The Light of the Blue Pearl (11 page)

She didn’t want to cancel, but the waiting
was going to be torture and sleeping was going to be even more
elusive than usual.

Making her way up the stairs to her door her
mind was racing, the butterflies were too, apparently. She was
about to turn the key and open the door when she looked down and
noticed a box at her feet.

Not expecting any deliveries this time,
except for maybe mysterious envelopes, she picked it up and tried
to make out the writing in the dark.

It was simply addressed to her: “To Ethne.”
There was nothing else to clue her in on its sender, so she tucked
the box under her arm, opened the door and went inside doing her
best to calm the swarm that had congregated in her stomach.

The box was small. Bigger than the one that
had held her precious pearl, but for some reason she was still
hopeful that it had miraculously made its way back to her; wishful
thinking she was sure.

She inspected the box for just a moment
longer before tearing the paper off the outside to see what it was
and who it was from.

With still no indication of who sent it, it
became pretty clear when she saw its contents.

As if reading her mind the entire time she
had been driving home, inside the box was a note.

“I can’t wait until Thursday. If you’re free
tomorrow at noon, I’ll be waiting outside your door.”

Not really sure why the box was necessary,
but not complaining much either, she put the note back in the box
with a smile on her face.

She was both relieved and excited that she
didn’t have to have such a long wait. Strange how part of her was
dreading this supposed new relationship, but at the same time was
finding pure joy from it.

Sometimes Ethne wondered if her solitude was
really necessary or if the choice had been a hasty one, but it only
took the thought of her past to make her recoil inside herself
again. Now however, instead of finding herself alone when she did
this, she was surrounded by butterflies that would not shut up.

Having no plans for the next day aside from
work, which of course he knew, she got ready for bed with
intentions to wake up and meet him outside her door; again having
absolutely no idea what the destination was going to be. She was
starting to find comfort in his surprises, which was kind of an
oxymoron.

But all the same, the notes, meeting Ian and
now Scott, getting to visit San Pedro and find her pearl, stirred
up a feeling inside of her – something that had been lost a long
time ago.

Lying in her bed with her blankets pulled up
to her chin Ethne wondered what she was going to do. How long could
she keep pretending? How long could she hide her past – her
condition? She would have to tell him eventually, but she didn’t
want to. That however, was not an option.

Ultimately it was neither fair to her or to
him to keep the relationship going. She would only hurt him in the
end and she didn’t want to do that. Nor did she want to be
hurt.

No. She was going to have to tell him that
this wasn’t going to work, that she couldn’t date him. That thought
was more than she could bear for some reason; but she supposed the
magic of San Pedro must be wearing off and the reality of being
home back in her own life was once again sinking in. It sure hadn’t
taken long.

She rolled over to her side and hugged her
blankets tightly to her, wishing for once she was hugging an actual
person. How quickly the feeling of excitement had been replaced
with a feeling of dread. As she drifted off to sleep a tear escaped
her eye, rolled across the bridge of her nose and down her cheek. A
few others followed it, though she wasn’t aware of them since she
was now in another world far away from the troubles of her own.

***

Instead of finding herself on a serene beach
this time, however, she was being blasted by wind and sand; each
speck of sand feeling like a tiny needle hitting her feet and
ankles. The wind was so strong she could barely walk and yet to
look around she saw sunshine and a gorgeous green ocean in front of
her.

The water was choppy, a torrent obviously
caused by the winds. Even though she was able to keep moving she
felt each gust pushing her back as though it was telling her not to
go on.

She was trying to get to someone, or
something, though she couldn’t remember what or who that was. The
determined feeling urged her on through the angry wind and sweeping
sheets of sand.

The wind was getting stronger and stronger
and she had to shield her eyes from the angry shards of sand that
were joining the winds fight to keep her back.

She kept walking into the wind and sharp
sand, despite its best efforts to stop her. Barely being able to
breathe in air that didn’t taste of salt and sand she kept
going.

It seemed she had been walking for hours
when all of a sudden the wind stopped. It vanished as if her
nemesis had never even been there to begin with, pelting her skin,
hindering her efforts to find what she was looking for.

She could see the water again, calmer and
more blue than green. But she was still alone on the beach with no
clear sign of any particular reason to be traveling in the
direction she had been so determined to go.

***

When Ethne woke up, she found herself in her
bed, a wet tear stain beneath her cheek and her covers grasped
tightly in her hand.

The sun was already coming up. Although it
was still early she was actually relieved to be awake. The dream
had been one of those realistic kinds, the kind that leave you
exhausted and in this case confused.

She had plenty of time before she was to
meet Scott so she rolled over and tried to relax. The butterflies
were back for more than one reason this time – excitement but also
a flutter of anticipation of having to end something that had
barely just begun.

A
fter lying in bed
for a couple more hours, trying to shake the dream off so she could
focus on her “date” with Scott, she finally rolled out of bed.

Once she was showered and dressed she went
in search of some food, though the nervousness and doomed reality
that was now dwelling in her stomach left little room for it.

She grabbed an apple and plopped down on the
couch to eat it, finding herself once again staring up at her
ceiling; she had come full circle in the course of less than a
week.

There wasn’t much time before Scott would be
arriving, but there was time enough for her to think; sometimes she
absolutely hated time.

She picked up her remote and flicked on the
TV knowing full well there would be nothing of quality on, but then
there hardly ever was.

It was enough to distract her though; she
let her mind wander to the clueless people on the screen, all so
blissfully unaware of her current circumstances. That thought gave
her a strange comfort; TV did little else for her except
occasionally remind her that there were other people on the planet
and that she wasn’t completely alone. She knew her troubles didn’t
hold a candle to the problems of the world; although the stupid
soap opera she was watching barely counted towards that fact.

With ten minutes to go before he was set to
arrive she turned off the TV and took one more turn in front of the
mirror. She wasn’t used to giving one iota for her appearance, she
supposed after today she’d be back to caring about that much.

Satisfied that she was ready she picked up
her purse and headed outside.

Scott was waiting next to his car parked
along the curb. He hadn’t come to her door, but was at least out of
the car and leaning against the passenger side door with a look of
hopefulness on his face.

When he saw her he smiled and waved and
walked to meet her halfway.

“Hi beautiful,” he said.

She blushed, really unaccustomed to hearing
such terms directed at her. The butterflies had returned now taking
up full residence; she was suddenly having a hard time remembering
what it was she had wanted to tell him.

“Hi,” she said, smiling at him as they
walked back to his car.

“I didn’t come to your door in case you
didn’t want to go today; I hope you’re not offended?” he asked.

“No…of course not, that was very thoughtful
actually,” she said.

He held the door open for her so she could
get in and smiled at her again before crossing around to his
side.

Once they were buckled he turned to her and
asked, “Ready to go?”

“I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me
where we are going today?” she asked, knowing full well what the
answer was.

“Umm…nope,” he said, turning back toward the
road and starting the car.

“I didn’t think so,” she said.

When they were on their way to…wherever it
was they were going, she asked: “So why the box?”

“Hmmm?” he asked, not taking his eyes off
the road.

“The box,” she said. “Why did you use a box
this time?”

“Ohhh the box,” he said. “I figured you were
getting tired of envelopes – didn’t want you getting bored.”

He was grinning at her from the side. She
sighed and rolled her eyes and turned toward her window, not
letting him see her small but amused smile.

They didn’t travel far. The destination was
actually one of her favorite spots to run; a nice trail and beach
that overlooked the Golden Gate Bridge. He pulled into a parking
spot and turned off the car.

“I thought we could have a picnic,” he said.
“Sound good?”

“Yeah, sounds great,” she said.

He got out of the car, opened the back and
pulled out a blanket and picnic basket. Seeing how prepared he was
was actually pretty adorable, she was really not used to someone
doing so many nice things for her.

Again, she was struggling trying to remember
the words she had practiced in her head. Right now she had
absolutely no desire to say any of them.

After collecting their food, he met her on
her side of the car and led the way to a nice spot on the beach. It
was a surprisingly warm and sunny day, actually a perfect day for a
picnic.

The beach wasn’t as busy as it sometimes was
which was really nice. As they settled onto the blanket he opened
the basket and asked what she would like.

He had her favorite, a turkey sandwich,
which she chose; he grinned at her. She just shook her head at the
idea that he had known that and silently started eating and looked
out at the water.

Her dream suddenly came to her like a bolt
of lightening; hitting her hard even though the circumstances and
weather were nothing like it. She tried to brush it off, but
obviously not fast enough.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m fine.”

“Are you cold? I have a blanket in the car,”
he said.

“No, I’m fine, really,” she said.

She turned back to the water and started
eating her sandwich again. She took a deep breath and did her best
to wipe away the feeling of dread that had swept over her so
suddenly.

Halfway through her sandwich she looked over
at him; he was nervously eating, obviously not sure of what to
say.

“This is really nice, Scott,” she said.

He looked over and smiled, relaxing a bit.
“Yeah, it is,” he said. “Thanks for coming with me.”

“Thanks for inviting me,” she said.

The feeling the dream had hit her with was
starting to pass. She was once again feeling the happy glow that
she had felt when he had picked her up, once again pushing aside
the talk she had thought she would have been having by now; a talk
she decided she frankly didn’t want to have.

“So what else did you bring to eat?” she
asked. It seemed the butterflies were on break and she was suddenly
starving.

He smiled a cute grin and dug into the
picnic basket pulling out some pineapple and a couple of chocolate
bars.

“That’s an interesting picnic choice,” she
said. “But not one I’m going to argue with.”

He laughed and handed her a container of
pineapple and her own chocolate bar.

Feeling at ease she leaned back on her
hands. She stretched her legs out in front of her and looked up
into the blue sky and the white clouds above them. It was an
uncharacteristically sunny day for this time of year they were
getting to enjoy together.

“So how does it compare to San Pedro?” he
asked.

“Well…it’s not as warm,” she said. “And I’m
not sure I’d like to go snorkeling right now – but the company is
nice.” She looked over and saw him smiling.

“Aww, that’s too bad,” he said, lying down
on the blanket and looking up at the sky, his fingers interlaced
and resting comfortably on his chest. “Snorkeling was next on the
agenda.”

She laughed. “Yeah, sure it was.”

Lying down completely, joining him on the
blanket, they watched the clouds overhead float by.

“So you couldn’t wait until Thursday, huh?”
she asked.

“Well, I suppose I could have waited,” he
said. “But then, I have been waiting quite a while already, and I
didn’t want you to chicken out.”

“Probably a good idea,” she said. “I was
going to cancel our date last night. But then I found the box.”

She didn’t know why she had blurted that
out. Maybe he would think she was kidding, although it hadn’t
sounded like a joke.

“Really?” he asked, rolling onto his side
and propping himself up on one hand. “Why?”

Now would have been a great time to say what
it was she had wanted to say, and she probably should have – but
she didn’t.

“Oh, just nerves,” she said. “Thursday was a
long wait; a long time to think about it.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too,” he said.
He lay back down, obviously satisfied by her answer. “You seemed
like the type to chicken out if given the window of opportunity,”
he chuckled.