The Light of the Blue Pearl (25 page)

She wished she didn’t need to. But she
couldn’t have both; she would have to choose.

Ian had wrapped his arms around her again,
not pressing her for an answer; she not giving one freely. She felt
so incredibly safe in his arms. She didn’t want that to end, he
obviously didn’t either; he made no moves to return to the hotel.
Even though it was getting late and she would have to get back soon
to take her medication (she was vigilant now about taking it, not
wanting to welcome a relapse), she too stood still in the sand,
holding his arms that held her, not wanting the moment to end.

When she couldn’t wait any longer she broke
the silence and told him she needed to get back to take her
medication. Being honest about her condition and no longer needing
to hide it was an exhilarating feeling. A freedom from her life
that now seemed so distant.

They walked hand in hand along the edge of
the water, feeling the ocean lick at their heels until they had
made it back to her room.

All she really wanted to do was invite Ian
in. Given her decision she knew she shouldn’t, but somehow he
managed to make it past the doorway anyway. After she took her
medication she joined him in the living room and sat down next to
him on the couch.

Neither of them wanted to discuss anything,
he was probably as afraid to hear her answer as much as she was to
say it. Instead he took her hand and they sat on the couch in
silence.

After a while he finally asked what her
plans were, how long she planned to stay in San Pedro.

“I actually still have a few days left,” she
said, suddenly terrified of the idea of going home.

She knew she would have to face Scott
eventually, and actually the longer she was gone the worse things
would be. But all the same, she didn’t want to leave Ian, and she
didn’t want to know Scott’s answer. It was entirely possible that
he wasn’t going to forgive her.

“Well, that must be nice getting to spend a
little more time here. Unlike last time,” he said, stroking her
fingers softly with his.

“Yeah, it’s just too bad I wasted half of
the trip in bed,” she confessed, almost ashamed of the fact, but at
the time not feeling like there had been any other option.

“Really?” he asked. “That’s a shame. Too bad
we hadn’t run into each other sooner.”

“Yeah, it is,” she said, in complete
agreement. Although the three days had probably been necessary for
her to be as composed as she had been that night, and even so her
composure had been marginal at best.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked. One
of his hands had made its way to her knee as he turned more to face
her. He started stroking her thigh lightly which was making it
incredibly hard to think.

“Umm,” she said, trying to remember what
they were talking about. “I don’t know yet…I had hoped to go to the
Blue Hole again…but I didn’t get a chance to make any reservations
yet.”

“Oh,” he said, leaning in and kissing her
neck. “I’m going there tomorrow, maybe we can get you on the boat,”
he said into her ear.

“Maybe,” she said.

Her heart was pounding; she had not expected
this, although she didn’t know why she was surprised.

“Ian,” she said, barely able to say his name
before his mouth was on hers kissing her deeply.

She kissed him back unable to object even
though she knew she should. Fighting her feelings for him was
incredibly difficult, especially considering her current emotional
state. But she had made her choice; she didn’t want to make it any
harder on any of them.

After a moment he pulled away, looking into
her eyes shyly.

“Sorry,” he said. “I seem to have a little
trouble controlling myself around you.”

She laughed; a sound that put him at
ease.

“It’s okay,” she said. “I could say the same
thing.”

“I will try harder though,” he said. “I know
you’re going to go home soon…I know you’re going to pick
Scott.”

That took her by complete surprise; she
hadn’t thought she gave hint to her decision at all. But it was
probably for the best that it came out now; she was slightly
relieved she wasn’t going to have to be the one that brought it
up.

“What makes you say that?” she said,
completely out of curiosity rather than disagreement. Although the
decision had been a fast one for her, that had more to do with how
she had left things with Scott, rather than the feelings she had
for either of them – which in all honesty were hard to
differentiate.

“I don’t know. I just find it hard to
believe you would choose me over him,” he said, something in his
eyes making her feel a pang of guilt at the doubt he had in
himself.

“Well…,” she said, touching his face and
looking into his eyes. “You’re right, but not for the reasons you
think. I told you when we met my life was complicated. I’m sorry
that your heart has been dragged into the mess, the last thing I’d
ever want to do is hurt you.”

She kissed him softly before standing up and
walking over to the window. Holding herself in her own arms she
looked out at the night sky.

“I do plan on trying to patch things up with
him, though I don’t know if he will forgive me.”

She felt suddenly alone again in that
instant, even though Ian wasn’t far, a shiver ran through her body
even though it wasn’t cold.

He heard the sadness in her voice and walked
up behind her, wrapping his arms around her for comfort.

“I understand, Ethne,” he said, trying to
make her feel better, though feeling sadness in his own heart
knowing he would have to let her go.

“Can we spend a little time together before
you leave?” he asked. “As friends? I promise to behave myself,” he
said, poking her in the side, tickling her, trying to break the
seriousness of the moment.

She giggled, relieved to know that her
decision hadn’t completely cut him off from her. “I’d like that,”
she said.

T
hey stood standing
in the moonlight for a while before making their way to her
bedroom. An unspoken rule between them, they both knew the night
would be spent innocently.

She appreciated Ian’s respect for her
boundaries, even if they were hard to keep, but she didn’t want to
betray Scott anymore than she already had. As it were she had more
to confess than she was comfortable with, she had no designs to add
anything else to the list. Even so, she hadn’t wanted to spend the
night alone, and knowing she had only a few more days with Ian, she
wanted to spend as much time as she could with him.

They spent the night sleeping next to each
other, her hand resting in his. They got up just a few hours later
to see if there would be room on the boat for her, there wasn’t, so
he opted not to go. Instead, they made reservations to go the next
day and returned to the warmth of the bed, spending the morning
talking rather than sleeping.

After having breakfast together they spent
the rest of the day wandering around town and lounging on the
beach, making plans for an early night since it would be an early
morning, and neither had gotten much sleep the night before.

Ethne checked her messages frequently; there
was still no word from Scott. She thought maybe she should call him
– he still had no idea where she was, but she honestly didn’t know
what to say to him over the phone. She figured the conversation
needed to be in person. He was likely to be very angry with her and
that kind of conversation is never handled well when someone can
just simply hang up, refusing to hear your apology.

While she was enjoying her time with Ian,
she couldn’t help but feel that the time was going by very slowly.
She was conflicted, not wanting to end her time with Ian, but not
wanting to make Scott suffer anymore. She wanted to set things
right, if that were even possible.

When they woke up bright and early to leave
for the Blue Hole, Ethne was excited; excited to return to the
place where she felt most at peace.

That had ultimately been the reason she had
returned to Belize. Her growing sense of dread since the accident
simply overshadowed her life; she couldn’t seem to find peace.
Nothing she did could bring her that feeling of calm that she had
felt the day she had seen the Blue Hole. She hoped to feel that
calm again today.

When she saw the boat at the pier she
suddenly remembered how long a trip it actually was to get there,
she was feeling impatient, but Ian took her hand and smiled at her.
She was thankful at least that this time she would have some
company.

Ian planned on diving while they were there,
she of course couldn’t but had no qualms with snorkeling again and
just simply being there; she actually couldn’t wait to hear his
stories after he returned.

She was a bit jealous that she couldn’t go
below the depths. But it was also a slightly terrifying thought so
she was almost glad she had an excuse – she knew if she didn’t Ian
or Scott would have managed to convince her.

With his company, the trip had seemed much
shorter and before long they were there, once again in her favorite
place. Some people might complain that the location wasn’t as rich
in marine life, making the snorkeling not as memorable as one of
the other stops. But the sight of it even above the water line for
her was magnificent and not something she could describe to anyone
with sufficient words.

This was Ian’s first time here, she could
tell by his eyes that he felt the same way she did, how you
couldn’t was beyond her. The deep hue of the water instantly
brought her peace; she was smiling the moment they arrived.

Ian noticed the change in her as well,
squeezing her hand and smiling back at her. It was almost a shame
they would be separating for most of the time they would be here,
but she knew that time would go by quickly and she was excited for
him at what he was about to do.

“Have fun, Ian, but be careful,” Ethne
warned, giving him a hug before they went their separate ways.

He didn’t let her go when she had tried to
step away; instead he hugged her tight and whispered in her ear for
her to do the same.

Feeling his breath on her neck made her
tingle; when he finally let her go he gave her a wink before
heading off with his group; they were in the water and sinking into
the depths before she had even taken another breath.

Looking down at the water where he had just
been, all she could see were a few bubbles, it was as if the water
had swallowed them whole.

Having him vanish so quickly made her
suddenly very anxious, she knew how deep the dive was, and that
people had actually died. Although they would only be gone for
about a half hour…that suddenly felt like an eternity.

Luckily, her turn in the water was next and
would serve as a great distraction from the wait. Stepping into the
water she was consumed by the sudden rush of calm that this magical
water seemed to bring her.

The moment her body was in the water she was
instantly reminded, once again experiencing the overwhelming
feeling of peace. It was almost like she ceased to be her and was
instead a piece of something bigger than herself.

She felt whole, resigned to what was and no
longer at odds with circumstance. She wished she could bottle this
feeling and take it with her, but she knew once she emerged the
sensation would fade, overshadowed and forgotten by reality.

For the time being she didn’t care, her
anxiety faded and she was carefree. Following her guide, she let
her mind escape simply soaked in the beauty that surrounded
her.

She couldn’t resist returning to the place
where she had found her pearl, seeing the shelf where it had been
sitting, now empty; she felt a moment of sadness remembering how
far away it was from her.

Seeing no hidden treasures this time she
stayed only a moment before returning to the group. Time moved
quickly and they were heading back to the boat long before she was
ready. With only one incentive to get out of the water – Ian – she
reluctantly took the hand of one of the crew members and let him
pull her out of the water, back to reality.

It wasn’t long before she saw heads popping
up above the surface, returning from a place she would never see.
She scanned their faces, searching for Ian, but didn’t see him.

Her heart started pounding wondering why he
hadn’t surfaced yet, minutes passed; all of the others had gotten
back on the boat before she finally saw a few more heads appear and
someone waving at her.

She let out the air she had been holding in,
smiled with relief and waved back. When he was back on board he was
beaming.

“That was incredible!” he said, forgetting
himself and grabbing her face in his hands and kissing her. She
didn’t care; to feel the energy coming from him, coming from what
he’d experienced in the deep waters beneath her was amazing,
absolutely nothing could compare.

After he had given her back her lips, she
helped him remove some of his gear so they could sit and talk about
what he’d seen.

His description of the cave below them and
massive stalactites that cover the ceiling of the cave was so vivid
she could almost imagine it.

“You would have loved it,” he said. “The
light on the walls above you was just amazing.”

She couldn’t help but grin with him. Even
though she would never see it for herself, seeing the pure joy on
his face was more than enough for her.

“What took you so long to come up?” she
asked.

“Oh…one of the divers ran into a little
trouble, I stayed back with one of the instructors to help,” he
said, as if it were no big deal.

“What kind of trouble?” she asked, suddenly
very happy to have him sitting next to her again.