The Lost Blogs (8 page)

I asked Ay when I would be able to start making decisions on my own and he suggested that when I had lived twenty-one years,
that then, then I could be allowed such privileges. Same old story—as long as I live in this kingdom, I must follow his laws.
Only by following his laws will everyone else fear me. Fear. That is power, he says.

I started to think about fears. The kinds of things that I’m afraid of. Here’s some that I came up with:

First of all, I am afraid of being confined in small dark places. Anything where I can’t really move, or where I have to lie
in a position where my arms are crossed over my chest and my legs must remain straight. Or anything where my face is covered
with something. That gives me the willies.

Secondly, you wouldn’t believe this, but I am afraid of being the center of attention. You know, people looking at me, peering
into my eyes. I can imagine that the most horrific thing ever would be to have to stand somewhere, still, and just let thousands
of people stand and stare at me. That makes my skin crawl.

Finally, and this is silly because I am so young and have so many years ahead of me—but I would wish that when my time does
come that people remember me in respectful ways. Perhaps if someone would write a song about me, something that remembers
my years as King… Something that really takes my rule seriously and presents me in a respectful light… That would be good.
Thinking about the years after my life, and not being treated with such lyrical respect, is a fear of mine.

Oh well. Thank Osiris I’ll never have to worry about those things!!

From:
http://www.antonio_salieri.com/mozartbootlegs/

Subject:
Mozart Bootlegs

Amadeus Mozart would have you think that in order to experience “the grandeur” of his performances, that you must either be
a royal or have the financial resources to attend one of his concerts.

That is why I started my Mozart bootleg site—so “peons,” as Mozart would refer to you, would have an opportunity to listen
to his music and make up their own mind about whether or not the composer really is as good as he says he is. (The answer
is no.)

Nonetheless, I have kept a fairly exhaustive collection of his performances (along with some brief personal comments of my
own) in an attempt to better my own techniques (and to be aware of the mistakes and pitfalls such a composer falls into when
he is more interested in his image than his music). Also, if you see Mozart doing anything stupid, please
e-mail me
with the information so I may post it on my
Stupid Things Mozart Did This Week
website.

Performances/Bootlegs:

Click above to download. Please share with anyone you like! Comments and questions to
[email protected]
.

From:
http://www.andy_warhol.com/blog/

Subject:
My Blog Entry

MY BLOG ENTRY

m y b l o g e n t r y

MY BLOG ENTRY

m y b l o g e n t r y

MY BLOG ENTRY

my blog entry

my blog entry

MY BLOG ENTRY

MY BLOG ENTRY

MY BLOG ENTRY

From:
http://www.betsy-ross.com/~sewingblog/

Subject:
Patriotic Projects

Greetings fellow sewers, knitters and others with artistic trades! Back by popular demand, this week I’d like to highlight
a selection of very creative projects I’ve worked up for all of you ! Please note, by clicking on a project, you will be charged
a nominal fee for the pattern, instructions and the Betsy Ross trademark logo.

Star-Spangled Winter Cap

Warm, snuggly and patriotic! This star-spangled winter cap incorporates the famous Betsy Ross American Flag theme, while giving
mothers and grandmothers the opportunity to craft something to keep their man’s head warm out on cold nights while fighting
the British!

Red, White and Blue Bonnet

For Sundays at Church or for those nice family picnics, what better way to show your support for Betsy Ross and our Founding
Fathers than to wear the famous Betsy Ross American Flag theme on a silk, stylish bonnet? (Also available—
Star-Spangled Bonnet
)

13 Star Suspenders

Does your husband have trouble keeping his pants up? Why not sew him a pair of suspenders, decorated with the thirteen stars
representing the thirteen colonies, as made famous by Betsy Ross!? Now your man can be popular, patriotic—and the “star” of
your city or town. Comes with bonus red, white and blue wooden teeth! (Also available—
13 Star Stockings
)

Patriotic Pants w/Red Ruffles

Betsy Ross’s trademark patriotic pants which she wore while crafting America’s greatest visual treat can be yours with this
easy-to-follow, easy-to-sew pattern. What woman wouldn’t love to wear these airy and baggy pants, covered in stars and stripes,
and made even more appealing with a red ruffle trim! Betsy Ross knows how it feels, and soon so shall you!

Absolutely Amazing Apron

It’s an apron. And it’s absolutely amazing due to the red, white and blue colored squares, all surrounding the face of the
famous Betsy Ross! Show your friends you
know who’s responsible for America’s greatest sewn icon, the American flag, by wearing this amazing accoutrement while preparing
meals for your family! (Also available—
Absolutely Amazing Army Pants
)

Hope you all enjoy the above patterns and projects! Stay tuned for further projects, so you can be the “spangled star” of
your town!

From:
http://georgeburns.blogs.com/

Subject:
If You Can Read This, Your Eyesight Is Better than Mine

I need a magnifying glass to see what I am typing up here. Which of course, is a much better alternative than women needing
a magnifying glass to see what I am hyping down there… Yet here I sit, mostly because I can’t stand… writing to you.

People told me this blog thing was a great way to pick up women. At the insane asylum. See, it’s the people who spend all
day in a dark room that scare me—mostly because I just don’t have the stamina for that anymore. Seriously, though — I figure
that this is a great way to be remembered… until all the electricity goes out.

Maybe after I’m dead, which some people think I am already, people will turn on their computers (if they can figure out how
to) and tune in to this place. I’ve always wanted to leave something behind for the American public. Besides my cold, lifeless,
very attractive body.

I hope I wrote something funny up there. Can you see it? I can’t.

Personally, I don’t believe in dying. Its been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now—you’re here, reading
me. Or sleeping. Either way, you’re a captive audience. I always said that a comedian’s best tools are his sense of humor
and a roll of duct tape. Pretty sticky sis!

I wanted to take the opportunity today to talk about something extremely important and historically significant, so I decided
to talk about me.

Some more.

I don’t quite get this e-mail thing. An electronic way of sending mail in seconds. I don’t want to do anything that only takes
seconds. I’d rather not even have a quick wit. When you get to be my age, you want everything slower. Aging, sex and sponge
baths from the nurses. I like nurses. Anyone who changes your diaper can’t be all that bad.

Okay, time’s up. Gotta go. If you want to e-mail me, you can send your hate mail
here
, but remember that since I hate e-mail, I’ll never read it.

See you next week!

G.

From:
http://www.sittingbull-onlinepoker.com/

Subject:
Sitting Bull’s Online Poker Emporium and Blog Is Currently Closed

Currently engaged in battle against General Custer. Will reopen as soon as humanly possible.

From:
http://www.lyndon_b_johnson.com/blog/

Subject:
A Thousand Thanks!

Lady Bird and I wanted to thank everyone for their support this week in the election—your involvement, dedication and support
to both my family and President-elect Kennedy will not go unnoticed. There’s a lot that President Kennedy and myself want
to do for the American people and we’re looking forward to getting our hands dirty—if you know what I mean.

This week brought back many memories for Lady Bird and myself from the Senate days—and while my victory back then in becoming
a Texas senator was widely known to be a slim victory separated by just a few votes—the rumors of this week’s election being
won by a small margin is neither here nor there. The American people have spoken, and I am proud to be a part of that choice.

As I promised during the middle of the campaign, I will answer a limited amount of questions via e-mail. This week’s question
comes from
[email protected]
who asks, “
How does it feel to be the Vice President of the United States!?
”

Well, Jimmy—although I am not technically the Vice President of the United States just yet, I must say that it makes me feel
honored and relieved all at once. Honored that I was offered the position by President-elect Kennedy, and accepted by the
American public. Relieved in that the position is not that of the President.

You must know, as your teachers have taught you in school, the job of President of the United States is a huge job. It is
a position that is unforgiving. Mistakes cannot happen. Decisions must be made without any wavering. Other world leaders look
to our President in shaping their own policies. As Vice President, I will fortunately not have to deal with as much pressure
and responsibility.

Can I just say, “phew”? Seriously, really—I’m a bit relieved.

The next e-mail question comes from
[email protected]
who asks, “
Do you think you’ll run for
President at the end of your term as
Vice
President?
”

Well, Abagail—let me just answer that quickly by saying that although it may very well be a possibility, it is a possibility
that is very very very very very far off and something that I won’t have to worry about for at least two—three years. And
for that, I am thankful!

Although someday, maybe, possibly—I could be interested in a position such as that, it’s good to know that for now, I can
learn from President-elect Kennedy in this “apprentice” type position, where the American public will not rely as heavily
on me as they will on the President of the United States!

With that being said, I want to thank everyone again for their support and I look forward to being the best Vice President
for this country that I can be!

From:
http://www.helenkeller.com/~photoblog/

Outdoor shot at Ivy Green Estate during wintertime .	Me and fellow students at Wright-Humason School for the Deaf in NYC .
Sunset and mountain range, Alabama .	Nightlife in Connecticut, 1948 .
Church, I think .	Family picnic and day of fun !