The Lost Soul Trilogy (Primani Book 5) (11 page)

I put my hand over his mouth, and said, “Don’t you dare.”

He blinked at me.

“Oh, yeah, I know about that. I don’t know how you do it, but I know you’ve been making me fall asleep. Now that I think about it, you’ve done it a few times. It’s cheating, you know. And you should be ashamed of yourself.” I was feeling righteous.

His expression was a cross between shock, horror, and amusement. His sense of humor finally won out, and he burst into laughter for the second time tonight. I was speechless.

“You’re too smart for your own good!” His chuckles petered off into a weighty silence. He lifted my fingers and kissed them hard. “You’re right. I am ashamed. But not for the reasons you think. I’m not
cheating
; I’m trying to protect you. I can’t seduce you; it wouldn’t be right. I’m ashamed because I can’t keep my hands off of you. My control is slipping, and I’m putting other people in danger by allowing this to go on. I can’t stay here with you, and you deserve to have someone who can build a life with you. I’m not that person.” His eyes glittered like ice. He stood up to go.

We would see about that. I wasn’t buying it. He could fight all he wanted, but something told me it was just a matter of time. He would come around. He wouldn’t be able to stop this attraction between us. It felt destined.

“Wait. I don’t want you to leave. If you go, I’ll have nightmares. Stay here and talk to me. Your virtue is safe with me.
Please
.”

Scowling at the ceiling, he ground his teeth but stayed.

I got us some drinks and put on some music. It was soft and relaxing, and we were both comfortable just listening. I was looking out the window again when he asked me about my nightmare.

“What do you see? What triggers it?”

“Scott Flynn triggers it. I dream every time I see him.”

I described the dreams; I told him about the endless hallways and doors, the shining knife, and the beast. I had never shared them with anyone else, but he made me feel as though I could tell him anything. He wanted to know everything about them so I took a long time to get through them and was emotionally drained at the end of my story.

“So at the end, there is only fear. That’s it--just overwhelming fear.” I had my knees tucked up to my chin and hugged them.

He stroked the palm of my hand. Softly, he asked, “Is there nothing else there? No hope for you in your dream?” He sounded oddly wistful.

His eyes were a deep ocean blue with bright flecks of gold that caught the light around us. Another light bulb went off. “Hope? I suppose there is. Sometimes I see a golden light. It’s beautiful and pure, and I feel… protected...” My voice trailed off at his nod of encouragement.

“It’s you,” I whispered in awe.

He tried to shake his head, but he wasn’t fast enough. “Now, Mica--”

“Don’t deny it. It all fits together. The light in the hospital, in my dreams, around your body… It’s the same.” Holding my breath, I searched his face for answers.

He took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh. “Would you like me to lie to you? I can’t tell you the truth.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Can’t--I’m not allowed to tell you the truth. No one is supposed to know about us. A lot of people could get hurt if this got out.”

“Sean, I’m not going to say anything to anyone. I want to know what I’m involved with. Who
are
you?”

“Let’s just say we’re really well-trained operatives keeping an eye on things.”

Uh-huh. “Like spies?”

“Something like that.”

“Mm hmm. I’m not buying that.”

“Well, that’s what I’m selling you. Take it or leave it. I can’t say anything else; if I do, they’ll make me leave here and reassign me someplace else. You don’t want that, do you?”

No, but I did want a better explanation. “Okay, fine. That’ll work for now.”

Sean took me by my shoulders. “Will you keep our secret, Mica?”

He was back to scary soldier-mode again. This version of Sean was more like Killian. I could imagine his hard face scaring enemies across the planet. I swallowed and put on a brave face.

“Cross my heart. I swear I won’t tell anyone.”

He relaxed a little then, so I asked, “Does this mean you’ll stay, now that I know? There’s no reason to avoid me now. Is there?”

He pulled me into his arms and rested his chin on my head. “I’ll stay. God help me.”

Chapter 9: Pain and Suffering

FALL IN UPSTATE NEW YORK can be glorious. Some years the weather is crisp and dry, and the trees dazzle with their rich colors. The sky is vast and blue. The smell of dead leaves and fresh pine is invigorating. Other years, like this one, the weather is dreary, cold, and wet. The sky is leaden with clouds that churn overhead and drop heavy rains that ruin every single weekend. That is precisely the crappy weather pattern that was going on for the past month. I moped in the window at Zen. Stupid rain! Domino’s nose was leaving condensation against the glass. She didn’t like the rain either. We were both feeling cooped up and restless.

“Here sweetie, try this. It’ll make you feel better.” Dani’s mom handed me a cup of tea and flashed a dreamy smile at the rain.

“Thanks, Ms. Taylor.” I blew on the cup and glowered out the window again.

“You’re so impatient, Mica. The earth
needs
the kiss of the rain, just as a young woman needs the kiss of her man. Would you begrudge the Mother her romance?”

An image of my man kissing me popped into my head, and I blushed. Okay, so Mother Earth could have her way with the rain. She could wrap herself in a blanket of snow if she wanted to. I just wanted to get outside and
do
something! I was tired of being stuck inside. I hadn’t seen Sean at all this week. He was supposedly in Ireland at a funeral. He was going to miss a week of classes, but I guess that doesn’t matter if you’re a secret agent man. The whole school thing was probably just a cover. I wished I was with him this week. He described Ireland with such wistfulness in his voice that it was clear that he loved it there. I was a little jealous that it held so much of his love. I wanted a little of it too. I stood there gazing out the foggy glass until Dani finally showed.

As usual, she appeared without a sound. I jumped and laughed at myself. I couldn’t help looking down to make sure she had feet. Yep, shoes too. I had no idea how a person could be so quiet. It was a bit creepy really. I told her that, and she just laughed and bent down to hug Domino.

We ended up in my apartment after an afternoon at the mall. We were trying on clothes when Ricki knocked on the door. She was working a lot lately, and I hadn’t seen her in a few days.

“Come and see what we got today, Ricki!” Dani said.

“We got you a little surprise too.” I whipped out a little box. “Ta-da!”

“Oh, you guys are so sweet. I’ve wanted to try this.” She sniffed the perfume that we bought her and gave us both a hug.

“Well, you’ve been working so much, and I know you’ve been bummed about Kevin leaving for college. We wanted to cheer you up. Do you like it?”

“Yes, yes, and yes. I have good news though. He’s not going until summer semester now. The money didn’t come through, and he won’t be able to pay tuition until May. So it looks like I’ll have him around for the rest of this year, and I can go with him.”

It was hard to believe we were graduating this year. I was turning 19 in a few months. So much had happened over the past two years. The time flew by, and I was faced with change again. What would I do after high school? Would I go to college? What about Sean? Would he be here after this year? He was supposed to be a senior too. Dec was a year younger though. Killian didn’t go to school at all. He was away a lot doing God knows what. Sean had to keep reminding me that Killian was one of the good guys. He still scared the hell out of me, and he’d only gotten more intense since his out of town trips had begun. Dec and Sean traveled too, but they didn’t go as often since they had a cover to keep. I was more in love with Sean than ever, and I tried to crush the curiosity that I felt about them. I was very afraid that I would push them away if I got too nosy.

We settled into a routine during the rainy fall months. On the days we weren’t working, Sean came over to hang out. I was surprised to find out that he liked to run too. We started running even in the rain. Some days Sean came to the gym to watch me practice sparring. He got in the ring with me a few times. I was so proud of him. He was pretty amazing to watch. He moved with a fluid grace that I would never match. He was always about the business of fighting when we were in the ring. He put on his soldier face and usually kicked my butt. I always learned something new though.

Dani interrupted my daydreams by reminding me that we had school tomorrow, and she had to study. I shooed both girls out of the door and got down to my own studying. I curled up on the bed to read my English notes. Domino lay stretched out against my back snoring softly. Her furry body was like a furnace, and I promptly dozed off. A sharp tap on the window woke me up a little later. Was it Sean? I looked through the peephole and opened the door. Dec pushed his way inside.

“Are you here alone?” He stalked to the bathroom to check. When he was satisfied I was alone, he came back to the bedroom, eyes blazing, entire body coiled like a spring.

A trickle of fear crawled down my spine.

“What’s the matter, Dec? Did something happen? Where’s Sean?” I reached out to take his hand, and he jerked away from me.

“Don’t touch me! I’m not safe right now.” He was vibrating with anger and looked like the killer I sensed he was.

I put my hands out in a gesture of peace and tried again. “Dec, what’s going on? You’re here so you want to tell me something. Tell me what’s wrong. I only have so much patience. You know that.” I made a weak attempt to lighten the atmosphere. He glowered at me. I took a step back.

He paced back and forth, and hissed, “I’m not supposed to be here. Killian will destroy me when he finds out what we’re doing. But I promised Sean I’d bring you to him. You have to come with me now. He’s been… shot.”

“What? Shot? What the hell happened? Is he in the hospital? Where is he?” I had a million questions.

Dec held up his hand, and the sound of my voice stopped. My lips were still moving, but there was no sound coming out. I clamped my lips together and glared at him. He glared back. I took the hint and grabbed my backpack. We were in the driveway when I realized he didn’t have a car.

“We’re taking your car. I’ll drive,” he said.

“Fine.” I had audio again. “Oh, I can talk now? Would you mind telling me what you just did to me?”

With an expression of irritated amusement, he muttered, “Not on your life.”

He drove without speaking until we were out of town and on our way into the countryside. I knew the area but hadn’t been out this way in a long time. Was this where they lived? It was already dark, and the wind was gusting hard. Trees bent against it, casting ominous shadows in the sketchy moonlight. The sense of impending doom ratcheted my imagination into overdrive. I wrapped my arms around my chest to stop shivering. I tried to ask a few more questions, but he wasn’t in a chatty mood.

“Just chill. You’ll see when we get there.”

That
was really not reassuring. In fact, it freaked me out. I imagined Sean bleeding out on a mattress in a basement, or lying on the kitchen table letting Killian stitch him up with kite string. Or worse, Sean dying just before I got to him. I imagined his scary eyes blazing into mine with a last declaration of love just before being extinguished like a match in the wind. I didn’t realize I was crying until Dec pressed a tissue into my hand. I wiped at my face and sniffed. God, please let him be okay.

“We’re here now. I’m going to warn you before we go inside. It looks bad. I don’t want to freak you out, but you have to be prepared. You won’t help him by throwing up or passing out. Can you handle this?”

“Dec, I just want to see him. Please, can we go inside?” I was forcing myself to stay calm. I could handle anything as long as I got to see Sean. The anticipation was killing me.

We were parked in front of a small farmhouse in a clearing surrounded by woods. The house looked fairly new and had a wraparound covered porch. He led me up the steps to the front door. I heard music playing in the back of the house and followed the sound. As I rounded the corner at the end of the hallway, Dec stepped out of a room and faced me. I ignored the obvious question and hurried inside. I don’t know what I expected to see, but it wasn’t what I saw then. I stopped dead in my tracks, and my mouth dropped open.

Sean was lying naked across the bed. Someone had draped a sheet over his waist, but the rest of his body was bare. There was a blackened patch of puckered skin across most of his stomach and chest. His skin was raw and bloody in places, and burned black in others. The wound looked like someone torched him with a flamethrower. It was a burn, not a gunshot wound. The room smelled like barbequed meat, and my stomach heaved in protest. Black spots danced behind my eyes. Willing myself to calm down, I sucked in a deep breath and forced my stomach to stay put. Dec was right. Puking wasn’t helpful. Neither was passing out at the foot of the bed. Sean was so still it broke my heart. What the hell happened to him?

Dec wrapped his arm around my waist, giving me a squeeze of reassurance. He bent to whisper in Sean’s ear, and said to me, “It’s okay. You can sit with him. He wants you here.”

“Can I touch him?”

“Go ahead. It might help. I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”

I knelt next to Sean, carefully putting my hand over his. I was a little wary of surprising him so I moved slowly. His fingers curled automatically over mine and squeezed gently. His eyes didn’t open.

Stroking his fingers, I murmured, “I’m here, Sean. I’m right here.”

I don’t know how much time passed while we sat there in the little bedroom. He looked so vulnerable lying there, fragile, broken. His eyes were closed in sleep, but his rest wasn’t peaceful. He seemed to be dreaming, eyes racing beneath their lids, fingers twitching. His jaw was clenched in pain. A soft groan rumbled in his chest.

“What beast chases
you
, Sean? Do you have no light to chase away the shadows?”

Trying to comfort him, I stroked his arm, murmuring softly, but he still writhed in agony. It hurt to see him suffering, and I blinked back tears of sympathy. I traced the curve of muscle over his shoulder. The skin was smooth and even, soft to the touch, kissable. I dropped a gentle kiss on a small freckle just below his collarbone. He was achingly beautiful, and someone had damaged him so viciously. Who could do such a thing? What kind of animal would burn someone? My stomach tightened in a burst of anger. I wanted to rip that animal’s head off. A low moan drew my attention back to his face. I decided to risk getting singed and kissed his lips. When nothing bad happened, I rested my lips against his and just breathed… in and out… in and out. I willed my strength to flow into him as if I could give my life to him.

As the night wore on, I sang to him to let him know I was still there. “Chasing Cars” was stuck in my head, and I sang it off key and under my breath, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind.

I cried until my eyes were dry. Finally exhausted, I laid my head against his good side and prayed for him. God, surely he can’t die? You’ve brought him to save me. He’s pulled me back from the brink of darkness and brought me into the light. He’s important. I feel it.

Aloud, I said, “I love him, God. Please don’t let him die.”