The Lost Soul Trilogy (Primani Book 5) (4 page)

Turning my back on the chasm, I mused at the death of my innocence. Once upon a time, I believed in love and happily ever after. I believed in God. Now? Not so much. I was alone in my world; there were no such things as destiny and divine intervention. I would make my own way. My life would have meaning because of what
I
did not because of what others did for me. Other people weren’t dependable and simply
believing
didn’t make dreams come true. No, I would make my own way… I didn’t think I could live without people though. I was too sociable to be a loner. One thing was sure, as much as I liked to hang out with my friends, I was alone inside my head. No one really knew me. Right now, I was okay with that.

That night I dreamed I was on fire. My body was in flames, and I was rolling around on the ground trying to put myself out. I rolled so hard I fell right off the bed. I lay on the floor for a minute trying to wake up. I regretted it when I did. I felt like crap. My head was pounding, my whole body hurt, and I was still on fire. This was not going to be a good day.

“Well, at least you aren’t throwing up. You’d feel worse if you were puking on top of everything else.” Janet always found the silver lining. Her honey-colored eyes were kind as she examined me. She’d pulled her thick blond hair into a twist for work. Although she wore little make up to work, she was still pretty for a mom. Her skin glowed without any artificial colors or flavors. I was bummed I didn’t share her genes.

Wanly, I said, “Yeah, that would suck. Thanks. I’ll try to live.”

She patted my hand and straightened to go. “No problem, hon. I’ll be at the hospital so call my cell if you get worse.” She handed me the TV remote on the way out.

Dad and Janet had given me a small TV for my birthday last month. I hardly ever watched it, but I would use it today. It would have to be later though. I painfully swallowed some water and closed my aching eyes. The flu sucked.

The fever kept me from sleeping soundly, and I slipped in and out of vivid dreams. One moment Sean was at the wheel of a strange car in a place that seemed vaguely familiar. Before I could ask him about it, the scene shifted to a forest covered in snow. I staggered in the drifting snow, lost and alone. I fell to my knees as the scene shifted to a rundown warehouse in a dark city. I stood shivering in icy rain outside a faded red door, waiting for someone… Suddenly there was a bright flash and flames erupted from the building beside me. My clothes caught, and I burned in the rain, calling for help. Explosions shook the ground. Sirens screamed in the distance. They got closer and louder. My head was about to explode…

Cool fingers massaged my temples, and the sirens faded away. I sighed contentedly and cracked open my eyes. He dropped his hand and sat back. I must be dreaming.

“Hi,” I whispered. He was beautiful in the dim light; so solid and warm that I wanted to snuggle up and sleep forever. I was so weak that my hand sort of dropped onto his knee. He twitched at the impact.

He shifted his body so we weren’t touching anymore. I felt a pang at the loss of warmth.

“Sean? Don’t… go,” I croaked out the last part. “God, my throat’s killing me. I think I’m dying.”

With half a smile, he helped me sit up against my pillow. “I’m pretty sure you’ll live.” He read over the note that Janet left me and briskly set about saving my life. He stuck a thermometer in my mouth and measured out some pills. After pouring me a glass of water, he squatted next to me, motioning for the thermometer.

“Damn!” he swore before holding the thermometer out for me to see. “You really are sick.”

I blinked to clear my vision. Did it really say 105? The numbers were blurry. He held the glass to my mouth so I could take the pills. I moaned as they scraped down my throat. It hurt and I felt like death. The flu sucked, but he had such pretty eyes… Delirious, I drifted off.

Sometime later, the sound of two men talking dragged me out of deep sleep. Their words made no sense. Was that English? I couldn’t understand them, but I was floating and dizzy with fever, so I might have imagined the whole thing. I cracked an eyelid. A strange face wavered in and out of focus. He was peering at my face. After a moment, he reached out and wrapped his hand around my throat.

Chapter 4: Peace Offering

“HEY, MICA! Welcome back, girl. I missed you in Chem. I was hoping you’d be my partner on the project. Do you have one yet?” Tyler ambushed me outside of class and was walking me to my locker on my first day back. I had only missed two days of school. I was a walking miracle.

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll let you be my partner if you do
your
half of the work. I’m not doing it all--I don’t have time.” I gave him a stern look. We’d had this conversation last semester, and it hadn’t worked that time either.

He hung his head in mock shame. “Yeah, sure, I’ll do half. I promise. Let’s hang out after school, and we can work it out.”

I was about to reply when I saw someone else I wanted to talk to. Well, look who it is. Oh, you can run, but you can’t hide. I must have growled out loud because Tyler stopped talking and followed my gaze.

He rolled his eyes, and said, “Oh great. See you later.”

I was already marching towards him when he saw me coming. His face went from surprise to wariness in a heartbeat. I walked right up to him, ready to do battle.

“Mica,” he said evenly, his expression neutral.

“We need to talk,” I said between my teeth.

He casually glanced around at the crowd of people and raised one eyebrow. “Do you think this is the place for that conversation?”

That brought me up short. He wasn’t denying it? Huh. I didn’t know what to say to that. I expected him to tell me I was imagining things, but the video camera doesn’t lie. Something was going on. I rolled my eyes, “Fine. Will you meet me at the park after school?”

He agreed and left me standing there until I was late for class. I couldn’t sit still for the next two periods. I had questions, and he was going to give me some answers. I wasn’t going to settle for anything else. Time dragged like my grandmother’s breasts.

Not really dressed for winter because I didn’t like bulky clothes, I parked in a sunny spot to avoid freezing to death. Feeling like an ant under a magnifying glass, I sat on my fingers to warm them up. It was still cold, but the snow was starting to melt away and patches of dead grass poked up here and there. People were saying spring was coming. I wasn’t in a hurry for spring though. There was an anniversary I wasn’t ready to face. I pushed that out of my mind for now and looked around for Sean. It was a little park without too many places to stash a person. A stone fountain surrounded by a handful of stone picnic tables and a bench was the focal point of the park. In the summer there were wild roses growing along the wrought iron fence, but today, they were just clusters of stalks sticking up from the snow-covered beds. A couple of purple and grey pigeons sat fluffed into their feathers on the roof of a tiny gazebo. One of the birds nudged the other rudely in the side until it flew off in a huff. Okay, so a couple of bickering pigeons but no gorgeous mystery man just yet.

Settling in to wait, I turned up my radio. I was singing along with Audioslave when someone tapped on the window. My heart was in my throat as I nearly jumped through the roof. Damn it! What was
wrong
with him? Was he
trying
to give me a heart attack? But he had no way of knowing how jumpy I was, did he? I glared out the window anyway. Sean’s lips twitched, but he didn’t laugh. Smart man.

Despite the cold, he led the way to the closest picnic table. I wasn’t sure what to say, and the silence got to be awkward. Sean watched me calmly. He wasn’t in a hurry and just waited for me to say something. I still couldn’t believe he was a student. What would it take to make him lose his composure? What could I do to break through his control? Make him smile? Make him laugh? Make him moan? Shit. What was I thinking? I wanted answers, but now I couldn’t think of the questions.

After endless seconds crawled by, I finally blurted, “Did you know I was sick?”

“I heard that, yes.”

“It was the most amazing thing. I was really, really sick but somehow made an amazing recovery.”

“Really?” He arched one eyebrow. The expression was so damn cute I almost lost my train of thought.

He was making this difficult. “Okay, I’ll get to the point. Were you in my apartment or not?” Feeling stupid always made me bitchy.

Sean muttered under his breath and abruptly stood up to pace for a minute while I watched in fascination. Apparently coming to a decision, he stalked around the table and sat down beside me. He ran his hand over his jaw several times before speaking.

“Okay, I can’t hide this from you now. You have a right to know. Hear me out though.”

My surprise must’ve been obvious because he hesitated a beat before continuing.

“Yes, I was in your apartment. I didn’t know you were sick, but I was driving by and I recognized your car. I… decided to stop and say hi. You didn’t answer the door, and I was leaving when I heard you cry out. You must’ve been
dreaming
.” His eyes roamed over my face, warming to an impossibly brilliant blue when they lingered on my mouth.

I was hypnotized. “Go on.”

“Well, I heard you, and I thought you were in trouble. I sort of pushed my way inside expecting to see you with someone. But you were all alone and clearly out of it.” He paused for a heartbeat. “Anyway, I could tell you were really sick, and I tried to wake you up. You were practically delirious. I was afraid to leave you alone, so I helped you take some Tylenol and drink some water. I sat with you for a while until your fever went down. Once your fever went down, you seemed to be okay again. I didn’t want to freak you out so I left. That’s it.”

I believed him. He seemed sincere. “It was just you? No one was with you?” I had to ask.

“Yes, it was just me--really. Who else would be there?”

We sat there in silence for a while. My brain was going in a thousand directions between his story and the urge to throw him down and kiss his fascinating mouth until he smiled at me. Eventually his body heat actually pulled me from my fantasy. Wow. He was burning up. I could feel the warmth of his leg even though we weren’t touching. A gust of cold wind blew inside my collar, sending chills racing down my back. Shivering, I automatically moved closer to him. He stood up and said he had to go.

“Yeah, sure. Why don’t you just go then? Sorry to bother you.” I stomped back to the car and left. Geez, I wasn’t contagious. He liked me, didn’t he? Why would he bail? I finally called Ricki for support. She was less than helpful.

“Maybe he’s a vampire, and he’s trying not to eat you. Did you see him in the sunlight?”

“Yeah, that’s it. I thought of that too. He acts like he’s afraid of me. Maybe he thinks
I’m
dangerous?” That was funny considering the year I’d had.

“Hey, girl, someone’s at the door. I’ll catch up with you later.”

I used the peephole and nearly had a stroke. I yelled, “Just a minute!” and threw on some lip gloss and fluffed out my hair. I ran back to the door before casually opening it.

He held up one hand in a gesture of peace. “Before you say anything…”

There was no chance of that! I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was standing on my porch looking delicious in faded jeans and a black sweater. He practically dripped sexiness. I would have forgiven him absolutely anything right then. But he cheated. He brought a guarantee. His eyes were guarded as he stood there waiting for me to say something. I bent down on one knee and held out my hand instead.

“Oh, look at you, pretty girl. What’s your name?”

I was enchanted. The little Dalmatian had a delicate, feminine face. She was wearing a red leather collar with a little medallion on it. I turned it over in my hand to read it. It was a St. Christopher’s medal… said to protect children. How odd. Waiting with her head erect, ears cocked, she seemed to expect praise at her beauty. Warm chocolate brown eyes assessed me with more intelligence than my little brother. She had more black spots than I’d ever seen before. Her face was really freckled. On another dog, it might have been ugly, but this dog thought she was a princess.

“A peace offering, Mica. Will you accept it?” Sean’s hand drifted to the dog’s head, fingers unconsciously ruffling her fur. She looked back and forth between us as if to say
I haven’t got all day. It’s cold out here.

Two pairs of incredibly beautiful eyes pled into mine; one blue and one brown. It took me less than a second to decide to keep her. She was beautiful and perfect. I was thrilled. I impulsively grabbed Sean’s hand to thank him. A violent shock raced up my arm, heating my skin, vibrating through my chest in an instant. I flung his hand away like it was on fire.

“What the heck was that?” I rubbed the lingering tingles.

“Static electricity?” With a wince of his own, he stepped back an entire foot, and asked, “Do you think we could come inside for a minute? Angel’s freezing out here.”

“Sure, come on in.” I waved them both inside and plopped down on the floor so I could pet Angel. Her fur was silky and smooth, and I rubbed her ear between my fingers. We sat nose to nose getting to know each other. She was perfect. My jewelry box was just behind me.

Bemused at this unexpected gift, I murmured, “How did you know?”

Sean glanced at the box, expression softening. “I saw her tied up in front of the pound. The place was closed, and she was pathetic in the cold.” He ruffled her fur gently, and she licked his hand. “I remembered your jewelry box, and well, I thought you might be good for each other.” He ran his hand over her delicate muzzle, fingering the St. Christopher’s medallion. “I hope you don’t mind.”

My mother gave me that jewelry box for Christmas the year she died. The porcelain Dalmatian was Perdita from Disney. It had been my favorite movie as a little kid. She’d smiled in her quiet way as I pulled it out of the box. Never one to get too excited, she broke into a rare laugh when I jumped up and hugged her. Hugging me back, she’d said, “I love you, sweetie.” The poignant memory brought her face to mind, and I wished for the thousandth time that I resembled her in some way. Wishing didn’t make it so. We looked nothing alike; she had wavy black hair and grey eyes. She was tall and thin with small breasts. I was much shorter and had brown hair and blue eyes. Our faces weren’t even similar. Hers was oval; mine was heart shaped. Somehow I’d gotten the small breasts gene though.

Tomorrow was the first anniversary of her death. I swallowed and cleared my throat trying to stop the tears that wanted to come.

“What’s the matter? Don’t you like her?”

I brushed a tear out of my eye but another took its place, and soon I was crying rivers. Without thinking, I turned against him and sobbed my heart out. He wrapped his arms around me and tentatively patted my back. After a few minutes, I stopped crying and realized something very warm was pressing up against my hip. I froze. What… Ohhhh. Should I move? Should I ignore it? I didn’t want to make a scene, but I wasn’t ready for that kind of comfort. I surreptitiously wiped my nose on his sweater.

A deep groan interrupted my thoughts. Angel shifted position to lie on her back with her legs in the air--against my hip. Her mouth hung open, teeth shining, tongue lolling to the side. If a dog could laugh… I rolled my eyes and mentally smacked my forehead. It was the
dog
! Sean casually moved to put Angel between us, his posture wary as usual. My face was flushed with more than tears now. He burst out laughing and promptly bit his lip to stop.

“Sean. This dog is no angel. Look at her--she’s laughing at me! I’m giving her a new name as soon as I figure one out. And what’s with the medallion? Who puts those things on a dog?”

Relaxing the stiffness in his shoulders, he leaned towards me with a frown. The shadow of a beard accented his jaw, the outline of his lips. He was delicious. He was too serious.

Ignoring my lustful gaze, he answered seriously, “Don’t you believe in signs? In fate? In destiny?”

“Um, no, not really.”

“Maybe the medallion isn’t for
her;
maybe it was meant for you.”

I scoffed loftily, “That’s crazy talk. I don’t believe that. I don’t need protection. I’m doing a good job of protecting myself. It’s been months since I was attacked by any psycho people.”

He bent his face towards mine. I held my breath, parted my lips. A strange peacefulness settled over me. I leaned closer… any second now…

With his mouth hovering only inches away, he growled, “We are
not
in control of our destiny. Take all the help you can get.”

And then he left.

As I watched the door close behind him, I was marveling about three things. One, I somehow became a dog owner; two, my skin was still tingling where Sean had touched me; and three, twice today, he passed up a chance to kiss me. Not that I wanted him too, but still.

Journal Entry: 3 April

I’m sad tonight. Not depressed sad; just ordinary sad. Mom’s been gone a year now. God, it seems like yesterday. I don’t know where the time has gone. I miss her still. My heart aches. No one understands. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to remember her without this heaviness. Oh, Mom! I wish you were here now. I wish you could see me. I’m stronger than ever. I was so broken, but now I’m strong. I was fragile last year but now I’m taking charge of my own life. I’m not going to be a victim again!! No one will put me in that position. I will fight if I have to, and this time, I will win. I wish I was a better daughter to you. I know I was a pain in the ass. I was a brat. I made life harder for you. I’m sorry about that every day.