The Light of the Blue Pearl (13 page)

He turned when he heard the door opening and
smiled at her.

He looked casual and comfortable, dressed up
just enough to show that he wasn’t just out for a late night
movie.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hello,” she said. She stepped out to meet
him and locked her door before turning back to see him looking at
her with a silly grin on his face.

“What’s so funny?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he said, chuckling at her
reaction. “I’ve just never seen you with your hair up. You look
beautiful.”

“Oh,” she said, feeling a bit silly that she
had practically bit his head off. “Thanks.”

She had assumed by the look on his face that
she had forgotten something important, or that there had been
something embarrassing stuck to her ass that shouldn’t be there.
She really needed to learn how to read people better.

He held out his arm for her, in pure
gentlemanly fashion, she laughed at the idea but hooked her arm in
his anyway.

“How was your day?” he asked.

“It was pretty good…yours?” she asked.

“Can’t complain,” he said. “Pretty
uneventful really.”

“Yeah, mine too,” she said.

On the way to the theater he looked over at
her again.

“You should wear your hair up more, you look
stunning,” he said.

“Really?” she asked.

“Yes, really,” he said. “You don’t take
compliments well do you?”

“I suppose I’m just not used to them,” she
replied. She looked out the window feeling a little uncomfortable
that the topic of her solitude was always in the forefront it
seemed. “Well, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said.

“You look nice tonight too,” she said.

“Thanks,” he said. “Although you don’t
really need to return the favor, I just look like the same ole
me.”

“Well, now who isn’t taking compliments
well?” she said, laughing at him.

He laughed. “Well I guess I’m not used to
them either,” he said.

She knew he was only trying to make her feel
better. Feel less of a freak for never dating, for being alone most
of the time really. She knew he had dated before, there was no way
this guy had spent his entire life alone like she had.

“Do you want some popcorn or anything,” he
asked, as they made their way into the theater.

“Umm…sure, I guess so,” she said.

They had gotten there with only a few
minutes to spare before it started, but the theater was empty.

“Well, I guess Thursday is the night to
come,” he said.

“Yeah, I guess so,” she said.

“Where do you want to sit?” he asked.

“I don’t really care honestly, you can
pick,” she said.

He led the way to a couple of seats near the
back and sat near the center.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, this is great,” she said, sitting
down and realizing that they were completely alone.

She wasn’t sure if this thought was
comforting or terrifying. She hoped once the movie started she
would start to feel a little more relaxed.

There was an energy between the two of them.
Like her, it was a contradiction that fluctuated between feeling at
ease, and feeling quite…electric. Since the day they were lying
side by side on the beach and walking hand in hand, this was the
closest they had been. Only this time it was dark, and they were
alone.

Needless to say the butterflies were back,
and they didn’t want any popcorn.

She ate some anyway trying to fill up her
stomach so they didn’t have as much room; she kind of wanted the
feeling of ease to come back. She had felt this electricity with
Ian too. She had liked it, but it was still very foreign to her and
she was feeling a little unnerved.

The movie started after a few minutes and
she settled in and tried her best to relax. When they had finished
the popcorn he had taken her hand.

Her heart was pounding, and honestly she
wasn’t following any of the movie; the screen could have been black
for all she knew.

It was a comedy, she knew that much, and he
laughed occasionally making her realize that she really should be
paying attention. But all she could think about was the feeling of
his skin.

About halfway into the movie she started to
relax a bit and started to pay attention. He had probably been
relieved when she started to laugh too.

When the movie was over the lights came back
on and he let go of her hand.

“Did you like it?” he asked.

“Yeah, I did,” she said. “I haven’t been to
the movies in a long time; I usually just watch them at home. This
was nice.”

“We were lucky tonight; it is pretty rare
that you get a personal screening,” he said.

The date was going well, she thought. So far
she hadn’t done anything too embarrassing; although she was pretty
sure her impersonation of a statue for the first half of the movie
hadn’t gone unnoticed, but oh well.

“I thought maybe we could go get something
to eat now, if you wanted?” he asked.

“Sure,” she said.

They climbed into the car and he drove her
to a really nice looking restaurant, so nice in fact she suddenly
felt underdressed.

“Are you sure I’m dressed up enough for this
place?” she asked.

“Ethne, I already said you look beautiful,”
he said. “Stop fishing for compliments.”

She peered over at him with a ‘very funny’
look on her face as he held the door open for her.

The restaurant was darkly lit, quite nice
for a date, something that made you feel comfortable to eat with
someone new. First dates were notorious for making you feel awkward
about eating; she was feeling that now and had so when she was with
Ian.

The maitre d’ led them to a table in the
corner, something that was fairly intimate and away from everyone
else. She actually liked that.

They ordered some salads and their entrées;
he asked if she wanted some wine. She declined.

While they waited for food the silence was
palpable. She was pretty sure she could have cut it with the butter
knife. Instead she took a piece of bread and used the knife on
that; putting it in her mouth so that there was an excuse for not
talking.

When she was done with the bread she took a
sip of water. He had done the same, but now was just looking at
her.

“I can’t figure you out,” he said.

“What’s to figure out?” she asked.

“Well, don’t take this the wrong way,” he
said, in a way that made you pretty sure you were going to. “You
are so confident and natural, but at the same time, you look like a
frightened mouse.”

She laughed. “You think I’m confident and
natural?” she asked. “I’m pretty sure there is just a frightened
mouse sitting over here nibbling on her bread.”

He laughed out loud.

“See what I mean?” he asked. “You speak to
me like we’ve known each other for years, but when I look at you,
it seems like you are about to run away.”

The term ‘run away’ struck her, since that
was basically what she was planning to do. But he was right. She
was a contradiction and honestly she did feel quite comfortable
with him. He had read her like a book. She didn’t know if she liked
that or hated it.

“Well, to be honest, Scott, there was
something I needed to talk to you about,” she said, finally
realizing that it was now or never. “There is another reason I
haven’t dated. Although I didn’t really lie to you, no one has
asked me, maybe a long time ago, but not recently.”

“So why then?” he asked.

Just then the waiter showed up with their
salads and asked if they wanted more bread.

After he had gone Scott turned back to her
obviously ready for her answer.

“The truth is, I don’t date people
because…well…I can’t,” she said. That was the best way she could
put it.

“What do you mean you can’t?” he asked.

“I mean…I can’t,” she said.

She took a deep breath before revealing to
him the real reason she never let anyone into her life.

“I have epilepsy,” she said.

“So?” he asked, obviously unfazed by her
confession. “Lots of people have epilepsy, that doesn’t mean they
don’t date,” he said.

While this was true, there was more to the
story, she didn’t care to go into it here.

“Well, there are other reasons, but that is
the primary reason,” she said.

“So you never date because you have
epilepsy,” he said, leaning back in his chair with a confused look
on his face. “Do you care to tell me more?”

He could see it in her face that the scared
mouse was about to bolt and he didn’t want her to.

“Not at the moment,” she said.

“Fair enough,” he said.

T
he rest of dinner
had been pretty quiet. They made some small talk, she could tell he
was doing his best to not make her feel threatened.

She knew her reasoning to someone else would
make no sense, which was half the reason she never went into it,
half the reason she never bothered to get close to anyone. It was
hard to talk about, and since she had made the decision, she really
didn’t see the point.

When they had finished eating he drove her
home. He walked her to her door and while she was fishing out her
keys he grabbed her elbow and pulled her to him.

In an instant his hand was holding her cheek
and he was kissing her. She dropped her keys, her knees nearly
buckling from the unexpected kiss.

She didn’t resist him at first, but when it
got to be too heated for her she pulled away. Breathless, she
stepped back and looked at him.

“Scott,” she said.

“I’m sorry, Ethne,” he said. “But I’ve
really wanted to kiss you, and if you are about to push me away for
a reason you won’t tell me…well I can’t argue with that. But I
still wanted to kiss you. You can’t argue that there isn’t
something between us.”

This was true. She couldn’t argue with that,
but then there had been something between her and Ian too. For all
she knew her feelings were simply due to loneliness, she had no way
to know for sure; she couldn’t trust her feelings.

The only thing she could trust was the
decision she had made. Although remembering how she had felt last
night, she wondered if she could even trust that anymore.

She thought for a moment before answering
him.

“You’re right I can’t argue with you,” she
said. “All I know is that I can’t date you.”

“Why?” he asked.

“Because I don’t want to hurt you,” she
said.

“Hurt me?” he asked. “How? Everyone always
takes a chance when they date, what’s your other reason?”

“I can’t date you…,” she said, taking a step
back and sitting on the chair on her patio. “Because I’m not even
supposed to be alive.”

“What do you mean by that?” he asked.

“When I was baby, I started having
seizures,” she said. “I had so many, Scott; I even slipped into a
coma. I eventually came out of it, but they told my parents that
they weren’t sure how I had survived and weren’t sure how much
longer I would.”

She was crying now, she hadn’t told very
many people this story and it had been years since the last time
she had.

“But you did survive, you’re still here,” he
said. He was kneeling by her now and had taken her hands into
his.

“Yes…I am,” she said. “They eventually found
a good medication for me and I haven’t had any for a long
time.”

“Well, that’s good then, right?” he asked.
“So why are you still deciding to be alone?”

“Because,” she said. “Medications aren’t
fool proof; there is no way to know if they will keep them away
forever. And I can’t do that to someone. I can’t put them in the
position of having to deal with me, or worse, lose me. I’ve gone
through that – I won’t do it to someone else. I won’t do it to
you.”

“Ethne,” he said. “That’s very noble of you
– but you can’t live your life in fear like that. You can’t live
your life alone just because of something that ‘might’ happen.
Frankly, I could say the same thing to you – that I’m not even
supposed to be alive; I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. No one ever
knows what’s going to happen, you can’t live like this – you
shouldn’t have to.”

He took her in his arms; she rested her
cheek on his shoulder. This was not exactly how she expected this
conversation to go. She had planned on saying the basics and
leaving it at that, believing that the relationship would have just
ended right then and there.

Having him hold her and try to comfort her
was not something she had anticipated; though she had to admit
being in his arms made her feel very…safe.

When she had stopped crying he pulled away
enough to look at her.

“So…,” he said. “Now what?”

“There is more to the story, Scott, more
reasons why I can’t just forget about things and pretend like
everything is fine,” she said.

“What other reasons?” he asked.

She took another deep breath before she told
him about her past. Told him how her father had also had epilepsy,
how he had been put on medication and was “fine.”

He had taken the chair next to her at this
point and was listening intently holding her hand, when she told
him that when she was four years old her parents had gone on a
date. They had kissed her goodnight and she had fallen asleep while
the babysitter was downstairs watching TV.

She told him how the next morning rather
than her mother waking her up the way she always had, she was
instead awakened by her aunt.

Her aunt was in tears and was doing her best
to tell her in a way that she could understand, that her parents
were never coming home.

When she was older the story was told to her
again. That her dad had been driving them home from a movie, that
he had a seizure and had run head-on into an oncoming car, killing
both of her parents instantly.