The Lost Trucker (The Trucker Saga) (9 page)

And this is where I grew up….

   “Can we listen to music from my iPod? Or do you not have the hook ups for that in this beast?” I ask Ryder, we have since crossed over into Alabama and we have lost all radio stations that are worth a shit. I did get to see Nashville but not for very long.

  
Ryder decided to dead head from Calvert City to Nashville where we picked up a load going to Birmingham that we will drop off on our way through. Ryder informs me that since he is what they call an “owner operator” he can more or less pick and choose what he wants to do. He doesn’t normally do the bad stuff unless he wants to make a little extra money.

“Yeah, the iPod cord should be in the sleeper, check on my nightstand or somewhere close to that.” He says to me with a smile plastered on his face. I didn’t think it was possible for guys let alone truckers to smile as much as he does but it seems like anytime I am around he is always smiling.

I nod my head and undo my seat belt as I climb into the sleeper. Man, these things are like a glorified closet, there is literally a super single bed (a little bigger than a twin), a cabinet that I assume has some clothes in it, a mini fridge, mini coffee pot and a LED flat screen up above where the drivers and passenger seats are. It is awesome placement and he has done a good job with the smallish space.

I lean over to the nightstand and see a few pictures tacked to the wall, one is Layla and Ryder at a picnic or something and they both have huge matching smiles on their faces; you can definitely tell that they are related. The other picture is Ryder with a heavily tattooed man with 4 guys standing behind them. I recognize two of the guys as Ziggy and Flem; the other guy has gray hair and really looks like an older version of Ryder.

I snicker thinking back to that night that I first met Ryder. I spot the cord and say to myself
found it
and turn to take my seat back in the front of the truck.

  “Not much space back there, but I like what you have done with the inside of it. I really love the seats and dash, amazing detail in the upholstery. Black and Blue are two of my favorite colors.” I say hoping that he is actually paying attention to me just talking about nothing.

   I plug the iPod in and the first song to come on is
Seether Broken;
my first instinct is to turn the song because it makes me think about what Ryder did when he left for 2 months and the heartache that I went through with Beau.  I can’t focus on the bad shit going through my head especially as I am heading home to Mobile. I want to focus on what’s coming up. Ryder meeting the 3 special men in my life and I instantly get butterflies in my tummy.

  I decide to switch the song and I start to hear the distinct sound of guitar and know that
Hellyeah- Alcohaulin’ Ass
is about to flow from the speakers of the truck. I reach forward and turn up the stereo in the truck and I instantly start to get lost in the song and start rocking back and forth while swaying my head to the rhythm. I get that itchy feeling that someone is watching me. I look over to see Ryder blankly looking at me with no emotion in his face or body.

 
“What?!? Do I have something on my face?” I ask him as I reach up and grab the sun visor to look in the mirror. I hear a loud laugh coming from his side of the truck so I reach forward and turn the stereo down a little bit. “Seriously, Ryder. Why are you staring at me and laughing?”

  He calms his laughing down and grips the wheel with both hands to steady
himself. “Oh babes, I just don’t know how I got so lucky to find you. You’re truly amazing and beautiful, I hope that you believe me when I say that. And you have some killer dance moves.” Again I am taken by his words and can see in his face that he means every word that he says.

Bam, there is that feeling in my gut again. My core is melting and I am feeling things that I have never felt before. Maybe this trip was a bad idea; am I going to be able to walk away at the end of this and go back to the old Faith Anne Landon, small town girl who ran away from all her problems instead of facing them? Would he accept me for what I have done and what has happened to me? I need to stop worrying about this. It’s not like we are going to get married after going back home, right?

“So, Faith, tell me something about you That I don’t already know. Don’t hold anything back. I want to know it all. Little by little but soon all your dirty little secrets I will know as you know mine.” Ryder said thru his teeth with the sexy tone that he always gets when he is trying to be seductive.

  “Well, I am the only girl. Youngest in my family, I have two older brothers and my daddy. That is all that I have, momma died a few months after having me.
Daddy won’t talk about it but my brothers think that she killed herself because she was so sick all the time.” I say with a huge sigh.

“I grew up in Mobile on my daddy’s farm, learned how to do anything and everything that the boys
could do. Was raised as a tomboy because all I had was daddy, Will and Jax. Daddy and Will say that I remind them a lot of my momma. Daddy says that sometimes from behind he thinks that I
am
my momma. She had red hair just like me and was built pretty much the same. The boys take after daddy as in tall, athletic and arrogant.

  “But other than that, I grew up just like any other small town girl, school: I wasn’t very popular there and didn’t have many friends.
Except Beau and Peggy Sue.” I say with a sigh and turn to look out the window. It was already well past dark and we were getting ready to pull into Mobile, I knew that I only had a little bit longer to get to know Ryder better so I started to think of things to ask him when all of a sudden he just started talking.

  “I grew up in
Arizona, only child between my dad and mom but not the only child to my father. He has about 6 or 7 kids that we know of. Some are much older than Layla but I am the baby. My dad actually married my mom and they were together up until 5 years ago when dad died all of a sudden. Mom said it was from old age but I think it was from all the partying and drinking that dad used to do. Dad wasn’t the greatest I got beat regularly and so did mom. So it wasn’t a huge surprise when I started to follow my dad’s footsteps. But that’s a story for another time.” Ryder says with such sadness and despair in his face. “But the rest of my story is just darkness, I don’t want to concern you with that with what your about to walk into; with your dad being sick and all. I mean.”

“I know what you mean. But someday you’re going to have to tell me the rest of your story Ryder. I want to get to know you as much as you want to know me. I can’t explain it but it is like a moth drawn to a light bulb; I just want to know you.” I say under my breath hoping that he wouldn’t catch all of it. But I can see by the look on his face that he had, and he caught every word I said.

     I look out the window and see the “Welcome to Mobile” sign and I let out a huge sigh.
Home, home again.

*****

    I guide Ryder along as he maneuvers in the tight streets of my little town. I am in complete awe at how he handles this truck, it seems like it is second nature to him. I shake my head and stop gawking before he notices me giving him the googlie eyes.

After a few minutes, I point to a driveway that is marked by our beat up old mailbox.
Of course they didn’t fix it.
I instruct Ryder to drive down the long dirt driveway and to park in front of the barn.

 
PSHHHH
I hear the air bags from the suspension release their air and the truck slowly drops to the ground.
God, this thing is beautiful!

Ryder jumps out of the truck and walks around to the passenger side door, opens it then he reaches up to take my hand and helps me get out of the truck since the last time I decided to try and get out myself I about broke my neck!

“FAITH ANNE! Is that you?” I hear someone behind me ask and I turn to see our farm hand, Sal. He is a big burly man he has worked on my daddy’s farm for as long as I can remember.

  “Yes sum,
It’s me. How are ya doing Sal?” I ask as I walk over into his open arms and get the biggest bear hug I think I have got since I was 14 and went to space camp for the summer. “Sal, I would like you to meet my Ryder.” Stumbling over what I just said I quickly correct myself. “I mean, my friend Ryder.”

  Ryder steps forward and they shake hands but I can tell that Sal is sizing Ryder up and it seems like for some reason that Ryder is doing the same thing.
“Everyone in the main house?” I ask Sal really quickly over my shoulder as I start to walk towards it.

  “I believe your Pa is in the house but I am not sure about your good for nothing brothers. Ryder, she has warned you about her
brothers right?” Sal asks Ryder and all I can do is gawk at Sal.

  
Sal, don’t scare him away!
That is all I can think to myself?

   “Yeah, she mentioned them. But like I told her, I think I can handle myself.” He says confidently back to Sal; Sal just snickers then he turns to walk back into the barn.

   I grab Ryder’s hand and start pulling him towards the main house, “Damn babe! You don’t have to pull my arm off, all you had to say was come this way and I would follow. I would follow you anywhere Faith.” Ryder says as he stops in his tracks and grabs a hold of my wrist tugging me back to his chest. I can feel all the warmth of his chest on mine; I can feel myself start to tingle in places that haven’t tingled before.

   “See, I told you that you could run but at some point you would be mine. And looking into your eyes I can tell this is what you want and I am who you want.”

  I wiggle my wrist out of his grip and step back a step away from his body so I can think for a second. “I told you before butthead, I’m not the type of girl that you can just have.” My voice is just dripping with sarcasm as I look into his eyes and can see that he is dead serious with what he says.  

   As we climb the 3 stairs that lead up to our front door I stop and turn to Ryder before I open the door. “Now you’re sure you want to do this? My brothers can be a little much and they love to talk shit. Especially about me, so don’t believe anything they say. Okay?” I ask Ryder with concerned eyes.

  The last guy that I brought home, well I never really brought him home since we knew each other forever. But the last guy in my parents’ house with me was, Beau.

  “Babe, I can promise you that I can handle your two brothers. And I won’t believe anything they say either, I know how older siblings can
be. Remember I am the baby as well.” He says with full admiration in his eyes.

  Why is it when he calls me pet names or anything other than Faith that
my body has sparks that go through it. It feels like someone electrocutes me every time he says babe. I actually like the feeling, I could really get used to it.

  I grab the door handle and I slowly open the door. I am hit with the familiar smell of men, coal and tobacco with a little bit of smoke in there.
“Daddy? Will? Jax? Any of you in here?” I call out as soon as we take off our sweatshirts and kick off our shoes. That one rule of momma’s still stuck, no shoes in her house.

  “Yeah, I’m up here Squirt
.” I hear my father call from upstairs in his bedroom. I walk up the stairs with Ryder in tow and as I reach the top of the stairs that is when I start hearing all of the machines.

  I walk into my parent’s bedroom and I see my father in what looks like a hospital bed. He has an oxygen machine hooked up in his nose, he has an IV sticking out of his arm and it looks like they have also given him a catheter. I stop mid step into the room and I feel Ryder’s hand on the small of my back and realize that he has pulled me into his side and is allowing me to lean on him for
the strength I need to stand.

 
“Da…da…daddy?” Is all that I can say before I burst into tears and run to his side and grab his hand with both of mine.

   I am starting to sit in the imaginary chair that I thought was there when I see Ryder out of the corner of my eye grab the chair out of the corner of the room and push it behind me saying “You can sit now babe. I’m gonna run out to my rig and grab our bags. Okay?” I look up at him and nod a very small nod and he leans down and kisses me on the top of my head. Man, is he real or am I just dreaming because he seems too good to be true.
The comfort I get from the smallest of touches from Ryder is something I cannot explain, but know this, there isn’t enough money in the world that can buy this feeling.

I’m getting better…

  I watch Ryder as he walks out of my parent’s room and starts down the stairs. All that I can think of is the fact that I am so grateful that he is here with me but I am also worried that it isn’t going to last. That something is going to come along and disturb this peaceful feeling that I am feeling in my life.

  “Squirt, we need to talk.” I feel my daddy grab for my hand and he feels so cold. He no longer has the warm feeling that he had when I left.

  “Faith Anne, I need you to pay attention to me and listen very carefully. You will have time to process all this later. But just listen to me for now.” He says looking into the eyes that mirror the eyes that he fell in love with all those years ago when he looked at my momma for the first time. I nod my head and place my hand on top of his and hold his hands for dear life.

  “Faith Anne, I have stage 2 lung cancer. They have been doing treatments and all the testing that you can think of. But it seems like this cancer has a mind of
its own. It has now spread to other parts of my body. They don’t really know for sure how much longer I could last.” I listen to my father, the strength and heart of my whole world tell me that he is going to die, there is no pass go and collect two hundred dollars. He is going to die; he is going to leave me. Once he leaves whom will I have.

  All I can do is stare at my daddy like he has just taken my puppy; tears start to flow down my face and all I can think about doing is comin
g up with a way to save him. I lay my head down on the bed next to his frail body and start to sob.

   I feel my dad
dy start to run his fingers through my hair and it gives me a little bit of comfort. “Daddy, are you sure? Jax called a couple months ago and said that you were sick but that you were still working. Wasn’t he telling the truth?” I ask while looking into his deep blue eyes and wonder if he is scared or worried. It just doesn’t make any sense Jax made it sound like it was mild. If he‘d said it was bad I would have come home.

   Wouldn’t I? Hell yes, nothing Beau did to me should keep me from my family. This town may be small but big enough that I shouldn’t have to worry about Beau if I stick close to home.

  “I told Jax to call you and let you know about the money. I’m sorry to freeze your account like that but I need the money for my treatments. I also told Jax to make it sound better than it was. Your letter told us not to contact you and that you would contact us.” I look into my daddy’s eyes and I can see the hurt and frustration in them. But what is the frustration for.

  “I’m so sorry daddy,” I cry even harder now because I see that I have failed him and made him unhappy. “I couldn’t stick around here anymore. So much happened before I left, it was like every place I turned was a constant reminder of them and what they did to me.” I cry even harder. I haven’t cried like this since it happened; I know that my father is worried as to what I speak of as I have not told a soul what happened. I have no friends, all my friends were Beau’s friends and I am sure that they would side with him.

    “Faith Anne Landon, what the hell are you talking about? What happened? What did that punk little boy do to my baby?” my father spurts out and then starts to instantly wheeze and has to take several deep breaths.

  I let out a huge sigh and I start to tell my father ever
ything that happened that night, the night that ruined my whole life, as I knew it.

*****

    I can tell by looking at my father that he is exhausted, most likely from all the talking and getting upset about what I told him.

  “Faith Anne, you’re so goddamn lucky you’re not with that piece of shit no good punk anymore. If you were still with him I would have your brothers beat the holy tar out of that boy.” My father says while spitting his words out, he is so mad that his nose is beet red. One sure fire way to know when Daddy was pissed or meant business was if his nose was beet red
, you knew to run and hide then.

 
“Daddy, he is old news. I am better now. I have healed as much as I can for the time being. But seeing you makes me even better. I am sorry I ran off, but I really like my life now.” I tell him with such emotion that I actually believe it. I’m not just saying it for the sake of it. “It may not be the best situation but I have a job, friends – which we both know is a huge thing for me! And I have met someone. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that I’m going to marry him or anything but he is good. He is a good man and he treats me well.” Wow! Did I just admit that?

 
I stop my internal thoughts and look up at my father. His eyes are closed and his breathing has evened out for the most part. I have drowned out all beeping and whooshing sounds from the oxygen machine and just study my father with pure and utter tunnel vision for a moment. “You know you’re the most important man in my life. You’re my first love and you were my best friend for the longest time. Thank you for teaching me what you have and thank you for raising me the right way. I love you daddy.” I kiss my father’s hand and stand to leave the room. When I turn to walk towards the door I see Ryder standing there.

 
“Uh, how long have you been there?” I whisper, my heart drops down into my stomach.
Oh shit! I hope he didn’t hear what I said to my dad.

   “Not long, just long enough to hear you tell your dad that he is your one and only love. I would like to fight for a spot in that department.” He says with a big cheesy grin on his face.

  I snicker and shake my head as I start to walk towards him; “How many different ways do I have to tell you that you’re going to have to prove yourself to me?” I walk past him and out the door towards the stairs that lead down.  

   I start down the stairs and get to the first landing. I feel Ryder behind me, hot on my ass. He grabs my hips and swings me around so that I am facing him and we are chest to chest. I can instantly feel the warmth of his chest and my core quivers and my mound starts to quiver and throb too. His firm rough hands that could do wonders to me are….
Oh come on Faith! Get your head in the game
.  

    He has me cornered and I have nowhere to go and he is so strong that I have no way of getting out of this hold even if I really wanted to. But I like where I am right now so I look up at him and suck in my top before biting on my bottom lip.

   “God, Faith. Do you know what you do to me when you look at me like that?” Ryder moves his face closer to mine and I move my head to the side just in time for him to kiss my cheek. He lets out a low growl and oh my god it is the most beautiful yet frightening thing I have ever heard. I can feel the pulsing and throbbing deep inside me.

  
You have very little fight left! But your brothers are around, dummy!
I tell myself internally but I think my body is going to give in on this one.

  He reaches up and grabs a hold of a wrist in each hand and then brings them up over my head and pins them to the wall, I feel my body start to respond to him and my breaths are coming out like I am having an asthma attack. With his other hand he reaches up and gently runs his thumb over my cheek and then across my bottom lip. He reaches his hand down over the side of my neck and then reaches for the nape of it then grabs a hold of my head firmly. My breath catches in my throat at such a primal gesture and I know that I am falling and falling fast. I have never felt this with anyone, nothing ever came close to this with Beau; but what did this mean?

  “I told you Faith, I know what I want and I am not shy about getting it.” And in that second he pushed my head up to meet his lips all I saw, heard and felt were fireworks.

    My knees instantly buckle and my brain goes to the snow channel on the TV. I almost feel like I could pass out. I would probably hit the floor if it wasn’t for Ryder.

   I let out a little moan and that just makes the moment even more intense. Ryder releases one of my wrists as I wiggle it loose, I drop my arm and shake it a little to get feeling back and then I reach for his chest. I rub my hand up and down the side of his chest and all I can do is moan, it feels amazing.

   I reach up and grab a clump of his hair and give it a little tug; I am given the surprise of my hair being pulled back too more so that he is given access to my neck and ear. 

*****

 
“Oh, Ryder.” I let out in a soft moan.

   It’s all I am able to say when I hear a throat being cleared. I instantly turn red knowing that it is one of my brothers; I stop what I am doing and try to push Ryder away from me so I can see which brother it is. Someone is on my side tod
ay because it is only Will. He is a hell of a lot calmer than Jax, I would have never out lived the humiliation that he would have put me through for catching me doing that.

  “Hey Will! When did you get here?” I say trying to straighten myself out because I am a little more than rattled. I start walking down the stairs and notice that Ryder is holding my hand now, he went from holding my wrist in place to holding my hand.

  Interesting…
Wonder what else he can do?
Stop it Faith, your brother is standing in front of you, I scream at myself.

  I reach the bottom stair and am instantly picked up by my big brother; I immediately feel comfort and that’s when I breakdown again.

    The tears flow as steady and hard as a stream I don’t think there is any way to stop these ones. The big
alligator tears are the worst! I was really hoping that I wouldn’t breakdown like this in front of Ryder, I am so embarrassed by my crying that I shove my face into Will’s shirt and stand there while I silently sob.

  “Hey, I’m Ryder.
Faith’s boyfriend.” I hear Ryder say to Will but I am too into my breakdown to stop crying. I feel Will move his arm around me and without letting go of me, he shakes Ryder’s hand.

  “Will, I am Faith Anne’s oldest brother. She never mentioned having a boyfriend when she talked to Jax about coming down. Just said she was bringing a friend
, I take it that the big rig out there is yours?” Will starts with the questions and I knew deep down that he was going to be the tough one to crack.

  
Will is ten years older than me. Our parents had him right out of high school. They struggled for so long after having him that they decided on waiting to having the rest of us.

  “Well, it wasn’t decided till just recently that we were going to be exclusive and yes, that is my rig out there. Is she in the way? I can move her somewhere else if need be.” Ryder says back to Will without skipping a beat.

  “No, you’re fine. It’s just a big surprise seeing something so huge that isn’t a tractor.” And that is all that is said between Will and Ryder for the remainder of the night.

  “Shhh, Faith. It’ll be okay sweetie. Ca
lm down, you’re okay. I got you, nothing is going to happen to you. What’s going on sweetie?” Will has such a soothing tone just like my dad, it’s the tone that can make you say just about anything to them because of it.

“Daddy…daddy…is gonna die. He is really sick, why didn’t you guys try harder to get me back here? Why?” I ask him with tears running down my face and I can see out of the corner of my blurry eyes that Ryder is standing there with a look on his face th
at he knows what I am going through and he wants to comfort me but doesn’t know if he should or not.

  “Faith Anne, you made it clear by your note that you didn’t want to be found. Jax said that he talked to you once but the only thing you seemed worried about was money so he didn’t tell you. Said he told you that dad was sick but that everything was okay and that you said you would try and come down here.” Will admits and I look in his eyes and instantly see my father but at a much younger age.

  I jump out of Will’s arms and step back a few steps and run into Ryder and stop. “How could you think that? It has never been about the money with me. You guys can keep that stupid money for all I care. All I care about is that I have a place to sleep. But I have that figured out as soon as I get back to Kentucky. You can bet your sweet ass that I won’t ask for another fucking dime.” I am so pissed that my whole body is shaking.

  “Ryder, wanna see how we enjoy a night out in Mobile?” I ask as I am walking out the door, down the front steps and headed right for the garage.