTHING ELSE. YOU COULD ASK MARCIA TO DO A FIND—OR, ON SECOND THOUGHT, MAYBE NOT. BUT ONE DAY SEPTIMUS WILL BE ABLE TO DO ONE FOR YOU.

AND IMAGINE YOU WANTING A PONY! I AM AFRAID I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PONIES, BUT I THINK YOUR FATHER KNOWS OF SOME GOOD STABLES IN THE FARMLANDS.

I AM VERY MUCH LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR VISIT AT MIDSUMMER DAY.

ALL MY LOVE, AUNT ZELDA XXX

MESSAGE STATUS:
OUTWARD MESSAGE ONLY

FROM:
ALICE NETTLES @ WAREHOUSE NUMBER NINE, THE PORT

TO:
ALTHER MELLA, DECEASED @ THE HOLE IN THE WALL TAVERN

DEAREST ALTHER,

I HAVE JUST HEARD THE WONDERFUL NEWS—THAT MURDERING VILLAIN HAS FLED THE CASTLE ALONG WITH ALL HIS CRONIES. ABOUT TIME TOO, ALTHOUGH OF COURSE IT IS FAR TOO LATE FOR SOME PEOPLE. SO SAD WHAT HAS HAPPENED…

WE HAD A TERRIBLE STORM HERE A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO AND PARTS OF THE PORT WERE FLOODED. ONE WAREHOUSE WAS BREACHED AND THE ENTIRE STOCK OF BONDED GOODS WAS LOOTED—OR “RECLAIMED™ BY THE OWNER I SUSPECT.

I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU FOR A WHILE AND I DO WONDER IF YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE ABOVE EVENTS? DO TELL. I SHALL BE IN THE BLUE ANCHOR ON FRIDAY AFTER WORK.

YOURS FOREVER, ALICE XX

MESSAGE STATUS:
OUTWARD MESSAGE

FROM:
PRIVILEGE ACCOUNT HOLDER EXTRAORDINARY WIZARD @ THE WIZARD TOWER

TO:
TERRY TARSAL @ TARSAL’S FINE BOOTS AND SHOES, OFF WIZARD WAY

DEAR MR. TARSAL,

PLEASE FINISH PREPARING MY NEW PAIR OF SHOES
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
. THIS IS A MATTER OF EXTREME URGENCY. MY NEW APPRENTICE HAS MISTAKENLY TURNED MY PRESENT PAIR INTO HOBNAIL BOOTS. WITH EVERLASTING MUD.

I SHALL COLLECT THE NEW PAIR THIS AFTERNOON.

REGARDS, MADAM MARCIA OVERSTRAND, EXTRAORDINARY WIZARD

MESSAGE STATUS:
RETURN MESSAGE

FROM:
TERRY TARSAL @ TARSAL’S FINE BOOTS AND SHOES, OFF WIZARD WAY

TO:
PRIVILEGE ACCOUNT HOLDER EXTRAORDINARY WIZARD @ THE WIZARD TOWER

DEAR MADAM,

I REGRET WE ARE CLOSED TODAY FOR STOCK-TAKING.

ASSURING YOU, MADAM, OF OUR BEST SERVICE, TERRY TARSAL, MASTER BOOT AND SHOEMAKER

MESSAGE STATUS:
RETURN RETURN MESSAGE URGENT

FROM:
PRIVILEGE ACCOUNT HOLDER EXTRAORDINARY WIZARD @ THE WIZARD TOWER

TO:
TERRY TARSAL @ TARSAL’S FINE BOOTS AND SHOES, OFF WIZARD WAY

DEAR MR. TARSAL,

IF THIS RAT REACHES YOU BEFORE I DO, YOU WILL BE FORTUNATE. I SHALL BE ALONG TO COLLECT MY SHOES FORTHWITH.

MADAM MARCIA OVERSTRAND, EXTRAORDINARY WIZARD

MESSAGE STATUS:
OUTWARD MESSAGE. MESSAGE UNABLE TO BE DELIVERED. INCORRECT/INEX ACT ADDRESS. RETURN FEE INCURRED.

FROM:
LUCY GRINGE @ NORTH GATE GATEHOUSE

TO:
SIMON HEAP @ THE BADLANDS

DEAREST SIMON,

I AM LOST WITHOUT YOU. I WILL WAIT ON THE QUAY EVERY EVENING UNTIL YOU ARRIVE. I LOVE YOU.

YOURS FOREVER, LUCY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

MESSAGE STATUS:
OUTWARD MESSAGE

FROM:
PRIVILEGE ACCOUNT HOLDER, EXTRAORDINARY WIZARD @ THE WIZARD TOWER

TO:
PRIVILEGE ACCOUNT HOLDER, ZELDA ZANUBA HEAP @ KEEPER’S COTTAGE, DRAGGEN ISLAND, MARRAM MARSHES

MY DEAR ZELDA,

THAT IS
NOT
MY TOOTHBRUSH! I HAVE RETURNED IT TO YOU FOUR TIMES NOW AND I GIVE UP. I WILL DONATE IT TO THE ASYLUM FOR DISTRESSED PERSONS. I AM SURE THEY WILL BE PLEASED TO HAVE IT.

REGARDS, MARCIA OVERSTRAND, EXTRAORDINARY WIZARD

P.S. SEPTIMUS HAS REQUESTED YOU TO SEND HIM A CABBAGE SANDWICH. I TOLD HIM THAT GIVEN THE INEFFICIENCY OF THE RIVER POST AND PACKET COMPANY IT WOULD BE STALE BY THE TIME IT ARRIVED, BUT HE SAYS THE SANDWICHES TASTE EVEN BETTER STALE. PLEASE NOTE THAT THE PASSING-ON OF THIS MESSAGE DOES NOT INDICATE APPROVAL.

MESSAGE STATUS:
RETURN MESSAGE

FROM:
PRIVILEGE ACCOUNT HOLDER, ZELDA ZANU BA HEAP @ KEEPER’S COTTAGE, DRAGGEN ISLAND, MARRAM MARSHES

TO:
PRIVILEGE ACCOUNT HOLDER, EXTRAORDINARY WIZARD @ THE WIZARD TOWER